Are You Codependent? Here are 11 Key Symptoms to Look For and How To Recover

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7 жыл бұрын

Here we talk about what codependency is and I break down the 11 key symptoms to look for in ourselves, or in others.
Codependency is one of the most common reasons people struggle to have healthy relationships. It often starts while growing up in a household where one or both parents had an addiction, substance abuse, or mental health issue.
If you've even been too worried to speak up with your own wants, needs or preferences in a relationship because you think your partner will not like it and leave you, that's a really big red flag. Codependency is essentially about needing to be needed and not feeling like you can really express your needs in the relationship.
If you are someone who is codependent, don't worry, all is not lost! The first step to healing and making healthy changes is having insight and understanding, and then using that to take constructive action. In this video I also share with you 3 key things you can do to more toward codependency recovery.
And here's the link to the video that explains where codependency comes from and why people become codependent: • Do You Struggle to Hav...
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@juliakristinamah 7 жыл бұрын

Is this something that you or someone you know is struggling with?

@dougcain7185 6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Julia. I have known I am codependent for a long time, but it wasn't until I was in a crisis that I have recently turned to CODA. I can relate to all of these symptoms you point out and most of the patterns of codependency described at my CODA meetings. For me, as I have discovered, impression management and external referencing ,discussed in Anne Schaef's book on codependency, are others sides of this issue that have been really detrimental to my life and relationships and resulted in me living a life in near complete fear. Moreover, underneath I am naturally a helper, so it was really enlightening when you discussed how to understand when your help is unhealthy: the boundary between sympathy and empathy and how one is sustainable and the other is draining and promotes all sorts of negative feeling and thoughts. Also really helpful, was when you pointed out how we feel neglected and used when are efforts aren't acknowledge. You are so correct when you say it is first about realizing codependency's role in your life. Thanks. I look forward to doing something about those root causes. Take Care.

@arlenpavon1164 6 жыл бұрын

YES, Definitely this is all me and I don't know what else to do. I feel like am going crazy

@thearough 6 жыл бұрын

Julia Kristina Counselling im not codependent. there is a dance step that men do and another women do thats a codependent narcissistic dance. its cultural it comes out of sexism ,dichitomous top and bottom pimp culture. second im looking for someone like my dad.

@richardsoto278 6 жыл бұрын

Julia Kristina Counselling, wow.. I guess I can relate to a few of the symptoms mentioned, not all, so now i wonder if there are different levels of codependent and if so, is there different treatment?

@sovereigngeniusmusicmyster2230 6 жыл бұрын

Julia Kristina Counselling what if you have all personaliies

@connordutton674 5 жыл бұрын

I can be codependent in a relationship, but when am not in one I feel perfectly well rounded. I start having strong feelings for someone then I start feeling myself losing my identity to some degree wanting to solve their problems etc. I hate how it makes me feel not my significant other I’ve learned it’s my own hang up.

@faithjebet6763 4 жыл бұрын

Connor Dutton this is exactly me... I totally feel you. All the best as you learn more

@Sharonamy 4 жыл бұрын

Connor Dutton exactly this! 😫im like; yah im ready now i feel rly good. but asap i like someone it goes downhill

@goblinwisdom 4 жыл бұрын

5 signs of an unhealthy relationship 1 love bombing 2 oversharing / speed of start to serious 3 boundaries, losing self / having few/ unhealthy time domination 4 belitlment- it's " just a joke" reduced selfworth 5 aggression they have a temper and you can't speak your mind or be you.

@saycog1084 4 жыл бұрын

Connor Dutton being on our own gives us the false impression of being in power of ourselves. And also we’re not codependent in every relationship... if the other person is more interested in us than we are in them, you feel quite certain of yourself. Well, that’s what I think... I’m no specialist.

@beautyishername7276 4 жыл бұрын

Same . Help

@idahoplantguy9027 5 жыл бұрын

If you are reading this, You are good enough. You deserve to love yourself. Alone is okay. Alone should feel safe. The subconscious you that knows what is good for you, wants these things for you. So trust that voice. When you're alone and feel like you need the company of others to feel wanted and needed, remember that you already have that and it is within yourself. Instead of giving that company to people outside of you, give it to that voice instead. It wants your company as much as you want the company of others. Let us build that relationship first before building relationships with others. Good day or goodnight. ❤️

@lyvsix 5 жыл бұрын

This was extrenely sweet... I wish I could treat myself as I have treated my ex partner... But I can't.

@GS-st9ns 5 жыл бұрын

@Mybiz it's like she says, set boundaries. It's not too late. You are an alpha male. You the oldest in the family and you deserve the best because you had the hardest job. Your mate should automatically compliment birth order. I Am Number 5 out of 8 and I am only attracted to the oldest. I guess because I'm a woman with 9 Lives who can balance the world on my finger while my alpha male looks after things but he not feel bound and gagged by the family. That's a hard job it should not be the way you have I feel for you

@allisongoodall2938 5 жыл бұрын

Perfectly said....thank you

@allisongoodall2938 5 жыл бұрын

Mike Jones....very very true what you said...ever thought about going into councelling? Very smart ...

@vananavanessa 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I'm struggling a lot with loving myself and this helped.

@marywilsonvocalist2181 4 жыл бұрын

Avoiding conflict walking on eggshells.

@noterleej9312 5 жыл бұрын

Wow I thought I was helping but really I was hurting my soul..

@sransom4114 4 жыл бұрын

🤔WOW!!! SAME HERE....FINALLY at 37 years old I just identified im the root of my own frustration😣😣😣. Im relieved now to have understanding of myself 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

@locoliza1 3 жыл бұрын

Same here. Wow. I need a minute.

@NicholsonSam 2 жыл бұрын

1. fix others problems for fear of abandonment. 2. fear of saying no. survival of relationship is up to you. 3. resentful for not being recognized for.. 4. not being yourself to avoid conflict, to avoid more abandonment. 5. hard time trusting yourself, afraid to make a mistake. 6. fix their problems 7. may do anything to hold on to relationship even if its unsafe or destructive. 8. will to do anything to be needed by that person. 9. hard to identify your own feelings. 10. feel worth in relationship if you feel needed. 11. more of the same as above. alot of these sounds the same and seem to stem from abandonment issues from childhood.

