Gossip chains are the only ways women in my hometown are able to protect themselves from abusive men, I'm all for gossip

The cabin family: are these people unfamiliar with the concept of guests?? If you go round for dinner do they want a contribution to their mortgage? The WASP stinginess is appalling!

On gossip: I grew up in a very culty fundamentalist Christian community, and that bit about the leadership being the ones to demonize gossip is so true! What you said about gossip being a way for women to communicate, advise, and warn each other really hit me. In that environment, men hold the power, and some of them don't care enough about the effects of their actions. I remember listening to women "gossip" in the spaces where men didn't spend time, like the sewing rooms, kitchens, and child care areas. In retrospect, a lot of that was women getting advice on important topics. I remember overhearing conversations that ranged from breastfeeding and potty training, to marital problems, to sewing advice and baking tips. There was a real sense of solidarity when someone who felt ashamed or inadequate could get judgement free advice - I can't tell you how many times I heard one mom reassure another with "oh, don't worry, that's totally normal and you're doing fine." Because the culture was so repressive, those were the most sincere and open interactions I ever witnessed as a kid. As an adult with a partner who works in the corporate wold, I'm often reminded of my childhood by the toxic positivity bs and the fear of honesty in his workplace. For example, the reluctance of anyone to discuss salaries and who makes what. Like you've often said, communication is power.

The community engagement thing: I suspect that it's partially driven by how poorer communities live. After people make a certain amount of money in North America, they tend to move to suburbs or exurbs. They live in places where their contact with other people is deliberately minimised. Meanwhile, poorer families tend to live in neighbourhoods that are by necessity more densely zoned. Frequently, third places (places other than work and home) are nearby, and act as gathering places for a community. This means that you see your neighbours, you see their kids, and you tend to build a sense of rapport and community with them. My hypothesis is that it's correlation that being poor leads to greater sense of community, not causation, and that the cause of community is more likely to be living in a place where community is likely to grow.

The room charges story seems to be a by-product of the hustle culture, like I can imagine a TikToker mentioning this as a 'hack' to earn additional income or something 😂

I think the travel story is more common now than in years’ past because people do not know how to be unselfish as much as our parents, grandparents, were in the past. Friend invited me on a family trip and told me there was plenty of room for me at her mother’s house which we would spend a few days at toward the end of the trip (international). During the trip, I spent time watching her kids at restaurants and at the pool. Spent hours dealing with child meltdowns and loud tantrums, split grocery bills that included diapers and other stuff that I didn’t enjoy…when we came home, she told me her boyfriend (now husband) said that the expenses for the rental van (for her family), groceries and the cook (her mom’s employee) fees totaled about $700. I was so caught off guard that I’ve mentally blocked most of the conversation (via text) since that time. I negotiated it down to $500 citing that I spent money on him specifically at bars, etc. I would never charge anyone to visit me at a family home. I would have gladly spent that $500 at a hotel to be at a peaceful beach; but hey, lesson learned. Didn’t break the friendship, just view it differently now.

Just jumping in to say that when I was splitting a one bedroom apartment with 4 people and living off food stamps/food pantries I would regularly cook for my friends and roommates and not charge them a red cent because I WAS RAISED RIGHT WTF

How can you charge someone a set amount of money without checking with the other person first? If you're selling something, the price should be out in the open from the very beginning. How do you know if the other person wants or can pay for it?

Secret parental money - reminds me of Rory Gilmore in the revival saying "I'm broke" as she flits around cpntinents to meet her rich lover, burns her trust fund, turns down a job repeatedly as 'beneath' her despite the possibility of it paying well while she tries for her dream job, has a business owner mom, rich dad and grandparents who paid her Ivy league education leaving her with no loans... ,😂😂 Hate all you may, but 'Girls' was groundbreaking the way it showed how much privilege a character needs to support a career in the arts without luck, patronage and/or a super distinctive voice, and how out of touch with reality privileged people can be in their self perception as a 'struggling' artist

This reminds me of when my friend gave me a sim card she wasn't using on her families data plan because it was unlimited and mine wasn't. I didn't ask she just offered it to me. 4 months later when I moved back to paris she asked me to pay for the months that I used the simcard. I refused because it's twice what my shitty sim card cost and if she wanted me to pay her she should've said that from the start. I would've given her the sim card back and used my own. You can't charge for something after the fact.

