Mark Kermode & Simon Mayo run down the UK movie top ten and then Mark gives his review of Pirates Of The Caribbean 3
Пікірлер: 500
@sukiyakibomber7 жыл бұрын
"If you thought Johnny Depp was bad at being Keith Richards, you should see Keith Richards trying to be Keith Richards" omfg I'm dying
@alextromagnetic8 жыл бұрын
Simon starting to read the paper is my favourite part
@ihernandez42348 жыл бұрын
Same.
@MrCharlesWidmore7 жыл бұрын
Alextromagnetic I like the oul man behind the hedge wondering what he feck is happening after about 6 minutes, belter! :)
@yipperdeyip7 жыл бұрын
Poor Mark lol. A masterpiece of a rant and then Simon casually steals it haha
@Taporeee8 жыл бұрын
"Watching two chairs mating" Classic quote
@maplemation15646 жыл бұрын
Tapor E a nest of chairs
@morrossey9 жыл бұрын
Orloondo Bland. Brilliant.
@CharmingReality10 жыл бұрын
Will never, ever tire of watching this. The rant of all rants
@GOSTDatingandLifestyle5 жыл бұрын
Do you still watch it?
@angelac27579 жыл бұрын
My favourite line from this rant: "Now Keira Knightley's acting has always been wooden but this time it is like a petrified forest of wooden, You really feel like you can build a nice piece of IKEA furniture around her performance."
@whateverdv9 жыл бұрын
Angela Chan "It's like watching two chairs mating".
@leshark9 жыл бұрын
+Angela Chan HAHAHAHAHAHA!
@laviniag82694 жыл бұрын
Lines like that make you feel grateful they made the movie.
@rp14554 жыл бұрын
Don’t want to be “that guy”, but a petrified forest is by definition made of stone. An odd slip up from the doctor there
@Bragglord2 жыл бұрын
@@rp1455 who cares? Turn of phrase dude.
@MalfreyArts8 жыл бұрын
"Really, if you go and pay money to go and see Pirates of the Caribbean it's your own fault, and you're bringing down the collapse of Western civilization". This is why Kermode is by far my favourite critic.
@vanhowling13676 жыл бұрын
This is why he is an idiot. Overexaggeration at it's best and not even funny. Just because of some dumb movie, but it seems he finds people who think of statements as these as intelligent.
@MrCharlesWidmore5 жыл бұрын
Brilliant man, I've watched this dozens of times......guy's a legend! 🤣
@AbhilashKantamneni7 жыл бұрын
Lots of hate for Mayo here. You gotta maybe listen to their full show or podcast to understand their vibe. They bicker and banter like an old married couple, this is a part of their appeal.
@CyborgCollective8 жыл бұрын
"Is that a nest of tables?" cracks me up every time.
@dredg0r10 жыл бұрын
'two chairs mating' I was howling! hah
@jskd29534 жыл бұрын
Kermode's rant is, as expected, superb... But Mayo's reaction makes it sublime.
@ktwashere563711 ай бұрын
i love how he just gets up and walks away. Mark doesn't notice. ha ha
@memorieswithouthomes14384 жыл бұрын
Possibly the greatest Kermode rant, assisted by Mayo's silly routine.
@mamacito17952 жыл бұрын
Great rant but I almost had an accident laughing at him critiquing pierce brosnans singing in mama mia 😄 🤣 😂 😆
@paulc155310 ай бұрын
"When she and Orlando Bland are on screen together, it's like two chairs mating". My favourite Mark Kermode one liner ever.
@Nathan-gd7xq8 ай бұрын
*Orloondo Bland
@martinlatour93117 ай бұрын
"Is that a nest of tables? No!"
@StanWilks10 жыл бұрын
Marks interpretation of the 1 in 10 year visit. 'I WOULD TAKE THE DEAL RIGHT NOW!'
@gun1987gunn9 жыл бұрын
Funny as fuck rant. Absolute classic. But c'mon Kermode, the first Pirates is good.
@KSRugby8 жыл бұрын
+gun1987gunn agreed! first one was good, it did have a plot that was easy to follow. Pirates 2 i thought was good but lost it's way when james norrington turned up and became a bit of a mess after that with too many plots going on! Pirates 3 on the other hand was 168 minutes i'll never get back! Totally agree with mark's review here, there were a couple of decent moments towards the end, but my overriding feelin was utter boredom and confusion!