@Avogadros_number 2 жыл бұрын

Sounds like a bunch of pseudo psychological bullshit

@gegealthani4636 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you 😊

@arorajivlogs1641 2 жыл бұрын

@beautyshines2124 Жыл бұрын

non of the above. I'm not co-dependent. I'm self sufficient.

@dalladi Жыл бұрын

I always wonder sometimes why people post full videos that could be just as informative in the amount of time it takes for them to do the into so...thanks.

@americablessgod1273 6 жыл бұрын

Codependency is when you take over someone else's problems and responsibilities - solve AND do it for them. Being a hero, savior, rescuer, etc. The need to feel needed. Or serving from a place of "lack" (out of fear or guilt, or obligation, like you owe them). Or to maintain an unhealthy/toxic relationship. It makes you feel resentful, bitter, frustrated later. At the moment, overwhelmed, stressed, tired. Like you can't keep doing it. You feel you're being ripped off or getting taken advantage. AND it causes you to neglect your OWN problems and responsibilities, your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs about things.

@sunnyshonte5367 5 жыл бұрын

Me in a nutshell ☹😞😕😔

@Dionta100 5 жыл бұрын

This is resonating

@karliegilbert3917 5 жыл бұрын

Wow me

@mily87ful 5 жыл бұрын

Aka the guilt Latino parents implant in a child’s brain

@janicehull8017 4 жыл бұрын

Mi__ly G yeah. My Latino BF is good to me but his parents messed him up big time.

@MrJgonzo23 6 жыл бұрын

I am 42 years old and today I have discovered by watching your video that codependency has been ruining my life and I had no idea. Needless to say your video has opened my eyes, I am in shock right now. This is life changing for me, I know what my issue is and now to work on making things better. I have struggled with this my whole life and didn't even know it. Thank you so much for educating me and giving me the answers I have been searching for. This is coming at the right time.

@lottasandstrom9211 6 жыл бұрын

Jose Gonzalez So happy to hear it! From one codepended to another- we are Good at taking care of others, try to turn that care toward YOU! Make it your mission to treat yourself like you are the one who needs your care! :)

@CharismaStrategies 5 жыл бұрын

@@clarkkent3730 Not quite. It's our emotional injuries which always begin from childhood. Those injuries just need to be felt and released. God already built everything within us to heal our own soul. There was nothing lacking when your soul was constructed. It's so simple. We shouldn't over complicate it.

@Subspace._tripmine 5 жыл бұрын

No. Codependency has not ruined your relationships. The other person could have loved you through it. There is nothing wrong with loving your mate. So many relationships and marriages worked through that. Nowadays what is being taught is craziness. You don't have to agree with everything that is taught, especially on the internet. Ask little old people what kept their marriages together, even codependent ones. They have the answers.

@danieldb7753 5 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way , this honestly just changed my life.

@wyeth1023 5 жыл бұрын

I'm 37 and figured this out 10 years ago. I was raised by a schizophrenic and a narcissist; I'm still in therapy! Stay strong people!!!!!

@rachellisette9183 4 жыл бұрын

The big one for me was realising I'm always feeling like I'm being taken for granted or not thanked, or appreciated for all that I've given...perhaps I was giving with an unconscious expectation that I would be appreciated, or would be recognised...and it just never happened, I never got the payoff I didn't consciously know I wanted which was validation. All I got was abuse, pain, exhaustion and the loss of my self in the process. At least now I know 😌

@raisanicold240 5 жыл бұрын

This last month was horrible to me, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and I really thought it was the end of the word. He gave me happiness every day but he makes me feel not enough as well. I was trying to be the perfect girl but he always has something negative to say about me. For him, I was a problem. Then, I start thinking about why we still together because at that point nothing has sense. I realized that I have been solving his problems constantly. Why on earth you would decide to break up with someone like me? Weeks later, the answer was clear... There was no more love in the relationship. Just a codependent couple with a beautiful past but not aware of their messy present. Now, I am trying to focus on my self and recovering from the deepest depression that I have ever had. It's just matters of time. I hope it will get better.

@user-jy4tn1xw5n 2 жыл бұрын

Yah that’s why In Islam partner is not excepteble because something will happen in the relationship and one of the cuple will get depressed and not happy frankly,already your creator study it for us so it is red line because it’s following desire and there is not responsiblety in the relationship see you can leave anytime that’s why it’s an open door for evil May Allah subhanaho wa taala keep him away from us.Ameen.

@coryh8452 7 жыл бұрын

I struggle with this. Not all of these things that you mention but a lot of them. Makes me feel like I don't know who I am and what I want.

@juliakristinamah 7 жыл бұрын

Yes! That's exactly what codependency does to us Cory. Did you find some of the tips for starting on the recovery process helpful?

@TR-ru7tb 6 жыл бұрын

ALL of them...

@NorthernGem88 6 жыл бұрын

Cory J i agree, felt i lost mysylf some months ago and struggle to find my own way, independently.

@cherylfoster4409 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video, I really needed to see this today...I’ve subscribed!

@sovereigngeniusmusicmyster2230 6 жыл бұрын

Julia Kristina Counselling what if the person with asperpers personality disorder drinks energy drinks amd kissanmne requires a primium so why

@gingacat 4 жыл бұрын

My god, I think I am codependent. I thought I was just being nice and it’s my personality but actually i am codependent. I really need to get help...

@margaret4807 4 жыл бұрын

Sabrina Ouyang I judged realize the same about my EX😱 I just thought he’s wants to be SO NICE & SUPER HELPFUL to everyone/anyone?😳

@pamelacarten6400 4 жыл бұрын

Me too, sister... Me too

@sarahsmile2883 3 жыл бұрын

Me too

@laurarivera1306 3 жыл бұрын

Same here!!

