Living with Borderline Personality Disorder | Claire Benedict

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder | Claire Benedict | TEDxHopeCollege

Рет қаралды 48,709

9 ай бұрын

In this speech, Claire combines personal anecdotes about borderline personality disorder with the facts to spread awareness and understanding. Claire Benedict was born and raised in Ada, Michigan and attended Hope College, where she obtained degrees in Chemistry and Spanish. She enjoys traveling to new places, playing piano, and backpacking. Claire will spend a year on a Fulbright grant in Switzerland and then will pursue a PHD in chemistry at the University of Chicago This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 62

@drabbit61 8 ай бұрын

Yes. At 62, after 50+ years of this. It's finally good to give it a name

@Verbatimorgish 3 ай бұрын

fuuuuuuckin A'. cheers, and I love ya. I thought it was kinda silly at first but I've come to navigate this diagnosis well enough. it makes too much sense

@jimmorgan6837 Ай бұрын

I'm 47 now and same. Such an epiphany.

@Thesoulitudeshop 20 күн бұрын

43 here and 2 years of therapy and this is me. I even talk in a childlike voice which I thought she was at first. I believe that's a big indicator as well. I'm so mind blown, like putting together my own self puzzle and it feels complete lol

@Trader0598 14 күн бұрын

@@Thesoulitudeshop can you define what you want to say. Plz

@user-uj5st7ud4w 2 ай бұрын

“ I am borderline because I am extremes between borders that threshold” That is exquisitely beautiful.

@ronaldallison797 6 ай бұрын

Wow..i was diagnosed about 3 months ago , but i knew something was different for years. The diagnosis was a relief but still handling the illness is tough. Thanks for explaining how we feel

@user-uy6zk7ch4b 8 сағат бұрын

I think the thing that sucks the most about living with this is the combination of stigma, lack of understanding, and the fact that many of us present as relatively normal and functional from the outside. People come into our lives with expectations for us to act and process things differently than we are able to do, and then, upon realizing that we are complex and extremely neurodivergent, push us away hard. I get this sense of disgust from people when they realize I have a personality disorder. Like they treat me as an equal only when judging or rejecting me, but treat me as less than them in other situations. I end up feeling utterly invalid as well as ashamed for who I am, with very little understanding or support from peers. This contrasts with things like autism spectrum disorder, which has gained a lot of mainstream coverage and acceptance. Autistic people can band together and find solidarity with others. People with borderline are taught to resent and distrust themselves and others like them. We are often misdiagnosed and mistreated. We are capable of such love and creativity and passion when given patience and a stable environment in which to thrive and build healthy, sustainable self-care habits, but when thrust into the cruel world of productivity over people, we will fail again and again and again, wondering what's wrong with us and why we are never enough. It is an extremely isolating and confusing disorder. It's almost like hope that I could be different is dangled in front of me by the expectations and misplaced belief of others that my issue is with willpower or perspective, not a neurological defect. And every time I prove through my failures that I am not different, that I'm just a person living with mental illness, it is world-shattering. I would trade everything that makes me "me" for boring, unremarkable normalcy in a heartbeat. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

@maryamfatimafarooqui9915 9 ай бұрын

Idk...but this is something like i've currently experience ...rush of emotions that i'm not able to handle anymore...

@brexpeep07 8 ай бұрын

talk to your primary care doctor about possibly getting a psychiatrist if you don’t have one already and talk to that psychiatrist about a possible diagnosis. i am currently 16 and they wanted to get me tested when i was 14, but couldn’t because you have to be 16 and up. i can talk to you more about my experiences if you would like to help you and see if you relate to get you closer to a diagnosis? borderline personality stems from a few different things, the mains being genetics and abandonment. you could also have bipolar disorder

@brexpeep07 8 ай бұрын

@@maryamfatimafarooqui9915 yeah! for sure, do you have any social medias?

@RosarioMarieSalvador 8 ай бұрын

@@maryamfatimafarooqui9915speaking to a minor is very inappropriate... 😬🤨😕

@beyondtheillusion333 7 ай бұрын

@@RosarioMarieSalvadorwhat?? I had many mentors in my childhood... some I met in public. It's a dangerous world but to say you can't speak to a child on any terms just because they're minor is ridiculous lmao

@RosarioMarieSalvador 7 ай бұрын

@@beyondtheillusion333 laughing about child trafficking? Are YOU serious?!?!

