I just turned 30 and I definitely feel exhausted from overthinking and comparing/feeling like an underachiever

Took me 23years to complete my BA, 2 more years to get my MFA. I was running a business and raising 5 kids but refused to give up. 5 years later I ended it with my husband of 22 years. I did go through this, thinking I wasted so much time but came to the realization that no matter what I still grew and learned from my experience and that I was bound and determined not to spend another 22 years of my life miserable. Regarding my degrees, I knew I had to finish what I started and be a role model to my kids.

My Grandmother once told me "Everything in life happened the way it was supposed to happen". I believe in the grieving process of the past, and also to learn from it.

This is so relatable...feelings of regret, shame, anger at myself, comparison to others, repeat cycle...

As a 25 year old who dropped out of college at 20 and is looking to go back and redeem myself, I really, really needed to hear this. Thank you.

After my divorce and followed relationships with a sociopath, I was devastated and discouraged. I was only 27, but I thought I was old and worthless and would never be loved again. Six months later I met the love of my life, we’ve been together for 10 years, 8 years in marriage. So when I start having these thoughts about my life not being like the one I envisaged, I console myself that maybe it’s gonna be even better than any plans.

At times it's easy to feel stuck or behind. Then you see all of the people who rushed into a degree, marriage, or situation that didn't work out for them. I'm 28, single and little to no college. But I'm working on persuing my dreams as a voice actor. I've seen friends and family divorced because they rushed a marriage, people unemployed because they chose the wrong career. Ect. It's hard to be patient, but it's better to be patient than miserable. I almost rushed into the military last year because I thought it would bring me closer to the girl I was perusing. Than I thought "Am I doing this for me? Or for her?" And have since stopped talking to her. It takes time to yourself to really look at your own path. Good luck to everyone on their journey!

I left a cult that i was part of for 24 years.i am now 46.all my friends and family still in the cult are now shunning me.trying to rebuild my life but feel sad time i wasted.this really help me.thank you.

The past is gone, dwelling on it is not helpful. We only have the present moment to create a better future. Mindfulness is a wonderful tool for work and relaxation.

I’m in healing at 56 never to late

I’m 25, and I was “supposed” to have finished undergrad by age 22. I had to withdraw from classes multiple times, failed one or two courses (due to mental health issues), and took a brief leave of absence. And on top of all that, I became a part-time student, only prolonging the amount of time spent in undergrad. It sucks to still be in undergrad while watching my 2018 classmates finish masters programs already. But at the same time, I’ve done an immense amount of healing, self-discovery, starting new treatments, and I also started building my own business. Even then, I can still feel bad about it sometimes. But I’m so glad that I haven’t let it bring me to the point of quitting.

I'm a 48 year old male. I have a law degree and practiced for 10 years. I'm a bookkeeper at a transportation company now. I am actually happy but feel like a complete failure in my professional life. I am a hard worker and probably of average intelligence. Also, I probably have some weird social disorder since I have never had close friends.

Dont worry girl I'm 31 and trying to finish my bachelors

Oh my goodness...this is so where I am at right now.

Spot on, hit the big 40 in September and don't have my own home, no partner or kids, certainly never thought I'd be 40 and not to have all that

For years i felt behind on life, feeling that im not good enough because im not where i want to be in life and feel like im running out of time, and no matter how hard i tried i felt as if im getting knocked 5 steps back after the 1st step take i take each time. Im trying to break my mind from this cycle of shame, unfulfillment, and guilt. These videos help me but i know it will take time to internalize it

I'm 24. I've never been in a relationship and I've been living with my parents for the past year after the pandemic shut down my school during my senior semester. I don't know that I actually need a relationship or my own apartment. I really just need to stop being angry and upset that life didn't hand me everything that I wanted.

Recently turned 40 and realised I haven't accomplished anything. Never learned to drive, never had a proper relationship, no kids, no job, no idea who I am or what I want to be. I don't know what my goals are, what I want in life. I'm quite introverted and the idea of going out and doing things and interacting with other people is so scary that I basically sat in my room and let my thirties pass me by. I want to do something about it, figure out what and who I wanna be but I don't know how, and am so afraid of what it will take to do it.