@unitynadabrahmannow8170 2 жыл бұрын

Ending up in a string of relationships with messed up people because you think you can “help them” is a huge sign that you are codependent!! Always ending up in relationships with people who have mental/emotional issues or addictions, because you think you can “help them” seems, at first, to be such a selfless and beautiful thing to do - but deep down inside it’s because you think that these are the only type of people who will love you…people who are “even more screwed up than I am”, people who will NEED you, desperately depend on you. You deserve better, you deserve people who will lift YOU up! Realize your true self worth, you don’t have to be Superman/superwoman in order to be ENOUGH, in order to be LOVED! I found this truth through meditation, you can too! Namaste! 🧘🏼‍♀️☯️🕉❤️

@Kelvostrass 5 жыл бұрын

I'm a recovering codependent son of a divorced covert-narcissistic mother and overt-narcissistic farther. I was used as a weapon between them and it stripped me of self identity for many years. Now I have removed them and my entire family from my life, slowly I becoming my own person. Refreshing to hear my problems told back to me; thank you and good luck to all fellow codependents on the road to recovery x

@goawag 3 жыл бұрын

I’m going through the same thing but it’s really hard because I feel that I have nobody, how are you dealing with your emotions?

@jodyyy8752 2 жыл бұрын

@@goawag om.g same exact situation. Do you want to talk about this?

@christianrubert126 2 жыл бұрын

My father was very abusive to me accused me of codependent lacking cause and effect steals from my bank account "money management" "everybody has a budget" groupthink. He gaslights me calls me a liar, because I told you so he's saying alot lately, he hit me once across the back. My mother was very inconsistent emotionally cheerful but long sustained rage, violent mood swing tendacies, rebellious and stubborn definitely! talkative, love walking gift giver, artistic (photography, art, crafts) big spender, slow, methodical she too would be abuse me as non assertive she'd scream at me. She hated her father I have very low self esteem because of my upbringing. My dad never takes my opinions seriously by manipulating er I mean he hides behind a joke, or religion or I told you so. I absorbed alot of my mother. I get told to be strong from his family. I can't take it anymore!!!!!

@melw5390 Жыл бұрын

It's a lonely place to be but then we've been alone the whole time. I'm going through it now and it sucks

@Neohawk87 3 жыл бұрын

Just realised that i'm a codependent. I always thought i was just more thoughtful, considerate and caring but now everything makes sense. The worst part is that my gf is borderline so it feels like we are both walking on eggshells for different reasons and it's just overwhelming. I feel like i am losing my mind.

@666HeroHero 2 жыл бұрын

Same thing for me. It made me think that I was maybe also borderline in some ways. Maybe I am, but not to the same extend. I ended up having to break off the relationship. Even though it was very very difficult for me to do.

@Neohawk87 2 жыл бұрын

@Kiotara Thank you. Although i am still with her things are better and i am working on my self with mindfulness etc.

@racso1160 2 жыл бұрын

I have been true that feeling so many times … I still cant figure. out how to comunicate well with her .. She left me 2 times .. the second time she moved out .. i have no words to describe the pain i felt .. i tought that takkng drugs were helping me .. but i ended up in therapy .. got back on my feets .. 40 years old and those. were the worst moments of suffering i had to endure .. And you know what ? she came back 5 month ago .. crying and telling me how much she loved me .. guess what im still with her hahhahha im fuckkng sick ! Dlnt give up the fight .. im good at telleing poeple what to do .. if my friend lived this with another girl i would tell im to leave that toxic person .. that he deserves more .. and i cant even convince myself i need better .. im convinced im deeply in love .. that his not love ! but my sick head keeps me in it good luck

@adriannefluet5980 2 жыл бұрын

So do we just stop caring about all ppl and just look after me and not give a hoot?

@racso1160 2 жыл бұрын

@@adriannefluet5980 i dont get it neighter ! We have issues if we love and give our truSt to someone now in days .. i made a big mistake and ill never do it again. As simple as that Lol

@dangriggs617 3 жыл бұрын

In 47 and after watching this video have just discovered that I am co-dependent. this actually makes me happy because I can now start my recovery. thank you

@JenniferLKersten 4 жыл бұрын

I'm pushing the love of my life away because I'm codependent. I'm scared, and sad and I loose myself in our relationship ..... I miss him constantly and get depressed and have no motivation. It's such a vicious cycle.

@zentient8840 3 жыл бұрын

I feel the same. So depressing 😒

@cynthiaboles884 3 жыл бұрын

Same

@KeepingUpWithNocie 2 жыл бұрын

@@zentient8840 same 😭😭

@debbiemoore1008 2 жыл бұрын

It’s the worst

@tc2688 2 жыл бұрын

For months now

@mwloos1 6 жыл бұрын

I’m a man and I meet all 11. I started to read a lot about nice guy traits and now realize most “nice” guys are actually co-dependent

@Fay_YaYa 2 жыл бұрын

Holy crap, she is describing me. This has been my case since I've known myself. Growing up with a mom with mental illness, i lost myself always trying to please her and make her feel better. Then I took those bad habits with me when I got married and have been trying to please and help my husband figure his shit out. Always giving and giving but ashamed and too prideful to ask for things in return and set my boundaries. Always waiting for people to appreciate my help and validate me. I'm so sick of it. I will slowly stop caring so much and stop trying to fix everything for everyone. I will redirect my attention to myself and learn from scratch how to set my boundaries. And I will seek help because i need to be heard for once in my life. I will no longer be Bob the builder and the savior of mankind. I have needs, I have interests and my focus will be on them. I won't give unsolicited advice. I'll be there for people but I won't be the one to fix their problems. Enough is enough.

@jessoftherocks 3 жыл бұрын

I was todays years old when i found out im codependent, coming away from severe narsissit abuse.

