When I was in college I took an American Sign Language class. One day my teacher told us that deaf people could always tell when a Southerner was singing to them because the Southerners were always smiling and friendly.

My wife's nieces and nephews, all more than 25 years younger than us, call us by our first names. In my family, I have a nephew just six years younger than me and he still calls me "Uncle Dave" in his late 40s. Generational respect was a big deal in my family.

I'm from Texas and I had two terrible parents. They were alcoholics and both neglectful and abusive. But they STILL taught me to say sir and ma'am, to be respectful of my elders, to share, and to not cuss in polite society. Good manners are so ingrained in the south that we obey them regardless of other factors in our upbringing.

"Why do we feel this way about something so arbitrary?" "Because you had good home training!", says every Southern Mother. 😂 We dont ask why, we just do because the alternative was a fast way to meet your ancestors. 😉❤

Also, if you walk in front of someone, you say "excuse me"

When you visit someones home you never go in their refrigerator. That was a big mom rule and you couldn’t ask for anything. You had to be offered .

Many years ago, I had a boss that would respond, "Say again?" when he didn't understand something someone said. He was a Vietnam veteran, and that was radio etiquette for asking someone to repeat their transmission. (He was also hard of hearing, so I heard that phrase a lot.) I do remember the prohibition against singing at the table. My great grandmother would say, "Sing at the table and laugh in bed, the devil will get you before you're dead." I sympathize with Talia. I also have RBF (resting b!tch face), but I'm in my 60s and I don't care what other people think anymore. I've traveled a long way, and some of those roads weren't paved. P.S. I think you're all absolutely adorable.

I have traveled to several countries and many people have commented on the fact that I must be the Southern USA. I am and proud to be‼️‼️‼️

My ex husband was from the south and I LOVED visiting his relatives. I was welcomed with open arms. I'm from west coast and would often say sir and ma'am to the relatives. I miss Louisiana. ~Elizabeth

You forgot about driving manners in the south. 1-You always send up a hand of thanks when someone lets you go first at a 4 way stop. -(Unless there are four cars at the 4-way and everyone tries to “out nice” the other-so everyone ends up moving at the same- Then the process begins once more.) 2- You also have to wave at the person who lets you get over a lane. 3-you have to wave if you see a neighbor on your walk. (Even if you can’t remember their name.) Some will ask how you are. I’m good with a quick wave. 4- You have to pull over if you see a funeral procession. 5-Pedestrian crosswalk etiquette: Give a wave of thanks to the driver who stopped for you. Then the driver gives a wave of thanks for the wave of thanks.

I was born and raised in Poland, where if you ask someone "How are you?", it is normal to hear anything form "Fine" all the way to that person's whole life story since the last time you saw each other... Imagine my culture shock when I moved to Boston, MA for a year... "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything" was a rule in my house as well, and I keep to it to this day.

I was told by my momma that it's impolite to discuss private matters in public. She would probably have dropped dead to hear some of the things people discuss on their cell phones while in the grocery store. Thank you, thank you for this video. And Talia you are beautiful no matter what expression is on your face. You are all awesome for bringing the discussion of a little good old home training to KZfaq.

My husband is a native Angelino (LA). First time I got him into the South was Virginia, then we got to Mississippi. He couldn't believe how polite and friendly everyone was. He felt like he was on another planet. And he said, now I understand you better. And he even worked on improving his manners. Big thing is hats. Hats off indoors, no matter home, office, or whatever, restaurants especially. We were visiting a mission and sitting quietly in the pews. A tour group came through. The men kept on their ball caps. Rude, ill mannered and obviously poorly raised in the wilds.

Y'all may have said it and I missed it, but "don't talk with your mouth full" was rule number one, followed by "keep your elbows off the table," at our dinner table. And, yes'm, tone of voice is everything! Love your show, thanks.

Thank you for being real. As a middle school teacher (25 years), this is a concept that needs to be reworked/addressed. It’s become a lost art.

I'm from Tennessee, and I was raised to use Ma'am and Sir as basically respectful ways of addressing an adult person you are unfamiliar with (much like Usted in Spanish). Once familiarity is achieved and neither of you hold positions of power or influence like a boss or a parent's friend, you can drop the Ma'am/Sir. My dad recently went on a rant about Northerners moving down to the South and changing the culture just by not abiding by ours. I'll admit there are things about Southern culture I wish would change, but the change is also happening with the good parts like manners and just general ways of showing respect. I was driving in my uncle's funeral procession earlier this year and an oncoming car just drove by and didn't pull over. All I could think was "There goes one of those Yankees dad was ranting about." And for negative people in the comment section, all I have to say is "SHAPE UP AND ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME RAISIN'"

Ryan's laugh is the best:), and he seems like a great guy. He always makes me smile.

