Moving a mom with dementia into your home and a care facility

Рет қаралды 13,467

2 жыл бұрын

Hey there Careblazer! Welcome back to Careblazers TV, the place where we talk about everything dementia. If you are caring for a loved one with any type of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease, Lewy Body Dementia, or vascular dementia, then this is the place for you! I post a video every Sunday on the topic of dementia caregiving.
Today I talk with Lisa. She shares her journey of moving her mom with dementia out of state to live with her and how she made the decision to eventually move her to a care facility.
Links mentioned in this video:
cvalzheimers.org
www.alz.org
www.musicmendsminds.org
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. In my job, I help people with dementia, and their caregivers, by visiting them in their own homes and helping them cope through the many struggles of caring for someone with dementia. I have always wanted to help more people than is possible for me in a work day. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I do this in my spare time. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver

Пікірлер: 86

@RmandyN 2 жыл бұрын

I brought my mom into my home a year ago. I had been trying for about five years but she was not ready. She had a major stroke a year ago. Presented with perfect reason to get her to move to rehab but I knew has a nurse that she was with me to stay and she thought she was coming to rehab with me. The last year has been the most enlightening, glorious and sadest year of my life. Trying to remain strong for her.

@jameszarlnga4641 2 жыл бұрын

My fiancée was just diagnosed with behavioral variant Frontotemproal dementia at the age of 35 Eight months after having our second child. She’s progressing very quickly it’s the worst thing seeing the woman you love and the mother of your children disappear in front of you while still being here at the same time. I’ve had to become her full time caregiver and I pray to god every night to give me the strength to carry on for her and our children. Thank you for your videos they have helped so much.

@julieholmes3455 2 жыл бұрын

My prayers are certainly with you. I pray you have family and others to help and guide you through this. What a Man and father. That’s ♥️

@jenniferherb5212 Жыл бұрын

God bless you and hear your prayers

@ivahelf4077 10 ай бұрын

I am so very proud of you & will be praying for strength & courage for you. You are a man in every sense of the word! My mom has Alzheimer's & my husband of 35 yrs left me because I decided to take care of her.... it speaks volumes of who he is, doesn't it...!

@bluelinebabe1 9 ай бұрын

Oh, my word -- that's what happened to me! Blessings to you, and all the best with this.

@ivahelf4077 9 ай бұрын

@@bluelinebabe1 thank you! 😊 prayers for you as well.

@melodyrodriguez6881 9 ай бұрын

It appears I'm late to the game as this interview took place over 2 yrs ago. Yet it resonates still. My mom in law has been with me for nearly 6 yrs. Initially mild. Now, I just left work to care for her full- time. She is almost 88 and bedridden. Has begged me not to put her in a home. So I'm trying to do right by her and hubby who is wonderful. I feel all the emotions you did, Lisa. Found a place but couldn't do it. She is not social at all. So to her, a place other than my home won't work. Sometimes you're in it so long that you can't change course. If you can, take Lisa's advice and choose you. I applaud her. Thank you for sharing your story. 😊

@johnhaller5851 5 ай бұрын

Find resources that can help you. I had a person who would come once a week to help my mom take a shower. My mom became incontinent, and as a guy, it's just awkward cleaning my mom. It wasn't cheap, and as this video pointed out, it's really hard if you don't have money for services. Home healthcare can be useful if you mil can't really get to a doctor. Traditional Medicare plus a supplement is easier than Medicare Advantage if you need home healthcare. Eventually, Hospice is the right choice, but she needs to be at the right stage of the disease. A doctor has to write the prescription for hospice, so have a relationship with her PCP.

@jamiewebb9626 Жыл бұрын

This story came at the perfect time for me. Thank you for sharing. I actually spent today looking at memory care facilities for my mom. I moved in with her almost 8 years ago after my dad passed away from cancer. Mom was officially diagnosed with dementia 3 years ago, and I am at the point where I can't do it anymore. It was nice to hear Lisa say those words. Lisa's story is my story. Thank you both for this interview.