@iloveefluffd6645 6 жыл бұрын

I feel like an extension of my mom

@hwhernandez 6 жыл бұрын

mini pop kids 666 me too. I just wrote a comment relating to this. Well, mostly my mom’s codependency being the route cause of my boundaries. I form super boundaries. As a child, I felt like I wasn’t supposed to have any and my mother was so boundari-less. I have teetered on cutting people of too quickly, to giving too much of myself unrequited. This was due to my mother’s reinforcement of how negative and selfish not being there for others was. Such bullshit.

@JenniferBui 4 жыл бұрын

That's codependency

@marieferguson2442 4 жыл бұрын

Dont be an extension of your mum be YOU dont be like me who has been codependent all my life i am not one anymore Hooray

@ehizellbob6091 6 жыл бұрын

You literally just spent 12 minutes describing me... wow

@shantasticize 5 жыл бұрын

Me too. Learned from my parents & my 14 year relationship with my first boyfriend. I’ve compromised my sanity for him for half my life so I’d still be wanted because no one else could possibly ever want me.

@menachemvanhalem6444 5 жыл бұрын

Thats my whole life 37 years

@adeliasetiawan5549 4 жыл бұрын

@@menachemvanhalem6444 wow 37 years... It's only been 3 years for me and I'm already exhausted! Hope with this video you are free from this codependency things too!

@appreciatte 3 жыл бұрын

Me too.

@ellefonzarelli 4 жыл бұрын

I always thought I had too much pride to ask anything of anyone or let anyone see weakness in me. I’d rather be the one giving than receive because I hate to feel needy. Now I’m starting to understand that I really deep down feel like loving me is a burden on others. That my needs are “needy”. That I want to be the giver because I need to feel worth something. I’m a mess.

@selbill3644 2 жыл бұрын

wait is this a bad thing .....cause ive been like that i refuse help but because i think i can manage alone

@niewieder99 2 жыл бұрын

You’re not a mess x Just need to recognise the patterns. I’m the same. I feel like loving others is a given but loving me is something people are going out of their way to be with me. I sometimes forget that people want me bc I’m worth a lot as a person. But at times it does feel like they’re doing me a favour by loving me.

@NickDaDon30 4 жыл бұрын

This is me Codependence 😞😢💔🤦🏾‍♂️ I cried watching this video it spoke to my soul

@marksimmons9930 4 жыл бұрын

Well, it sure isn't you Grammar 😞😢💔

@redactednull7172 3 жыл бұрын

The way this scalped me within the first two minutes and just did not let up for the next ten minutes

@sanikasuryawanshi4463 3 жыл бұрын

Codependence "It is the need to feel needed" I love this one.

@ktbjrock 2 жыл бұрын

I don’t know about need to be needed because it’s great that I’m not needed however I do over extend myself then again I accept it today because I have come to the realization at this moment that if I’m not needed then I’m useless or have no value so why do they want to be with me Omg 😳 I just accepted and acknowledged this at I type this 😭 wow…. That’s crazy and sad at on my behalf because it’s plenty people that do nothing for me and I’m still there with them and love them …

@misslauraj2756 5 жыл бұрын

OMG!!! This is soooooo me especially with my siblings! Wow! I try to fix their problems with my hard earned income all the time! I hardly say no to them. When I do, guilt comes in and then I cave in because I don't want to "lose their love." I'm always coming to their rescue. I sacrificed myself for them so much. I've started expressing myself to them. I had enough! LORD, DELIVER ME!!!

@Robbynie 5 жыл бұрын

This just really made me cry I feel like I finally found the words to explain exactly what I feel most of the time.

@marksimmons9930 4 жыл бұрын

Maybe if you spent less time crying and watching youtube videos and more time working on yourself, you wouldn't be in this spot.

@christhomas4376 4 жыл бұрын

You are not alone friend, we all have issues and I hope you can make your adjustments. God bless.

@saindelinejeanpierre986 Жыл бұрын

Log yess me too

@stephanyhoffman6875 5 жыл бұрын

Codependency almost killed me, and the person I was trying to save. I slowly but willfully put in the work to cut out my codependent tendencies, thoughts, and actions. I stopped swooping in and rescuing those around me. I now realize how much my codependency handicapped their capabilities to help themselves, and how much it handicapped MY capabilities to help MYSELF. Squash the fear, trust! And most importantly take all the sweet time you need to learn to Love yourself firstly so you can love others correctly

@marieferguson2442 4 жыл бұрын

I have been doing that all my life i am a granny now took me all my life to find out about me isnt KZfaq FABULOUS

@bobbychilders9794 4 жыл бұрын

Up till now, I never realized what codependent meant. Now I understand the impact I've caused by just clingy to another person. I'm the one who's killing my own relationship with the woman I love so much.

@barbaraduras644 6 жыл бұрын

But to be honest it happened to me. My Ex was a Sociopath and he abused me emotionally and left me because I didn't fulfill all his needs. Also I lost my good and very well paid Jobs twice because I wasn't perfect and willing to work my ass off just for the will of my bosses. All the time, when I did set boundaries and speak up for myself everything collapsed like a cardhouse and I struggled with life afterwards. But to be honest: I love to stand up for myself and the Jobs where shit anyway. My bosses where assholes and my Ex too. So although I really struggled after saying no, setting boundaries and doing what I want and not what the others wanted, I am still so proud of myself for standing up! So keep it up!

@christianone6611 5 жыл бұрын

Keeper Of The Reaper: what did she say that you would interpret to be poor girlfriend material? (And by the way...Are you good boyfriend material?)

@reesewitherfork6142 5 жыл бұрын

Definitely doesn’t sound codependent to me.

@thephoenix1601 4 жыл бұрын

Barbara Duras you go girl 👍

@s.a.8236 4 жыл бұрын

Barbara Duras wow amazing! Indeed you don't sound codependent. But that doesn't mean you're excluded from negative experiences, like in your story. It is better to speak up at your job & I've learned the hard way. It's extremely stressful and it has a way more negative impact on you if you don't speak up. Your story has inspired me.

