So sorry you lost your dad. I was a flight attendant for United Airlines and lost many colleagues that horrible day. Emotions are still everywhere. Lots of sadness still. I replay as well.

Your brain blocks out over amounts of trauma but your body will always hold on to it. Owning your trauma is key.

I just watched an other video of yours that touched me deeply, which led me to subscribe and then look through your other videos, and chose this to watch. I am a 60 year-old woman, I lost my dad 10 years ago so I was 50 when he passed, he was 80. I'm telling you this because I want you to understand it does not matter what age your parent dies and how old you are , you will always wish you had them with you still. I reacted in anger when my father passed, not straight away, but once the funeral was over and life went on my anger became very intense. I would lash out at everyone I loved, for the tiniest offence, and inwardly I was yelling at dad, asking how could he leave us? That feeling didn't leave me till dad came to visit me in a dream, two years after he passed. That night I had gone to bed wearing earphones because I wanted to try something new to help me sleep, it was binaural beats, I chose one that induced HAPPINESS. I remember feeling sleepy and smiling, then I was dreaming of my dad, I know it was a visitation because when he first showed up I knew dad was no longer alive, and I asked him how he was, he was happy and smiling and said he was great, look at me I can run I can jump I can do anything, I was so glad for him because he had been ill for so long, he asked me if I had any food, I said yes I made chicken cutlets and there were bread rolls in the kitchen, as he was walking back from the kitchen he seemed to be getting taller and younger, it was a long corridor, by the time he reached me he looked like he was in his early 30's and he had a blue and white shirt and denim jeans, dad's eyes were the colour of the sky on a sunny day brilliant blue. I remember thinking he looked like he did in a photo we had but it was black and white. When he left I walked him outside and he drove off in a 1940's yellow car. The next day I remembered every bit of my dream, and I was dying to ask mum what colour the shirt dad had in that photo was. When she said it was blue and white and matched his eyes perfectly I knew he really came to visit me, another thing that I felt the next day, was healthy, and able to get through my chores easily as I have been sick my whole life, and only found out 4 years ago that I have a genetic heart disease that apparently will shorten my life but hey I'm still kicking right now. I believe dad came to visit me, looking the age he passed at, so I didn't get freaked out, but wanted me to know that he can be healthy and younger in this new phase of being, and wouldn't we all love to look and feel like we did when we were 30 . Hope this helps in some way. Peace.

Wow. Well this is raw talk at its finest. I clicked on ur channel, and this intro video started auto playing, I had no intention of watching right now, but the way you tell your story, the story itself and the rawness of it all, I absolutely couldn’t stop. I haven’t been thru anything that u went thru, but similar to your ma. I too lost my significant other, father of two kids, to murder. The trauma is such a painful experience, and yet so intriguing how your brain pushes memories out to protect you, if only for a while. I did the same thing to my kids, by keeping it in around them and picking up the shattered pieces to continue life for my babies, I stayed in the darkness for over 15 years. I do not even remember barely any of the 15 yrs after the trauma. Which is awful, because those were the years of my kids growing up. I’m sure I was there for them, but was I present? Prob not. I held a lot of anger and resentment towards his killer, towards myself, towards life. I know during the 15 plus years, I felt cheated, for myself and for my children. One day, it seems, I woke up with a completely different view of the world and a sense of pressure, guilt, sadness and anger was lifted. I actually felt healed in a sense. I still have PTSD though, which causes me to lash out quickly, I’m irritable, annoyed, etc at the drop of the hat. Noises trigger me, words trigger me, places trigger me. This trauma happened to me in 2005, I’m just now starting to see a “shrink” in 2023 to fix my mood adjustments and trauma issues. It’s def a forever process. Thank you for this podcast. It’s helpful.