@victoriajohnson3034 2 жыл бұрын

Watching this is like looking in the mirror of mom and i over the last 5 years. Thankful i can still do all the care myself. Thanks to you and Teepa Snow! And i can relate to the unexpected emotional grief and fears no-one told me about.

@victoriajohnson3034 2 жыл бұрын

Getting support for your own emotional issues early on is key.

@jacquelinebates5650 7 ай бұрын

This is a wonderful episode, not just for memory care givers. A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with terminal cancer several years ago, and fortunately, we put in place a number of things (like taking over payment of her bills, her banking accounts, etc while she was still able to agree with that decision because once the cancer took over, she was heavily medicated to relieve the pain of the bone cancer and could not have participated in the decisions at that point.

@aloha-aloe1 10 ай бұрын

This is the best thing that I listen to and I’ve listen to it over and over. It consoles my heart, because I’m going through the exact same thing as I wait for a place to open up. Thank you. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever walked through in my life.

@karencrecco2922 Жыл бұрын

What a darling, balanced, and intelligent girl! You did so well by your Mom!

@DementiaCareblazers Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@reenimelgoza6450 2 жыл бұрын

This video resonated with me so strongly. We moved mom into our home 3 1/2 years ago. She was diagnosed 3 years ago but I knew long before that something was wrong. It has been challenging to say the least. We are moving toward help in the home since my husband and I work full time. I appreciate all the ideas that Lisa suggested and used with her mom.

@Olamchesed 2 жыл бұрын

Home care help is very important, for both of you. All the best, 🙂

@victoriajohnson3034 2 жыл бұрын

I do learning online free webinars and then practice. Like canning, Fermenting, microgreens, sprouting, etc. Lots of daily self development!

@alexmclife2261 2 жыл бұрын

I’m caring for my wife diagnosed with dementia 2016. My wife is a breast cancer survivor now 20yrs but sadly, she was diagnosed 2005 with Parkinson’s disease . Now I notice that her dementia is advancing. She’s always confused of her where about. Love her so much I don’t want to take her to the nursing home

@KAVIANSTREET 2 жыл бұрын

My dad has Parkinson’s also. His dementia is progressing. Yesterday he knew me but he thought my mom was his mother. He was trying to write a check his his gait belt. He is very agreeable though. My mom is always wanting to fight.

@janetfishwick8887 2 жыл бұрын

My 93 year old mother has stage 4 Alzheimers and has lived on her own for 31 years since my dad died. Mother is declining rapidly and has carers twice a day. She has a hairdresser, cleaner and chiropodist services who add to her care plan. Mother is under Adult Social Care Services but thinks that she can manage to maintain herself and her home. She has her shopping done and rarely leaves her bungalow. Mother is stubborn and anti-social and cannot cope with the slightest change to her daily routine. She has mood swings and becomes loud and belligerent when a Care Home is suggested. I am one of four siblings and would not wish to move her into my home. Neither would the rest of my family. This would prove to be too much for any of us and selfish though it may seem, a Care Home is probably where mother will end up. Not every family has a choice and I applaud those who take on an ageing, difficult and, in our case, ungrateful mother.

@karinwetzel1773 2 жыл бұрын

Similar mom, no siblings to participate.

@kathym6603 2 жыл бұрын

No it doesn't seem selfish. Reality is reality. My friend said her whole life "the only way I'm leaving this house (the house her husband and she built 70 years ago) is feet first." But, in the end, and against her will, she had to live in an in-law suite with her son and his wife. Then they couldn't take care of her any more and she had to go to a home where she died. Everyone loved her and did everything they could along the way. Sometimes it is just the luck of the draw!

@johnhaller5851 5 ай бұрын

My mom is the most agreeable person you would ever find. Still, the other people where she stays sounds like your mom. Some always want to go home. Some staff deal with that better than others. I just could deal with my mom's incontinence. I also couldn't leave the house for more than a couple of hours, making it hard to visit my children.