@mmondt9440 4 жыл бұрын

Its a no win situation. You can please your boss, or you can please your husband ( ex ). but not both. so you decide to choose family over work...and yes, your career will suffer and now your looking for work, which means your husband can treat you like trash. and then when you realize its a no win situation...you become a robot...you have no opinions, no feelings, no ideas. Then one day you stop giving a shit about all the shit from your husband...and dont jump when told to. thats when the husband reconnects with an old girlfriend from college....thats if your lucky, because its messy to leave a narcissist unless they already have one foot out the door.

@rkeller8141 6 жыл бұрын

Ending a relationship due to his codependency with an abusive partnership. I was being used to escape the torment she put him through because I cared more for him, than he cared for himself. She recently kicked him out and made him sleep outside their door without any blankets and a tee-shirt. Week before, she hit him and saw him with a bleeding ear. He came to me and I agreed that I would let him move in. Took him back to get his stuff, but he couldn’t leave because of his 2 children, and I know his addictive relationship with her. What a 3-way mess, that I let happen over and over, until I finally said no. Embarrassed it took me 5 months to finally get it. Seeking Co-dependency meetings and probably therapy, as I do want a relationship before I die. He was my first love.

@pumpkinqueen21 6 жыл бұрын

It's CRAZY how "dead-on" these traits are to me OR have been to me in the past!!! To hear so many in ONE VIDEO literally has me in awe!! 🤔😮😶

@mercymunoz1408 4 жыл бұрын

I was in a relationship where I think I needed to feel needed but I had so much love for this person, ACTUAL LOVE, regardless of this unhealthy traits, that I when they stepped away, I wasn’t resentful, I was happy, and I was actually relieved that somehow they didn’t need me anymore because it was so draining, and I broke the cycle, and I couldn’t be any happier, with what I am becoming now, I am learning boundaries, I am learning how to practice self-love on a daily basis. I am learning to figure out what are my thoughts and now i’ve noticed how a lot of people, made a lot of things about them and I never felt a way because it was so much easier to deal with their issues... than with mine.

@JessicaKosine 4 жыл бұрын

I definitely struggled with codependency in the past. I didn't feel like I could fully express who I was and so I hid my true self. It wasn't until I experienced several painful relationships that I realized something needed. The 2 biggest things that helped me was getting connected to a God of my understanding and healing the emotional wounds from my childhood. Thank you for your wisdom!!

@thelmaamachree 2 жыл бұрын

What do you mean by a God of your understanding

@xdotemm 7 жыл бұрын

I watched the video 'cause I enjoy how knowledgeable you are. As you began I was like, nah-this isn't me... 1st sign: hmm, 2nd: ummm, 3rd: nervous laughter, 4th: UH-OH, 5th: OH GOD... Seems I have some soul searching to do 🙃. Thank you for your work!

@sovereigngeniusmusicmyster2230 6 жыл бұрын

Emmie growing in popularity suppossedly but it is important

@RJ-cs9gz 5 жыл бұрын

Yep, me too. I think I am also bad at knowing what they need which makes it extra tragic :/

@malhunt7 5 жыл бұрын

Soooooo. How goes the search for your soul?

@radutomas1957 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah, how about that search?

@kokomylife6911 3 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣😳👍

@TracyEllennn 7 жыл бұрын

I didn't realized that I'm codependent until now. Thank you so much for your videos and your channel! Love you

@Tutume1111 6 жыл бұрын

same here...looking back into my relationship history it all makes sense now

@CharismaStrategies 5 жыл бұрын

Most people are co-dependent though. Too much fear within us of how others will respond to us if we say no or act in complete honesty with how we're truly feeling.

@vl2663 4 жыл бұрын

Nostalgic_Chaos yeah but not everyone is that way to a severe extent. I’ve basically been a doormat my entire life. I’m not as bad as I was before, but I definitely do need serious help with most of the symptoms she listed.

@fredericmoresmau9194 4 жыл бұрын

I start thinking that I am not really "Codependent" at least not to the degree they make me think I start believing that I am simply trashed gaslighted and put down to the point to be a social wreck.............. barely functioning on the last lights on my engine and believing I am sick since they put me down and bully me for years .... and they do it in such a manner that you don't get it a t first and get slowly cooked into being a wrecked person,,,,,,

@Jeanie2306 3 жыл бұрын

@@fredericmoresmau9194 don't forget that 'they' are who you attracted to learn this about you. No victims here, it's role playing. Which one do you choose to play now you found out about all this?

@hwhernandez 6 жыл бұрын

I don’t think I am a codependent, in fact I know I’m not...I think I am an adult who was raised with a codependent mother. Just recently my mother started attending AL-ANON. The first time in my life she is setting beautiful boundaries. I have always had boundaries, and she has always pushed past them when I was younger. As I have gotten older, I realized that I have always kept her at arms reach. I have never trusted her. And at times, I have felt betrayed by her. She has blamed my stubborn boundaries on my being an only child. She would always say this to others as an excuse for my guarded participation or outright refusal to participate. This “defensiveness”of mine is causing me a problem in other relationships.

@zentient8840 3 жыл бұрын

Stay strong in your boundaries! Trust is given to those who are trustworthy 🙂

@sransom4114 4 жыл бұрын

🤔WOW... Finally at 37! Ive gotten understanding of my own inner frustration..👩‍🏫👩‍🏫👩‍🏫THANK YOU! Time to make alot of changes.. Change number #1 TAKE CARE OF ME

@x0xpamx0x 4 жыл бұрын

As a Christian, I’ve had a lot of problems trying to “fix” people....

@Amber-wy9om 4 жыл бұрын

As a Christian, you are to LOVE everyone. Everyone is a sinner, so it is impossible to fix everyone. Just love. ♥️

@noturningback2023 3 жыл бұрын

@@Amber-wy9om Jesus commanded us to love others AS WE LOVE OURSEVES. I am 66, and it took me all my life to figure out I was loving others more than I loved myself, by putting them and their needs before my own. And we can't "fix" anyone. That's GOD'S JOB!

