Your 5 tips which everyone needs to follow to resolve all family custody issues. Key is do not show yourself a victim regardless, just work concerns by taking proper coaching use diplomacy and that will be the best interest of the children too at end of the day. Fights and egos to put down each other down only hurts you and your family and others make money and more budget will be given to social services giving more services to ppl who do not just simply understand the basics. Which your video beautifully describes. The best gift you can give to your kids is allow other parent to love his or her kids. Nothing more important than that. Muhammad Awais, Sahar dad, I miss you all

At 7:39 you just helped me understand how my daughter's father is thinking & feeling & acting for the first time ever. I'm in tears of joy Dr. Paul I can't tell you how much clarity you have just given me. I am so grateful for you & this video. I appreciate you more than you will ever know!

These videos are really great. I’m a family law attorney and litigate on behalf of parents - these tips are so on point & I have used these in my work. Thanks & continue doing this great work!

Thank you- I’m in the midst of all this at the moment. He’s thrown some pretty muddy bombs that I was oblivious to- I just want to come to an agreement where my daughter gets to see n love her dad. I’ve always supported that role n felt as though my desire for him to be there was going to reflect badly upon me. My kiddo is a beautiful soul whom I’ve protected from my chaos. We laugh n cry together about daddy’s absence- I miss my family but for her I walk this road with as much grace and poise as possible always fearing my legs my buckle. It’s always all about her

Your words seriously people need to take it to heart

Thank you so much GOD Bless your mission.Your helping A lot of people 🙏✌️🙂👍

number 5 was beautiful and noteworthy I'm not in a custody battle but have been wasting time counting the days until my children and I relocate for good I don't lack faith and have a strong relationship with TMH but I couldn't shake the anxiety and discontentment on this part of the journey which is why I needed to hear this at this time many thanks for getting my heart back in the right place💚💥

Thank you so much for your advice, it's deeply appreciated.

I bet doing that job, a custody evaluator, you see some really heartbreaking situations. My situation sucks and hurts but I can only imagine how deep it goes for some children. Thank you for the content, I really appreciate it

I'm so glad I found this

Thank you so much! I love your videos!

Thank you for all this great video!!

Soooo hard to get into a good place when your little girl was ripped out of your life. Ex is counting on me being a mess though so great advice

These videos are very educational. I wish parenting classes and such were of higher importance. Children have rights and as you said in the last piece, what you want for a child as they get older is a whole lot different than their needs.

Thank you so much this was really helpful.

From 7.39, I actually laughed a little when you did, because that is exactly what I'm going through right now.. According to my ex I'm the "bad parent who should have no right to see our child" and "I'm a master manipulator who can put a mask on in public, but I'm lying and I'm an evil person behind closed doors", when she is the one with an attorney at every meeting, telling her to stick to the script they have, where I'm a "bad parent" - with the child custody evaluator doing absolutely nothing about it even though she said "why say stuff that is not true, when you clearly feel a different way?". I hope you are right, that my constant focus on the child's interests and ability to cooperate in the best interest of the child will help me get the best result. Not for me, but for the child. Thanks for the videos! They are great and you explain everything very well.! :)

This is extremely helpful, my ex is an alcoholic and we are going through this. You reinforced the stuff that matters. The kids always come first. Thanks

Any kind of ligitations including civil, criminal or family is a survival game. Once you decide to be involved in it, you must win. To win the game, you will have to have the other party lose. Do not consider or empathy the other party(-ies) for yourself, your life and your assets.

Keep the children's interests as primary focus.. What's best for my kids.

Omg....I agree with u 100%....I fell into hard time. And screwed up with my child support. And that put a big toll on my relationship with my two kids. I have 4 children and I have a relationship with my two youngest. I can say happy me and their mother are amazing co-parenting and put the children first. And she has an understanding of my situation..I promise I've been to court and spoke with legal aid and duty office..and was truly not getting n e where. Then I realized on the back of the paper I was signing said they did not have to present all evidence. To me it meant the evidence I had wouldn't be shown...I never once said I wanted to stop paying over just to go over it and fix it...make it right

Thank you!

