You seem like a well functioning adult. There is no point in harming yourself over the past, especially after presumable over 10 years. I got picked on in middle school as well. Hell, to this day I don't have any friends. But harboring hatred and dwelling on it will cause nothing but harm. I know it can be easier said than done but it's a normal human reaction to just look past the past and move on. It's called the past for a reason. You're a good lookin dude. Get some motivation. Do some self care get some bitches. I don't mean that in a condescending way. I'm just saying you don't have to think about an ex-friend. Once you find someone you can devote your life to, you won't need anyone else in your life. Sure, there may be some trials and errors, but once you find your soulmate you won't need anyone ever. (your video popped up on a suggested video somehow so here's my two cents lol)