I'm proud of y'all! This was entertaining and thought-provoking. And I'm another one who is sorry Ryan has had to carry an extra manners burden on account of being Black. Thanks to you all for addressing the topic of manners with transparency and humor.

I enjoyed this epidode. &, as a person that rarely gets onto KZfaq, I appreciate the fact that the link for this was put on Facebook. And I want to say to Ryan that I am sorry that he HAD to act a certain way in public in order to make it home safely each day. Shame on us all that this is something that happened & continues to happen in America.

Not having elbows on the table comes from a time gone by when large wooden boards were placed on top of what we would call "saw horses". If you put your elbows on the table top you would topple the entire table top on to the floor. Good bye food, plates, cup, etc. huge mess to clean up. LOL....

I must be Southern cause this is the way I was raised and the way I raised my children. Being polite and courteous is just a way of life. I use pardon and pardon me. Born and raised in Ontario, Canada.

My uncle married our art teacher from school and all of his nieces and nephews had the hardest time moving from Miss Rice to Aunt Kathy. No, she was Miss Rice.

When it comes to the polite time to start eating, if you get up from the table to get your food, you can begin eating when the second person sits down with their food. If plates are filled at the table, you don't start eating until everyone has their food.

I really enjoyed the thoughts and opinions that were shared. I especially appreciated Ryan being so open and brave to share his experiences.

Ms. Talia and Ms. Liz, please don’t listen to the hate of others. You both are so gorgeous, and anyone who doesn’t like your hair, how you look, your facial expressions, they can just keep quiet! Mr. Adam and Mr. Ryan, the same goes for you two as well. Please don’t listen to the hate! Thank you, and please have a great rest of your week!

Having grown up in Quebec, Canada, southern good manners feel normal to me. We were brought up knowing that good manners exist to make sure everyone else is comfortable. It's a lovely thing. Love your channel!

It's funny. When I met my inlaws for the first time, they didn't like me calling them Mr. And Mrs. (insert last name). They also didn't like “ma'am” or “sir”. It's a regional for sure. But I can't do it. If word got back to my mom that I did that, my mom would still give me a whoopin (I'm grown).

My 13 year old daughter had her gymnastics showcase last weekend and as we were walking in, a birthday party was leaving. My daughter held one door open and I held the other door open for this big group of about 15 kids and adults and not one person said thank you to either one of us. Not even the first person or the last person. There were several adults among this group too. Afterwards, my daughter said to me, not 1 person said thank you. Sad

Really enjoyed this conversation. I’m originally from Alabama and now live in Oregon. I miss these discussions and that “southern “ viewpoint is something I miss more than anything else. This group’s fun take on these issues is great….more, more, more! Thanks for doing these.

I'm so glad that Ryan brought up the performative peppiness to avoid being seen as a threat. It's exhausting. Thank you for not cutting that from the video, as so many non-Black people have no idea. Also, the whole "fix your face" thing is not only judgmental but also ableist. E.g. an adult chastising a child for not making eye contact (because it's "disrespectful") when the child might have ASD and eye contact physically hurts them.

I love y'alls skits but I also really enjoyed this discussion!!! 😊 I would definitely like more!!

I just feel like ma'am and sir are titles that eveyone has earned.

✨ Hold the door for the elderly or those that have trouble walking

There is a manners book in Mexico that states that manners are the synthesis of the Gospel of love. It is the practical expression of love towards your neighbor.

I agree with Liz because people say that I looked mean or sounded mean but once they met me they say I’m the nicest person they’ve met

🙌 Thank y'all! I'm that Teacher-Mommy that will gladly call you out in public for bad manners in TN. "Kindness given is Kindness received" was how my Granny raised us.

there should be a saying if you can't type something nice don't type at all lol I think you all are great and I love to watch you all

When I go to someone's house, I ask, "Is this a shoes-on or a shoes-off household?" I was *definitely* raised in a no-shoes house, and I'm not even Asian, Talia!

I love these Lollygabbin videos. Each of you brings something different to the table with your individual experiences. Unfortunately, I was raised like Ryan in thinking "don't make yourself seem like a threat". Other than that, manners were weird growing. I was raised in Mississippi by a woman who was from Pennsylvania, so we were both learning Southern manners at the same time.

