Full podcast episode: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/bteXfKl1lbbFh6M.html Lex Fridman podcast channel: kzfaq.info Guest bio: Matthew McConaughey is an Oscar-winning actor and author of Greenlights.

This is the realest response I've heard in a while. I love Matthew's honesty about finding love late in life, accepting yourself, and letting that guide you, instead of forcing a relationship that might not work out in the end.

“To be happy for her when it has nothing to do with you”. That’s a beautiful way to love ! Great advice Matt! You are the man.

100% on Matthew here... In my experience... You don't find love. Love finds you... The trick is... You have to be present and aware enough to notice it when it comes along. I fell for my wife the moment I saw her, it floored me. I e-mailed my mom the next day saying I met my future wife. This a week after I told myself I was going to stop dating, remain single, and focus on my music. It took 6 months of courting my wife to get my shot at dating her. 12 years later, and each day we love each other more than the day before... We are partners in the truest sense of the word. We support each other, and encourage each other. It isn't always easy. Communication is everything. About 5 years in we almost split, but we devoted ourselves to couples therapy for about 6 months and it was like gaining super powers. We were never bad communicators, but that gave us tools to work through some extremely challenging times. We still use those same tools to navigate challenges today.

McConaughey is a great storyteller. When speaking in interviews, he's got a knack for structuring his stories effectively; knowing how to build anticipation; create tension and deliver satisfying conclusions; keeping his audience hooked from beginning to end.

I love how he says you gotta stay within yourself. When we aren’t within ourselves, we may be intrusive.

I think the most important gem Mathew shared was to find the right one: you are most attractive, when you are not outside of yourself, but 100% good with who and what you are and don’t give off the vibe that you need or are hunting. Don’t let insecurities or greed cloud your projection, your “play”. Yes you might catch that target, but that was a filtered representation of you. Now live with the true conviction that you are good as you are and let your soul alert you (that spidey sense, that awe on sight, that uncomfortable feeling). Remember some relationships are soul lessons to calibrate your partner’s compass until the right one enters the frame 🙏🏽

This shit touched my soul. Hearing that even Matthew McConaughey feels jealousy especially when his partner is succeeding or having a great time without him, that is some real shit and it's so relieving to hear it and some advice on how to deal with it.

The sigh after love from Lex 😂 He knows whatever answer he gets is a valid answer because love is different for everyone.

This was a beautiful convo and amazing palette cleanser for all the horrible men vs women podcasts I see. Nothing about how a woman or a man should act to attract a mate etc….just two people talking about love and what transpired for them in their life. Gorgeous and heart warming and inspirational! ✨

My last relationship left a terrible experience for me. She has moved on to be married, while I’m now in my late 30s and do no longer have the desire or hope for another relationship and the possibility of marriage. But what Matt says here warms my heart

That piece at the end choked me up. Finding happiness within each other’s happiness. No matter how far, we, ourselves are removed from it. That is true love.

Seeing this at the right time it feels like. I'm in my late 20s n going through something similar he describes in the beginning. Have to somehow learn to play the game n not be needy it seems like. Also good tip on accepting that one may never end up finding the love and really really being ok with that fact,, but God I hope I still retain a positive and pleasant outlook on life.

what a human being, what two human beings. pretty grateful to have the ability to sit in on these sort of real conversations between great men.

I am impressed with the diverse range of interviews (on this podcast). Keep up the good work, Lex!

I'm 34 and moving into a new mindset on dating and relationships, this might be exactly what I needed to hear right now.

Matthew McConaughey giving dating advice, "Be Matthew McConaughey"

This is not only great dating advice, but also great marriage and relationship advice! Such a great question and conversation. Thanks Lex and Matt!

I relate to it SO MUCH when he says ' you can come out of yourself and trespass' .. its such a natural occurrence and a natural reaction at that point of life. And also the most misunderstood part of a man's life.

His laugh is classic. Such a great example of what a celebrity should be like... Introspective and empathetic.

Yo Lex if you read this I think you ask really profound questions aimed at your guests. Definitely one of your strengths to bring to light or unearth experience and thoughts they haven’t shared or thought before.

It's a profound piece of advice. If you can find vicarious enjoyment and fulfilment from your partner's successes, as well as getting enjoyment and fulfilment on your own success, and you find your partner celebrating your successes in the same way you enjoy theirs, that is the perfect person for you. Everything else will fall into place, if you care about their successes, and get enjoyment from them, you will respect and be attracted to them and be able to love them.

