I know exactly what you are talkin about. I went through the same thing back in 1987 friend talking to God. Inside myself I knew I had to leave the church or I would die. When I prayed I heard that I was to become who I am meant to be which has nothing to do with religion. You listened and it changed your life and so did I.

I my story is almost 98% alike with some few additions...I felt completely lost and did not know why to do,who I was,why I was alive,there was no joy but felt only darkeness filled me and I just felt so heavy like a pile of heavy things were tied to my life...I had been in church and read the Bible,and one thing that I knew is that it couldn't help me,I felt all alone even with friends, I withdraw from all people in public...it felt good and wow,never went to church again,now I have been working on myself and recently I felt the sunshine on my face,the darkness is gone,and I feel more good,I talk to people well and I don't feel the need to do something to make someone happy, nowadays I am me,celebrating and enjoying every breathing minute...all those going through the process currently you will make it,you will again feel alive and joyous,you will feel that self worth and importance again,you will feel lighter and more clear in who you are,what you love,what you want, and that great and wonderful desire to live will again come...keep fighting and using all the resources you have as intuitions leads you

I was a Seventh Day Adventist and all we talked about was Satan . Now I have chronic panic attacks and can’t be around large crowds . I felt many times I wanted to commit suicide . Anyways I don’t feel like I will never get over it ..

religion is some sick control game , I'm glad to see people waking up to the nonsense of religion...50 years of Christianity for me... I became severely depressed and suicidal, i am thankful that I finally realized that it was the abusive dogma indoctrinating me , constantly being told I was hurt lost broken and unworthy and that this life doesn't matter...that is a teaching of broken helplessness which causes deep depression... I am happy and free these days from religion and no longer depressed or suicidal, I now realize that I can live a more beautiful, moral life connected to reality and Humanity and see and love people without a judgmental lens.... sorry about your brother, I've had similar family trauma in my childhood, be strong , you are a good person.

Churches and religion have nothing to do with love in and of themselves. It's the human beings who have love in their heart that matters. Abuse in the name of God and religion, whether physical or mental, is the worst kind of all.

I am SO SO SORRY for the abuse and trauma you experienced. Your parents are truly evil in the name of God and religion