Yeah, it's pretty simple and easy to not be a PoS

I was taught as a kid that no means no. It is never your fault if you say no and something still happens

@@alunlegg2484 absolutely. my point is just that we have to be realistic and understand that we do live in a world where plenty of assholes dont respect "no". so, it's best to stay away of those people

@@jurgnobs1308 and also learn to defend yourself from those people.

I think she's talking about what her past mentality was and doesn't feel that way anymore, but it's still important to say straight up that isn't true. Thanks for being a decent human being!

I’m glad he/she is dead and I hope you find peace ❤️ Male survivors have less support and less understanding. I’m sorry about that.

I am sorry that you still struggle and that you went through something so horrible. People care man! Glad your attacker is dead, maybe i shouldn't say that, but it's the truth. Gentle hug

hope you'll find a way out of the nightmares, man. you deserve a life that isn't haunted by that terrible experience.

My deadass brain read "my therapist has been dead for 25 years"

@@stud6097 😂🤣 honestly calling therapist "the rapist" is one of my favorite jokes i.e. "I've got an appointment with the rapist in Tuesday" so the fact you saw that makes me chuckle

I like the idea of taking a vacation from that stuff. Being told to let it go is hard. Taking a vacation feels more doable.

I love that sentiment, but willing yourself to let go of some things feels like trying to turning back time

Mine told me to sing the chorus of the song, “Que Sera Sera.” At the time, I thought it was so dismissive and trivializing of the situation I was experiencing. However, I took her advice and say that one day when I was having a panic attack and it actually helped! For me, it has just been a thing to remind me that I cannot control yesterday or tomorrow, and I need to live in the moment. Walk outside, smell the air, feel the temperature, listen to the birds, and bring myself back to the here and bowls

“Simply” concentrate on … It’s not simple at all - only the instruction itself is simple. But yes, mindfulness is a thing.

Don't look to the past with regret. Don't look to the future with worry. Look around you with awareness

that's damn impressive john. 28 years is huge! i'm sure you'll manage for the rest of your life. thanks for speaking out. i think it's important for people to know, that boys and men can be targetted too.

Congratulations! Hope you’re living a good life now. Happy late birthday, bas well

hey, hope you are doing well now! congrats on so many years sober ❤

28 (29 now) years is baddass. Good job.

​​@@jurgnobs1308 the sad thing is most of the men that target boys are heterosexual, but choose boys because they can (and usually do) get by with it longer. It has to do with power not sexual preference, just as rape is about power not sex.

That’s such a poignant yet sweet story…. You were doing the best you could and I’m sure your efforts and caring made a major impact on her road back to trusting humanity… please accept kiddos from a total stranger that you sir did real good… 🙏

@@dianahuang4991 I have carry a lot of guilt for not putting a stop to the play fight that triggered her PTSD episode.

@@ericminton6084you’re so sweet. Wish more men were like you.

You did awesome. It was something that just happened. Nothing you did was wrong. She was very lucky to have found you attaining her life. Wish there were more compassionate men like you out there.

Hey girl hope you’re doing better than you were 6 months ago. But you are not alone and your feelings are valid ❤️

I am also hoping that you are doing better now, 10 months later.💖

I know how you feel. I have been suffering from PTSD for nine years now and although the citalopram and trazodone help, I still have many problems. I keep hoping for a cathartic moment, like when the divorce from my abuser is final, but I really don't know. Maybe the fix is counseling; I haven't been able to do that yet. If nothing else, make a major change on your life... relocate if you can, make a change in your career, make some kind of 'break' from your old life... It's hard, but I have done some of those things and they have helped, but as I said, you can only do what is possible. :) I feel better from what I have done with myself, but do have a long way to go. I hope you are able to recover as well.

Thank you for taking care of yourself. I will do the same and sit this one out.

Amen and ditto, I have saved this for another time when I'm in a better head space, but much love (even tho this was posted 2 years ago) thank you!! ❤

Updates? I hope you're doing better

I whole-heartedly agree

I always thought I could make it through on my own, that I didn’t need help. Then an old physical trauma reared its ugly head and in the midst of taking care of that, my doctors set me up with a psychologist and when I protested, they said, GO!! I can’t believe how much that helped me! Not only with the physical pain I was dealing with, but also with dealing with the root cause of that, which had been spousal abuse. And also with an assault I’d been through, along with various other events in my life. So, as someone who’s dealt with a lot of trauma in their life, thought they could go it alone and ended up talking to someone, please make an appointment to talk to someone! You may not reach the person you need to the first time, but don’t give up!! Find someone you can feel comfortable with, someone that you can tell all to!! It’s cathartic, but that’s not all. You learn to cope with your past; how to accept it, live with it and move on. It really does help!!