@GM-yb5yg 3 жыл бұрын

Commanding us to love others is just so silly, its 's like being spontaneous on purpose. Commanding and forcing people to do things that do not happen by will power is just one more example of how hypocritical and phony Christianity. "Hey, look at me, I let you go first, I suffer so much that I know i'm right. I'm so humble, I turn the other cheek when I shouldn't. I should have been able to love even more those that wronged me. Eventually Christians do realize that they are completely fake and only interesting in saving their own asses?

@as-zu8pw 6 жыл бұрын

Taken me years to distance myself from this.

@Rhiaanon 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for posting this! I broke down and cried as you read off the symptoms. I have them all and it explains so much. I have a great deal of self work to do.

@jorgemedrano3521 7 жыл бұрын

Codependant in my current relationship. I have started stating my needs. But it seems that whenever i talk about them they get pushed to the side and they tell me that they feel like they can't do anything right

@balkangetaway 5 жыл бұрын

Same in my relationship. If i express a need i get thrown in the face that I'm always complaining and never happy.

@nikkichilds7316 5 жыл бұрын

Same. Or belittled or made to feel like my needs are stupid

@youtubetv9988 4 жыл бұрын

@Scullery Maid shit I'm in the same place as all these commenters...omg you may be right. Pretty diabolical. How you know this?

@lungandfoot 4 жыл бұрын

Same!! Woah

@douglascampbell4993 4 жыл бұрын

Either that or a narcissist, they don’t give a shit about your needs, only that their needs are being met...

@mireilledavidson9427 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video, it has made my day and week. As a once co-dependent I identified with all 11 traits. As you listed each trait, I acknowledged that indeed this was me and then realised, not anymore. I no longer have any of them. It has been a joyful reflection and acknowledgment as to how far I have come. Thank you for bringing this realisation to me. Have a wonderful day. Namaste 🙏😊

@carlita4478 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! I struggle with codependency, and this video really helps me to understand why my relationships always fail. My relationship goes through up and downs which makes me feel like I need to save my relationship to any cost. I also feel like I have to do everything for the other person keep the enthusiasm going in a relationship. Sometimes I feel like it is not going anywhere like it doesn't make sense to keep going knowing I am being taken advantage.

@chrisjones6631 5 жыл бұрын

I can actually hear the concern in you voice almost as if you are about to cry. I feel you really want to help🥺🙏❤

@Prettymapleleaf 6 жыл бұрын

I was just diagnosed. So thankful for my therapist and the worksheets she gave me to help me heal from my childhood and choices I’ve made since then. Thanks for this video.

@YurieSong 4 жыл бұрын

LES how do you find a therapist?

@anthonyrobinson7643 Жыл бұрын

What worksheets

@pattyhill9278 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! This video made me feel so much better. I’ve been working on myself for years and I realized by this video just how far I’ve come. It was so much work at first but now it comes more natural to be healthy.

@thomaseppolito4827 2 жыл бұрын

Hey I’ve been listening to your videos periodically for awhile and have always enjoyed them. I was recently depressed,lost,angry, unsure why I was feeling the way I was. I couldn’t figure it out I’ve come to the realization that I’m Codependent and I had absolutely no Idea. I thought codependency was the need to be in a relationship. Thank you for your material I’m doing so much better now. I have so much weight off my shoulders and I know what to attack. It’s hard to attack an enemy that you don’t know exists. I’m fighting now. I’m reading and journaling and watching videos on codependency and looking to go to meeting. Thank you so much

@2008mbailey2009 4 жыл бұрын

I had no clue that this was something that I was experiencing. Thank you for sharing. I recently had a breakup, and I wanted us to work so badly (I still do) that I was willing to do anything to help fix their problems (they have had a lot of trauma in their upbringing related to abuse from a parent) even if it meant me stressing myself out to do so. I’ve often been afraid to stand firm on my non-negotiables because I just wanted us to work, it felt so good to be in relationship that I ignored the flags that were evident. The in love phase definitely made me lose sight of the things that I valued the most. So now that the relationship has ended I am now understanding more about myself and the things that I love and although I love my ex, I have to create a healthy boundary in her healing process (which drives me crazy!!) but thank you for sharing. Looking forward to growing and exploring this area of my life. 🙌🏾

@kingmuizz708 4 жыл бұрын

Yeah I'm codependent...I gotta work on this rn man...it's ruining my life...

@tameriarobinson3495 6 жыл бұрын

I have been really struggling with this for a years with my sons and mom . I will be reading more of your things because in this I felt you were talking right to me . Thanks you

@alicia_gettin_fit 4 жыл бұрын

When I'm imperfect people don't mind cutting me off. Could be some simple misunderstanding. I'm always afraid to not be needed by others because when they don't need me they don't choose me. 😭 if I'm not needed, people leave.

@marilynklein4541 3 жыл бұрын

The last 2 sentences were eye openers to me! Thank you, Alicia for your words!!

@leslielou4970 4 жыл бұрын

I do this sometimes as a middle child in a dysfunctional family I always try to fix things and help people. My middle daughter does this, my niece, etc 🤦‍♀️😥❤️

@ashleycarr9014 3 жыл бұрын

Same!

@alleyeson2594 5 жыл бұрын

7 yrs with a narcissist broke my codependence in relationships, but still have codependent tendencies in the workplace.

@nefelibata4190 4 жыл бұрын

Like scared to take on responsibility?

@alleyeson2594 4 жыл бұрын

@@nefelibata4190 I tend to just say yes to everything and try way too hard to people please.

@liatorres5390 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Julia! I have been following your videos and your channel and you have no idea how much they've helped me. I started listening to you because I feel stuck in life in every single aspect. Codependency is a huge one and listening to you just made me give the first step: Being aware of it. Every single relationship I have had has been pretty unsuccessful and I have had struggled my whole life thinking that I am either broken or crazy for dating the people I have been with. Thank you so much for everything you said. And thank you so much for providing hope to people like me who are under a very limited budget which makes it really hard to look out for private counselling and help. You are truly amazing!!!

