On May 6th, one of my twin girls went home to be with Jesus. When the doctor told me that they could not detect a heartbeat in baby A, all I can remember was crying. The instant pain was so unbearable and I just remember the air leaving me and feeling like I was in a free fall. The days after losing baby A felt so dark. Waking up every morning with tears in my eyes and crying continuously asking God why??? I was constantly searching for an answer to explain how this could have happened and feeling that no one understood the pain I was in. I looked online nonstop for some type of reasoning as to how all of a sudden this healthy life inside me could suddenly lose her steady little heartbeat and no matter how much I searched, I could not find one answer; I felt so hopeless. No matter what I read it didn’t give me the peace I needed. Then my sister shared a sermon by pastor Levi who lost his 5 year old daughter. It was in that message that gave me a glimmer of hope, a sense of peace. It gave me an understanding that there is no escape from suffering in this lifetime but it is what we do with it that makes all the difference. It is how we view our pain and what we choose to do with it that will release us from the shackles of our agony and glorify our God. I will never know and understand why this happened to me but I know God has a purpose and a plan for me through my pain and my suffering. It is through our dependence in Jesus our Lord and the story of our pain and suffering that God uses to lift the heads of other people who are experiencing my same tragedy. His intention for us is always good but in the midst of our pain we are shortsighted and it is difficult for us to see why certain things must happen to us. Our God sees infinity further than us as if through the lens of a lion and he has greater things planned for us that has yet to be revealed. I pray that through my pain you are reminded that you are not alone, that someone has shared in your pain and through it all, our God is near and He is good. The tragedy you are going through is yours to go through but you are not alone. “God gives his most difficult assignments to his most trusted soldiers”
Here are some sermons and worship songs that has helped me during this difficult season. I pray that they will bless you as well.
• Levi Lusko - Through t...
• MercyMe - Even If (Off...
• Though You Slay Me - S...
• Video
Music used
Flow of Life by Jonny Easton
Link: • Emotional Piano Music ...
Check out his channel
Link: / jonnyeaston
#miscarriage #twingirls