This video has been incredibly helpful to me. We recently lost physical custody of my boyfriends son and our lawyers highly suggested a Custody evaluator I've been incredibly nervous and wanting to know more but I found this video beyond reassuring

Going to fight for Custody of my son. Can let mom bring him down with her!

Thanks

Your videos are helping me so much! Thank you. My wife is abusive (mentally, physically, even sexually with her son) and I'm so afraid of the outcome hurting our 3 -year-old girl by keeping her in that toxic environment. Your videos are giving me more confidence for getting through this, and easing a ton of anxiety.

It's funny... I'm single, never been married, don't have any plans to do so nor do I have any kids - your message still resonates.

Thanks for being in my team for better parenting. I am going through disputes as my husband being a lawful good person is not taking responsibility of his reactive behaviour at home and when he is hyper he is speaking bad about me or even raise his hand on me if I oppose; and because of these scenes I get worried about my 4 yr old daughter she is fearful of us. She doesn't want to leave me alone. she also refuses to go to school too. And if she doesn't listen my husband and my mother in law, they call her with names. These things are not comfortable so seeking help . Hope will get out of these disputes soon Thanks

Great video and he didn’t even promote himself or his business 👌👌

Your information was a breath of fresh air thank you so much for your time

Ive spent 13 years chasing my child around due to alienation. I doubt this can help me. I've heard too much time has gone by. Great info though

That is crazy that you said that minimum you spent 3 months my husband has been through three girls and they spend a minimum of a week and a half on our case and all the briefs were presented late two of them only spent a half a day with us and the children and one of them didn't even bother coming

I do think my ex loves our son, but he has issues that can end up hurting him and I think all he needs is to work on himself in order to deliver good parenting to our son. He has no self control, but I do know he can make our son laugh and that he loves him. He’s hurt me in many ways, but I’m willing to leave the past in the past to be a better person myself.

I am glad I found your channel .. How does custody evaluator decide on custody for a child with a cluster B personality parent and an high functioning autistic child because the underbelly symptoms of a autistic child gets out of control completely by a cluster B parent.

One of the ways you deal with any court-appointed evaluator is to hire an independent private investigator to conduct a comprehensive background investigation and surveillance on the evaluator. It's amazing how many of them have shifty backgrounds the court doesn't know about and get caught engaging in unsavory if not illegal conflicts of interest via surveillance.

Your career is what I what I am starting on for my path...would love to chat.

Thank you for the video, I'm thankful that you're telling the truth about how the court system and evaluators simply do not care. Parents need to understand that they truly do not care beforehand. I'm sure you mean well, but your lack of empathy is exactly what is wrong with the system. Everything is treated with an eyeroll by most judges and evaluators, and frankly, if you don't have the patience and emotional intelligence to do your job correctly by really listening and understanding that the stakes are high when someone is messing with your children, this probably was a wrong career choice for you. It's real easy to be dismissive and flippant by trivializing the genuine pain these parents are enduring. Watching your child suffer at the hands of the other parent makes you feel helpless. I've been stuck in the system for 7 years. My cheating ex is a diagnosed Narcissist (he married the affair partner) and the two of them have delighted in making our lives a living hell. I do not engage or provoke anything with these people. Yes, ONE parent can be the sole antagonist in a so-called "high-conflict" case. Being unwillingly dragged into this nonsense is expensive and emotionally taxing. The courts fail to see frivolous, one-sided, protracted litigation AS abuse. There needs to be a LIMIT on the number of times one parent can continually file and lose. TWO baseless cases should be enough to have their filings screened for merit. I've prevailed every time with "sanctions" supposedly applied to the opposing party. Sanctions are worthless because all I have are basically debtor's papers and have to pay thousands in small claims court to enforce them. This is all ignored, owed attorney's fees are never paid to me and a new baseless case is begun. There also needs to be a way for one parent to pursue legal remedies for slander/libel and years of emotional distress... perjury needs to be punishable the same way it is in criminal court, with jail time or fines. I have no legal avenue to pursue justice to avenge the disgusting things I have been called on public documents and there is no penalty for perjury in family court. This needs to changed because one evil parent who is vindictive can use the court as a weapon to humiliate, financially drain and emotionally decimate the other parent because they have escaped from an abusive relationship. The courts care about the best interest of the parent with the most money, none of this is done for the "best interest of the children", it's a business.

