Keeping Secrets from Your Spouse | Dave & Ashley Willis

Рет қаралды 10,786

2 жыл бұрын

Are you completely honest with your spouse? Is it ok for spouses to occasionally keep secrets? Dave and Ashley talk about keeping secrets from your spouse in this Naked Mariage Podcast Episode. Subscribe for more great content.
All links mentioned in this episode & more XO content: linktr.ee/nakedmarriage
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6 Toxic Marriage Behaviors Mini Series // Episode 3
How do you talk to your spouse
How do you talk about your spouse
Swearing at your spouse
Physically Abusing your Spouse
Keeping secrets from your spouse
Giving your spouse the silent treatment
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XO Marriage exists to help couples have a healthy and strong marriage. We do this by hosting conferences, creating resources, and offering encouraging digital content. Our world-class speakers offer leading marriage advice to equip couples with the necessary tools for a successful marriage. We believe that every marriage can thrive.
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XO Conferences are a live environment for couples to come together, be encouraged, and learn from leading marriage experts. Conferences offer a Biblical perspective on marriage and allow couples to connect and grow in a fun and encouraging setting.
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Through podcasts, videos, blog posts, and more, we create engaging and relevant content for people to connect with online. Our content is centered around providing couples with tools and teachings to establish and maintain a strong foundation for their marriage.

Пікірлер: 39

@heatherboyd6942 2 жыл бұрын

The secret or lie is always or usually more hurtful than the actual offense.

@user-yy8zb2xh3t 2 жыл бұрын

As a Director of a family ministry and a marriage counselor, I totally agree with the principle you’ve set forth, and especially if a betrayal of some kind or infidelity has taken place, full disclosure is a necessary step to healing and restoration. Also, transparency on a day-to-day basis is the best path to intimacy, avoiding temptation, and staying above reproach. But I believe you need to add some qualifiers to this conversation. The fact is, dysfunction breeds dysfunction, and many marriages are in the midst of such dysfunction that it may not be safe or productive to disclose all information about everything. There are times when a spouse will become vulnerable and openly share a struggle they are dealing with, only to have their partner grossly distorted what they disclosed, and then use the distorted version as a weapon to humiliate the one who was honest. Some spouses simply are unable to handle full disclosure of some feeling, struggle, or issue, and any attempt at an honest conversation leads to a hopeless meltdown, rage, or an ongoing battle. Total transparency and openness is an ideal to strive for, but there are definitely other serious issues which need to be resolved before transparency can safely exist. A spouse should never lie nor should he or she deliberately try to mislead each other by the selective divulging of information. However, there are many instances where because of ongoing dysfunction, a spouse does have to be wise in what and how he or she shares with a contentious mate. But apart from those kinds of issues, thank you for hitting on a very important topic.

@jessyjonas4988 2 жыл бұрын

The level of your honesty Determines the level of your intimacy Dave and Ash ism

@karenlivreri4395 3 ай бұрын

Glad you wrote it. I was remembering that at the 8:40 mark to go back and listen to that again. So well said.

@gorgeouswales9635 2 жыл бұрын

Pray for our marriage both of these topics happens. Secrets/Ignoring it’s sad and a disappointment. Thank you both👏🏽🔥

@meilingnelson7352 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you 🙏! I appreciate you guys so much 🥰

@DVTOM Жыл бұрын

Talking only works when the other wants to communicate.

@marthakidd4067 9 ай бұрын

So happy this was sent to me very good message

@brightpage1020 Жыл бұрын

Love the tumor analogy.

@tolistical 2 жыл бұрын

I love how Ashley looks at Dave😍It's cute! I like what you do at XO Marriage. God bless you all.

@XOMarriage 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! 😊

@jessyjonas4988 Жыл бұрын

This is truth💯

@diersirrigation 2 жыл бұрын

Wynshape, been there with CRC. It was the beginning of a long climb, still working on many things.