Same process happened with me when I met my wife. I was 32 and after many failed attempts I truly accepted the reality that love probably wasn't in the cards for me. I lived my life for a bit and the day before I was set to leave on a new adventure I met my soulmate. I also said to myself, "what is that" when I met her, completely blown away, and in every moment after confirmed without doubt that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.

never thought about the lack of dividends on jealousy....you usually just get so caught up in it

What a beautiful soul.

Skated past this guy on campus. 10am, He was wearing sunglasses, boots, skin-tight white pants, and this pink, yellow, and other colorful floral, psychedelic looking shirt, all topped off with a cowboy hat. College kids stopping him asking for a pic. So much swagger in his walk. He’s a total badass, take his advice

Now imagine having those same struggles, and also not being a super attractive, successful, famous Hollywood star with a kick ass accent.

I love how he talks about the jealousy piece. I think it’s easier to not feel jealousy in a partnership when both people have developed enough within themselves the deep understanding they bring something to the table of life, and that what they bring is eternal. I think the second piece to not feeling jealous over your partner is when you are in an equal relationship. Meaning both people have the equal desire to be in a commitment to the other person. Sometimes we sense on a subconscious level if someone doesn’t want to be with us for who we truly are but some idea of who we are. And that usually happens when we haven’t formed enough within ourselves a deep understanding of who and what we bring to the table (circling back to my first point).

Great advice. Don’t look to hard. Don’t try too hard. Be the best you.

Wonderful discussion on Relationships ❤. I think Matthew is talking about the power of letting go . Ask for nothing , receive everything . I’m happy for Matthew and his wife and kids ❤

This is such great advice. For relationships or anything. Let it go. Stop trying so hard. Be okay with it not happening. And maybe that’s when you make room for the right things.

Lex’s sigh and Matthews sigh in the first 24 seconds of this are comedy gold.

So true! Comparing my two long term relationships: - first one had great compatibility, attraction, but also many moments of jealousy and resentment… The next one - same level of attraction, and zero jealousy, genuine feeling of being happy for my partner even when he’s far away… I’m still the same person, I didn’t go to therapy… I just love my partner differently and so does he.

He has a beautiful family and the kids seem so happy. Nice to see.

To the people thinking that being good looking, famous and rich will just magicaly attract the perfect soulmate that loves you for who you are without any second motives: Good luck 👍

When I met my fiancé, I knew I had to open up and tell her what I felt I needed to become better at. Today, that honesty has paid me back 100 times over. She has no disillusion of who I am and it's my only little bit of wisdom I have picked up so far. But, trust me on it.

Matthew may not have said this in so many words, but I think it’s worth mentioning… Relationships have foundations and sometimes those foundations are not initially established by love. Sometimes love comes later, and sometimes it’s the last thing to be solidified. Friendship is a vital component to any relationship, romantic or not. I would argue it’s even the most important aspect to any relationship. If I could tell my child one thing about love it would be to always cherish your partner even when you don’t want to. When you’re at the end of your rope and you’ve stretched beyond your means, you must always remember that one day you may think back on something you did or said, and say to yourself “how could I have done this?” Being a good partner sometimes requires you to ask yourself: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Is your happiness greater than your partners? Is your pain greater? And what’s more important to you in the end?

This guys guest list is better than any show in the world fkn crazy

- Lex: How to find love? - Matthew: Here is why my wife is so great.

You be a rich actor, act like you’re in love. Have a mansion, go on nice trips. Your girl doesn’t work. All of the sudden every girl will “love” you

Look for someone: - Who shares your values - Who's company you enjoy - Who you want to root for and who roots for you Sounds accurate to me.

This whole conversation with Matthew was incredible! Lex is on the level with the Rogan show now.

Why do i feel like im watching Rust in his interrogation on True Detective. Mcconaughey is riveting to watch and listen to.

Matthew McConaughey's advice to Lex: "If you look like me, bro, and talk like me, and you should do alright..."

I'm in my twenties and in 2023 I had that realization of that I could be 80 someday and never have experienced that love we all seek after, and I am now to a point happy that I am just alone with myself and "focusing" on the things I've never gotten around to because of the constant search for someone that was gonna give it to me!

McConaughey should've his own podcast, when this man talk, you can listen to him for hours and not getting bore.

Pro tip #2: be a handsome multimillionaire famous dude.

"if you're outside of yourself youre less attractive to your possible mate" important

Lex, I'm single as well but with romantic love, I believe advice is rarely an option unless through storytelling as in this case. I think for us - putting ourselves out there and take chances is number 1.

this guy got my respect all way in todays society opening up and being this honest can be viewed as weakness but yet i look at as a huge w becuase his livin to his true self at the end of the day shout out to the goat

He's actually a great person to listen to for this exact advice, because he's been through a lot of dating, women, and life experiences. only a man that's actually been with lots of women can even answer this question, and mcconaughey famously has done so

Never take dating advice from movie stars, athletes, billionaires , or priests, unless you are one.