I also started grad school at 28!! I went to school with a few ladies that were 50+ with kids, so I didn't really feel like the odd one out, but I definitely felt out of place in terms of not being married yet or finding that life partner, but I've learned to let go of these expectations of myself.

I don’t know how this suddenly came up on my feed. But i was literally falling down the self blame/regret rabbithole (for the 1000th time) as I saw this. This is for me one of the hardest things i’ve had to deal with. Everytime I think i’m over it, then suddenly something triggers it again. It’s truly hard. The feeling that you ruined your own life, didn’t reach your potential. But yes in all of that we forget to see that there is still so much of life ahead. And we should be 100% present for that. Thank you for this video, great tips and insights, and overall good wake up call.

I'm 41 now and I thought I would be over what happened from the age of 9-13. I buried my mom, dad, grandad, brother and uncle during that time. I've been beating myself of physically and mentally since then. I've relived all their deaths EVERY NIGHT in my dreams since mom died (she was the first.) I've watched her die over 11,000 times.

It’s kinda crazy how literally every video you make, I hear at just the right time. I needed this. Thank you. 💕

You're amazing! I can't tell you how much you've impacted my life! I am so thankful for you. You always seem to put out what I need, when I need it..and wow I needed this. 🤗💕

Thank you for this. I’ve been feeling this so much lately! It’s a genuine struggle to remind yourself that it’s okay if your journey is different from everyone else’s. That just proves that you’re a unique person different from others.

You are speaking to me big time today! I am 50 years old and I am still working on my BA. I have made so many mistakes and I never thought I would be in this place in my life at this age. Regret regret regret.

Woah I needed this today!! I’ve been struggling with “doing it all”, being great at everything, and having it together on time and as planned.

so powerful and so very much needed in my life. your heart shines through your words, your tone, your eyes, body language. I swear I can even hear a slight stammer in your voice at times of deep empathy for your audience... it catches my heart in my throat and resonates profoundly. thank you for your being a healing voice, sharing your heart and your wisdom 💗

I'm thankful to reconnect to the wisdom you're shining through and thank you for continuing to do so.

I've had this exact feeling every single day for many years now. I'm 27 and I can't work because of mental illness. I feel worthless.

I've listened to you for years. Your content is very helpful and encouraging

Stumbled upon this lovely channel. Thanks for existing! 💖💖

Thank you for this. I have been comparing my life and myself to almost everyone around me. From the people I see outside (the way they spend money, the way they wear stuff, the job they had, the money they had, the normal experience they had, almost everything!) Sometimes, I had to stop and tell myself to stop comparing because that'd would make me unhappy.

Yes!! I am one of the members in the Shift Society that has struggled with this. It's like this video was meant for me. If I can encourage anyone watching this and are struggling with these thoughts about life and not achieving goals at a certain age, just remember those lack of accomplishments doesn't mean you are not worthy. You are worthy regardless. I had struggled with that thought. That was my one of my first biggest and most important shift. I am shifting my mind to believe I am worthy and deserving of my goals. That takes the pressure off. Now, I am gonna move on towards goals. Thank you Julia for this video and for the pdf file! I am glad that I am trusting you to help me with this work. See you tonight for the Q&A #SeniorShifter

Couldn't have timed this better! We can't change the past but we can always change the thoughts about our past!

Love the Intentional Self Journal! Filling it in now. Can't wait to get started!

This was a wonderful video. I think one of the things we often don’t do enough of is giving ourselves more credit for what we have accomplished and what we have learned from our past positively and negatively. We all have different areas of opportunity and setbacks. And as famously stated, “a setback is a setup for a comeback.” And that comeback is not age-dependent.

This really got me thanking how I use to be thanking. Every day is new the past is the past. Thank you so much. So I was not into reading books when I was 19. I’m 20 now and I’ve read 3 books this year and also started to write my own music. I should be happy but I keep going back to comparing my self to every one and not staying Focus. I’m starting now! 😃

Dear Julia, I cannot explain how much your example in 3:00 was encouraging and relieving to hear. I am currently 22 and starting my bachelor's in Accounting. I was trying to figure out what my career would be for the past 5 years. I always struggled with this issue for a long time. And your example made me cry. I now know that someone has been where I am now and there is hope. I hope if there is anyone else in a similar situation, please take heart there is hope and stay strong 👍💪

Thank you so much. ❤️ I was just saying this to myself the other day. !!! Crazy !!!