@PattyACano 6 ай бұрын

I can totally feel the pain in her voice, but she is as strong, brave woman to be there standing up in front of that crowd and telling her personal journey. I wish I have the courage to do that but it’s still difficult for me to accept this Borderline diagnosis.

@Thesoulitudeshop 20 күн бұрын

Her ultimate fear was probably speaking in public. I know it's part of mine. In order to beat it, you gotta face all the fears, small ones first of course :) it's tough for sure!

@louisea6109 4 ай бұрын

Thank u, Claire. U are so beautiful. Listening to ure TEDtalk makes the world a better place💚

@----79821 7 ай бұрын

BPD ruined my life, as a man it takes on a whole new meaning, BPD for me means confusion about everyone and everything including myself which is expressed as sadness and anger, i won't be around much longer, hope the next life is better than this

@billyo3001 7 ай бұрын

I have NPD and I feel a similar way. The constant internal confusion about my relationships with everyone and my lack of self. It's really hard to get my head around it. But don't give up man your not alone. You have worth, and bit by bit you can steer yourself in a better direction. Keep going.

@snafu374 7 ай бұрын

Maybe u need a change of scenery

@marriscado5095 6 ай бұрын

Its hard, but you may find a way to keep going with it. Life changes, thats the good news. Dont give up!

@justinmorales1620 4 ай бұрын

@@marriscado5095life changes but the illness will always be there

@crystalriddick1968 Ай бұрын

You have a purpose. Become a Bpd advocate and help others like yourself. We all need each other. Don’t give up or give in. God loves you and you will get through this.

@HartyBiker 3 ай бұрын

My girlfriend has been diagnosed with BPD. We've been dating almost 6 months and the first roughly 2-3 months were just pure bliss. In the last few months, we have been dealing with quite a few issues. I'm sure it's pretty normal to start seeing issues, but her BPD makes it much harder to love her since she pushes me away whenever her mood is down. I just want to love her, but whenever she most needs tender love, I can't give it to her. Can anyone help?

@funeralrat 2 ай бұрын

Hi I have bpd and am also in a relationship of 6 months. Bpd can be very different for everyone, it’s like a spectrum, so I can’t 100% say for certain what may help her. But at least in my case a bit of verbal reassurance can completely change my mood for the better. Likely she’s triggered by some belief of abandonment, try asking her what she may be fearing, what you can do to help and prevent her from feeling that. Most of the time I know whatever’s driving my mood down is completely irrational but it’s hard to shut off the voice. A bit of reassurance goes a long way. Though this does require a bit of effort on her part too. I always try to communicate to my boyfriend openly for reassurance I need, I’ll have a desire to bottle it up because I fear being invalidated or like I am just being insufferable but I know that only makes things worse. Open communication between you both, understanding her fears and triggers as well as therapy for her is best you can do, if you want to be with each other.

@rouke3254 2 ай бұрын

Basically, what the other comment said. She is scared to love. People will BPD experience emotions more strongly compared to the average person because the amygdala is smaller which causes this emotional dysregulation. Think of how you feel and multiple that by 10 and this is the everyday experience of someone with BPD. Now think if somehow that feeling is taken away. Her brain is only trying to protect herself which leads to irrational thoughts and why she is pushing you away. As the other comment suggested provided reassurance and understanding but also let her have space to think if needed. BPD is the only current personality disorder that can go into remission and the data suggest majority of people by the time they are in their 30s are able to resolve their issues. I would also suggest ALWAYS try to remain positive and happy around her. The reason for this is because her brain is actually able to detect the change in your emotions. Studies have been done on this. If you show a person with BPD a picture of someone smiling whiling turning into a frown their brain is able to process that change much more quickly than the average person. She is actually able to sense when you are getting upset before you even realize you are even upset. Other studies seem to verify this is in a different aspect in terms of energy waves hence why people get feeling that someone is watching them, and they turn around and someone is starring at them. How did that person brain know? Maybe our brain or thoughts produce energy that we have yet to be able to detect but that is my personal opinion.

@aliciahernandez6203 Ай бұрын

tell her you love her and want her to feel happy with you. look at her with tenderness and ask her how you can comfort her pain. reassurance is very comforting. be delicate with words you use as they can be triggering.

@rixward5475 Ай бұрын

@harrybiker , I'm bpd . ...borderlines have different overlaps with other disorders, I'd say don't ever pressure, judge or stereotype her, her moods will constantly fluctuate & change without you knowing, it all comes from childhood trauma & memory of this . Id say be her best friend without expectations & accept she will push you back at times to be by herself & other times want the opposite , accept it the way it is .