Your amazing. I needed my coat pulled 💔🔥

Wow thank you so much for this. My case has gone south. I am in Utah also and my ex has made me out to be the most evil lowlife ever yet we were married 18 years. He stayed, I stayed yet I got the brunting of abuse yet I am viewed as horrible. All I care about are the kids. Period. I'd rather have lived unhappily married over putting the kids through this mess. Breaks my heart. I have my final appointment today yet I was never given the home visit or time with evaluator and my kids yet he was. How do I address that? This is a very distasteful experience. They say we have one of the best evaluators in the state. Not in my opinion. As there's not been equality in her services. I need prayers fir my case and my children.

Ok I get don't get caught up in the good parent/bad parent fight. But the whole reason for the divorce was constant cheating, multiple engagements during separation, 40+ jobs in 5 years, 12 attempts and failures in school, using my daughter as a pawn, always late, etc... I only want 50% of custody or more to be a stable backdrop for my daughter because of her mother's instability. I could care less how she lives her life except for the fact that it affects my 6 year old negatively. Among other things she has untreated mental issues which she was prescribed medication for and never followed up on. And most recently my daughter has come forward with allegations of sexual abuse against another young child that lives in the same home. Going to meet with the GAL tomorrow afternoon with my daughter for the first time.

Where do I find the info in my area about the usual rules?

You have great tips! Can I ask if the other spouse is trying to put you in a financially hard place you are able to spot that?

Can you do a video on battling with dcfs my ex is dealing with a dcfs case on her being intoxicated while driving with my son also lied to dcfs about being sober then failed a drug test and also the home has a broken kitchen sink toilet is messed up and shower is also messed also have messages from her saying she dont want to be a single mom anymore and unhappy about her life and that she isnt going to stop her habit that she will sneak it around if she has to do that. That she is going to enjoy it. Can u do a video for some legal advice for me and what I should do and what I will have to battle with

when you say living in a minivan down by the river... Our property is on the river and we have dubbed it the van down by the river...😁

even tho i don’t like these guys he’s right

I haven’t seen my son in seven months my ex and his parents have been telling my son what an awful mother I was while he was growing up, I was a drug addict, didn’t care for him etc. I am not a drug addict!!! his father literally is a on and off again heroine addict. On that note the order reads he has visitation only his mother has shared physical custody because monetarily I could not go against her with what my children needed as door basic needs. Now I do, his mother thinks that she can break the rules of physical custody so she my son lives with his dad, and now my son hates me and will only text me @13 years old. My youngest now stays two nights a week with her dad and she wants to come home to sleep. I see she wants to visit with her dad but she is getting more and more resentful of her dad and grandma because they won’t let her stay at my house at night they won’t let me take or pick her up from school. She of forced to go to grandmas school and doesn’t like it and I can’t tell her why she has to go I just tell her to try and have fun. Maybe in the future you’ll get to go to a big girl school. I can’t say anything because I don’t want to break the order so I do it by the book. I’m about to go nuts how they break 80% of the court order. Gladly my lawyer is going to file. His mom and he are truly mean and unreasonable to me and my kids mainly I have them recorded saying so putting me down threatening me telling me and my child that she is a criminal it has gotten so awful. I’ve been in this hell for ten years exploited and my children have been pawns to them in so heartbroken they’ve had to grow up like this. The grandmother triangulates my ex and I and think she owns my kids and is the only person who has say as to how they should grow up. I worry for my son he’s become so hateful to me and he and I got along like best buddies had so much fun yes my ex had constant stress because he was in rehab at least ten times and oded, dui’s, domestics violence with criminal intent. I’ve been through a lot and so has my son and daughter. I just want a normal life and they’ve violated this court order so to the extreme of changing custody not my youngest home or very late. They literally do what they want because I haven’t had the money. I want my kids to be happy and not controlled they are not possession’s they are my lives that I just want to be there to guide and raise them life is hard and I want a non confrontational smug people to realize I’m their mom and I deserve to raise them just as much and be a part of their lives. Is that so wrong? And the forged my signature on a document for the grandparents to get legal custody of which I abstracted it not knowing how the he’ll she had this shared custody. She amended an answer that I did agree to and then had her lawyer draw up another. I wasn’t at court because I just had my baby ten days before I never imagined she’d do this. When I saw the paperwork I was like how did she get put into this order? The wording isn’t right. It was missing a comma and I’m no lawyer. My life has been so messed up I pray the judge will see this what do you think?