The wealthiest friend I ever had would nickel and dime me to pay them back, but conveniently forget when they owed me money. Kind of assumed most rich people were the same.

My older sister got a used car from our parents they bought out of inheritance from my grandma. She was the only one of us who got a car from them, and my parents were only able to do it because of the inheritance. Her junior year of college her transmission died, it was $800 to fix, so she had to catch rides with friends while she saved money from her job to fix it. Her clueless rich college friend said "just call your parents and tell them to get a new car." 😅 Rich people are weird.

Ok, so I had a friend with sort of the opposite of "Secret Family Money" in college. I was already the poor kid (comparatively) at a rich kid private college (its own long story) but she was an order of magnitude above the rest, girl once "lost" a new car, and it was no big deal. Anyway, she wasn't secretive about it at all, she was just entirely oblivious. She'd invite a bunch of friends out for "let's all drive to the city and go to a spa!" (An incredibly expensive one at that) and I'd have to politely try to decline as "I really can't afford that" and she'd immediately change the invite to: "let's all drive to the city and go to a spa, I'm sure my parents won't mind paying for it!" (I never saw that bill, but I can't imagine it to this day). So she was incredibly sweet if prodded a little bit. And then at the same time, I've never been dressed down as much as when, junior year, I finally cobbled enough money together to buy an old beater to get to my summer internship, and I got a long conversation about "putting a price on safety" and "how could you put your girlfriends life at risk if she gets in it with you!?!" as my car wasn't up to the latest standards. I just could not convince her of the idea that I simply did not have 20,000 dollars to buy a brand new, but low end Toyota. The phrase "That's what loans are for!" came up multiple times.

I can confirm that after nearly a decade in non-profit fundraising, the most generous people are usually the ones who have the least ability to give. People who can afford to write a $10k check to charity think of it as a tax write-off that will also buy good publicity for their company. The teacher buying their own classroom supplies, though, actually wants to donate that $20 out of each of her paychecks to fight childhood poverty.

millennial reporting from europe: me and my friends are all students or low-income jobbers, and we usually split everything evenly, but if someone's going through a rough patch, we spot them some cash, hold cookouts etc to make sure they can eat well. bigger transactions are cleared before the fact, NOT WHILE YOU'RE "CHECKING OUT" jfc. that story about surprise-charging one's friend for a guest room is sending my brain into terminal velocity.

Oh my God, I'm so mad I didn't get the notification on this because I have the perfect story! When I was in college, a friend of mine invited our whole friend group to stay at a "cabin" by a lake about an hour north of our school over fall break. Most of us agreed and were prepping with sleeping bags and pillows, but our friend insisted that it had fully outfitted beds. We drive up there and are expecting to see, ya' know, an old log cabin with a couple rooms. It was a house. A full fucking second home that his parents owned outright, complete with a dock and a pontoon boat. We all immediately started shitting on him for calling it a "cabin" and renamed it the "camansion". 😂 He's a good guy, so he took it in stride, but holy shit did it emphasize the wealth gap in our friend group, lolol.

I'm only 14 mins in but I have a story - I was raised upper/middle middle class. Never had my rent paid but did have college paid for and always have a financial cushion. I became friends with 2 "progressive" friends while working at a grocery store. I was honest about my financial situation. These people constantly dumped on me for having "rich" parents and being spoiled. Come to find out, their parents lived in bigger houses than my parents. We were all in the same social class but they felt the need to ostracize me so they could feel better about being "rich kids" themselves. Idk if they were deflecting or what but it was very annoying and became toxic. One of them even had a trust fund. It's fine to get help from your parents but don't make fun of others to make yourself seem more "poor". Just own it and be honest! I've experienced this from so many people. I'm honest about my upbringing and some folks make fun of me; then I find out their parents are richer than mine. When I've met someone that's actually from a poverty upbringing, they never criticize me for my upbringing. It's always, always other "rich kids" that criticize me for it. These kinds of people tell on themselves very easily. And it's not like my parents are RICH but they are upper middle class. I understand it's embarrassing to have a financial cushion but i prefer when people are just honest about that. Rather than putting on some fake poverty show to fit in or something

During this whole conversation, I'll I could think about is the "Van Life" people. These people have to have some kind of financial privileged to fund their lifestyle. I saw one van lifer saying she makes money from selling rocks on Etsy. Ummm..... what? You can finance your nomad lifestyle by selling rocks? Just be honest - you have rich parents, you have a trust fund, etc.