I feel like I put the "pause" botton on, when I was 25. I feel that I took a very wrong turn in my life and remained functional, on a practical level, but became really mixed up on many other levels.

As always your advice is great. One thing I find difficult to deal with is the number of people who seem to think they know what kind of life you need to live. I'm 51 divorced for nearly 3 years now & have 2 kids 10 & 16 & self employed. All the usual problems that go along with rotten divorces, financial, emotional, an ex, etc. I am happy doing my own thing & being the best dad I can be to my kids. People seem to think I need their advice about everything. Vacations, relationships, money, & the list goes on. It seems everyone is so plugged into social media these days that it is becoming abnormal to not want to be involved in everyone's life. I think if you need help you should seek it. If you want to be happy unplug.

Thanks Julia for inspired words..much needed in this time space we find ourselves in right now with so much going on one can very quickly lose sight of what is important and what is an energy drain. We struggle with being with ourselves and find it hard to deal with things that we may have buried in the past and we now have time to process it .Allowing for where we now are seems a good starting point as I believe we have been given this opportunity to see where we are and begin to live a more fulfilling life..

No matter what you do or say life will happen to you whether you want it to or not. I am 64 had a stroke that stopped me at 63 , coming back from being in a wheelchair chair , unable to talk , I got back to work and discovered it wasn't for me. I had all the problems in life that we all do. Payment of bills , mortgage, doctors appointments learning to cope and so on. The only thing I can say is just do what you can and circumstances and situations will arrive when you least experience them. The idea of" fulfilment" interests me because whatever you do all will be swept away by life . Be happy each moment you can. As Winston Churchill used to say , and I paraphrase " when you go through the valley of death learn to run . . . "

Julia, you are simply the best! You are soo soo good at what you do 😊

I feel so sad and I really need this. Thank you so much.

I was often told my parents that I’m behind in life cuz others have done their driving and I haven’t, others have gone to uni earlier than me and all sorts. I realised that God’s timing is more important than social media timing. You look in the mirror and you see yourself, not others. Stay blessed everyone 💜❤️💙💛

Thank you so very much for the help you give to so many people. What a good soul you have

You always provide us some very useful inputs as how to access our lives better

Yup, I did this every single day of the year last year before I turned 40. Just turned 41 a couple weeks ago, this year was much better, but it still dogs me. Love how you said that it is "indulging" those thoughts. Interesting way of thinking about it. But yes, these thought spirals totally steal my energy and drive to make the changes I need to make to stop going down the same path that got me here. Imma check out your journal. Thanks Julia!

Great video. Not comparing yourself to others is key. My inherited disease, and the choices I have made based on my religious believes has made my journey different. The one thing that has helped me in this regret thing is knowing I can set goals and change my path to wherever I want. I just have to set the intention and start doing something.

Thank you for this, Julia. I've been feeling so behind from my peers lately. I'm 21 and still a sophomore in college. I failed a sem's worth of classes and it can feel terrible while i watched my peers move from one course to the next pretty easily. My university has this really competitive environment and I'm really struggling. I'm also trying to get diagnosed with ADHD. I'm so thankful for your videos because they really had brought me to some important realizations. Now, I feel like I'm on the right track. I'm currently working on understanding myself, creating a bond with myself, forgiving myself. I stared at a photograph on the wall of me at 7 year old and i just burst out crying, i can't even look me in the eye because i feel like I've failed that little girl. But then I tooked a deep breath, tuned in to my emotions and realized that it's not too late for me as i am young. Then suddenly i felt powerful at that moment, suddenly i want to do better, for us. I'm making myself emotionally stronger. But that could really be hard as I am an HSP. But the weird thing and i guess this is a good thing, is that now, I believe I can actually do it.

I'm 60 years old. I went on disability 4 years ago after a nervous breakdown and 5 hospitalizations. I was going to work 4 more years, retire and take my pension, and go into the counseling field full time. Suffice to say, I was unable to work my plan, and achieve my goals. I essentially lost two careers and now I spend my days keeping house, reading and spending time with my dog while my wife works. It has been very hard to make sense of this "new normal."

My beloved Julia, hello. Actually you surprised me by your opens and truthful .. For answering your question I'm behind in life for 25 years old.. Your videos are as valuable as such a close to the heart ,keep it up Doc wish you all the best ♥..