@myrtle_glo 6 жыл бұрын

I realized that I am codependent last week and has been trying to learn more about the topic since. This added more information that I can totally use to help heal and improve. Thank you.

@rmcd823 6 жыл бұрын

What a relief! Lol. I am not a co-dependent at all! ❣

@nickharley2344 5 жыл бұрын

I was diagnosed with co-dependency and it's a grey area a lot of these didn't match me

@angiehalsmer9442 7 жыл бұрын

I honestly identified with every symptom, and I'm still in the codependent relationship. Although, by the sound of it, I've brought my codependency into most of my relationships by now.

@JamieBennett1983 4 жыл бұрын

Trauma bond and codependency is what I need to get help with.

@lazarusly80 5 жыл бұрын

Finding out over the past 2 years, in a relationship, that this is me. It seems to go down to a sense of self worth, and not feeling good enough, so having to step up for others to negate any feelings of not being good enough... Thank you!

@freddycarr966 6 жыл бұрын

this is all new to me just realized this describes my whole life and relationship with my Mom and family and its overwhelming but I am excited to know that this exhaustion and feeling of darkness and unhappy place I have been living in is not normal and there is a way out. I am committed to moving forward and overcoming this codependency. I am ready to be FREE from doing everything for everybody and relinquishing control.

@juliakristinamah 6 жыл бұрын

I am happy that you are ready to be FREE, Freddy.

@Alicia_Grows 7 жыл бұрын

Wow this scares me but also makes sense to me. I was always a little worried that I was in some ways dependent in my relationships. The background story matches to what you mentioned - crazy childhood and alcoholic mom. In relationships that cause me stress I feel nervous and often won't stand my ground when setting boundaries. The fear of abandonment also causes me extreme panic when considering ending a relationships. Even when holding on and trying to help a partner I feel stuck and even staying until I feel depressed and extremely unhappy. I only now discovered this video when searching "ways to help someone with depression" as my partner is struggling. I'm not sure what the next step in my life is. I am writing a lot now to discover what I really want and boundaries that I need to make to be healthier. Thank you and I will be subscribing

@juliakristinamah 7 жыл бұрын

Alicia, I'm so glad you took the time to share this with me. Yes! Exactly what you said about having had a chaotic upbringing - trust and security and being treated well are not things we are as used to so don't realize it as quickly when we are not getting those things (or even believe we deserve them) in our adult relationships. And yes, you are on exactly the right track by learning about having healthy boundaries for yourself.

@Alicia_Grows 7 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Your videos are helping me to take control of my life and to actually think about myself and the ways that I could live a healthier life. Thank you.

@npdnews3749 4 жыл бұрын

I realized I was codependent after my narcissistic friendship. I now understand why I’ve been feeling the way I have been for so long and where it began. Thank you so much for this information! You helped me understand me.

@ro_714 3 жыл бұрын

I just learned about this topic through my therapist and this video was super helpful in learning more! Truly, there aren’t many widely available quality resources like this. Your work is so needed. Thank you!

@janetbellini259 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you Julia. I loved watching this video. It is so me. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and everything you said describes me. I've always struggled with codependency. It's been so painful. Thank you so much Julia, your video helped me to know myself better and I am learning how to love myself as well. Will continue watching. Thanks again. ☺

@juliakristinamah 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the kind words, Janet!

@staceynolan8577 6 жыл бұрын

I'm recovering myself from codependency. I read a fantastic book by an irish author Aine Tubridy called beyond codependency. It saved me in my opinion.

@juliakristinamah 6 жыл бұрын

I am so happy for you, Stacey!

@angelaeardley7490 4 жыл бұрын

Stacey Nolan hi. I looked for the book couldn’t find it? Can you point me the right direction? Thanks

@me6780 4 жыл бұрын

Stacey, the author of the book is maybe Melody Beattie? Thanks!I also highly recommend “Women who love too much” - was the biggest eye-opener for me so far

@angelaeardley7490 4 жыл бұрын

Anca Me yes I think you’re right, has to be Melody Beattie. I have just finished it, resonated with me a lot. Thanks for the book recommendation, definitely going to read this next.

@me6780 4 жыл бұрын

Angela Eardley thanks for sharing your thoughts about the book ☺️Def will read it soon.

@HeySexyItsLiam 4 жыл бұрын

This short video had opened my eyes in ways I didn't even think of. Thank you so much

@holdmie4ever 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much miss julia! You awakened me i thought i healed my codependency, but listening to you, i have discovered tjst i am still codependent to this narc connection cause im still hoping to see him healed before i totally detach myself. This time im sure that the ultimate solution i have to do is to breakaway fr the connection and totally love myself !

@kurrves 6 жыл бұрын

Hello! I am co dependent. I found this video and you Tonight, and it resonated. I’ve been struggling my adult life for 20 years With different relationships I’m overworked overstressed, bitter, and B! I will try group therapy or CODA And agree that I have to dig deeper

@BigTroubleD 3 жыл бұрын

Girl, this is so me! And now I think my current partner has come to expect this so when I say NO he gets mad. But I see now that it's unhealthy. I am allowed to say NO. And I have boundaries and MY happiness matters.

@blackfox792 6 жыл бұрын

I could´ve not imagined that this behavior patterns are so good investigated and can be explained in this detail. Because this is all me. Every aspect of my life which went wrong is because i´m afraid of not to be valued and accepted. Thank you so much!

@KathleenRenninger 5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for clearing- up the meaning of codependency in this, & a prior video. Very helpful information.

@Tutume1111 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this vid..it was an eye opener here Ive been single for the last 4 years and started to feel like I want to have a relationship...recently met one guy and apart physical attraction it was that need to feel needed that dragged me towards him especially his neediness and that feeling within to try to fix all his life problems if I didnt have enough of my own

@mosesp5908 6 жыл бұрын

Semper ad meliora don't mind fucking yourself either, the only way you learn is by practice

@kaydudman7744 6 жыл бұрын

How interesting - I had only mentioned to someone earlier today that they might be feeling the “need to be needed”, and the ability to say “no” sometimes. Really felt your video gave a clear explanation.