I was once charged rent by “friends” I stayed with for a week while I was between apartments. During that week they asked me to leave on two nights as they had friends staying. They still tried to charge me for those nights. If you want to know the worst, while I was there I got a call saying to come home immediately as my dad wasn’t going to make it. I collapsed on the floor in shock. They both went to work knowing I had to wait all day for my flight. The girl asked her boyfriend (who was more my friend than she was) to tell me how much I owed three weeks after my dad passed. They did not however bother to see how I was or how my family were doing DESPITE being there when I got the worst news I have ever received. Suffice it to say I have never spoken to them again. It’s just not something friends should do. Help a friend if you can, if you want to charge them, that is not a friendship.

Your show was certainly spot on! 🧐Some unsolicited advice for the young lady with the boyfriend who expects her to chip in with the renovation cost of his family cabin, dump his ass cuz it only gets worse! 🙄In my experience , "Dutch Date" boyfriends make really stingy, self-centered husbands.

Kelsey's example of friends eloping made me laugh because my best friend did that! And she called me to apologise because she was maid of honour at my wedding 🥺 I just told her that I was so pleased for her and that I didn't ask her to be maid of honour just to get asked back!

I feel a lot better living at home at 33 after hearing some people have their parents pay their rent until their 40s :/

"Being rich is a choice", Kelsey really laying down the fact hammer with that quote cuz she right.

I went to a nice school as an upper middle class kid but when asked I said my family was quite wealthy and that I was incredibly privileged to be there as my parents paid my way. I talked to the other people on my dorm floor and when they talked about their families it was a different story. "Oh, we get by okay. We're comfortable, thats all." Then one of them pulls up in a brand new Tesla and the other mentions that they live in the same neighborhood as the Clintons. They turned out all to be way richer than me and I judged them for being so blase and misleading about their privilege. I ended up socializing with other people because it left a bad taste in my mouth after awhile. Some of my friends from home couldn't afford to go to college at all and were some of the smartest people I know but these rich people acted like we were living in some utopian meritocracy where money didn't matter.

Friend dealt with this ridiculousness. Her parents were mad that she was going to grad school where they didn't want her to, so they started charging her for meals at home. $8 for breakfast, $10 for lunch, $15 for dinner. She refused to pay, bought her own food, and allied her younger brothers to sneak her leftovers in exchange for beer. Her parents broke down and decided to support her so they but only if she FLEW ON THEIR JET back and forth to school. It was, let me be clear, a nice ass jet.

My siblings and I went to high schools of polar social classes. I went to a school that consisted of very lower class people, they went to a school with people who were mostly upper middle class if not upper class. My friends were poor, and I'm not just throwing that word around like mostly everyone does nowadays, but if one of us had money, we always shared, by buying each other food or bus fares. I'm never going to forget this story where while my sibling went to someone's house to study (in an extremely wealthy area) and the only thing she was offered to eat was nuts and water, while the family had a full meal in the other room. I couldn't believe it, I was outraged.

Chelsey's story about her friend who was billed for staying at her friend's home in Europe > This would not happen with South Asian/Middle Eastern/African cultures....not ever. It would be taboo and shameful. This is along the lines of the Swedish family who told their daughter's friend to stay in the room while they ate dinner.

Once upon a time, my friend's roommate wanted to charge a guest her full prorated rent if they came to stay--in my friend's room. The guest was only doing this because they were between apartments. The roommate was not going to be present as she was on vacation those two weeks and in the process of moving into a new place. The roommate had a good job and no challenges paying her rent. The guest stayed in a different friend's guest room for free instead.