"you must Love in such a way that the person you Love feels free" ~ TNH

That really hit home for me. I started having the first successes when I stopped trying to be someone else, but now its really about being able to my authentic self. Such a joke in a way cause you try everything to get something and once you stop trying you realise that who you became in the pursuit is why you never got what you wanted.

It's nice to hear a man talk about his wife in this way. So many men I know complain about life as a husband and father.

It is simple (not easy) to find Love. You must first learn how to love yourself. It takes time, years of patience, and questioning, and it's a never-ending process. But it's worth it. The more life experiences and competence you gain over time, the easier you'll find acceptance, self-love, and self-esteem. Once you realize you are enough and have always been, since day 1, and every day until you die... To be happy, loved, and respected... Then you don't need to be, have, do, whatever society conditioned you to believe. That's a social construct. You only need food, sleep, and Love. And Love, you can learn how to give to yourself. Once you love yourself, and are not seeking, or do not need anything from others, you can stop taking and focus on giving. Bring value to others and the world. "Be your own light", as the Buddha said. People are attracted to value, consciously or not, and however, they subjectively define the term. Because we are selfish in nature, for survival purposes. Some will abuse your kindness, because they've been hurt, and betrayed, and became resentful and afraid. That's okay. Forgive them. You can filter these people out faster. Most will give back in one way or another, and you can start building positive and nurturing relationships with them. Because we give back what we've been given: hate, love, stress, anger, compassion. Then, at some point, when you expect it the least, when you don't need it anymore, when you stop chasing and will, therefore, attract... Love will find you. And you'll know. You will get attached, and you will lose it all one day, and you could have your heart broken. That's okay. Everything ends in this universe. It does not mean it is not worth living. Life is precious because it is fragile and will end. You have to be your true self, vulnerable, to be loved. Because otherwise, they don't love you. They love the persona that you built to protect yourself from what others might think of the real you, the imperfect one, the weird one, the one that is unique and nothing like any other person out there. The one that's truly worth loving. So let go of the illusion of control. Lead the way, put down the armor, and show them they can be vulnerable with you by being vulnerable first. It's a sign of confidence and strength. To live without armor, And be free, fearless. People are dying to do it, they just need someone to lead the way. So be courageous and show them. Be yourself, so they can be themselves. Some will hate you for it but it's not your problem, it is theirs. Most will just be grateful and admire you for it. It's scary, but you have to take risks to live. The most beautiful things in life take time, and they are just on the other side of Fear. You just have to be patient and jump when it's time. It's worth it, you'll see.

Matthew is such an elevated being. I absolutely loved this podcast episode!

man that's so how I wanna live my life. I have the ability to live like that, but so much pressure from family and relatives as if its priority number one is to marry and "oh time is running out you are 29 turning 29..." This is exhausting on my brain and I try to not make them affect on me because their affect causes me to get out of myself just like he said. I just want to chill and get to find the person that aligns with me morally and philosophically. At the end of the day I want to raise my kids with my potential partner that is willing to accept the way I want my kids to be raised and I agree with her desires too. At the end of the day every parents wants their kids to be the best version of themselves. I want my kids to be better than me the better version of the parents-self

Real tip. Be funny, confident, and always in a good mood.

He is so real. Honestly great advice

He's so performative ;D Like, I watched most of the clips from this pod, and it feels like he's auditioning for a role. Not necessarily the things he says, but the way he says them and the hands, and the pauses! The pauses are exquisite ;) It's so strange. Once an actor, forever an actor, I guess.

I needed this. Especially from a dude who has been as successful as he has been worrying in his late 30s about a relationship and finally accepting that he may never find the right woman and being ok w/ it. I'm closer to 36 than 34 and despite having an awesome life, the woman of my dreams is more or less the only thing I lack and that desperation and desire to find her has forced me off of my way at times and now in the new year, I'm coming around to just pursing a good life for myself and be open to whatever comes. My life is centered around making a great life, being w/ my favorite people and looking to meet new people and have new experiences.

I feel exactly what he's saying about being outside of yourself while trying to be more outgoing and start conversations.

3:40 I had a dream once that my only girlfriend I’d ever had at the time had gotten with an old roommate and never told me about it. It was such a troubling dream I asked her about it. She said it was nothing until weeks later she called me crying saying it was true. This was probably 2014. Moved home with parents 2016 march and haven’t dated since, lost all “friends”. I hope to be able to bring myself to begin content creation or putting myself out there someday soon. Been wanting to for a long time now. Years gone by posting about that things above.

