"There's nothing that harshness does, that firm kindness doesn't do better". Thank you both for an insightful talk.

Family pathology rolls from generation to generation like a fire in the woods taking down everything in it's path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to his ancestors and spares the children the trauma. -Terry Real

I love this! “I’m going to be the one to have a look to stop passing the trauma forward “ Recently after years of working on ancestral trauma I was given a gift that came through a meditation from my great grandfather. He gave me the gift of holding on to my softness, my tender heart. This was also in him and it was passed through my grandmother and through my father but it had been punished and pushed down and choked by trauma. His message came once I was ready. Amazing that ancestral gifts are passed through once we examine our trauma. I am still amazed at this message from a man I only knew at a distance.

The last year of isolation, I've experienced a lot of this. Lots of me has closed down, I feel so cut off, especially the lack of touch. I've been "shielding" with parents with Aspergers. In a time when I've needed emotional connection/availability, nothing! My Dad was verbally aggressive with me during the first lockdown, his fear of the virus....I feel so lost now, I've used up all my resources....it's the middle of the night here, thank you for your insights,beautifully wise...thank you so much.

Fabulous discussion and like the conclusion that it’s more important to EMBRACE the challenge than to aim for a trauma free future.

If there is gold, this discussion is gold. These fellas are extremely professionals. Made it easy to listen their discussion and relaying information with ease , literally their demeanors and conciseness made their discussion simple yet super affective.

11:24 Passive trauma --> equally damaging as active trauma. 13:00 How short the wound window (10 sec.) acthually is in the conscious, before the adaptive child (shadow) takes over and shields the consciousness with an "armor" of anger (or other surface reactions). 14:54 Cognitive perception theory. Relating is moment to moment data streaming. How this data is perceived in our minds is a different story, but it's easier to perceive it well-calibrated to the other persons perception, when it is a "here and now" experience, and the two consciousnesses are syncronised by communication (verbally or nonverbally). Relating = I feel you feeling me, you feel me feeling you. --> Nervous systems calms down deeply --> relational safety. 19:20 40:40

I really enjoyed the mindfulness meditation at the beginning, thank you. The connection with the body feels like a very obvious embodied samadhi and that’s “an amazing resource” like Hubl says.

It is definitely possible to outgrow neuroses. My own path has included spiritual and psychological practices and I have experienced trauma integration and healing...so...it's possible! I do my best, God does the rest. ❤️😁

I loved this discussion. So many helpful pieces of wisdom. I loved the ending too: "My neuroses! My neuroses..." Excellent!

I have an additional take about "What about a partner who doesn't work on their childhood trauma?" If I do my own work, then I am no longer triggered by nor engage in the drama of my partner's adaptive childhood responses. I remain stable and know how to "not accept that invitation to dance!" In that case, the relationship will have been useful for my inner work, even though my partner "has fallen behind" (has not developed as strong a capacity to bear/overcome strain.) When Thomas then brings in "reorganization of the relationship," that is, when the self-awareness gap between the two partners becomes large enough, then the 'deficient' partner is the one who tends not to be able to handle the healthier partner's detachment (from the childhood drama) and often is the one who decides to leave the partnership (or causes enough havoc for the partnership dissolution to occur.) But not always. Two people are well matched when their capacity to bear discomfort without getting triggered is about the same. When this capacity becomes vastly different because one partner has been more diligent in healing the childhood conditioning, then yes, there occurs a reorganization of the relationship such that, "I can no longer be fully vulnerable with my partner in the areas I know she/he cannot manage..." Intimacy suffers, but love need not suffer. The stronger partner then becomes more of a "parent" and has less of an "equal" in the partner. Does not bode well for intimacy (for heated passion) but is nonetheless sustainable on a transformed basis for 'agape' love... (devotional love).

This seminar made a huge difference to me. Thank you.