Dude the cabin story is just woooow on so many levels lmaooo

This is FASCINATING because I grew up evangelical in Georgia and gossip was the ONE sin people did with abandon--that, and gluttony. As I deconverted I finally asked my mother to stop gossiping about the sinful lives her friend's kids were living because it was none of my business and made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Scintillating how different people's experiences can be within a similar community.

The cabin thing makes zero sense to me. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but to my latin family, charging them to use the family vacation place would be a pretty effective way to get them to disown you. In our culture it is kind of implied that if we all use the same place for whatever purpose, the upkeep costs, cleaning and general maintenance are everyone's responsibility and guests are guests (romantic partners, friends, whoever). You never charge guests.

If someones invites to their home and then charges for the meal...kill the friendship, for real pay and kill that friendship those types of ppl won't be persuaded by a nice sit and talk about boundaries and to be quite honest they themselves should be able to see how f up that kind of behaviour is, better off finding someone who doesn't treat friendship as a business

This a very interesting conversation, I have always been quite about how I make my money or how much money I make as these days conversations shared could bring enough negative energy which come as them caring. After covid I had to work two jobs to meet up financially and I did that for eight months it’s was a stressful eight months but am of that now, thanks to good investment ventures am financially stable.

It is so strange that generosity isn't a trait that people strive to have! When we had more money in my DINK days I loved treating friends to meals or drinks or whatever. Now I try and be generous with my time or skills or whatever. Everyone is so tightfisted.

I didn't want this episode to end 😂

every time you mention that your audience is mostly women, it makes me sad for all the men who don't know the delicious financial gossip they're missing.

I lost it at, "driving 200 miles to my country home where perhaps a bear has entered." XD

There is no way I would ever even acknowledge the charge. If pressed, I would send them a bigger bill for my time spent being a great guest.

My family is relatively well off in many ways, so I really appreciate my mum's candor about growing up poor (50s Dublin, IE) and how lucky we are not to be. If anything, on my irish side you're more likely to get in a fist fight to *pay* the bill, than not pay it. There's something really distasteful to me about people with money treating it like something that should be secret. Like they know the privilege they have but want the appearance of their wealth being their own merit, as opposed to an incredible accident of birth.

i’m taking a master of information and you’re 💯 right about gossip! it’s a super important part of information sharing especially for marginalized people

When all you have is your labor, you're willing to help others out rather than throw money at problems

My bf was the one who made me realize it's actually GOOD to talk about what you make at a company. Businesses try to act like it's rude or improper so that you don't find out how much your Co workers are making.

I can't believe these folks. When I had a good day of sales at our little shop ($500+) I was so excited I treated some friends to $70 worth of Chinese takeout, which is big spending at a restaurant for me....we had already planned to split it but at the end of the day I was like you know what nope I got it. People who don't have to worry about money don't need to be being this stingy.

I will say one - potentially controversial - thing. I have one friend whose signature move is to show up at an event other people have planned, and then complain about how much it costs or remind us that she's on a tight budget. I'm not talking outrageously expensive choices - I'm a writer, our other friend is a teacher. The girl who complains is getting her second master's degree. Yes, we have more income than her right now, and may for a long time. But - she never suggests things that work for her!! If she said, "let's have a picnic" or "let's get a bottle of wine and drink it at your apartment," I would say "absolutely!!" Instead, she leaves it up to us to plan something, and then complains about how we plan it and makes us feel like we should offer to pay for her, even though we are definitely not wealthy. So I have definitely encountered some non-generous rich friends, but I have also encountered a few people (not just this one friend) who never advocate for what actually fits in their budget. If you can't afford something or need a full breakdown of what it's likely to cost, speak up.

In the church I was raised in, gossip was strictly talking negatively about a person especially in a petty, shallow way = bullying. Because bullying a child (usually) upsets their parent. When it comes to someone taking the bill for you- ask them what they’re having. That will give you an idea of what they’re paying for their meal. You don’t make them pay more for your meal than theirs.

the cabin story got me rolling.....the audacity of this person lmao. they wanted HER to meet THEIR family and come to THEIR family's home but she had to pay an entry fee?? nah, they're lucky she didn't dump them!