@janetfishwick8887 5 ай бұрын

Mother was finally placed into a Care Home in August 2022 after a fall which resulted in hospitalisation for 3 weeks. At my insistence, she was assessed by a Care Home Manager and her capacity to self maintain was deemed inadequate. Mother passed away peacefully in December 2022.

@nilakshiroy6 2 жыл бұрын

What a strong person Lisa is! All my love and good wishes for mother and daughter.

@manueladarazsdi9675 2 жыл бұрын

You're lucky your mom's agreeable. That's half the battle.

@karinwetzel1773 2 жыл бұрын

Frankly I’m envious of this mom’s agreeability. I’d love to be able to help mom like this, to focus on providing her with loving care. Not gonna happen because she won’t let it. Anosagnosia at it’s finest.

@KAVIANSTREET 2 жыл бұрын

I agree with both of you. My mom is not agreeable either. My dad is agreeable. It is an interesting difference.

@kathym6603 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you both for this spectacular interview.

@barbaracarr17 2 жыл бұрын

Lisa, thanks so much for sharing all the things you've learned to care for your mom and yourself. We're all trying to learn how to make it through this.

@lindaterrell9366 2 жыл бұрын

Thank You So much for sharing. I needed to hear your testimony. God Bless You for sharing. 💕 My siblings and I are in the same situation right now. Dr says Our Mother is going through Parkinson. She Hallucinates From the time she gets up until the time she lays down. She sees people in her home whom (to her) are real, etc. It's a lot. We feel lost bcz we have never been in a place like this before. We believe that through prayer, family meetings and working together in Love and Unity and with the help of the Lord we are going to make it. God has sent an Angel as a Caregiver to help us also. She is truly a Blessing.

@jjwolf1529 2 жыл бұрын

Every person is unique. We reduced Sinemet from 6 pills/day to 4. This decreased hallucinations and it didn't impact movement much. Also added 10 mg Aricept which increased cognitive skills.

@tomlinn7227 2 жыл бұрын

It is so refreshing to listen to such a kind daughter to her mother. It’s also good there is no anger or violence. For me, all I’ve experienced is anger, shouting and violence.

@JaneDoe-pr1bl Жыл бұрын

Her mom was agreeable and cooperative. Many are not. Instead they are angry, loud, accusatory, and difficult. Give yourself some credit. You are doing the best you can. It is not easy.

@michellesammut4309 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your support and kind words to get me and my mum through frontoportal dementia..as a caregiver I found it difficult frustrating amd heartbreaking..but your videos helped! My mum sadly passed this week but your help will stay with me forever thank you

@DementiaCareblazers 2 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry for your loss. Hope you are surrounded by love and support. Sending love.

@ushadigiacomo7213 Жыл бұрын

This is the best interview ever👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻so true!

@KiKiQuiQuiKiKi 10 ай бұрын

AMAZING!!!! I know none of this was easy for Lisa, but she came through with flying colors! Thank you for all of your balanced, healthy insights, Lisa. ❤

@alzheimerscoachellavalley6942 Жыл бұрын

Thank you, Lisa, for the mention! We just loved having you and your mom here. Happy to meet Dementia Careblazers, too!

@JudyBarrette 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your testimony. Since last July I have been in the same situation. We too found a balance eventually. It was indeed a rough year emotionally. All the best to you and your mom.

@marieapplesgate5650 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. I am very impressed with your skills, determination, honesty. I am very proud of you and your love for your Mom, yourself and your family. I learned so many new ideas from your experiences.

@lynylcullen8370 2 жыл бұрын

Incredible interview!! So many excellent parallels that I can appreciate and apply!

@aloha-aloe1 Жыл бұрын

Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an amazing daughter, and this has helped me so much to hear your story.❤️

@amtrue_ 2 жыл бұрын

Oh wow thank you! This is what I needed to hear today

@emikosan8712 Жыл бұрын

We had a hands on director for our state who came to my mom's apartment and he recommended an excellent attorney to guide us. I was holding down a fulltime job. Difficult days. Thanks for going this last mile with your mom. Great job.

@emikosan8712 Жыл бұрын

My sister could not at that time care for my mom. She is better now after my mom's passing and she is now the sister I have always needed and loved. Never give up.