I think this talk is very intuitive... learning your partner wants will help to keep a strong bond.. if they want long term forever it's important to look at the relationship as there are 2 people or more (children) as your partners, family.. Helping each other and to allow healing to take place.. if an argument happens you can look at someone you can see trauma in their eyes.. this will then make you look at the wounded child and realize you also have one to be more sympathetic. Communication is so important sometimes you need a moment to gather your thoughts to come back as grown up and realize the trigger is over or was a trigger. I believe in Love that it can heal anything and anyone with the right approach. I think knowing your partners past and them knowing yours will help it to succeed. There is so much more but if you love unconditionally I don't think you can ever go wrong...❤🙏

Beautiful conversation 😊 thank you both for your inspirational work. 🙏🏻

Really enjoyed this talk. Real wisdom.

What a wonderful conversation, so many valuable insights! Thanks for sharing it.

Much gratitude for this video. It is brilliant and such an eye opener. Namaste 🙏🏻

Such a beautiful and insightful conversation! Taking so many notes and looking forward to implement them. Thank you Thomas and Terry!💕🙌🏼

Wow this is very helpful to me, I am very thankful for this thoughtful discussion

Wow, such a high level conversation! Thank You both. Looking forward to watching all i can from you both.

Beautiful conversation, very great insight and perspectives. Thank you very much for sharing it here. Truely a masterclass 🌹🌹🌹made my day🙏

Excellent therapists. 2 of my fav

This is so helpful, thank you very much!! Love and blessings

Very clear and insightful. Thanks fellas.

Thank you so much for this conversation. ✨

Thank you for this very clear conversation.

what a beauty :) Thank you. So jam packed with goodies

Much gratitude for the clarity and wisdom of both the speakers. It clarified so much of the my self and my relational self . God bless ❤

Thank you again you are contributing to community mental health. It is my mission to pass this on.

Great info, thanks for your service. I'm learning to heal my inner child

Wow. This was really AWESOME 🤩 ❤!! Very therapeutic and healing to watch. I found it so helpful and it completely resonates with Dr. Gabor Mate’s teachings as well! Love the work of all three of you. Thank you so much.❤️‍🩹🥹✨🙏🏾

This was amazing! Thank you 🙏🏼

Thank Thomas you are great. Keep it up I am always impressed whenever I am listening to your lectures. Especially in the pocket project trauma informed leadership course ii.

This teaching is so needed and so appreciatedThank you for making it available to the world.

Beautiful thank you

brilliant !!

Great insights about the connection between trauma and relationships, and what it offers for healing!

Helpful to me.

Love listening to TH

Just love this ! Just came over Thomas Hubl and bought his book 🤩😍🙌

what i do when i get triggered, tho it is not trauma that is triggered in me, it is ancestral karma, or patterns of my father and his father, i Notice i am triggered. i say to the other person, "i'm upset. i need to be quiet. i need to calm down." when i am calm i can speak without the anger, frustration, outrage, intolerance of the trigger. i see, experience it as a wave, a vibration, an arrow shot. it has to run its course. i can watch that. i can go about my activities, chores. and notice when it is gone, finished. Then it is important for me to go to the person, explain myself, not defend myself. Take responsibility for my trigger. Not make it about them. Not become a Victim of their ability to trigger me, therefore blaming them and being powerless as a victim. No, i Own my reactivity. Working to dismantle it, create new options rather than the triggered reactivity being my only option. i also Listen to what was, is going on for the other person. we, together, want to understand and be understood. This is a very helpful and positive process. Headway is occurring, it is gradual, yet working~

Your ancestors will help you heal your trauma let them guide you! ❤️

See also: "Say no to rewards and punishments," #87 and #88 on KZfaq.