Question if we're going through court ordered custody evaluation should we provide with DHS case record saying the children are afraid because of the stories their mother tells them, or just request they get the records?

How do I find those rules? Would I just look up laws of family court in Washington state?

What would you say if the custody evaluator, GAL in Florida, only interviewed the mother and never interviewed or saw the father interacting with the children nor visited his home. The evaluator has been on the case for more than two years now.

What happens if I live in a masted bedroom in San Francisco, CA with my child and I want to move to a two bedroom apartment in New York City? The kid will definitely be better in NY but here’s the thing, the father of my child has a 2 bedroom house and he lives with his parents, what do you think will happen?

What if I'm only judging my ex on her behavior around the child and myself AFTER the breakup? Is that considered getting sucked into the good parent bad parent idea? I've been cooperating and trying to co-parent well despite her cheating, but she continues to disparage me and use our child against me to get what she wants

Dr. Paul, are the divorcing parents and their attorneys allowed to submit questions/stories that they want you to ask about when evaluating the other parent?

Would your recommendations change if one parent has a cluster B personality disorder?

So what’s considered a situation that’s an exception?

Do you know anything about narcissist or parental Alienation?

I had a envestigating today and she didn't ask me anything..just who are my parents and there names were was I born..how many siblings do I have and if I get along with them.. my address history job history.. cps calls and why were they called how many bedrooms and bathrooms I have..not to many questions regarding why my granddaughter lived with me for 8 years..I wanted to explain and she would shut me up

What if a child doesn't want the picture of the other parent up in my home? Do I leave it or put it away?

How do I cope with losing primary custody to my abuser? How likely is an abuser to become a good parent?

The good parent/bad parent is leading by the mother. Whatever she says turns into evidence; whatever the father says is considered an attack on that poor mother.

There were many times when the mother of my kids left the kids with me so she can spend more time with the guy she was having an affair with before the guy moves. I have text messages of her saying this. Is this a good start in trying to get full custody especially when I’m the stay at home parent?

I am looking for legal help for my case I’m in a situation where there was three domestic violence case on both me and my daughter mom and she first lied to the police I ended up in jail and the honest truth I kept coming back because she had my daughter and I was not ok with not seeing my daughter and I fell into a depression and so I tried to see my daughter and I ended up loose her what can I do in my situation and why haven’t I seen a judge yet and y wasn’t my worker communicating with me?? Pls help anyone

Do you do private consulting?

So how do you defend yourself against the woman telling the court you being abusive and that the court takes her words rather than available/ unavailability of evidences? Perhaps silence in the family court will be a sign of acceptance against a man, because the family court isn’t really a court of justice. Call me grumpy as much as you want, but that’s how it goes down in Australia. Many men are thrown out of the house just because of allegations

Is there someone to speak to privately for personal situation (rather not write on here) advice? Thank you

Hmm.. I don't know about cognitive dissonance. None of my other Exes are bad people; some of them are amazing people. All of them are people I would trust with my child. I have never trusted my son's father alone with him. It makes sense that this would happen often, but it doesn't make sense that it would be the explanation in a case full of documented abuse.