It’s 2:30am and this insomniac came across this video (and subscribed) I’m in Australia and remember being glued to the tv on 9/11…due to time differences it was around 11pm on a warm spring evening, my brother said turn over to the news there’s something happening in NY. I was heavily pregnant, due September 2001. I stayed up all night in disbelief at what was unfolding. Thank you for sharing your personal story, I’m so sorry for the loss of your father ❤

Hey David. Thank you for your podcast. September 11, 2001 was a horrible day for all Americans even if we did not lose someone we loved. I appreciate you sharing your story of personal loss with the world. When my father died I was 17 and it still affects me. It was a much slower death with alcoholism, and what I believe was undiagnosed mental illness. Now that I have three children of my own I honestly just try to be the best husband and father I could be, and not make the same mistakes he made. Sometimes I even feel guilty because life has been better after he passed, knowing I don’t have to worry about them finding him outside in the freezing cold in the winter (grew up in Kentucky) or back in and out of the hospital or jail. He had no money or life insurance and we had no clue how we would pay for burial. My mom was divorced from him but was kind enough to pick up the bill so my father could have a proper burial. She had to make payments but she did it for me. Anyways, thank you once again and I look forward to hearing more episodes.

Gosh I love you. Just found your channel today. I consider myself a student of NDE'S I have watched one or 2 everyday for the last 2 years. I felt called to comment and share a piece of my heart with you, what my heart feels.... Everyone in your life that said you were the "Man of the house" is the way they witnessed you. It's 100% true to them, and they are mirrors FOR you to see yourself through their lens, They are 100% authentic, and their perspective is real to them. i pray you're proud of how you were viewed by them. Your definition of "man" may feel different, however I can pretty much guarantee that their perspective has zero to do with the fact that you're male. You clearly showed up in a way that made them feel safe. I am impressed with your humble, kind, curious heart, and I commend you for how you show up on this platform. You're a wonderful expression of presence and love. Sending you MY love, I look forward to diving into your videos. ♥,Dana

So sorry for your loss my dude!! Love hearing your story. I new someone in the first plane that hit the towers. Crazy how much time has pass

This show essentially is your therapy. So tough to go thru the loss of your father, especially being killed in such a public way, which can be a curse and a blessing that so many dealt with similar losses on that day. Your family sounds tight-knit and strong which helps so much to have such support. We don’t realize how much the sudden loss of a close family member at a young age affects us later on and shapes who we become as we all travel thru life alone, but together. Trauma is so complicated and it’s hard to explain it to others and understand it unless you are unlucky enough to have to deal with it. Sorry for the novel. Good luck to you on your awesomely entertaining podcast. Cheers!

You are good people David. I personally didn't lose anyone on September 11th, but like millions of other folks around the world, I believe I was permanently affected. I don't know if it was in a good or a bad way, I guess we will never know. I admire not only you and your sisters strength, but your mother is an incredible person for having the strength needed to not only keep herself together, but take care of you kids during that tremendously stressful and emotional time. She ain't just a rock, she's a mountain! ❤

I remember seeing that on TV & then seeing the 2nd tour being hit. I just fell to knees crying for all those people & being so mad. I just walked & got my kids out of school.

So sorry for your loss, man. I lost my Dad as well, but due to a heart condition. Funny, that day he got a clean bill of health from his Dr. Later that day, he passed away at home. I’m from No/Central NJ(now in CA too!) and I remember 9/11 very well. Insane day… I was working and we ran across the street to a laundrymat that had TVs and the news on that morning. So sorry for what you and so many others went through. My Dad was my hero but my Mom for sure, is the strongest that I know. Eager to watch/listen to your other stuff. Thanks for posting. ❤

Thank you so much for sharing. I have never commented on a KZfaq Video but this just took me somewhere….❤❤

That was dad letting you know he’s always with you and mum. I’ve noticed they always nail the timing too, almost like your dad planned your unplanned visit. I love those kind of messages. They’ll always be powerful and beautifully comforting because they’re meant for only you. Thanks for sharing ❤

Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable! Your loss is tremendous and I’m happy you’re learning how to process! Sending you love!

thank you for sharing your story, and i'm so sorry about your father. what a trauma to go through. i was 16 on 9/11, and had been in a coma for 2 weeks. i awoke just after the first plane hit, after having a NDE. so though i didn't lose anyone that day, i am extraordinary connected to those who were lost. i saw the energetic exchange from the other side and how concerned spirit was. it's effected me deeply. much love and healing to you.