@LJY088 жыл бұрын
Orloondo Bland...that's just precious!
@darrenowen762 жыл бұрын
7:42 we get a nice glimpse of keira and orlando in person.....
@visionaryventures127 жыл бұрын
Simon gets to show his comedic side in this video. I love it.
@steeviewoo10 ай бұрын
There's a corner of British humor I didn't quite get until I started watching Simon Mayo do his stone cold counterpart to mark´s losing it over a bad film. Sometimes he just does the quickest, expressionless glance at the camera and it is hilarious.
@Yamah12a7 жыл бұрын
I love that this was broadcast at a golf tournament.. some of the finest golfers in the world gather to play, meanwhile one of the finest movie rants is taking place at the same time. I'd like to see a Kermode/Mayo 5 Live show live at an NBA game or a UFC fight.
@IncredibleGoliath10 жыл бұрын
I enjoyed the elaborate "wood" metaphor referring to Orlando and Keira's acting.
@ehtlamzone25254 жыл бұрын
@Markus Reit Their acting is awful
@laviniag82694 жыл бұрын
This rant always brightens my days. It's pure gold, up there with Monty Python and Rowan Atkinson's best sketches.
@Apkans10 жыл бұрын
The reason why I think Johnny's performance worked so well in the first movie, is because the script writer envisioned Jack Sparrow to be a bland, overly charming, typical Disney's "loveable rogue". (I know this because he wanted Hugh Jackman to play the part) Johnny saw the script, and made the character his own, adding twists and making a lot of the producers really nervous. After the writers saw Johnny's performance and realized people loved it, they started writing for Johnny's Jack, going completely overboard with the "jester" trope Johnny added himself, making the character unanchored.
@TheKamikazenaz Жыл бұрын
Seems so; Kermode seemed to love Craig going out on a limb with Benoit Blanc, and seems to have carried it well with Glass Onion as well (I would say "nailed it" for 5 stars; but I think he does carry it for 4+). Sparrow became a parody because he was an incompetent charming lucky buffoon who suddenly became captain of captains. And.. yawn.. sounds like they did the same with Kiera Knightley.
@chrisofnottingham8 жыл бұрын
He should get a medal for this
@That2J2 жыл бұрын
This review is goddamn iconic, and one of my favourite Kermode rants. Cant believe it doesnt have more views.
@h.b.smith_writer5 жыл бұрын
Mark Kermode was so brutal back in the day, lol (and he still can be).
@bwoahviously Жыл бұрын
"You feel like you have to get out the varnish". Kermode's masterpiece, without question. What a joy to listen to
@VanguardSupreme10 жыл бұрын
Wow. I have to listen to that again. Just epic.
@RHCPfan4588 жыл бұрын
I'd heard this review many times but never seen the video of it. Simon reading the newspaper, taking out his phone, looking knowingly at the camera and also just disappearing for a couple of minutes gave me a good chuckle.
@tomb4079 жыл бұрын
The greatest rant of his - and every word is a true one.
@loonylaura853 жыл бұрын
And the chorus of the Internationale in the one for Sex & the City 2 isn't far behind. 😆
@niamhm41093 жыл бұрын
@@loonylaura85 or Marley and me when he does the voice
@Animationgatecom13 жыл бұрын
This is probably the best Kermodion rant next to Sex & The City 2, brilliant! Didnt even stop for breath!
@stefanfilipovits213 жыл бұрын
This rant or the Sex & The City 2 rant is a RRREEEAAALLLLLLLYYY tough call. They really are peak hilarious pithy critic Kermode. I think I’d pick Sex & The City 2 though.
@HermeticWorlds3 жыл бұрын
This is a great rant. "If you thought Johnny Depp was bad at being Keith Richards, you should see Keith Richards trying to be Keith Richards."
@tobylerone4285 Жыл бұрын
I miss this Mark 😢
@martinlatour931110 ай бұрын
he's really mellowed down
@eddiecampion24108 жыл бұрын
Keith knightley ikea furniture lol
@RogerCRocha6 жыл бұрын
10 years on, still a classic.
@nifralo27526 жыл бұрын
Roger C. Rocha still never quite topped it.