Just in time I needed this the moment at this time...thank you so much...you are so wonderful and a God's gift in my life...❤️you will achieve great success with all the blessings you are having cz of the help you are providing 🙏🙏🙏

Thanks for the video. I've been thinking like this for the past several years.

Perfect timing for your message. 59 Many regrets to where I should be. I still know I have some blessings but I'm going through regrets right now.

Thank you so much for this - it's the kind of practical advice that I need

Needed this. Feel really behind because I haven't finished college in the usual four years.

I’m feeling somewhat behind in life for several reasons, this is something I truly needed!!! Thank you so much 🙏🏻💕

Great Topic! I have often thought about this through out the years. I also downloaded the Intentional Self Journal. Thank you Dear Julia!

Hello ! This is exactly the problematic and the issues I am facing right now... thank you!

Thank you ... very powerful; just what I needed to hear - on this 1st day of November.

Amazing advice, thank YOU!

You’re amazing thank you for everything you do

I wish you were my Counsellor! Love all your videos, definitely what I need atm 💕

I’m currently 27 years of age, still living with my parents. My girlfriend that I have been with for 6 years as well still lives with her folks. Her and I want that future of marriage, children, great careers, just as that simple life. I personally feel so stuck in the mud with only a high school diploma and no college experience, and a job that pays $12 an hour. I see so many of my friends going on with that life and dream that I want to achieve right in front of my eyes and it sometimes brings me down so low cause I wish I was on that same pace to my success as well. This is currently a thought is just constantly pacing through my mind that I can not seem to shake off until I watched this video. From a scale of 1-10 with 1 being my downfall I’m currently at an 8, thank you for the wake up call on this one. Still have more healing to go through but this definitely is an uplift for me so far. 🤟🏼

I just downloaded the journal! Thank you, ur videos really help me!😊

Thank you so much Julia.

I am 22 and never had teenage experiences. I want to experience them now and I feel moreso 17-18 than 22. So I guess I am just going to act 17-18 for a while, not gonna lie about my age ofcourse.. I do feel like I wasted a lot of time in the past, and it can become a verry deep pit if you stay in it too long. Best way i can explain this feeling is that it feels like you have been in a coma for sevaral years, and you woke up older with no experiences to show for it. Her saying the she used to tell herself 'I'm behind 4 years' really hits home for me. I am not really worried about my carreer being behind some of my peers, I have a degree already but I started a diffrent one that fits my goals, ideals, and prefered work inviroment a lot better. I mostly regret not having had experiences with friends yet. And yes that might be due to a background of bullying and all sorts of other stuff, but It's hard not to tell myself that its my fault or, even more so, that it's too late...

Thanks always for helpful videos

Thanks Kristina. Love your videos.

Thank you Julia!

Hi I'm Alex from Zimbabwe. I've been going through this, thank you I found this video helpful

This is an excellent video. Going through this right now.

Sharing this one as well! Love your wisdom

this is so cool - meaning the download. So simple, but I 'm looking forward to filling this out.

Wish this video was an hour long. It's "my" topic. I've felt "behind in life" since 2011, and still do now. However, you've made me realise that despite my negativity and wallowing, that in my last 3 very difficult years I HAVE taken positive actions, I AM trying to better my life. I'm just not "there" yet. For once, I know exactly what "there" is and I gained one of the pieces to get there today. I will push on to the next.

The final words cured me. 💕💕💕

It helps to understand this. We all have our own success story. Not everyone comes up with that bright idea that makes us millionaires at 25. Some people spend years working at this job they don't like and then quit, then do something else any finally become happy. This is called a second chapter. There are also stories of people who had it all and died young. So maybe it's good that you're falling behind because it might be the thing keeping you alive.

You speak directly to me I feel.

Very powerful topic thankyou so much for this video

I needed to hear all of this.

Been feeling behind everyone else (even those younger than me) long before my teen years. I was never (consistently) accomplished on the outside. Hate to admit that I was only considered "cool" when someone else needed to vent and feel less like a loser than myself in comparison. Tbh, I still wonder what it might have been like if I was actually talented or charismatic. I struggle to be competent and normal as I type this. There are days where I feel like I have faith when it comes to my potential, but those days come and go. I hope I can keep the faith more often going forward.