Thank you for sharing this. Your story has and will impact so many people🥺! Sending my support to you and your family.

I always wonder what the best thing to say is. So I just say “I love you”. I figure that’s the best thing I can offer and because I do love them.

Woke up early, found this channel and I gotta say I’m glad I did…. We all go through terrible moments in our life and most people think just cause we are young we don’t know anything or haven’t been through anything but most of the time it’s those young men/females that have the most traumatic experiences. Just like you said most people go through stuff and don’t even have the support so they often live lives of quiet desperation wondering what would have been. We live in a world where we can connect with people all over the world with just one video and you spreading the fact that we just need to talk, let it out and we aren’t alone in this mess we feel like we are in.

Beautiful. Thank you. God bless your mother.

First I want to say my sincerest and deepest condolences, I don't know the right thing to say but this is the closest expression to verbalize what my heart feels. Thank you for making this video of your personal experience with death, grief, before and thereafter. You had me crying and laughing all while drawing me in with your vulnerability and honesty. Someone mentioned your podcast on Penny Wittbrodt's NDE channel and I looked you up, this is the first video of yours I've watched and just wanted to say thank you. I'll be checking out your content for sure. God bless you and your family

Sorry that that happened to you and you family. Was such a tragic day that will never be forgotten. I still remember exactly what I was doing that day. I can’t even imagine your sense of loss and grief. This channel is so amazing. Amazing that you started this from your grief to help others with theirs. I am sure your family is so proud. Especially your father which can’t be denied after listening to some of, if not all of the stories on this channel.

Thank you for sharing, and sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing such a intimate and foundational experience of your life. I appreciate what you are doing with this channel, breaking the taboo, talking about grief, and death. We need to spread grief intelligence, I know I have suffered living in a society that doesn't have it. "There are some things that can’t be fixed.They can only be carried." Thanks for this wonderful channel.

I remember exactly where I was at when I learned about the first plane hitting, so vivid. I was in Texas and I couldn't imagine having that memory if it impacted me personally on a family level

God bless you, thank you for sharing your story. 🙏❤️

I so so feel for everyone involved in this 9/11 twin towers tragic ordeal...I had a fucked up child hood I mean really fucked up with an alcoholic father who was not abusive to me at all, never laid a hand on me ever! but at the same time he was not there but on the weekends to go fishing, but at least I got to go fishing, I'm sorry Dude you had to go through this...Peace to You and Yours...thinking of you and yours during this time sir.

I also had a very traumatic childhood. I can't remember anything from my teenage years to maybe my junior year of high school

Just found your channel and I’m glad this is the first full episode Ive watched

I enjoyed your message. Trauma is a great teacher! I hate that most of us in the world have gone through it. Seek Jesus my dude! He is the pathway to true healing and understanding.

I feel so sad for your loss.

Thank you for sharing❤️ Watching this has made me realize that I had blocked a lot of things in my life as well and now that I’m in my 30s it’s true you begin to reflect and so many emotions come out.