@MG-xc6ts 2 жыл бұрын

I'm currently in the same position as her, I am glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. Completely agrees when she said family members just look the other way and everything falls on you! I am extremely tired , emotionally, physically, mentally, this horrible disease drains you !! Now, I'm in the process to looking for a memory place to put my dad in, he has fallen 4 times in 1 night, I'm very concern for him, he has sundowing syndrome,the medication the doctor gave him makes him very disoriented...because of his sundowing, he keeps on getting up all night long..this has been really hard for me! Also, The problem is financially, I called many places and they charge and because he only has medical-medicare ,I'm not sure what memory places are available in the San Diego area that are covered fully with medical -medicare .

@Justin-em7qo Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It really has helped me in many ways and I hope your Mum is doing ok.

@DementiaCareblazers Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@tjlubecky1226 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m in the process of moving my mom from Vegas to Washington. And it’s already been a journey so far. I got in Vegas in May, it’s August now. I am truly grateful for these videos. So so helpful.

@DementiaCareblazers Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@kathytonagel2332 Жыл бұрын

This was one of the best interviews.

@citysurviver8561 2 жыл бұрын

I want to bring my Dad home. He is so isolated in memory care.

@donnabonn1892 Жыл бұрын

Do what you think is best.

@soniasias6226 Жыл бұрын

This was an awesome interview. I wish i could get myself back.

@joybanks4974 2 жыл бұрын

Powerful!

@vivianjohnston6753 2 жыл бұрын

This is my story too! Thank you for sharing.

@DementiaCareblazers 2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

@rondaleistiko1227 Жыл бұрын

My mom's in Yuma az. I spent 3 months there away from my family in Oregon. my Dad was dying from cancer and he was her caregiver they've only been eating once a day eating out. He hid her condition from Family in Oregon and COVID-19 kept us apart. After he passed I stayed with her she made 6 pots of coffee everyday and only drank a cup. she would stray out of the house in the middle of the night looking for her husband and get lost, escaped from the hospital twice and was asking for a ride home but she didn't know the address, she thought I was a stranger and called the police 3 times 😭I had to get her in care I took her from the hospital that helped me get POA and took her to the memory care center Emerald springs in Yuma it took 5 hour before we could get her to walk in there. The guilt I feel is depressing but I had to go home . It's been so hard trying to take the best Care of her long distance.

@DementiaCareblazers Жыл бұрын

Hi Ronda, We are so glad you are here as part of this community. Wishing you all the best on your caregiving journey. 💖

@DementiaCareblazers Жыл бұрын

Thank you for taking care of your loved one, you're such a great caregiver. Please be strong to your loved one.

@karencrecco2922 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful experience!

@DementiaCareblazers Жыл бұрын

It really is!

@scottcooper4391 2 жыл бұрын

How about the reverse - we moved in with her Mom who has dementia ?

@artyv5450 2 жыл бұрын

mum uk in care since may ut we are still grieving and feeling so guilty but last couple yrs she lost tv remote, hid money didnt know where, couldnt remember how to cook ....last couple yrs hell i was round there nearly every day, angry, hurt, crying, it got too much, still feel grief as left my job at same time due to stress was bullied out nhs uk job i should hv done it b4 as job added to my stress, your careblazer channel is theraputice thank you x

@rmh691 11 ай бұрын

I support what she says about Alzheimer’s Association. I thought they would be a resource, and they are not at all. I thought the neurologist would be a resource, and they were not a resource either except to refer us to Alzheimer’s organization. All Alzheimer’s association does is raise money. They do not help you to navigate this disease in any way. We are out here on our own trying to figure this out. My mother is completely noncompliant, hostile, combative, aggressive, full of hate. She is the meanest person I know, and everyone in the family is bending over backwards to keep her out of a facility. She has been a tremendous burden on so many people in our family. I don’t know that a more devastating disease exists. We are in this for about three years at this point and I am convinced it’s causing ill health to us as caregivers and will probably shorten our lives.