@barblawver4995 2 жыл бұрын

When you both are looking at each other on your wedding day, you both are vowing to both share your life with each other and with (Noone else) Therefore, when one person starts having an Insecure feeling, thet need to go to their spouse and talk about it. Dont share it wirh another person. What do you say to your spouse so they dont get jealous or get the wrong idea doing a surprise party? Thank You 4 your Amazing Broadcast:)

@heatherboyd6942 2 жыл бұрын

My husband will not admit his weakness’s, he does not self reflect, he cannot hear how he has disappointed me or let me down, or hurt me/ our relationship, I cannot approach him with a concern, he always deflects or turns the situation on me. When I do he blows up on me then will take off his wedding ring and ignore me for days or weeks. He loves our kids more than me he shows me he loves them more than me, loves on them hugs kisses cuddles , I get nothing, he won’t talk about parenting, finances, relationship, he calls me controlling. I am a stay at home mom of 4 year old twins and a three year old. I hold no value in his eyes and I have no say over most things. He will pick a fight then say we can’t talk so he’ll end the conversation and not come back to it. I have my part I get angry and yell or in the past I’ve even broken things to get his attention I get so hurt always being shut out.

@shannonsfamily418 2 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry, this is hard. There is a book called How to act right when your spouse acts wrong. How long have you been married? I get you here. When I focused on Jesus and how I could accept my husband no matter what then my marriage took a major turn. I had to focus on me meeting my needs. I gave him hugs. I stopped keeping score. I remember hurts don't get me wrong. It's on going forgiveness. It's not an easy walk. It's better now. I try to keep him happy. I became the person he needed regardless of how he was. This changed him over the years. For better or worse...stay strong. Jesus will deal with your hubby as you love him for Jesus.

@heatherboyd6942 2 жыл бұрын

@@shannonsfamily418 thank you for the encouragement.

@teddylove2748 2 жыл бұрын

What happens when they ask him for something it's far beyond reach and stop you from meeting your goals for the family

@janaedunnigan4169 Жыл бұрын

Exactly what im going through so I definitely feel for you and understand what your going through.🙏🏽

@minilevi8465 Жыл бұрын

He is a narcissist… watch videos on narcissism and get educated on it

@disquietedsaint 2 жыл бұрын

Sense?? Called Discernment ....

@jessyjonas4988 2 жыл бұрын

Amen sister You chose Now you r a grown man Tell it to the marines

@abigaledavis1223 Жыл бұрын

My husband ignores me , stonewalls and I guess keep secrets. I’m hurting

@stephenskayla2079 Жыл бұрын

How do you tell your husband of twenty three years of your emotional neglect from him and he doesn't want to listen. When I bring up my hurt he says I'm blaming him still. I'm not blaming him at all I just need someone to talk to about my feelings. His voice gets loud while I stay calm and soft spoken while asking him to listen to me. I'm afraid I'm going to seek someone else to talk to and I know what that can lead to and I don't want that. I want him to just listen to me and not say I'm blaming him. When I have tried to talk to him years ago many times he would talk loud to shut me up. He knew he could do that since our young children were in the house. He knew he could shut me down, he knew my heart and I'd never want my young children to hear an argument between their mother and father. I learned to never bring up my feelings while in a vehicle with him. I don't know what to do when he won't just listen. I've never been able to fully talk about my hurt feelings and I love him with all my heart. I was there for him when he was in an awful family dispute over his parents estate. His sister was calling him three or four times a day over this and it went on for a year. He could not do his job because of her actions and behavior calling constantly. Then his father would call him in tears from what the sister was doing. I was there for him and helped calm him and listened to his feelings. Now he doesn't do the same for me, I'm his wife.

@XOMarriage Жыл бұрын

We are so sorry to hear of what you are facing. Please feel free to visit xomarriage.com and the "Marriage Help" tab for support through this difficult time.

@Jam-rx4bx Жыл бұрын

I told my wife some of my secrets and then when she get mad at me she'll start using my secrets on me to make me feel bad.. everything sounds good but you have to be a mature person to handle your mates secrets

@ginchadope2171 Жыл бұрын

My wife didnt disclose her sexual past prior to getting married. She forgot to mention 5 of her 12 sexual relationships. As it were, her count, while its not the most important thing, it was at the time not a standard that i required. But as a result, we are sleep divorced, 2 boys (8&11), sexless, disconnected. Any thoughts on how to go about handling this “too late now” situation.

