That old man was of the fae and I promise did show up to his wedding

I can't WAIT to be old and be in a situation where a kid does something nice to me so I can say this cryptic thing

Thing is... I am absolutely going to start saying “I’ll dance at your wedding” with my thank yous

the flat tire thing worked with my niece and my sister looked at me like i was a divine being

That other mom is a real bro

the only thing that appeals to me about getting old is the thought that someday maybe i, too, could be the cryptic old man lightly scarring children with nonsense on what would otherwise be a pleasant afternoon

How many lemons could a lemon eater eat till a lemon eaters life goes *yeet* ?

My elderly lit teacher always said, if you'll do this for me, I'll dance at your wedding. It's really sad looking back, because she died while I was still in school...

"Get our ducats in a row" is actually an amazing Money Zone intro pun

I love how Justin says people might look at you weird if you ask for a lemon in Diet Coke, meanwhile most places I go put lemon in Diet Coke without asking

Not Me😤😤 ... 😏i could eat a Million lemons😏

god now i lowkey wonder if i've said anything to a kid that's just stuck in their mind

My partner and I have talked with each other a few times about how being around young children is uncomfortable because you never know when some random throwaway remark that you make is going to be a formative experience for them, and it's because of stuff like this.

My dad used to tell me that eating the crust on bread would help me whistle. Didn't realize that was a lie until age 20, still can't whistle either.

when I was little I would play outside and find weird bugs and stuff, and my mom, reasonably, didn't want me touching snails and slugs and stuff. and what she told me was: "don't touch snails, they're slimy, and the goo will stay on you forever." what she meant was probably that it'd take forever to get that gunk off of me, like, kids are always sticky anyway and this was to be a preventative measure, so that I wouldn't be literally the most disgusting kind of sticky that I could possibly be. but my idiot kid brain was like "oh my god... if it gets on me, I'll be afflicted with this sticky area on my skin for the entire rest of my life." didn't stop me from messing with snails, but it always made me feel a little better when they'd pull all the gooey bits inside of the shell.

I’m going to invite one random person to my wedding when I get married just to see if they show up

Thanks for the highlights man

My ceramics teacher who's an old man said "I'll dance at your wedding" made me think of this

I'll dance to that!

So my name is mark... should I just start saying how lemons are bad everywhere? I mean I like limes better and oranges are great.. yknow what I will start!

diet coke and lemon is fucking great

Back again after episode 563

5:31 Yet another piece of damning evidence that Travis McElroy and Colin Meloy are one and the same

All time favourite clips

This is super late to the party, but I just had to say I have heard service people talk about how lemon and lime wedges are one of the worst things for food-borne illness, because in places that are even a little bit slack, that stuff ends up touching so many dirty things before it reaches your glass, pre-sliced stuff often sits in a tub for a long time potentially being exposed to other prepared food like raw meat. They often get handled carelessly by staffers in a hurry (fishing a wedge out of a tub without washing their hands first, and touching other wedges in the process), etc. A good restaurant or bar will be careful about this kind of thing, but because it is a garnish it often isn't treated like a thing that needs special care, when it absolutely is, just like any other food. I hate to put more food anxiety out there, but yeah. If you look this up you'll find all kinds of info about this: "A 2007 study found that nearly 70% of restaurant wedges are covered in up to 25 different germs. Among them: fecal matter, E. Coli, and contamination from raw meat. And it wasn't just the lemons' rinds- the pulps on 29% of the dirty lemons were crawling in bacteria, too."

The Lemon-D 50

Hand Cancer... Hancer

I love j boy