@juliakristinamah 6 жыл бұрын

I'm really grateful you found it useful, Kay! :-)

@m33la 4 жыл бұрын

I literally started crying while you listed the different symptoms and idek why almost all of these I recognize as being true for me🥺🥺

@gigielliot834 3 жыл бұрын

This video blew my mind. Codependency explained so sensitively and clearly. Thank you 🙏🏼

@patriceysimmons3897 4 жыл бұрын

Glad God healed me from Codependacy!

@mstoyagrant 3 жыл бұрын

🙏🏾

@BennyBearclaw 4 жыл бұрын

All i can say is thank you very very much !!!! I've watched several of your "lessons", tried exercising them as good and bad as possible. Sometimes with pain in the heart, sometimes not. But my life completely changed for the better. Ok, i'm still single now, but i feel good, i don't "need" anybody to be happy (anymore).

@jenniferschuessler3992 3 жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness!!!! I’ve never heard such simple explanations!! NEEDING to be NEEDED. Yes. Yes. Yes.

@natechaloux5454 6 жыл бұрын

For the first time in my life since i was 13 I am alone!! going thru divorce and I am utterly going insane! I can't seem to accept the fact that this super toxic person has left me for good. she has broken me down into nothing and I am having such a hard time coping. please God help me get thru this without destroying myself in the process.

@Zippos84 5 жыл бұрын

Hope your doing better. Going through the same.

@NoName-xy3sp 5 жыл бұрын

Hey Nate How are you doing now? Hope you are healing

@navyblitzer 5 жыл бұрын

hey Nate, going through am identical situation, hope things are moving in a good direction

@Rick-ou6wy 7 жыл бұрын

I really benefit from your videos. Wish I saw your videos earlier. I want to learn how to stop missing/ thinking of someone. The overthinking makes me so depressed.

@mivgeorge9639 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Julia. This was my 1st time on ur channel, and, believe me, I'll be here everyday. Thank u for helping so much! Xx

@joseuribe1552 4 жыл бұрын

I've been struggling with this my whole life. thanks for sharing

@emmabaczuk940 3 жыл бұрын

Wow....I had never heard of codependency before but this was recommended to me by a friend and it changed my whole perspective. I now know what I need to work on and change in my brain to have happy relationships. I’ve never been able to keep a boyfriend or a best friend and this is why, I feel like I’m giving much more than the other person and then I call them out and we fight and they leave and I have to wonder why I’m lonely and why no one will love me as much as I’m willing to love them. Thank you for this!!

@01AmyS Жыл бұрын

Hope things are starting to improve for you xx

@toneman335 4 жыл бұрын

I always thought that codependency is when you find your identity in your relationship with another person.

@justdoit6315 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I will definitely stay linked. The video was very informative. It is a beginning for me to explore the inner dimensions of myself. 😊

@kevinmarcus465 6 жыл бұрын

So I just heard this term and this is crazy, sorry for all those that struggle with this but damn how sad. I got 2 friends have these issues and they call me for advice cause I guess I got a life time of knowledge and now I know. Thanks for the video

@lucyb9515 5 жыл бұрын

what a wake up call. I'm an independent grown-up woman yet I feel that I have no value. This can't be right. I'm so tired of people around me treating me like a maid.

@katejannuzzi2375 5 жыл бұрын

Julia, just hearing the emotion in your voice and how much you've had to progress to be able to discuss this with us is beautiful. It's inspiring and I am so glad for your channel and that it's YOU running it! ❤️

@adeliasetiawan5549 4 жыл бұрын

This video helps me a lot, and I know it helps others people significantly too! Thank You Julia!

@Robbynie 5 жыл бұрын

Omg this is so me! I have been going through this whole journey of my life. Sometimes I feel as if im running in a circle.

@sarahelman7664 4 жыл бұрын

I feel that I am codependent and I am being gaslit. Thank you for your videos

@kazygrl 6 жыл бұрын

Wow! I've heard this word before and even been told in therapy that I have these tendencies, but I never really got into that issue. That was years ago. After a recent breakup, a friend mentioned it to me again. This video is great at defining the markers. I think it's time to work on this! Are there any books on the topic that you recommend?

@dougmiller3301 5 жыл бұрын

Wow, I loved this. I'm just out of a relationship with someone who now I see used my codependence in that she had needs I could NEVER fulfill and further undermined confidence in myself. Whew! It's ironic and awesome that it's 1/1/19 and I'm feeling like I see so much clearer and that a big burden has been lifted! :)

@petraseifert5126 6 жыл бұрын

I just love to listen to you

@jdoasis20 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! I struggle with codependent, I’m still working on it, meeting up in a 12 step program, having accountability partner, and a sponsor. I have good days and bad days but it’s a process for me. The hardest part is making healthy relationships with others , I struggle where I give my all as a friend and I see I don’t have the same feedback. Lastly isolation is huge for me, it is getting better but there are days. Getting away from isolation is one I’m proud of and it took so long to find myself. Everyday is a process.

@irishdeetalks 6 жыл бұрын

Manual Duarte wow well done. I’ve so much admiration and wish you all the best in your recovery. Can I ask? When you say the ‘12 step program’ is it the same ‘12 step AA steps’??? Only your implying your codependency instead of drugs or alcohol??? If so may I ask ‘how are you getting on? As a codependent myself currently with an narcissist ‘I am looking for a way of recovery from my own traits and I am very interested. If there’s another ‘program for codependency I’d love to hear about it. Best wishes x x

@knotgirly 6 жыл бұрын

Dee Irish look up codependents anonymous (coda) can't recommend it high enough

@irishdeetalks 6 жыл бұрын

I will for sure. Thank you so so much x x x

@angharadgardener5167 6 жыл бұрын

God bless you, Your gifting is something that was meant to spread the truth. You were blessed from your birth to teach. Seek and you will find... your sacrificial love in the book the bible of God.xx