@marybeth4355 Жыл бұрын

My advice, forgive her and love her like Jesus loves the church. That is if you want to stay married. Honor your vows, cherish her, serve her and Gods word promises us that if we trust Him in what He has said, we will be blessed and filled with His peace & joy. 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to your wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

@evadeeden2446 Жыл бұрын

My husband required the standard... 1 week into it... told him i gave into sex w someone he knew but didnt disclose that i hooked up when we broke up a year after... and some guys i didnt count ... maybe im being tormented but he 100% will break up w me if i tell him and i will habe to go back to my country

@tonyalucas8555 Жыл бұрын

Me and my husband don't talk about anything he wants a marriage without issues and that's not reality there's gonna be problems.i know there's things off in my marriage but he lies and keeps secrets and turns it on me and tells me I'm being childish don't know what to do 😢

@evadeeden2446 Жыл бұрын

Sooo he asked me my body count and i didnt say all of it ... should i disclose it now? He will 100% kick me out

@evadeeden2446 Жыл бұрын

How can i contact you!?!

@brandibee7058 2 жыл бұрын

Question my husband and I have had a strained married for many years he was acting strange and I looked into his phone accidentally found her ski rental booking . He told me before he had a plan for us but he’s been bad at not following through and I didn’t know he already was paying for the plan for my birthday . I feel awful . I didn’t see everything just the rental For jet skis . I feel I should tell bc I didn’t trust him we both have trust issues in our marriage . In the past I did look through his phone before due to a emotional affair and I felt like he was being distant from me and acting very upset about little things . I have been praying for restoration and my husband to plan something on his own and he finally has . My counsel tells me to wait until it’s done bc he was so excited and it may ruin that plus put a wedge breeen us again . I prayed on this and I was hurting and this is before we decided to move forward . My husband gets really upset easily and may just cancel it all . Asking for wisdom on this from the lord I feel like I had grace bc I was hurt but not telling him is really bothering me . When I look at scripture it says to confess but is there a when to that or should It be right away. ? I have been going to counseling working on my mental health as well and have decided to never look at his phone again.

@XOMarriage 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Please feel free to visit xomarriage.com/marriagehelp for marriage coaching and support!

@melodykubiak5850 2 жыл бұрын

My husband had matching penny keychains made for each of us. The penny was to have the date and year we met and had a heart engraved on it with the words "And I still do!". He'd gone through the March 1978 calendar to figure out the date. He was off by one week. But will I ever tell him that? No, not ever. It would hurt him. He was so excited that he'd had it made and said "I got the date right!". I didn't correct him. Sometimes keeping something to ourselves can save the hurt of another person and if it isn't an important thing for them to know sometimes ignorance is bliss. I would never take that joy away from my husband on a technicality. You'll still be surprised with the rest of the trip your husband has thoughtfully planned just for you for your birthday, so knowing one small part of it doesn't take away the surprise from you entirely. I suggest keeping that little bit to yourself in order not to not tarnish the joy he has had by planning this for you. It would spoil something he's doing right. Have fun on your trip and let it draw you closer together.

@jensbornagain Жыл бұрын

I have a major problem my 31 years marriage was some ups mostly downs during counseling I stated many times I was against porn and strippers I found out a year after marriage he had a stripper at his bachelor party so I left he begged me back etc. it took years to heal for me but I found out 2 years ago he had an affair and digging more I found out he had been hiding a major porn problem and was going to strip clubs and lying. Now he no longer wants to have sex with me I tried everything I feel so ugly and gross but I have caught him watching porn again and he tried to deny it but came clean. Any way how do I stay in a marriage with no sex. I shouldn’t have to suffer. And I am not allowed to please myself either 😢

@bmorgan8382 Жыл бұрын

I have been trying to get this through my husband's head for 28 years. As well as his mother's and brother's head since he insists upon making them part of our marriage. His mother is a minister so I can't figure out how or why she justifies her actions involving my marriage. She should know better. Obviously she has her own version of the bible for her family. I was raised in church so I know better.

@reneedwards1082 Жыл бұрын

My husband is enmeshed with his mother and her to him and also to his sisters. Too close for comfort. I'm a Christian, they are worldly and loving and nice enough people but there is nothing that my husband does, go to or enjoy or any matter that isn't shared on a what's up group to this mum and sisters called Johnnie's gang. It's sickening. I'm praying God gives me strength from the betrayal and over sharing I've experienced with these 3 other woman, even my private life and they literally take charge over my two 21 yrl old sons...they've wound them around their fingers. I ride and concentrate on my calling but have suffered infirmament health wise from this for 23 yrs, pls pray for me and my husband John Kian and Elijah, my 3 boys and in laws, to have God show me the way? 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧🙏🙏🙏🙏