So am I being truthful fue saying that the other parent love their children when they are being used for false allegation? How is that being a loving good parent? I’ll be honest and truthful, that’s not being a loving parent.

Why do you do when you have custody of your grandchild and the parent keeps having children but she keeps them with her and the baby that I have is very jealous?

I already went through the evulation my ex wasn't honest long story short still putting the kids in the middle mentally I rose above it were victims of conjugal abuse meditation isn't possible unfortunately I feel bad about these children in this I have my boxing gloves on I'm going through the war I will fight for these kids forever my ex is bitter I say nothing about him to the kids I've been able to care for them with their own rooms then when the social worker closed the file I brought it to light the kids were told it was my fault they got kicked out of the daycare poor kids it got worse stuff with shared custody for now I find it very sad I'm basically the targeted parent as they call it. I realized who he really is I've distanced myself I don't react at all to him I just document I have proof of this behavior I have taken on extra responsibilities medical appointments and expenses unfortunately they aren't taking responsibility child support over 2 or more high conflict divorce unfortunately I've been honest throughout the entire process

I hope you see this below

Hello I’m currently about to enter a custody battle with my ex who’s taking my child away from me because i have decided to move on. She hasn’t had to buy anything for my daughter who is now 4 months. I or my family have bought everything for her. We had a good schedule going on with her staying with me Monday through half of Wednesday and we rotate weekends but she threatens every week to take her away from me and has recently done this, this weekend because my girlfriend liked a picture on Facebook of our daughter. With me she goes to daycare which my mother and sister both work at and is on the most stable routine when she is with me. When she’s with her mother whom we believe to be unstable she stay with some lady i haven’t met that my ex doesn’t even care for herself. My ex is only taking my daughter away because i have a new girlfriend who stays with me now. She says she’s hurting and needs my daughter in her house to “heal” but she’s my daughter too and i want her with me also. I have a great job as a truck driver locally and i take care of my daughter in ever way. Could you please give me some advice I’m desperate to get my daughter back.She always pulls the “I’m the mother what i day goes “ line and has said i can only get her ever other weekend . I’m an just not about to go for only every other weekend seeing my daughter. I need help. the house she’s living in is in my name and I’ve been paying half her bills and we’re not even together haven’t been for at least a year now

My child's father has called DCF 4 TIMES, ON ME because I'm dating now, all false accusations... he's going to try to use this in court lol I'm hoping they will see his pattern of behaviors... its becoming harassment n a disruption in their lives... sad what he's doing

What about schizophrenia?

What about the narcissist mother’s threats in text to kill the kids

🙏🙏🙏🙏

I had a custody evaluation 2 weeks ago !! The evaluation went in my favor and the judge didn’t go along with it !!! And the other party filed a motion for the courts to Do the evaluation!! A lot of hoop jumping 🤷