Great work Julia!! Keep it up!

I feel you ! I did my BA in English and American literature and all the time, I knew I wanted to study psychology. But I calmed myself down. Due to bullying and other issues, I knew I had to get my 1st in English. I did. I knew, knowing the language very well, would help me massively with psychology. I'm now "starting all over again" as some people would say with psychology. I know in 3 years time, I would've been starting my PhD in English if I wanted to. But no, psychology is my field and my passion. No matter how long it takes, I'm gonna make it. The point is - you have to find your purpose, it's timeless. It will take long time to become what you want to be, that's what I've been telling myself. I've got time. I can still learn everything and use my maturity to become even better psychologist, because I'm starting "later". Everything is about perspective. Believe in yourself and KNOW the REASON why you're doing whatever you're doing. In years time, you will realize, you've been lucky and you've got a BIG advantage just because you have been working hard and been patient. Good luck everybody! :)

Thank you for this!!!!

Hello julia good to watch your video for inspiration. Thank you.

Thanks. Good stuff.

Hello Julia, I have had thoughts like that in the past - I found that you have to use it as motivation to create your “now”/future. XX

I love this. Your other journal helped me so so so much. In the movie matrix morpheus says to Neo "know what happened, happened and it should ha e happened exactly that way" or something close to that. I then listened to a CD by dr. Wayne Dyer and he said that this is from Buddism. He was also dedicated an entire clip to how would've, should've, could've is meaningless here on earth.

This message really spoke to me, I've been struggling with this all year. Thank you for all the great content Julia ❤️

I’m 40 years old, stuck in a toxic relationship and don’t know how to get myself out of it. I’ve always struggled financially and don’t have any college degree or career. I’ve always been dependent on someone else to support me. I think it stems from my family who all live in poverty and don’t have any college education. They all live in mobile homes or shack houses. They are negative and made me have low self esteem and belief in myself. I struggle with depression and self sabotaging behavior. I always talk negative about myself like I’m not worth anything. I just wish I could turn things around but don’t know how or what to do. I enjoy watching your videos.

Thank you so much ❤️

I think it's a mixture of both goal setting and timeline setting. We need deadlines as a place to measure our progress and failures and to see where and how we can improve, rather than use it to demolish and hate yourself - it's not supposed to be used to whip yourself, and you're conceptualising and using it incorrectly if that's what you're getting and feeling from setting timelines... because they're not static... it's just there as a hypothesis for potential to get you progressing and moving. With goals, don't set them too ambitiously where it's too outside of your current capabilities... why? Because it's so large that you can't even comprehend it and so you'll give up on it understandably. So take them down a notch, and set them high but situate it just a bit outside of your current competence level, but then set small micro-goals from that goal and focus on them... why focus on the small steps of that goal? Because one, the goal can change as you engage in those small steps. And two, it's within your realm of optimal motivation, balanced between comfort and challenge, to go out and do them. And if you've fallen behind... there's only one way to solve this without being naive and cynical about it. Do what you can to fall less behind... salvage what you can and work from there, one step at a time. That's the best option you've got, to increase the likelihood of saving yourself from damnation (or further damnation), and from there, with more progress iterated over time, perhaps you can work towards and reach a place that's better and successful to your evolving ideals... maybe even better and not what you thought it was to begin with.

I turned 28 a few months ago and i feel super depressed and just anxious about everything in my life. I keep telling myself everything will pan out just fine and that i should be grateful for what i have (my loving partner, roof over my head, healthy food, non-toxic job etc) but i cry every now and then at night when im by myself. Just thinking about finances, the fact i cant save money as easily these days, my weight gain, feeling like a horrible person who can't take criticism etc feeling like a teenager stuck in an adult body. I struggle with self loathing and i ruminate about where i am vs where i would have been if i had done things differently. "I know" it's not too late, "i know" everything happens for a reason, "i know" no one cares how i live my life... so why do i keep overthinking...

Thank You!

Hi Julia, I was introduce to you by a friend because she said you can help me get out of my current situation

Story of my life, especially NOW!!!

7:27 okay thank you. Feeling sad about the past = grieving it, is okay. I do grieve it but I need to get out of that cycle.

Thank you!