@onthehill3381 9 ай бұрын

Everything you say is my experience as well with my mom, the neurologist who prescribed Seroquel that at made her flip out and offered no alternative. She regurgitates all her childhood trauma. It triggers me when she talks about her brothers bullying her when she allowed my brother to bully me. Things improved when we started giving her Sativa gummies about every three hours. I’ve been doing this for 6 years now and have the help of my sister. She’s 89 now in moderate late stage.

@rmh691 9 ай бұрын

Same here on regurgitating childhood trauma. One of mom’s favorite topics of conversation is how her mother was cruel and mean. My mother has forgotten (or is in denial and trying to rewrite history) that she was cruel and mean to her children as well. In fact, she likes to tell us, all the time now, how she was the best mother and how lucky we were to have her for a mother. She also completely flipped out on Seroquel. We started her on Abilify about 3 weeks ago and it’s made a huge difference in calming her hostility and hate. Even so, we remain on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

@tonicastle975 2 жыл бұрын

Lisa, I commend you for all you are doing for your mother. Thank you for sharing your journey with us in such an honest way. I'm curious about the art therapy with Bryce (?) Does he have a website or info available?

@lisadavenport1 2 жыл бұрын

Hi there! I don’t think he does - I’ll see him next week and find out!

@glendamorrison5159 2 жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness I can identify. I am not good as caregiver for my mom. I am always frustrated.

@viaja3569 10 ай бұрын

Going through it now by myself.. since 2016.. not much help for carers. The system is not working

@KindMeg 2 жыл бұрын

My moms in a memory care clinic and has been for awhile. I need some advice and help. The cost is getting too much. I’m in Southern California too.

@Robert-yw7sy 2 жыл бұрын

If you want to bring your mother home try asking your local senior center for a list of people that provide home care. They're some very caring people that do this and some don't charge that much. It can be very challenging at times, but also very rewarding., the key is to have good help and most importantly to ask God to help you, I've asked Jesus to be my savior with repentance many years ago, non of us is perfect and He has ALWAYS helped me even though you may not know it sometimes. God Bless.

@manueladarazsdi9675 2 жыл бұрын

It's a crime how much we have to pay.

@SuperQdaddy 2 жыл бұрын

Its tough decision..but I know I can't keep this up much longer..my mom is 92 and has some dementia and severe anxiety and fear of her future..she doesn't want more home aids and said put me in a home..but how is she goin to handle it ?..im afraid she will be drugged up and left in her room...I guess it will have to be done..cause I can't live on 3 hours a day when aid comes....and than have to deal with hrr constant nervous condition for next 21 hours..im alone..and its sad cause she was always strong and independent

@kathym6603 2 жыл бұрын

I guess you are saying she needs 24/7 care. I hope you can ease her into a home where you can visit often. The drugs? It is my belief that in a perfect world without chemicals and electromagnetic fields that have seeped into our bodies, and if we had a quality food supply, plus a medical and dental system that did not compromise the health of the patient, .... we could live healthfully physically and mentally until the end. We don't see, and we don't know, all the barriers we are faced with. I congratulate you for staying away from drugs (except in the case of suffering). But don't stay away from natural remedies including setting the body up for improving it's condition through a very low-carb diet and whatever else you can discover. A naturopathic doctor could help. Sometime you have to be a bit psychic to do this!! Peace to you.

@xiixiixo 2 жыл бұрын

She was lucky that her mom had a long term insurance plan. Money can be an issue.

@carolaskitchen8969 Жыл бұрын

I have made the decision ti olace my husband. This has been duch a hard journey watching your loved one disapear. Im just waiting for my medical appl. To be complete. I,'m going to try respet in a couple weeks. Worried how he will handle it.

@victoriajohnson3034 2 жыл бұрын

How did you choose a great facility?

@lisadavenport1 2 жыл бұрын

I toured two - one was very new and nice and I knew mom would feel good there. Multiple people in my support group recommended it. Support group networking is everything.

@soniasias6226 Жыл бұрын

She makes me want to move to Cochella.