fun fact about the cinderella bit: in the brothers grimm version, her step-sisters actually cut parts of their feet off, so they can fit into the slipper, and prince charming only finds out when a small bird tells him to look at the blood in the shoe. even in fairy tales, people only get caught if there's an independent third-party regulating it

The look on that tester's face is so priceless

2:49 the complete story of the 1904 Olympic marathon was even crazier. The road was unpaved, leaving many runners inhaling dust every time they took a breath. There were only *2 water stations for the entire 25.4 miles (41 km) course* because the organiser secretly wanted to see what dehydration does to the human body. The guy who rode for 11 miles in a car was Fred Lorz. He won the race, and was just about to be given the gold medal by Alice Roosevelt (daughter to then-president Teddy Roosevelt) before being exposed as a cheat. He then said that he did it as a joke and was banned from professional marathon for a year. Another one of the runner was Thomas Hicks. He was given egg whites, brandy, and strychnine (rat poison, but can be used as a stimulant in miniscule doses) by his trainer who was riding beside him. He ended up so exhausted after inhaling all the dust he had to be carried across the finish line by his team and could have died had he not received immediate medical attention. Relevant to this topic, *Hicks was the first known instance of doping in modern Olympic history.*

I'm rewatching this during quarantine and hearing the audience laugh threw me off for a bit.

Racing Against Robots sounds like a cool band name.

I love John Oliver because he knows the simple rule for getting to the bottom of every single issue: follow the money.

That Putin joke hits much harder now

The woman who said she felt like she was racing robots, Alysia Montano, once ran the 800 in a championship competition while 8.5 months pregnant. Her time was 2mins and 32 seconds. She ran it again while 5 months pregnant and her time was 2:21. Those would be strong 800 times for talented non-pregnant high school runners. Don’t worry it wasn’t dangerous for her to run while pregnant. She is incredible. Alysia Montano is and will always be a champion.

Well then, now I want to see the "Hot Pocket" episode of Top Chef.

Fun Fact: The main guy in the parody at the end is Derek Klena. He's on Broadway right now in Anastasia. Super talented guy.

The one inaccurate thing i can feasibly claim about this piece: As a competetive swimmer, i can say with 100% certainty that *every* competetive swimmer wants a sandwich in the pool.

"Another time, I got Regis Philbin to scream into a jar and had him inhale it." That fucking killed me xD .

The guy they had playing the "athlete" is Derek Klena, a Broadway actor. Love him, but all I could wonder was: "WTF is he doing in a John Oliver video?"

As a swimmer, THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN DELIVERED FOOD TO THE POOL AFTER A WORKOUT

"Be better than God intended!" OK, that's my new personal motto.

4:15 I drive a Cube. They're actually kinda fun to drive & decently roomy but damn is he right. They're about as unsexy as a minivan who cup holders are filled with half empty baggies of Cheerios.

I say NAY to you, circadian rhythm! John Oliver is here.

When it's 3:00 am but KZfaq is life

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Pound, it's a boy! Did you choose a name? Father: Honey, I got this! 🤣

A new one for imaginative explanations: A figure skater drinking out of the same glass as her grandfather who takes heart medication. Sure.

Beware the MAFIFA

*The Olympics - world's greatest science fair for applied organic chemistry* _[Note: There's also a cute little sideshow with brawny people]_

If I'm not wrong the 1904 Olympic race was the best one. So many shenanigans...

"Had Regis Philbin scream in a jar and made him inhale it" oh man, I'm still reeling from that one.

They need to make an Olympics for athletes who use steroids.

I was about to go to sleep, but then I got a notification...

Alysia Montaño is amazing. The fact she was able to compete against all this is inspiring. It reminds me of Jackie Joyner-Kersee who is also inspiring as well.

18:45 that was one hell of a line for the actor to deliver

Did anybody listen to the part where he explained why just letting everybody dope is a bad idea athletes would be dying left and right due to the fact that you would need to take more and more and more just to be able to compete let alone get any type of advantage

You know it's a John Oliver video when there are likes when it was uploaded before the videos length.

That Now You See Me 2 bit is charmingly funny

Just realized Brandon Schmidt's initials are B. S.

There are actually people who have the blood of one DNA type and the rest of their body of another DNA type due to two twins fusing, but they are ridiculously rare. They throw cops for a loop.

My solution is simple, we let actual robots compete with athletes.

I laughed so hard at that vanished twin excuse, I needed my inhaler

I have never noticed how much John blinks. 0:54 Try and blink with him xD

Please do a brexit follow up soon, I'm American but very concerned with what's happening over there right now

The Skyler/Tyler Hamilton bit kills me every time

2:50 This does not scratch the surface of the 1904 marathon. It was 100+ degrees out, there were only 14 or so finishers of the pool of 41, and the winner was given rat poison and brandy in the middle of the race.

Really disappointed John didn't break out his "bodybuilding bro" routine at some point in this. I just love him hearing say "swole."

You know someone cares about their message when a 20 minute KZfaq video doesn't have any ads. So rare, so inspirational, I could cry.

On a more serious note, I feel horrible for athletes who genuinely work their asses off to become the best, and they lose to folks that cheat by doping.