Hi David , thank you so much for telling your experience, your such a wonderful young man , I think that your self reflection is very understandable ,and the gaps in your memory are also natural having gone through that trauma and the shared trauma that your whole family was doing through . I think being male then being only male in the household has clearly been hard on you ,but it’s just how it was in your family , I wonder if you have any support around this particularly from other young people who perhaps lost family on that terrible day ? Because it think it might help you . I just discovered your channel and have watched the episode with Amber , I really found it fascinating and of course have subscribed . Take good care of yourself ,and they and factor in some fun much love ❤

I TOTALLY get what you mean about remembering but not remembering. 9/11 will always weighs heavily on me. not because I lost someone, but because of everything that happened that day and more so everything that happened that school year. I'm a year younger than you, so I was 11 and in 6th grade. 9/11 happened in September and my only sibling, big brother, died in second semester (February) of that school year during a basketball game in front of me my parents and our entire school when I was 12. The way you recall being 12 and dealing with your dads death is the way I recall and deal with my brothers. I talk through it with myself often. That 0'1-02' school year was heavy. now that I'm 32, feel like I've processed so much on my own, absent of a psychiatrist, but if you feel its necessary to see one, I suggest you do (coming from a person who majored in psychology) But I also think there's nothing wrong with not feeling like you need to see a psych (coming from a person who experienced death at the same age ad process it on my own). You may agree with me, but I feel like I don't need a psych because his death didn't VISIBLY mess me up.........like grief didn't manifest in me getting into drugs or alcohol or negative personality traits or other vices that people resort to after experience a close death. So since you and I feel like we turned out normally, even though we are definitely affected by those deaths, we don't necessarily think we need to see a psych. I also watch the towers every year. Here's my hypothesis about that, WE AREN'T WEIRD OR SICK BECAUSE WE WATCH IT! that's first of all. Second, we were so young that we had questions then that still linger now. We watch them because in some way, we think there will be answers and resolution the more we watch it. but you having this channel/podcast, whether you know it yet or not, will be therapy for you. and I hope you find more and more peace every day, more and more life every month, more and more answers every year.

Just discovered you and the podcast and so intrigued! My heart truly goes out to you knowing your life was devastated and flipped upside down that day on 9/11. I am curious if you’ve ever had any dreams of your dad after his passing? Any signs that you just knew were from him? What about your mom or sisters ?

I know all about trauma and PTSD, but it must be a very unique burden to have your trauma connected to such a major, universal, and inescapable event. I’d imagine that it must be strange to have such a private tragedy simultaneously be so public and historic. Did you have to do a lot of compartmentalization to keep those two aspects separate? Half of my family lived through WW2 Berlin whole the other half bombed it. When I’m studying WW2, the line between history and family history can easily get blurred. It used to be hard not to have strong emotions and opinions when the subject came up. To all of us, it’s 9/11™️. To you, it’s still 9/11 - but it’s also the day your dad died. That’s a lot, man. Also, I know _exactly_ why you force yourself to watch the footage to reconnect and ground yourself. I do precisely the same thing - and it really helps!! Trauma causes dissociation and watching that raw, visceral reality can really help snap you out of it.

You know your father was there with you right ?

😢

I love that you explained the not remembering everything as a defense mechanism. But do you also think that part of that was so much of life just isn't important after found through such trauma?

My husband passed away unexpectedly almost a year ago. My sons seem numb and I can’t seem to find a way to help them get in touch with their feelings. My youngest just turned 17. Any suggestions for a mom trying to help her children through this trauma?

When I hear these stories I always then listen to Rob O’Neil talk about the bin laden raid and I always skip to the part where he speaks about well why are we going to a suicide mission? And the conclusion his guys came to was it’s for you it’s for the people on United 93 and the other flights the people in the towers and then he spoke about the people in the towers and said we aren’t going for fame money or glory we are going for that single mom who made the choice to jump out of a building bc it was a better alternative than what was going on inside and the last thing of human decency she did was hold her skirt down so we didn’t see her underwear as she killed herself. He explains how it should of been them being targeted it should of been the pentagon and that’s it bc they chose to be in a fight they wanted to be in a fight and they believed in their fight so whole Heartedly that it was past vengeance it was past grief it was more than patriotism it was coming down with a fist for everyone who fell that day and all his teammates and other servicemen and women our country has lost.

Sheesh

This is what PTSD looks like. I know it well. OEF was vengeance.