So proud I found this!!! New Sub here!! Gossip is used to inform and keep things honest. This reminds me of when I was in the midst of salary negotiations for a group of employees only to be told I was gossiping and to let it go. I was demonized for trying to help my department. People even stopped talking to me (yes some of those Iwas even trying to help.) As mentioned I was trying to make "them (men) look bad" versus trying to do right by my team. Turns out they were severely underpaying women that do the same job as men by ALOT!! Recently Google allegedly had to pay $118 million to women as women were paid on average $15,000 less than men doing same job!! Gossip is certainly king in helping us find truth and justice (because we r often shut out of these negotiations as women) The story of being influenced by religion I know very well. Stay in a bad marriage, say nothing about your husband wasting money and yours because "we don't talk about money" are always ways women are disserviced. Thank you both for this amazing conversation 💕

I was once with a group of University Students at Lunch and they ordered food and Drinks for Like 40-50€ pP... I had a soup and a Softdrink for Like 10€... They didn't asked, they insisted on Splitting the Bill evenly... I excused myself, went to the waitress and paid my food... They will never speak with me again... All of them were rich Kids, sponsored Like 1000-1500€/month by their parents. I had 600€ Bafög ("Student loan", but half of it is a Gift...) Another group "invited" me to a Christmas Market and I reclined, because I was broke a.f.... They all also was in need of gouvernmental help and they invited me for two drinks! We became Friends and eben five years later we stay in contact ❤️ Poor helping poor... Rich shaming normal incomes...

I am sooooo glad this topic finally aired. I really needed to have my experiences validated, and to know others experience some ludicrous levels of stinginess. It's a sore spot in many of my interactions, tbh - and the silence around it all is perhaps the hardest part. And thanks also for pointing me towards the etymology of gossip. The more you know 🌈✨

I'm fuming 😤 This cabin-attendance-fee story is wrong on so many levels, one of them, not covered in the video is: with this arrangement, the girlfriend actually has to PAY to be allowed to meet her guy's extended family. Like it's a privilege that has to be remunerated! Think of it from another angle, if you had to pay $250 to meet her mother because the mother has a leaking roof and unless you pay, you won't be given access to acquainting her. Bluntly speaking, it looks like the family of the guy are some exclusive people and even approaching them to say hi! is a chargeable service. They have the same reason to charge the girl to be able to come meet them as the girl has to take a shoe-repairing fee from this group of people because otherwise she has no shoes to come meet them, and it's a fair arrangement because she charges all of her acquaintances that (sarcasm). What makes them different from the rest of us who agree to get to know each other (and each other's families) for free? If it's really about meeting the girlfriend, it can all happen outside of the cabin in the city, at a coffee shop, movie theater etc. where everyone is equal and your guests don't have to finance the upkeep of your real estate as a prerequisite of meeting you!

Tbh I feel embarrassed for my friends that are well off and call themselves "self made"

Whew....after hearing these stories I'm so glad that I have the friends that I do cause we would never. We speak openly about our money journey and other life goals. We encourage one another and call each other out on our bs.

I've never had so much fun listening to one of your podcasts. They're always super informative and useful, but this one was super light-hearted and shows just how gossip can be really full of life lessnos!

One example for me is the show Girls written by Dunham- the girls are shown struggling in NYC - when in fact Dunham went to a $50/k year high school- how was she supposed to write an accurate description of struggling financially?

Chelsea: “I know some of us were raised saying that gossip is a bad thing…” Latinas: “Not us!”

My ex boyfriend would ask me to pay every time he invited me out, along with paying half of his grocery bill simply because I was staying for a day or two. I never asked him for anything whenever he was visiting for weeks at a time.

Damn! Being rich is a choice. That's amazing. I love that.

This conversation reminded me so much of the “Rice Husband” chapter in The Joy Luck Club.