"How do you strengthen that muscle (to be awake enough to choose the adult over the adaptive child)?" Meditation, perhaps. But even better: to study the ANS (autonomic nervous system) enough to learn to track, moment to moment, whether we are dwelling in the dorsal vagal (protective, defensive, untrusting) or the ventral vagal (relational, trusting, open-hearted) state. It is a visceral awareness, because cognitive awareness is always impaired when we fall into the adaptive child (I will use the term "fragmentation" or "trance.") Another thing is to discover the "trance narrative." It's a story that the adaptive child made up during a developmental trauma that was never resolved. It is never a readily known cognitive narrative, and it is always a defective one (a limiting belief.) Before we work on bringing it to awareness, it remains an existential feeling-state that drives our reactive behaviors. It can look like: I am not enough; I am too much; I am defective; I am a bad person; I am not lovable; I will fail no matter what I do; I will always be alone… etc., Our reaction to that belief is to try constantly to prove to ourselves that it isn't true. (And it truly is not the truth!) But rather than "argue to prove its untruth" (always the compulsion) we are better off becoming viscerally aware of its untruth so that proof (defensiveness) becomes unnecessary altogether. The process of awareness involves becoming intimately aware of our ‘childhood narrative’ and our automatic ‘defensive trance’ response. Because that unconscious narrative is what gets played over and over again in our relationships across a whole lifetime. Once we become aware of it, both cognitively and viscerally, we simply choose (without any special effort of self-discipline) to no longer play it out… The compulsive drive is extinguished through mere awareness! (But the awareness must be integrated into the limbic system...) What is required to attain that awareness is not easy. It requires “going through the eye of the needle.” That is, being willing to viscerally experience the feeling the pain/fear/trauma sufficiently to recognize its illusory nature (i.e., "That’s NOT what’s happening right now…or if it IS, then my former compulsive response is not effective for the current situation…" whereupon a new choice of responses becomes available.) What’s important is to become conscious of the unconscious story being played out…

I think that it's easier for a Neuro Typical person to understand their own pattern of behaviour when they are triggered, but what about a Neuro divergent person, who feels angst, realises need to change but doesn't know how at the time because they freeze and don't know how to choose between Door A or Door B

How do you ask a question? Also what if one person has mental disease?

That does happen ... such a great pity. N loss. Not to mention the unspoken pain?

🙏

When you talk about relationships"...you are meaning "romantic relationship or partners"....there are many many other types of relationships so why just talk romantic or significant others.This emphasis on romantic all the time maybe is part of the problem.I know they are important in terms of child rearing and being a major receptacle in which children are nurtured but please can we talk about other relationships like friendships and communtities.

Life is traumatic,. Even birth It's how to deal with this facts

I'm am a veteran,. I have no Problem outside my comfort zones,. Love a stunt

There’s not conversation with Terrance Real he’s invited but only one speaker most time

Amazing how many of the comments are by women. There must be a great multitude of traumatized women out there. I think most 'men' just shrug it off 'whatever' and move on. It's just a difference between the sexes; male and female by the way.

I worked through my trauma to end the generational cycle but I don’t have kids so I did all that work for nothing 🤣

I wonder how intelligent the trauma response actually is. Its the cause of all conflict and problems. It seems like a very unsophisticated fear perpetuating mechanism. It causes us to lose our selves and weakens our sense of ability.

Why the presenter talks so much when he has a guest? Also, thank you very much you felt your trauma in an out you felt safe now what do you do with that? You keep going in and out in the hope that you will get healing? How? I am talking either you gave the trauma or you took it …and how healthy is it to stay focused on the trauma without ending up in rumination? ok here is the war of trauma you felt it we recognised it now what? You really think the understanding of the trauma equals healing or making it up to the others? Something is missing here!!!!These questions have been brushed off or hidden under the “reorganisation” of the relationship given as panacea to which I respond.. huh? It seems Vagal theory is good but when it comes to how to heal it is silent..at the end I heard some blah blah about maturity dealing with yourself..and basically the trauma will always exist .. but it is integrated in the mature part….in different intensity do you really need a PHD for that? And Yes it is VERY important the healing not only the process just accept you do not have the answer.

Bravo to turn at look Into the demon face