My Advice: Be good looking like McConaughey, be popular and have money. Also have a US citizenship. Love is magical.

I got married at 30. I'm so glad I waited because I didn't even know myself until my late 20s.

As the years go by Matt looks more and more like his movie characters in real life

Around a thousand years ago Imam Muhammad Al Ghazali told story of a man walking in the jungle. A roaring lion ran towards him and the man ran as fast as he could to escape from it. He noticed a well in front of him and he jumped inside hoping to escape from the lion. As he was falling inside the well, he grabbed onto the rope and saved himself. The man was so relieved but when he looked down he saw a big snake at the bottom of the well. It had its jaws wide open ready to swallow him up. The man then looked up and saw two mice nibbling at the rope. A black mouse and a white were both chewing into the rope. The scary lion was still prowling outside the well. The man's heart was pounding as he wondered how he could escape from this. Then he noticed a honeycomb in front of him which had delicious honey dripping from it. He stuck his finger into the honey and put it inside his mouth. It was delicious and for a moment he forgot about the lion, the snake and the two mice chewing at the rope. Imam Ghazali explained that the lion is like the angel of death which is always looming above us. The snake was like his grave which all humans will face. The black mouse and white mouse were like the day and night which are always nibbling at our life (the rope). The honey was like this dunya (this temporal world) which with its momentary sweetness makes us forget the death and the eternal life.

"but not every single thing that I imagined when I saw her move across the room turned out to be true" The most perfect explanation of the true love! You don't choose: love choose, god choose!

It is just like that Seinfeld scene: George: I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive. Jerry: So, hopelessness is the key? George: It's my only hope.

Matthew's book was great during the pandemic when i ran out of toilet paper.

the smile from Lex after McConaughey said love is one of those mystical successes

I'm in a long term relationship, now with 2 kids, and it doesn't sound like Matthews relationship with his wife. I think he has the right attitude though so good for him. 🙂

Just shows you how tough it is for men in the dating world. If a rich, super famous guy gets to his late 30s and has an honest thought that maybe he will never find someone to love and share his life with, how much harder still is it for regular guys. At least this guy as a celebrity, has a huge advantage in that many, even most single women he might want to hang out with and get to know better would say yes. Clearly the same is not true for your average guy looking for connection.

He is a rich attractive actor Who cares what he thinks or says It doesn’t matter for the average man American who are not attracted to average men

It's funny when celebs give dating advice like it's just as hard to pick up women as regular people haha

How to find Love. Step 1: Be rich, successful, famous and good looking. Step 2: Win.... It's just THAT easy!

true. not just love, but sometimes you need to let go to get something.

Don't look too hard and be yourself. Great advice

This dude cannot quit acting

Blessings to you Matthew for explaining how those micro connections which gaslight a healthy and successful relationship.

"How do you find love?" "Alright, alright, alright..."

Love McConaughey, but I'm not sure how valuable his dating advice is to guys who aren't handsome and rich. Probably best to get advice from an average looking guy with a regular job who's living an enviable social life.

what an amazing advice

Mathew is one of the few actors that I find just as fascinating off the screen as I do on

This answered the questions that didn't crossed my mind. Damn this gold.

We should ask Elon to make a robot girl for Lex.

i love these two men. Matthew's book is also great i'd recommend it to anyone who seems to connect with him.

This is the kind of dialogue that will save relationships. Very well said and on Lex is part, very well heard.

Everyone is happy in the beginning of a relationship cause it's a new toy. My Dad told me how to stay happy in a marriage. He said "You have a wife that's the mother of your children at home. You have a lover who you can't wait to see at the office." Real talk

Great advice.

Matthew Rocks ! True to who he is and is %100 authentic !

Such a relatable guy Matthew is

Well done Lex and Matthew, honest discussion about finding love and navigating that landscape! 👏

What happened to Natalie Portman?

I was in the grocery store the other day, just buying some steaks, and I decided to turn to my left to see who is next to me. At that very moment, I noticed Matthew McConaughey, looking right back at me with the same mentality. Real recognize real, right? Just two legends in the same grocery store. The only difference was he was getting that vegan steak. That’s when I turn the other cheek and slowly backed away, and when I was clear of his site, I sprinted to another aisle to escape.

0:33 Lex anxiously waiting killed me :'D

Getting dating advice from a handsome movie star is quite the zenith.

Finally! A good guest. Matthew is a role model.

This will change my mind my marriage and my life.... I can already tell.❤