So true Ryan, so true. It is more than just manners.

I truly enjoyed this segment. You all remind me of a group of cousins, just sitting together discussing life.❤

I'm an elderly southern woman. I love you guys. Y'all are my fri

Oh man, it killed me when I lived in eastern Iowa and if you said 'thank you' to a server they would answer with "uh huh". I cringed Every Single Time. I about fell off my chair when we had an Amish crew and they took off their hats at the table.

When Ryan was talking about being intentional with eye contact and a smile in order to not be perceived as a threat, really touched me, too, Talia.

Totally understand Ryan’s point on not changing his demeanor to not be perceived as a threat. Had to teach my sons the same thing.

As a lefty and a fast eater, a dinner table can be a quagmire of social anxiety for me. Thankfully, my family was usually very casual. I grew up in the mountains in Western NC. "How are you?" is dangerous to ask when you are in a hurry. You may get a life story, a medical review, and a bit of gossip about the neighbors before you even know what hit you.

What Ryan said about not wanting to be perceived as a threat is so sad to hear. It’s a shame we live in a society where anyone feels like they have to go out of their way to make sure others don’t feel afraid of you.

So many of these rules of politeness align with what I was taught as an Italian-American child in the Northeast! And Talia’s hair looks lovely.

I am loving this series! So much resonates with me. I hate to hear that anyone would be mean to you all in the comments. Y’all are great!

I grew up with "Do What?' Different southern families have their own sayings.

"Sing at the table, marry a fool." Mom said it all the time!

My Irish grandmother used to say, "Those who sing at the dinner table will cry before breakfast." So singing at the dinner table was taboo. We waited for everyone to be seated before starting to eat. I had to ask to be excused when i was done eating, not just get up and leave the table. I was born and raised up North, my Dad from NY, Mom was Texan.

Ok, so I was taught many manners without explanations but now I've realized WHY they are wise! 1. Elbows on the table makes bad posture. Bad posture DOES hurt your digestion and after years will eventually affect it. 2. Chewing with your mouth open really does look disgusting and distracts. 3. Saying "please" and "thank you" create gratitude in your heart and feeds a positive relationship with others. Good all around! 4. Washing hands before or after eating - if you eat around anyone with food allergies, having this habit already established is SO AMAZING!!! Otherwise Mom is watching your dirty hands like a hawk and won't relax around you. Just saying, all manners started for a reason and what excuse do we have to not, other than it's not what we want to do today? "Have courage and be kind."

I remember when we first moved to Wisconsin. A woman told me I could call her by her first name. I was 7. My mother’s head popped up and she told the lady, “don’t tell my daughter that. No she cannot.” She then looked at me and told me that I was not to listen to a grown up that told me that.

Y'all's parents/grandparents did a great job!

There was a girl in my church when I was growing up that was about 10 years older than me that we (my siblings and I) addressed by first name all the time. Until she became a teacher in the school that we went to. Then we had to start addressing her by her last name during school hours. And then she got married and we were no longer allowed to address her at all by her first name even though we grew up on a first name basis.

My great great grandparents was from Tennessee. My geart grandparents was from Kentucky. My grandparents was from Kentucky, then moved to Illinois. And everything you talked about I was tought that growing up and still practice those same manners. Southern blood must run deep.

When we lived in Wisconsin, we found out that if a guy holds a door open for a lady, it’s seen as the guy hitting on the lady. That happened to my father. A lady yelled at him for holding the door for her. It was sad and awkward. Just another reason I like the south much more than the north.

I am loving this format. I hope y'all keep creating more of these.

I have a grown friend, older than I am, who says "HUH?" when she didn't understand something and I'm like "Who raised you??" 😂😂😂

My daughter's show choir friends call me Bill, and they listen to me when I talk to them or tell them to do something. To me, that is generation respect, and I am good with it.

I for one think Talia is frikkin adorable and more often than not, her hair is super cute. My only complaint, not enough cooking shows! I think a Korean/southern fusion recipe would be super interesting. I love Asian food, but the nearest Asian market is like an hour away. Walmart or Kroger doesn't always have certain ingredients in their "world foods" section. It'd be cool to see a recipe using southern ingredients to make up for a lack of traditional Asian foods.

and of course "bless your heart" is a Southern way to SOUND polite when you are really taking a jab at someone (at least most of the time)...love it!!