It really helps. I did EMDR just a few months ago and it has made living life so much easier. I spent a long time telling myself that I couldn't afford it, but I hit a point where I realized that I can't afford not to prioritize my health. I had to move back in with my parents to fit therapy in my budget but it is so worth it. And now that I'm doing better mentally, a lot more career options are open for me so hopefully I'll be able to move back out soon and be in an even better place than I was before. I hope you are able to find a way to get help and that there's people in your life who can support those efforts. And don't lose hope even if it doesn't work out great at first. My first therapist was terrible and it took me a while to try again after, but I found one after that has helped me immensely. I recommend starting out using an online service if you can, they pair you with a specialist that fits your needs instead of having to rely on whoever is geographically close and has patient availability. (I used Betterhelp) Once I found a therapist that worked well with me I switched to just booking appointments with her directly and saved a little bit of money. I find online therapy through video chat just as effective plus it's cheaper and saves me a lot of anxiety about going to public office. You are worth the investment in your health. You are courageous for being able to admit you are struggling. Just surviving is something to take pride in.

She is awesome, I agree. These are important videos. And as someone who goes to trauma therapy, I would totally recommend it because it has helped a LOT.

I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. It took me a long time to realize how much my trauma continued to impact my daily life, even though it wasn't something I thought about I hope you are doing better. Wishing you the best ❤

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through ❤️

Napping a lot can also be due to diabetes 2, emphysema or COPD, heart disease, hypothyroidism, adrenal disorders, hepatotoxicity, ovarian or testicular cancer & so many many more conditions. So it's important to rule all this other stuff out if you are a perfectly healthy person and suddenly start needing to sleep during the day. Don't just assume that for some reason your napping is related to some psychiatric issue until you have ruled out all the physical causes. Doing that may very well cause you to miss cancer, diabetes, heart disease or some other very serious life-threatening health issue.

My ex-wife is doing EMDR to deal with abuse from childhood/parent/upbringing. We're both 60ish and she's been 'in therapy" for 30 some years and does really well, her 2 sibs don't do anything and are in constant chaos/drama.

​@String Larson you sound like you don't believe in therapy and that you don't believe in her or how abuse can effect someone. Instead of judging why not try to be understanding and supportive. You sound dismissive and that really hurts survivors.

At the time you write this comment I was about three weeks away what was planned to be a 9-hour surgery forovarian cancer . So here I am a year later, I don’t know if it’s coming back and I am so full of rage. It is boiling over. I am so traumatized .I’m so grateful for the treatment and I hate it too

I really needed to see this, thank you so much. I'm 2 months into it and it's a LOT.

I did emdr as well for my cptsd. It was hell doing it, but the confidence and self worth i felt after was well worth it.

EMDR saved me.

@@lindajohnson3272 where do you do EMDR ?Therapist office or at home?

@@bpolly1154 Initially done with a trained Therapist.

I only learned about it in 2020, and it seems pretty legit

Jeeze i read about that fire ya that was a horrific thing to witness no doubt. Hope your dad gets the help he needs

I know right? Isn't she just so gloriously smart?! Time well-spent watching this and so many of her videos.

My mom was raised catholic and told me all these horror stories about the church and the upbringing. I have a hard time with giving any respect to the church after hearing all these stories about this type of behavior(I was raised agnostic and I am indendent practicing wiccan) Your post is enlighting to see that people do want to take a stand and try to bring back morality to the church.

@@riannamajzoub5241 The fact that many high-ranking Catholic leaders tried to cover up child molestation by priests instead of protecting the children is definitely disgusting and wrong, but as Jo's story shows, sexual abuse can happen among Protestants as well. (I'm assuming that the man who sexually abused Jo must have been Protestant because Jo mentioned a church meeting in a private home and I don't think that Catholics would meet in such a setting.) You may have also heard about Ravi Zacharias, who was a Protestant, and how after his death several women revealed that he had sexually harassed them while they were giving him massages. I don't know very much about Wicca, but I imagine that if there are Wiccans who, unlike your independent practice, pursue their faith in a group, the possibility for abuse would be there too.

Another thing that disgusts me is when you are told that to heal you need to forgive you abuser and then let the experience go. The old forgive and forget thing. NOPE!

@@tinydancer7426 If I were Jo and someone had sexually abused me, I don't think I would be able to forgive him if I even wanted to. Within Christianity, we are supposed to forgive everyone who has wronged us, but that is easier said than done in many cases. I once decided that I wanted to become a high school teacher, and I enrolled in a university program for it. The professor in charge eventually decided that I would never be a good teacher and he kicked me out of the program. The things he said to me, about how I didn't care about students and so on, I felt so angry about his criticisms. I had a very hard time just forgiving his hurtful words. I cannot even imagine how difficult it would be to forgive a sexual abuser.