@steeviewoo10 ай бұрын
I thought the recent "show going into credits over Mark is still bashing on Avatar Way of Water" was peak, but they had already mastered this routine so long ago! What a couple.
@pennywisethedancingclown22462 ай бұрын
6:05-Love it when Simon starts reading the paper. It's like he knows "Yep. I'm in for a long one here"
@LuvSlushie8 жыл бұрын
I really like the first three POTC movies BUT this rant is brilliant and absolutely hilarious! Gotta love Kermode, even if you disagree with him sometimes! :D
@N_Loco_Parenthesis5 жыл бұрын
'It's like watching two chairs mating...What's that, is it a nest of tables?' Hahaha
@jeremyjewitt44463 жыл бұрын
Possibly one of the best Kermode rants ever..
@risker158 жыл бұрын
This is easily his best rant
@Starzagal8 жыл бұрын
the sex and the city one is great for just pure rage though
@howie10997 жыл бұрын
risker15 The "Entourage" rant is pretty epic, too!
@michaelotis2236 жыл бұрын
I personally hold the Transformers Dark of the Moon rant above all!!! Wooaahh eh woooahh eh woooahh..... Gets me every time
@guitarreilly Жыл бұрын
Yeah I wouldn't say easily though. I can name a few. Sex and the city 2, 2012, transformers 3, revolver, mamamia, da Vinci code 2,
@johng65656 ай бұрын
In retrospect, I think Mark was correct that the pirates franchise was a big detriment to Depps career.
@piqueblinders79486 жыл бұрын
"I think it's important to say that one has to go into these things with an open mind" "HAH! Yeah, right" "....no, I know. But look, ok." Made me laugh so much for some reason, you just know at that point this is going to be an all time great rant
@comanchio197610 жыл бұрын
He was far too kind about Orloondo Bland
@XiaBranSinnach16 жыл бұрын
Actually, when it is referring to "nine pieces of eight", it is referring to a system of currency from that time period- the coins were known as "pieces of 8" because each coin was an eighth of a pound. The nine pieces of eight essentially means nine different coins. And I know, most of the items werent coins, but thats why they have the scene where they explain that the pirate lords hadnt had enough money and had been forced to simply use random objects instead, but still went with the name.
@yipperdeyip7 жыл бұрын
From 7:00 on out... Man am I glad this movie came out, because this is the greatest review of all time! I could NOT stop laughing!!!
@tobyhart3 ай бұрын
AT WIT'S END
@nathanjoseph82706 жыл бұрын
'Orloondo Bland' hahahahahahaha brings tears to my eyes
@fluorosco2 жыл бұрын
He's prepared to marry Orlundo Bland so he only has to see him once every ten years . Classic! Mayo's awesome here
@TeamBombersportsUK9 жыл бұрын
0:40 is a grin of pure evil, at the havoc he is about to unleash upon our ears...
@MrBannystar10 жыл бұрын
Probably my favourite rant coz Mayo finally shuts the fuck up. King Kermode for PM.
@steerpike667 жыл бұрын
He's not: his job is to prod Kermode back towards the centre, force him to explain himself, and express the opinion of the public so that Mark can be more effective. He's the straight man, Mark is the comedian.
@scotty68610 жыл бұрын
The first Pirates was an absolutely classic, I never quite understand what he hates about it so much. Obviously the sequels are atrocious, and should have never been made, but the first was a great film.
@the.seagull.354 жыл бұрын
The second one is a lot of fun too.
@Casarzino3 жыл бұрын
They’re all mind numbingly dull and incomprehensible. Watch an 80s Indiana Jones movie to see how to do proper popcorn entertainment.
@mrbouncelol3 жыл бұрын
Because faux outrage pays the bills, imagine your livelihood is based on criticising entertainment media lol
@ColoradoStreaming3 жыл бұрын
I agree, the first film was great. It was a film that knew exactly what kind of movie it was and played it out in every way it could. They knew they were basically making a cinema version of a theme park ride and just ran with it.
@Bragglord2 жыл бұрын
Yeah, was very surprised to hear him hate the first so much, it was one of the best things Disney had done in ages.