How could anyone not Love you guys? I LOVE YOU GUYS!❤❤❤❤

I’ve always thought Tallia was quite attractive. I was surprised to hear that she had received some negative comments.

My mom would tear me up if I called an adult by their 1st name. Raised in Arkansas

I've worked at the NC DMV for over 20 years. I've been cussed at, spat at, and had one guy threaten to 'catch me outside after work'. All because I have LAWS I have to follow. I am kind and considerate to every person that walks up to my terminal, but it gets really difficult day after day after day to remember my manners.

My family moved south from Massachusetts when I was in elementary school and I never really picked up the ma'am habit until I became a teacher. I don't care if my students use it but now I do all the time!

Ryan is brilliant, Adam is intellectual, Liz is hilarious and Talia is extraordinary. Huh? Really!!

I too have a “loud face”. 😂 Growing up with a VERY Southern Grandma… it got me in trouble so many times. I have had people here in Colorado call me too polite and I should “relax”. Our children have been taught to say yes/no ma’am/sir because it is respectful. I agree that if someone says not to call them that, then they will not. But calling an older person just by their first name is a No No. Ms/Mr is a must. My babies are 35, 30, 26 and 24- and still follow that rule. Great show ❤🌸 Also a BIG one we taught our boys… always open the door for a lady (no matter the age) and for people older than you ( regardless of gender) 😊

Canadian here, we are a country of thanking somebody and apologizing at the same time. When my husband & I hit a deer in West Virginia @4am, a man stopped, called a tow truck and offered to let us & our dog stay at his place. When we thanked any customer service person, their response "okay", not "you're welcome" which we found odd, but we discovered it's a normal response.

My default when i didn't hear or process what was just said is "excuse me?" and "I'm sorry" The tone says it all.

Texas teacher here! I lived in Phoenix,Arizona for a year and had so much trouble reminding myself my students were NOT rude because they did not address me as “ma’am.” Lol. I also absolutely could NOT get past the lack of friendliness.

I wish it didn't crawl all over me like it does, but men wearing hats in a place of worship just eats me up!

I live out West now and I’m huge on ma’am and sir. I had a patient tell me that he hasn’t been sir-ed so much since he was in the military 😂

Like my grandmama used ro say "remember your manners or everyone else willl.

I am an elderly Southern Lonely Woman. You all are my friends and my family. Thank you for the opportunity to listen to you guys talk. I feel the love.

Manners and respect should be a normal response

What a great conversation! I could listen to Lollygabbin' all day.

When I was a kid my family moved from the South to St. Louis MO. Perhaps the rudest city in the world. We were all appalled at how directly snarky people were. It was the worst, most miserable period of my life. Grew up, stuffed the kid, the dog and the husband in the car and drove directly south. Only been back for 2 funerals. Oh the food thing! I had etiquette classes and it was hammered into us that we did not even pick up our fork until the hostess did. At home, it was my father. That's weird. Etiquette classes told me that high manners are for the comfort of the other people there. And I still agree with that. FWIW How are you is a uniquely American greeting. I know this because several of the small stores in my old neighborhood were owned by Asian families. And the new cousin always responded with exactly the truth about how they were feeling. It made me very aware. And then there was the week my girlfriend died and the grocery lady said How are you and i burst into tears. And she tried to hug me! Then I told her to not even thinking of touching me and she got all butt hurt. Liz definitely has resting b*tch face, so does Talia. Adam has I have no idea awkward, and Ryan, yes, I see the ingrained friendly persona. What a privilege it is to have resting bitch face. That if you have nothing nice to say is like my First Commandment. Especially in comments. I tend to call out rude commenters under their reply. And I've been known to report the seriously attacking. And I do adore saying Your momma must be so proud of how she raised you. Mostly if I don't like content I tend to move on and unfollow. Thing is those mean people commenting still give y'all an algorithm boost. Maybe y'all need a first reader who deletes the mean stuff for you. I need a part time job and I promise to not call them names.

What a lovely home! Terrific conversation. I was raised with Southern manners but some of these were new to me. Manners change as we are exposed to more cultures. We adopt a bit of others' manners & they adopt some of ours. I still use ma'am & sir and I am 71. My mom would rise up and call me bless-ed (2 syllables) if I didn't. 🙄 I definitely try not to be rude. That would embarrass me so much. When I am asked "how are you," my response to friends/acquaintances is "do you want the truth or a standard 'I'm fine?", like Adam mentioned. Love your library, Talia. Good Omens is a great book!