Normal Gossip is SO GOOD! I hadn’t heard of it before this episode but I have now been obsessed for the better part of a year. Kelsey is such a great podcast host and gossip storyteller!

the country home thing in canada is having a cottage. as an urbanite i just don’t understand it. my dad got one as part of his midlife crisis and it’s wack because also its “crown land” (aka unceded indigenous territory) and its kind of a shitbox but he’s enjoying his walden pond ig

Years ago I was out to dinner with a group of my best friends and when it came time to split the tab, and we were all trying to tally up what we should all reasonably owe, my one friend uttered the phrase, "Don't worry so much, friendship evens out" and that's been my guiding philosophy ever since. You pitched in the same amount at dinner as me when I had an extra drink? Well now I'll treat you to dessert the next time we're out, or grab you an extra coffee when I pick one up for myself. The cost in the moment doesn't matter, because eventually you'll do the same for me. If someone insists on nickel & diming they are not someone I need in my life. *EDIT* Since my replies suggest that I might not have made my main point perfectly clear - I'm not saying you need to evenly split the bill 50/50 every time vs just paying your portion. It's just unnecessary to get upset when you end up paying $2 more than someone else did when you're out together. The point is that there's no pricetag on experiencing things with your friends, and as long as the group is respecting each others' differing budgets, it feels unnecessary to spend time worrying about how much one person is spending vs another.

I can understand why rich people might not want to talk about it with those who have less, beyond either wanting to project a false self-image or being unaware of the difference. It can also be from not wanting to "rub it in people's faces". I, having previously been poor and only recently gotten above what I call the "financial equator" (where things spin the opposite way and push you north/up instead of south/down), recently met someone who treated paying for even a not-very-expensive, several-years-old car for years & years as a given, as if that's just the way it always is for real people in the real world. It was my first time experiencing what it's like to be significantly better off than somebody else I was interacting with, having just finished paying for a more expensive and newer vehicle than his in 16 months. I didn't see any good in pointing that out to him, so I didn't.

On the girlfriend and the cabin fee - girl, when someone shows you who they are believe them. You have no future with that individual.

We were invited to a destination wedding (Las Vegas), the trip cost each of us about $1000. A few days to the wedding the bride sends us menu so "we would know how much our dinner would be". Due to no refund, since it was last minute, we still went, had to pay for our dinner, but the friendship is over.

the cabin seems to be a ponzi scheme of the grandparents hahaha. they are living LARGE

The problem is that corporate America is screwing us and instead of unionizing we are fighting each other (exactly as the corporate executives want).

'Being rich is a choice' is a great quote, buuut, there is something to be said for privilege--like someone who comes from wealth who could literally not work or work a low-paying job and talk about being broke, but honestly still not get it because they are still well-connected and have a robust safety net...even someone in Congress or whatever might not make a ton of money, but they aren't there for the salary and they aren't there to work...but we all know they get plenty out of it

I really like what you said about no contact. I also have an abusive mother, and while I’m very low contact (basically no contact, except I have the messages unblocked), I don’t want to regret not being there for her because she has Alzheimer’s.

Old Millennial here- 'billing' friends is just about the strangest thing to me about young Millennials and Zoomers. My friends and I kept track of who picked up large tabs when we were young and broke (but ONLY when going out- NEVER having a friend over), but now it's not even a conversation. We just take turns- kind of. We don't keep tab. My friends and I are all financially stable, but none of us are wealthy.

We listen to her podcast at work and love it!!! It’s a bakery so it’s a bunch of girls who love the second hand drama lmao

Some Anthropologist believe that one of the earliest purposes of human language was gossip. So when, say, the hunter of a family goes off to find food, when he comes back he can learn what’s been going on while he was gone! Because when you think about it, you really don’t need to have language when you’re hunting. You are just, well, hunting!

You guys definitely know it already, but in Europe (Central/Western) it's quite commonplace to go Dutch when you go out to eat. It's not about not valuing the friendship. It's also absolutely no big deal for the servers as this is normal. Everyone pays for themselves and no hard feelings accumulate over behaviour including always ordering more expensive stuff, for instance. That doesn't mean that you never invite your friends, of course.

When taking the Bootcamp make sure you check your SPAM folder for their emails. I got really mad and thought I got taken for a ride only to find out that it was in the SPAM folder.

I had to stop and relisten to the cabin nonsense, I was laughing so hard. Dying when Chelsea said something to the effect of "this disgusting cabin." This was a great episode.