@toma60684 жыл бұрын
"It's immediately annoying squared" should be on the poster
@raam7263 жыл бұрын
Annoying ²
@Prolix89 жыл бұрын
First time I see this video... What can I say too many brilliant quotes to write down here. The best one? 'Two chairs mating'. Classic.
@AJBfc9 жыл бұрын
He really did kill Kingdom of Heaven ... could've been something special
@OsofoGriot11 жыл бұрын
The best bit about this review in particular, is how it's edited with Mayo's reactions!! 8:54 - I DIED.
@jacktalbot10 жыл бұрын
Jesus, Mark. Stop sitting on the fence!
@cbak12sg16 жыл бұрын
..but it was a listener who came up with Ikea Knightley, and Kermode says he'll always regret not coming up with that nickname.
@Krusiv7 жыл бұрын
Pirates 5 has been announced and really I am more excited for Kermode's review of it than the movie itself.
@edwardjarvis34422 жыл бұрын
Did you enjoy it
@karlkarlos35459 жыл бұрын
Seldom was a rant more justified. Orlando Bland indeed.
@lewisjames42684 ай бұрын
I’m watching this review on Monday the 8th of April 2024. A eclipse of the sun is happening at the moment over a large part of the USA. Did fate bring me to this amazing review?
@MrCharlesWidmore10 жыл бұрын
best rant ever - go to 7:41 when it shows the empty chair for the first time and there's some old man just standing in a black golf jumper staring at Mark through the hedge getting it all out of him - brilliant!! :) SMB
@chris06037210 жыл бұрын
That's the best one yet. It got to 9:00 and I couldn't stop laughing. He just goes on... and on... and on... but he's entertaining with it. Pirates 3 was a total let down. I *really* enjoyed the first one. I enjoyed the second one more, but this one was bad in too many ways for redemption. Pirates 4 was worse... I think. Maybe not. I can't remember.
@gosunkugi9 жыл бұрын
Totally agree with you. Up until this moment I utterly forgot that PotC 4 even existed. It was so bad I actually blanked it from my memory. I'm trying to picture Ian McShane as Blackbeard and remember scenes, any scenes from the movie and I can't... I just can't. And yet if you asked me to quote something from Luca Bercovici's Ghoulies I could recite the entire script. It could be a sign that old age is starting to affect my short term memory or simply that Pirates 4 is that unmemorable, that bad that we subconsciously don't want to believe it even exists.
@hassanilahi90910 жыл бұрын
one of the best movie reviews I've ever seen. This critic has such a hilarious way of expressing how bad a film is that I've been left speechless.
@fariddamasio78807 жыл бұрын
"Live from James King's palace of earthly delights"
@nelsano314 жыл бұрын
This is the single most accurate, entertaining and honest film review of all time, Your the man Mark!
@martinlatour93112 жыл бұрын
The rant of all rants
@sebastiansfeci13058 жыл бұрын
is that a nest of tables? no it's orlando bloom and keira knightley lmao
@not_henry_the_fifth8 жыл бұрын
love it when mayo just says "wrong" while kermodes talking!
@jayzed7917 жыл бұрын
Mark is class. This is the funniest thing I ever saw. Thank god some real opinions still make it into the main stream.
@Ben_Mdws12 жыл бұрын
Their podcast is excellent. The reviews often more entertaining than the films themselves!
@stefanfilipovits213 жыл бұрын
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve enjoyed the Kermode review more than the film itself
@antoinepetrov2 ай бұрын
I was but a two month old baby when this was uploaded... and now I am enjoying this more than my birthday.
@jackbradleywilson9 жыл бұрын
"You could make a nice piece of Ikea furniture out of Keira Knightly's performance". Hahaha, best criticism ever :D I Don't agree with it but its hilarious XD
@steerpike667 жыл бұрын
Mayo starts whistling at the ten-minute mark. It's the 'wrap it up, Mark,' signal. And Kermode still keeps motoring on until eleven has passed.
@tfn10515 жыл бұрын
Well... in general, sure. But at the same time, there are things out there that do phenomenally well because they are so good. "Dark Side of the Moon" springs to mind
@contigo12117 жыл бұрын
"Ikea" Knightley's acting is as solid as any piece of flat-pack furniture I've brought from that retail establishment. Well done Mark!