I love your message. Your videos often make me wonder though, have you ever worked on a case where there was documented domestic violence and emotional abuse that was directed at both the spouse and the children? I'm curious because it sounds like in your experience, those sorts of things almost never happen. I don't know how common it is from a statical perspective but it seems like you would have had a few cases over the course of your career? Maybe you take this approach because the vast majority of accusations leveled against ex partners aren't serious or valid, so maybe, your videos are directed toward situations that are most prevalent in your experience? I'm not going to suggest you should be addressing the unicorns in the room lol. That would be weird and entitled. Even if your advice does overlook cases where there is legitimate domestic violence, I find them helpful and interesting. It's really interesting to me when you talk about the cognitive dissonance that occurs in divorces and how it all becomes some sort of competition. This interests me because my entire goal is to get to a place where my ex can be healthy enough to coparent with me and have MORE time. I see our divorce as the best opportunity we've ever had to become a healthy happy family. My kids need a healthy dad. I'm very close to my dad and I want that for them. My ex has serious issues that cannot be ignored but aside from the abuse, he can be a good dad. In public, he's very playful with the kids and he teaches them handy skills. He helped my son learn to shave. He is valuable in their lives. I believe he just needs some help with his anger. I can't force that on him though and I don't know how else to go about all this. I was there to intervene before. Now, I'm not and my kids are afraid to be with him for longer periods of time in private. The point is, for me, my views of my ex haven't changed from marriage to now. My goal isn't to take time away from him, my goal is to help my babies to have the dad they need. I hope that custody evaluaters aren't so inexperienced with this sort of thing that they would not understand that abusers have a public face and a private face and they'll be presented with the public persona that appears happy and well adjusted. I have to believe you are trained to get to the truth, to really hear the kids, to look deeper than the surface stuff. In my case, my kids are old enough to talk about what happened but even with that, I'm terrified we won't be believed. This is why I stayed so long. I didn't trust professionals like you to protect my kids the way I could when I was there. If he hadn't started drinking this last year, I would've stayed until my youngest (5) was grown. Jesus... I hope I was wrong to think the courts wouldn't protect my kids. Someone please tell me I was wrong. I can't let them deal with him alone. Maybe I should have stayed.

Not relevant for FIT PARENTS AGAINST GRANDPARENTS (My own Mother) SUING FOR CUSTODY OF HALF OF MY KIDS

You have some good advice. However, you have FAR too much faith in the fact that most all humans with children actually love their children and want what is best for them. The amount of childrens services opened cases and removals should tell you that that claim is both incorrect and absurd. Have you not seen the opioid epidemic? Do you know how many of those ppl are involved in custody cases to protect their children? These "special cases" are really not special cases. It is just as common for there to be circumstances that require immediate (even if temporary) removal as it is to have two parents who have safe and loving and acceptable environments to have a child in. Just something for you to think on. Maybe in Utah there just is not as much of an addiction problem or as many people who are abusive. I would not pretend to know what is going on in that part of the country. I certainly hope though that the evaluators in the rest of the country understand how likely it is for a child to have at least one parent who is afflicted by some type of psychological illness including the ever growing population of those with substance abuse disorder.

I COULD REALLY USE SOME HELP. I AM A FATHER TO 2 BEAUTIFUL KIDS. I HAVE NOT BEEN ALOUD TO SEE OS EVEN SPEAK TO MY KIDS IN ALMOST 2 YEARS SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME I AM IN CALIFORNIA THIS DAD NEED HELP

"Get yourself into a good place" - HOW???

Look up narcissism

Oh and I Said she and her boyfriend smoke marijuana and she said what is wrong with that..it's almost leagal in your State..and that it's proven u could still care for your children being a marijuana head

you're so flippant about basically calling everyone over dramatic. You can't generalize. EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT ISSUES AND YOU SHOULD REALLY NOT PUT PEOPLE DOWN!

If I had money this would all be easier

I am only three minutes in, but I am disgusted that the court hires you to evaluate the parenting and the judge decides on your report. How unconstitutional. There's no possible way that you are unbiased, nor are you legally allowed to decide the best interests of children of fit parents. But I guess the court only wants money. Gross. I really hope you think this through.

Ahhh no

The funny part is this guy is talking like he doesn't have faults.

How to prepare for a Custody Evaluation. Step 1 : Don't agree to a custody evaluation. Step 2 : Learn the law and how to invoke your rights and the rights of your children that get trampled by custody evaluators and judges in fake administrative courts. Step 3 : Don't listen to a custody evaluator on KZfaq with a financial interest in promoting his services and continued employment. You're welcome.

This is why murder suicides happen

This sounds to me as pointless job because custody is almost always given to the mother no matter what. So you don't really do anything useful and your advice is unfortunately utterly worthless. Sorry.