It’s unbelievable how people can be so inconsiderate. I tend to drop those friends because it’s clearly obvious how they are. You are so correct as those type of people are usually the ones that make more money and are the most frugal.

This was such an interesting and also uncomfortable conversation! So many good points were made.

I don't understand their take on the charging wedding guests at all. They highlight the vindictive element but that's not the point. The people RSVPed. The couple then spent money on the fact they confirmed they were going to be there. If they back out, they owe money because the couple only spent it because of them in the first place. That's not vindictive, that's simply consequences to their actions.

I'm crying, that cabin story was on Reddit's AITA subreddit a while back. YTA, don't come crying to TFD! Hysterical

I’ve been a fan of Chelsea since the TC days and I’ve never commented but these are 2/3 of my desert island podcasts and I loved this conversation and wish it could have lasted for another hour 😭 Kelsey as a fellow Texan I implore you to bring Chelsea onto your pod for the reverse crossover we all deserve

One of your best episodes ever, seriously, loved this guest.

Hahahaha, in the first minute I started to write this comment: Chelsea! Do you know about the Podcast "Normal Gossip"? I think you would love it! People tell stories of friend of friends, or family members. I loved this episode! Thank you and love from Germany

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, come and sit next to me😂

This ep is unhinged in the best way

Transparency is something I've strived SO hard for in recent years. I grew up way wealthier than my peers in Alabama, but my parents lived well below their means, so we didn't live in a country club, we didn't have new cars, etc. So it took me a long time to understand the differences between my family and my friends, whose parents worked multiple jobs. Really it was in high school when my friends started getting jobs to help pay rent that it hit home for me. It starts so early. I got to do activities my friends never would have been able to afford. Then I went to college at a private university where it became incredibly obvious between the scholarship kids and the Connecticut-private-school kids, then there was me in the middle, who didn't have THAT money, but didn't qualify for a scholarship either. So, now that I'm a grown ass adult with my own kid, I'm still a bit embarrassed about it, but I still get about 1-2 THOUSAND dollars a month from my parents to cover my mortgage or spending. My parents provided the down payment for our home. Could we buckle down and hustle and job-hop or move somewhere else and make more or buy a cheaper house or buy fewer toys for my kid? Absolutely. We would survive, we would still be fine. But I'm 30 and I still have only been "on my own" for a few years on the whole and they aren't right now. It took me a long time to lose some of the guilt I had about that. My parents are the ones who specifically tried to make me take the support. They don't view it as different than paying for college (which they ended up not doing eventually), but it's been really difficult to shake the "I'm 30 and I can't make it on my own" feelings. Anyway, obviously i'm super fkin blessed and I don't want to minimize that.

I got a fun reality check about how necessary gossipping is. I used to be in a friendship trio, we'd been friends for an excessively long time. Tldr, the one we don't talk to anymore blew up the friendship with my other friend over something stupid and meaningless, and then she blew up at me when I didn't side with her. After she quit talking to us, my best friend and I had an opportunity to compare notes, and we both realized that she had been sending red flags and practicing bad behaviors for years, but she was intentionally picking which of the two of us to tell about it that would be least likely to be offended by what she was doing. I think if we compared notes more, we would've had her out of our lives several years before, and it would've saved us both a lot of stress. Instead, we were too concerned about not gossiping about our shared friend, and it totally backfired on us. A year and a half free of that woman and we've been so much happier and grown 10x closer.

Being charged for a meal you were invited to happened to me too it was very wtf. It was a girl with kind of bourgeois (middle class/high middle class) standards of leaving. She cooked a fish dish that was very good but she litteraly made 10 to 20 x more of it than we could eat. Huge waste in itself. Then at the end of the night she charged us what could almost be a restaurant dish price per person, when we were all kind of struggling at the time. She didn't charge her other friends she was trying to impress. I regret paying to this day tbh. And WE were all upset because we would have never went if we knew we would have to pay this "fee"...

Yes, the rich roommates. I changed drastically my friend group in college from my freshman year back to people from my hometown because I felt so out of place among the much wealthier people initially placed in my proximity. It felt so much more natural when I encountered people from my hometown that we just gravitated toward each other

My jaw dropped at the cabin story. I am agape!!!!