@eatanotherzio6811 14 күн бұрын

You can help her by leaving Forcing herself to face herself will give her the wake up call she needs

@breeannatemple3641 24 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story..

@jillg6536 2 ай бұрын

You are an inspiration - you are so brave and I thank you for being you 🫶🏽

@CarlosMotiv8s 5 күн бұрын

Awesome Speech Claire. Beautifully and Perfectly explained. Your intro did its job. CATCH MY ATTENTION. I recently joined ToastMasters and I'm about to write my 4th speech and I chose to speak about My struggles with BPD, then I came across your video. Bless You Claire for sharing the truth and being vulnerable. Well done! You are a Hero for standing up on that stage and sharing. 💙💯🙌

@Cassper11 8 ай бұрын

Thanks Claire! I am borderline too ❤

@jaanuvaridhi5582 8 ай бұрын

Count me in girl

@loveislove4879 2 ай бұрын

Man the opposite action skill must be exhausting. Everytime you are about to react you have to stop and do the opposite. I think I will give it a try.

@EVZimora 5 ай бұрын

Written like a poet.

@caroleturcotte1297 Ай бұрын

Too bad there isn't french subtitles. Understanding every word is important to learn from this video.

@fastrivers812 2 ай бұрын

Not trying to be insensitive towards my BPD wife but it's hard loving someone that spent an entire year making false allegations against me. She had me excommunicated from our church and she had charges put against me. I filed for divorce because of her emotional abuse and now she's trying to alienate me from our children making false claims of child abuse. The troubling part is that she is so believable. Those that know both of us really well don't believe her at all. The problem is, those that don't know me well, the church, the police, the judge, and the lawyers, cater to her victim story and they are the ones that can/have changed my life forever. I've almost lost my job, I've had to pay out $15K in legal fees, and I haven't seen my children but four times in four months.

@Progenitor1979 Ай бұрын

Be insensitive (I had to pretend cos I actually cared deeply) because insensitivity to your needs(not to mention kids etc.) is what her understanding of a relationship is. Getting a bit tired of people disguising manipulation, cruelty and abuse as a 'diagnosis'.

@ptiaptia7347 3 ай бұрын

Can't hear anything. Sick of it!! So frustrated!!!

@tendiesoffmyplate9085 2 ай бұрын

Being a male with BPD it's nearly impossible.

@alexmoon2763 26 күн бұрын

um, i think being a woman with bpd or a woman with any mental illness is nearly impossible....a man is allowed to be angry, a woman is not in our society or she's deemed "crazy." educate yourself please, be aware of your male privilege, dont victimize yourself

@curiousSloth92 24 күн бұрын

Why specifically a man?

@shameelsha Ай бұрын

i hope everyone is sleeping

@deanaburnham9571 12 күн бұрын

❤Some people are afraid of borderline personalities bc of the psychopathy some display. However, if that is the case, I'd say they're not borderline. They're psychopathic w borderline traits. If this distinction is made then we might stop the discrimination. Borderline perhaps should not be classified as a cluster B at all. Just wondering about that. Thank you for your fine presentation!

@MPR2007 Ай бұрын

Try to get a sympathy while destroying your loved ones? Interesting ! 👹👺

@Progenitor1979 Ай бұрын

Inveterate manipulators insensitive to the pain they cause in others...its not a diagonosis it's a manipulative pattern of behavior.

@amyleigh8394 Ай бұрын

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

@j01237 Ай бұрын

Run, they are predators, usually BPD/NPD...just run away

@aliciahernandez6203 Ай бұрын

Tender love is so healing for emotional dysregulation. Love should be tender anyway.

@Crandemon Ай бұрын

Wow. This is so inappropriate of you to post here, j.

@user-et6xp9px9h 19 күн бұрын

Your a predator for making such statement. Do you research before you make judgements. There are 142 ways a person qualify for a diagnosis of NPD and BPD, they need to meet 5 out of 9 of the criteria. Some are abusive but to say everyone who has the disorder who are predators is uneducated. The research on narcissist are they are takers. People with BPD may seem to react in a extreme way because they are scared of abandonment because they want to be loved.

@CarlosMotiv8s 5 күн бұрын

Good Job for writing this comment. This comment basically officially shows your worse than any person diagnosed with ANY kind of Mental Issue. But Its ok. These type of comments makes Us Stronger. I'm actually gr8ful for ppl like you. We use it to strengthen us. I forgive you! 🙏🏻