It was a little bit of a culture shock for my family when we moved to the South. My son came home after the first day of school and said that one of his teachers had gotten irritated with him because he responded to her question with a simple "yes" rather than "Yes, Ma'am"! That formality just wasn't a thing people did where we came from.

I used to work for the county and used "ma'am" and "sir" all the time. Now that I'm retired I'm often at a loss on how to address people. It can get awkward.

I have read that because there were so many poor people and also so many people who were originally wealthy but lost everything, that manners were what defined your class in the South. It because more about how you were raised rather than what you have. Edit to add- think about how we just unconsciously judge and categorized people in our heads based on manners. I do it even though I tell myself that it's not that important.

Today I had a young man smile at me at the gas station. (I'm 50 so it wasn't a come on smile 😂). I looked around and was so surprised. Then I realized I was in Kentucky (on a trip, passing through several states). It was so refreshing.

I got accused of being mean by a person that just met me. My coworker told them “no that’s just her face.” 🤣🤣🤣

You guys are an amazing group of people and me and my daughter love watching all of your shows and enjoy your skits and different senses of humor. You are all beautiful people with beautiful souls, don't let anyone tell you any different. Just remember that people that say those negative things have ugly insides, and y'all are beautiful inside and out!

I heard a kid born and raised in Central Texas say "Yes ma'am" to a woman from Boston. She said "You don't have to ma'am me... unless your mom wants you to." The mom, who's from South Louisiana, said "I do. I want him to have Southern manners." Although it's optional in this part of the state, the matriarch had spoken and NOBODY was going to argue. My closest friend of many decades is a woman from the Southern part of the state (East Texas). She says "Huh?" and it's totally ok because she drawls it in the softest sweetest tone of voice I ever heard.

I grew up in New York, but my parents were born and raised in rural Ireland. One time I was rude to a man down the street and my father grabbed me and told me he would tan my hide the next time I did that. Guess Southern manners are international!

As far as I can recall I think the elbows thing came from two different sources in the south. First, we all came into lunch from the field and we had to wash her hands to our elbows. We didn't change our clothes or get a bath before lunch and it seems that it was tied more to the idea that we needed to be careful not to leave unwanted dirt and germs on the table. I do remember that every woman that my mother knew and all the women in the church were constantly quoting Gloria Vanderbilt, Miss Manners. It may have been tied to that too

Also as a separate note, I need Talia to do a bookshelf tour. ^_^

When y'all talked about the whole family sitting down before starting dinner, it brought back so many memories. Not only did we not start serving our plates until everyone was seated, no one was allowed to serve until the cook began serving their plate. My mom hated to cook so about age 12 I cooked dinner almost every night. I felt like I had so much power. Now that I'm grown up, our meals are pretty much a free-for-all.

I'm a mix of middle eastern, balkans, and slavic, and in these cultures it's considered rude to call people much older than you ma'am and sir. You're supposed to call them uncle and auntie. We also give presents to guests and kiss elders on their foreheads. We greet people by kissing them on the cheeks and hugging them

Talia, hun, I love your books! Couldn't help but look at the bookcases. And you four have the best chemistry, I love watching the videos.

It's hysterical, I am listening to you guys talk about opening the door for someone. The other day at my chiropractor, it was me my daughter our service dog and another young gentleman. The young gentleman was coming out we were going in and we were both trying to figure out who's going to hold the door open for who. My daughter was opening it for me, so the guy was trying to open it for both of us but then my daughter was trying to open it for him so ended up we all laughed

I love your podcast. I think you're all wonderful. Listening to you always lifts my spirits. Thank u for that. Take care. 😊

oh gosh i love this segment i wish i could comment on every topic but ofcourse i cant However everyone of those comments i totally can relate to. So glad you left Ryans comments in he was really being open and added a sense of deeper and serious content, which in the context of a funny conversation adds balance. And it almost made me cry too, i wanted to give him a big hug......

I’m British and found this so interesting! A lot of what you discussed was not new to me. I was taught to be polite and have manners eg no elbows on the table YES holding open the door for people YES (and so rude when they don’t thank you), if you can’t say anything nice then don’t YES . I often get annoyed when people are rude, intentionally or not but of course I can’t say anything because THAT would be rude😂 and BTW I think you’re all smashing ❤

Lol! Love this! I moved here to Jacksonville, Florida 23 years ago. I can tell you, Southerners are much nicer!

My Momma used to say, in family, "If you can't say anything nice, Be accurate." Parents from "West" Louisiana.