“Don’t talk to each other about things” Fortunately for me, even though I too was raised in the church, that was NOT our definition of gossip. Imagine not being able to talk to each other about things??? What would be the point of fellowship? Gossip to us meant denigrating a person with information that may not be true, is personal, and mostly said behind their backs with them not having the opportunity to defend themselves or even correct the false info. I believe that’s a great way to be.

My daughter scored very high on her college entrance exams, and was accepted into ivy league schools back East with lots of scholarships. But there's no way we could have afforded the "extras" of running with a rich crowd. I was relieved when my daughter chose a state school instead. I didn't want her to feel "less than" ,🤷

I knew I was in the financial place I wanted to be when we could invite friends out to lunch, whip out the credit card, and pay for EVERYTHING. We did this at our wedding anniversary lunch on Saturday. We invited friends to the winery we wanted to go to, and the wedding venue we couldn't afford 13 years ago, and treated them all to lunch. Considering there were 8 of us and we had quite a bit of wine, the price was pretty reasonable, but it was still over $200. My other half didn't bat an eye as he announced he was treating everyone, since they'd gone through the trouble of making the long drive up just for us. That said, in that group was a friend who had done the exact same thing at previous lunches. I suppose that's our friendship language.

As a Gen X I would never charge a guest to stay at my house. That being said as a guest I would offer to pay for food, take my host out and give them a host/hostess gift. I have also learned that wealthy people are the least generous group by far.

Gossip is only stigmatized because of patriarchy. If women talk to each other it might undermine male control/dominance.

I love your outfit! The similar coloured top and skirt, nicely contrasted with your belt which has a pattern that echoes the glasses. Great overall look. 🙂

A big rule of mine (for me personally, I don’t expect this of others) in social outings is, “if it was my idea, and I know the price precludes someone from coming, I pay for everyone.” If I can only afford going out to dinner with friends if one friend on food stamps spends her week’s laundry money or grocery budget, I am in the wrong. And I don’t want them to feel embarrassed or like they’re taking advantage, so I just offer to pay for everyone. And if I don’t know someone’s financial situation, I also offer to pay. The point is that if they need their money more than I do, it’s my job to not pressure them into spending it. I either offer to pay, or we do something in their budget, or free. If it’s my idea, it’s my responsibility to make sure everyone can happily afford what I’m suggesting.

I'd love for this to be a regular thing every few months. That'd be fun 😄

"You're got a yard - that's the country", XD I live in a European city and there's no such luxury as a yard, so yeah, having a yard would be awesome. But lots of people I know do have this tradition of having country homes, which I suppose goes back to the days when the nobility would live in the capital in winter, then go away from the heat and dust and what not to their family estate, where they had peasants farming the land for them and providing them with the income to spend on houses in the city. P.S. I totally should record the bit about the cabin to use it with my ESL students as material for an Agony Aunt letter or a discussion about cringeworthy money stories, lol.

I'm currently a college student so the "broke college student" mentality hits hard with some people. I was SO EMBARASSED because at an industry tour and meeting for a top 5 company in our industry, the manager of the team asked if we had time to stay for lunch before heading back to our university, and my group mate deadass went "is it comped?" as if that's the ONLY REASON?? literally I was like we're here to get experience and network and this is the image you wanted to portray? smh all of the worst tippers and most venmo-y people I've ever known were the ones who have the biggest budgets/stipends from their families each month

Yes about the subsidized artists. This was the case with a shitty band from my hometown. Their 3rd album charted when their parents all bought a case of CDs pre-release. How did I find out? While getting something out of a closet, there it was. Un-opened, and un-shared. The band members also got allowances from their folks until they were about 30, and some still do.

I'm a firm believer in reciprocity at your level. My parents are comfortably retired and will sometimes treat me to a crab pot dinner. I make decent money, but I'm not at their level. I'll treat them to breakfast at a diner, or lunch at the all you can eat Indian buffet. It may not be equal, but it feels fair. Plus I've introduced my parents to some amazing restaurants they would not have found on their own.