@@PolymorphicPenguin Isn't it interesting that prof, in his treatment of you, so demonstrated exactly what he was accusing you of. Just curious, but did you demand he give you evidence of his accusation of you "not caring about students" and what ever else he believed justified forcing you out of the teacher training program? Was he the department head? Did you stay at that school ..... I sure as hell wouldn't have ..... who knows who he might very well have run his mouth to and tainted their opinions of you when trying to get accepted into another program. Reminds me of an incident at my college ..... a male student had gotten himself too deeply entrenched in the drug culture on campus and, realizing he was in too deep and didn't know how and where to go for help, he went to the dean of men students .... rather than helping this boy (he was 18 years old, a freshman), he sat there and tore that kid apart, told him he wasn't worth the time and effort to help him with his addiction, he was a failure as a student, a black mark on the school and that he was going to call his parents to come and get him off the campus. That boy went back to his dorm room (told his room mate what old lard ass (that's how he was known by the student ) said to him, and then he sat in his room by the phone waiting for his parents to call and let him know when the would get to campus ..... he sat there that night and the next 2 days ..... the on the last day, he simply walked out of his dorm, into the church next to the dorm, climbed the stairs to the top of the bell tower, climbed up onto the parapet wall and just stepped off ...... students sitting the lounge right at the floor to ceiling picture window facing the church watched him do it ...... yeah, he was dead when the rescue crew from the town fire department got to him ...... these are our illustrious educators we entrust our children's educations to .......

Can a sentence begin with but? Or is a comma necessary?

I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through this Jordan, but thank you for sharing your experience, so other people can learn from it.

@@Anonymous-lq2bs According to editors and grammarians, there is no comma after the word but at the beginning of a sentence. There is really only one comma rule that mentions conjunctions: a comma goes before a coordinating conjunction that separates two independent clauses.

People are nuts. Especially if you are in a low income socio economic class. Google high conflict people. Google historionic personality disorder. People are nuts. I'm so sorry it's hard to find support. Especially if you are in one of the lowest social economic groups. Poor people do not have time or energy or sanity to be there for others.

wish you all the strength you need. another 11 months have passed since you wrote this. i hope you managed to make even more process in that time.

If you don't know how to use a gun, go out and learn. Jo's story is one of the biggest fears I have for my 9 year old granddaughter. She is in her second year now with me on firearm training. I've told her the only reason I'm doing it is to where she can out shoot anyone she dates. I want to make sure she has the tools and the mindset to not be a victim.

a clinical psychologist said the most effective treatment for PTSD & trauma is this thing on youtube " Dr.hew len lnner child meditation best quality". he said it go's deep into the subconscious to defuse traumas all trauma. & that you never focus on or think about the trauma's & you never go near them. & is totally safe. he said you have to do it everyday for 6 months. its only 16:

@@dhat1755 There is no mindset that makes people be victimized, and a gun can’t protect her in most traumatic circumstances that you might be afraid might happen to her. I know you probably are saying this stuff out of fear and helplessness, but “give her the tools and mindset to not become a victim” is such utter victim blaming bullshit. If she does get traumatized after you’ve put so much work into her training - because sometimes shit just happens, or a previously trustworthy acting person suddenly stops being trustworthy - are you going to conclude she did something wrong?

@@kalieris and perhaps you are lashing out at me because nobody gave you the tools. The military gave me the tools and mindset to win violent encounters. I want her to carry the skills to outshoot anyone she dates. With that, hopefully others will respect the skills she has if nothing else. I wasn't trying to victim shame. But if that is your take away, then it's better that we end this at this point or else you will find more to take offense with.

Yeah, except she was the victim while you were the oppressor. It's extremely disrespectful of you to compare yourself to her.

@@bacicinvatteneaca I agree with what you're saying, but thats a very reductionist way of thinking about the military as an oppressive force, assuming they're American, since the entire US system is set up in a way that leaves few ways out of poverty, or getting health care coverage outside of the military. The military as a whole is an oppressive force used by the state and the propaganda/incentives used to recruit is a lot easier to see in retrospect. Not everyone reads leftist theory or even has the perspective to consider their place in the capitalist system, so your response to this person is probably doing more to push people away from that way of thinking. Someone can be both a victim and an oppressor either by design or their own choice. Edit: added the word both for clarification

@@bacicinvatteneaca You are making unwarranted assumptions about the poster's nationality. Their war service might have been in defense of their country.