Tyler Hamilton: I absorbed my dead twin; thus giving me different blood. Athletics commission: Sir, you could've told us you were a vampire who'd fed before the race, and that would've been more believable. I mean you're obviously lying either way; but you weren't even trying that hard here.

9:20 I'd have to argue that, "You remind me of my daughter, so let's get freaky on a magazine that has my face on the cover," is considerably more viscerally upsetting than Michael Phelps and his mother in any scenario, except perhaps one which would involve her breastfeeding him after his 30th birthday.

I love watching old John Oliver videos, and seeing people I now recognize. I had to pause the video at the end, cause I was like, HOLY SHIT DEREK KLENA! I damn near started singing My Petersburg lol!

What if you're one of those people who can't pee when somebody is watching? Automatic disqualification or something?

17:30 OMIGOD IS THAT DEREK KLANA?!?! THE BROADWAY IN ME IS SHAKING.

But friendship was the most powerful drug of all, last time I checked

I may not be the first, but I sure am naked.

'the most powerful drug of all.....LOVE (CRACK).....'

Thrillering. He said thrillering. Lmfao. Love this show, love John.

The Boys had a whole season basically dedicated to this topic

How can you dislike those last week tonight shows. They're instructive and hilarious (even if you disagree you must be laughing to the stuff they come up with). Love it !

Justin Gatlin's excuse for doping: "A disgruntled masseuse rubbed steroid cream on me."

The part about the British "asthmatics" was the best...

That line about Putin's leadership affecting the world hits a little bit harder after the 2022 war between Russia and Ukraine.

Wish my name was Dick Pound. Sounds manly.

I imagine roll when Dick Pound was in elementary school played out similar to the Bigus Dickus skit.

5:02 the dude doing the test looks more like an athlete than the dude pissing

The St Louis marathon where that dude got in a car is crazier than John had time to get to. Jon Bois has a video about it. It's uh... *pretty good*

"Get focused and get ready to pee." That's my whole life right there.

"Be Better than god intended" . That's my new motto!

The Brandon story at the end 🤣

What happens if you can't pee with someone watching lol

Okay, that Montano chick's story? That feels VERY slanted. She came in 5th in her chosen event. *5th*. I get it that the Russian athlete that won was doping, but the way they portrayed that human interest story, everybody that passed her was doping and she alone was doing the right thing. That's dishonest as hell.

The guy who got caught with someone else's blood could at least have come up with a better excuse, like "I'm a vampire"

Reminds me of my childhood pinewood derby. I played by the rules and got second every year to someone who was clearly cheating. It really does feel pointless to compete against people not playing by the rules.

and now for my daily 'feel like a dumbass' moment: this whole time i thought "Virginia Slims" was a type of beef jerky

10:00 Ironically, where I live, "Araf" means "slow".

I was expecting a piece on Brexit.

the 1904 olympic marathon is way more wild than just a guy riding in a car

Just like a Cinderella story - you use magic to get into places you shouldn't be in and quickly run away before the magic can be discovered.

@13:39 With the name Dick Pound, he must have heard every joke possible.

This is one of the funniest episodes ever

Time for part two 🙃

I was shot but then this notification.

that "twins body absorbed into him thing" is (for real) a quirky explanation for a real thing. Twin-twin syndrome can lead to one twin dying and getting degraded inside the mothers womb while the other survives. The other twin doesn't absorb anything, however, and would anyway have the same blood type xD

I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW DEREK KLENA SKKSKSK

"you might not be able to pee on command" Boot camp Drill Instructors: 10... 9... 8...

Schuyler Hamilton 😂😂

The 1904 Olympic marathon was actually hilarious, aside from the car thing, there weren't the same doping rules then as there are now, so there was one of those, and there were some people who got chased by dogs, really it was pretty funny.

6:13 As a Dutchie, I still cannot believe John just dissed the bikes.

Minor Update: Savinova was eventually disqualified and had those medals stripped from her (15:00)

Last time I came this early, the UK was still in the EU

"I am so pro steroids it's ridiculous" A very true quote from the great Bill Burr

That Vladimir Putin joke hits different in March 2022 😬😂

I related so hard to the Now you see me 2 joke...serious buyer's remorse.

Roman Reigns: "I don't take good drugs, I don't take bad drugs, I take THE DRUGS!"

What's the name of the cute guy who did the skit at the end?

This episode aged like fine wine

20:14 "*Be better than god intended*" lol

That was probably the best end skit of any episode of this

It's just like that book "Everyone poops", also, "Everyone dopes"

The teacher who taught me how to swim taught Micheal Phelps swimming 30 years earlier almost. Lives in Alaska now

I work for an enforcement agency and sometimes I have to wait lawyers outside the bathroom when then come to deliver leniency statements... I now see some have it far worse.

Its not just the Olympics, all sports. But honestly, as a viewer, i enjoy watching athletes compete. Ill never know what is going on behind the scenes which is relieving and frightening at the same time

This is one dope video.

We should also test for "the power of friendship", as it has been shown that it has great power boosts

John is secretly Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton confirmed

Some day when I become super wealthy, I'm going to start my own Olympics where doping is 100% legal. A lot of people will die, but it will sure make for entertaining television!