@rgqwerty639 жыл бұрын
"He's immediately annoying squared"
@DJ-wl5qo10 ай бұрын
16 years later and Mark was 100% right I should’ve taken my parents to see Zodiac
@butterflymuppet13 жыл бұрын
I keep coming back to this review for a laugh- even if I like the POTC films Kermode just cracks me up. I seriously cannot wait for his review of the fourth film in May.
@ManubibiWalsh5 жыл бұрын
i absolutely LOVE the first POTC movie but damn this whole rant was so iconic and funny and perfect (and I cackled the hardest at Mayo's reactions) I can't even be mad about a movie I love getting brutalized lmaooooo
@Right_Said_Brett2 жыл бұрын
Everything Kermode says here is bang on the money. Literally everything.
@aandwdabest Жыл бұрын
I love thé fact that Mark called Orlando Bloom as Orloomdo Bland
@Orgoneblue11 жыл бұрын
He really doesn't only give negative reviews. Those reviews get circulated more as they are more popular to listen to, but it's wrong to suggest he is not positive about films. And that does not apply just to art house films, he champions run-of-the-mill films also....
@lazyartiste_23573 ай бұрын
I'm ashamed to admit that I rewatch this review far too often ON LOOP
@AMTFan19 жыл бұрын
I don't know if anybody's mind explodes after listening to Mark Kermode's reviews?
@TeamBombersportsUK12 жыл бұрын
I love Kermode's grin at 00:43...it's as if he's grinning to say 'they're demanding a full on rant...challenge accepted' :P
@steerpike667 жыл бұрын
'Is that a nest of tables? No, it's Orloondo Bland and Keira Knightly kissing.'
@TheSt10926 жыл бұрын
This is still Dr K's greatest rant.
@scottberman1223 Жыл бұрын
3:04 He refers to Orlando Bloom as Orbloomdo Land. Then at 3:28 he calls him Orlando Bland.
@tfn10515 жыл бұрын
You knew that his review it'd be like that! Fantastic review, spot on
@titteryenot45242 жыл бұрын
Mark Kermode is quite possibly the smuggest person I’m aware of whose opinions I find myself in agreement with quite often. How annoying.😳
@dreamEternal5 жыл бұрын
Find myself loving the FOUR Pirates of the Carribean films, probably watched them twice simply because it's good 'FUN' and yet also absolutely loving this Rant Haha - brilliant . ]
@hongyeung514 жыл бұрын
One of the most entertaining Kermode rants EVER....!!
@Unrea6lMe14 жыл бұрын
Damn, this guy needs to meet Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw from Zero Punctuation. The greatest rant-storm of all time would spawn from the meeting of these two people.
@isabellamorris79026 жыл бұрын
Unreal_Me This comment is unbelievably old but I would actually pay to see that
@MrCharlesWidmore10 жыл бұрын
Legend.....like him or hate him at least Mark Kermode has the balls to say what everybody else is thinking, the first POTC was absolutely horrid and yet people flock in their masses and fund this rubbish....i watch this clip every Sunday to give me a boost with my hangover, gets better every time i watch it - funniest parts are "walking around like something out of a Milk Tray advert" and "enough, it has to stop now"......all i can say is i can't wait ot hear Mark's review when Michael Bay remakes 'The Exorcist' - i'd pay big money to hear that one, keep the rants coming Mark, best film critic over this past 18 years! :) SMB
@guitarreilly11 жыл бұрын
WOW that escalated brilliantly, props to mayo as well he's also key to the enjoyment
@EdFreshwater9 жыл бұрын
You got empty-chaired.
@d-x-v-i9 жыл бұрын
"Empty chair"?!
@dez72502 жыл бұрын
Don't think he liked it 😉, love watching Simon just go on with his day.
@questionitall30536 жыл бұрын
I'm listening to this review again in 2018, and it still cracks me up.... brilliant stuff! Kera knightly must have studied under Hugh Grant.
@Leatherbubba13 жыл бұрын
I love his subtle quips. "Orlando Bland".
@dayglowjoe4 жыл бұрын
has anyone checked to see if he ever inhales? absolutely majestic
@alisaurus42243 жыл бұрын
I remember loving the exploding pirate wedding at the end of this film when i saw it in the theater, but i don’t rewatch this one if it’s on TV. The first & second PotC movies are endlessly rewatchable for me, but each franchise addition is worse than the last.