​@@bacicinvatteneaca no no you are not gonna say that that is insensitive This is still a valid thing to have ptsd about even if you don't like it if you going to downplay a serious mental illnesses And the military is bad where you live does not mean it the same everywhere you can't attack people who are deal with ptsd There countries and territories that without their armed forces they wouldn't be here today

I hope you're doing really well today ❤

I don't understand how you guys get so much emotional support from a dog. What if you got sick? This dog is not going to bring you to the hospital. I loved my pets when I had them. I am too poor to have pets now. Not enough money for me let alone veterinarian care, etc for them. But yeah, when I had them. I saw myself as a source of support for them not the other way around. I could be in the most pain. I've ever been in in my life. And the dog is not going to walk up to the refrigerator open the refrigerator door and get me a bottle of water and bring it to me. Any human being who is around you when you are in such a state would do this except for the most vile. I loved my pets and would do anything for them. I am the person that truly scooped the litter box every single day, Because I wouldn't want to use a litter box that has waste in it , you know? It was all about treating them the way I wanted to be treated. But no I never saw them as a source of support. Ever. A source of stress because they were my responsibility many times, yes. But a source of support? Hell no. They were some of the most inconsiderate friends I ever had. They would get literal c*** on their foot when they were out on a walk. Or in the litter box or whatever and then walk around the entire apartment spreading that all over the place. They never once vacuumed they never once washed one dish never ever not ever once. Even though I needed to physical help so much. Because I was in so much pain. So I don't see how they are supportive. They don't ever say anything. They never tell the person who is verbally abusing you to shut up that you don't deserve it. They never do. They never tell the person who's gas lighting you to knock it off and stop playing games. They aren't even aware of what any of that means. If something intrigues them or frightens them enough , they will literally launch across your lap gouging you with their claws , they are that inconsiderate. So where is the support? I could understand if it is a specially trained dog. Who can accomplish things like literally going to the refrigerator and getting you a bottle of water because your pain level is too high for you to walk over there yourself. Maybe I'm just one of those super strong emotionally strong people who doesn't even understand what? You mean when you're talking about support? I automatically imagine you mean physical support. Because that's what I need. I don't need someone here to cuddle me emotionally. What I need is someone here to get me a bottle of water? Because I'm in so much damn pain don't want to move.. I mean, I stink because my clothes are dirty. Because I sweat so much. And I can't do laundry because I'm in so much pain. I just lay here day after day after day. Not doing anything except for getting up to go to the batrump and get food and drinks otherwise I don't move because it hurts!! It hurts so much to move!!! I've always been like this though even before I was in pain. I had pets. I went to my job. I didn't see them as a source of support like I said , I saw them as a source of struggle- The only reason I had them is because no one else had the money to take care of them. They would have been euthanized if it wasn't for me. 80% Of dogs and cats born in this country are still euthanized for lack of home. Because morons who cannot care for them breed them. Mostly unintentionally. Because they're too irresponsible to get their animals neutered. Anyways, yeah, I have felt the same way my entire life. The only thing that's different now is that i'm physically disabled from cancer. And no, there isn't a dog out there. That's trained to do laundry. So I don't see how it's going to be of support to have a dog , especially not to have two. When both of them get diarrhea, it's them that need you for support. You are going to have to be doing all this laundry, You won't even be able to sit down on your own sofa because it'll have diarrhea on it. And do you think they're going to take 1 second to clean up after themselves? Of course they're not!!! That's on you. How that is considered Supportive I will never be able to figure out. Please explain this to me

It is not about sexual pleasure, it is all about control and power and fear! Real sickos, narcissists!

I'll tell you now it's not just men. I was the last on my school bus. There was a driver and an assistant driver. ANYONE can do evil or good it's up to them. So if someone tells you that really kind person did a bad thing try to start with it's possible. No one believed me.

It’s not about pleasure as much as it is about power and entitlement.

Spencer, I had a shotgun held to my head by a jealous boyfriend when I was 18. Thankfully the gun misfired, but in my head that CLICK was deafening and it took a minute to realize I was still very much alive. That was the day I left. To this day, I can't stand fireworks and any kind of gunshot scares the sh*t out of me. I hope you are okay. 😐

@@melissamusick5864 I’m so fucking sorry that happened to you *hugs tight*. Sometimes I feel so stupid for still being triggered by school shooting scenes or gun robbery scenes in shows.

@@Savvy_lurker_14 that's not stupid at all. That stuff IS scary. The people who aren't scared clearly have never been on the wrong side of the barrel. Peace to you.

Thank you. Words of encouragement from someone who understands is helpful, especially when the process of dealing with the trauma is still actively going on. I hope some day to see this diminish for myself and my son, but until then I push forward/keep on keeping on. Hope you have a wonderful holiday season with those you cherish.

@@erinmcdonald7781 awe Thanks Erin, I am so sorry you are going through this and your son too. I hope the same for you, that you both have a wonderful holiday season. All the best to you. Reminding you how strong you are. Resilient. You are amazing and worthy.

True That ! Slaps are good !!😍 just sayin