Fear based When the right one comes along you'll have peace

I'm excited to see you on Wheel of Fortune in the fall, Ryan!

I deadpan stare like it’s a dare and then walk away if they take the dare. I need a sign that says buckle up, this is a scary ride! Or must be very brave to walk this way because I am so hard to talk to if I really really like you. But I can talk about anything if I don’t care that much because I am talking to myself. Those are just words coming out but if there is meaning behind them I can’t get them out. I don’t ask to be noticed but I do ask to notice things. Sometimes the desperate part is will he understand my silence or does he want those words? I do like him but I have to admit that I am afraid of him too. And maybe it’s not a real fear but it feels real and I can’t defend myself so I don’t want to try with a guy that is very sure of himself because I’m not sure. Of YOU not me. I don’t want to be hurt publicly because I hurt privately.

What happened to Sisanie?

And I do understand self reflection because I have worked hard in therapy but I don’t understand gaslighting because it’s a new concept and I have not been given the opportunity to learn about that. I don’t want to gaslight anyone, I think I am defending myself in an argument but fast he starts saying things that make me think he’s really angry and I thought he was thinking that was brave because I was standing up to you. If you can’t let me feel brave then go away (privately) because I worked hard to find my brave face.