Tremendously....

I've seen that since 7 years old.

@@larissagonzales6075 I'm so sorry

@Josh I disagree. All of us are humans and all have faults. As a child you think your parents can do no wrong. When you finally see them as flawed humans, it hurts. This was a compassionate statement I made.

​@@Hillside-Hive i agree, it hurts more when you learn that they learned this mindset(doesn't have to be about money) from their parents, and their grandparents and you start to wonder how many generations its been going on.

It's not easy to confront your own parent at such level. She's raised in that environment of poor boundaries I would be surprised if she's got the skills to set boundaries.

@@jvm-tv You're right! I'm reminded of a Dumbledore quote ""It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.” Standing up to your parents in a situation like this certainly sounds challenging!

​@Far Above Rubies Exactly! If I stole 20k from my dad or he stole 20k from me, neither one of us would have the slightest problem with confrontation.

Too many parents have this "my kids owe me" mentality.

@@jvm-tv I hate this. I knew someone this way, they grew up with their family avoiding conflict and confrontation. So they didnt have healthy communication skills. It’s not an excuse though. We are suppose to live, learn and evolve! I hope she can make the right decision for herself.

she needs to transfer the remainder into her own account. she can do that bit without fuss.

@@jlebrech I doubt she will. She sounded like she is made out of delicate glass for lack of a better term.

@@Ryan_DeWitt protecting the remaining money just requires a click of a button, asking for money back is what requires courage

@@jlebrech True, but it sounds like she doesn't want to make her father upset even in the slightest no matter how bad he treats her. She is living in denial.

She said he did. It. Once b4 and gave her back , is she. Doesnt need the money now, its not a big. Problem as long as hes giving her. Back

Right he's a theif.

True.

That’s a robbery

Yes that is really bad .

she cant close the account its his account hes the administrator

She can open another account and transfer

@@BusArch42 she shouldve been done that

She can't take his name off, but she can close it.

I think (not 100% sure) that with it being a joint account, she can't close the account completely without Dad's signing off on that, but she CAN transfer all of the remaining money to a separate account. I'd have the same bank open a savings account with just my name, and then move the $20k that's left into it. Then take my name off the joint account.

@Sharon Hill-Walker I suffered from a father like this. I didn't have uncle ramsey to set me straight. But when I hit 25 I had a very serious conversation with my dad, and I ended all his nonsense for good. It was hard to do. I wasn't rude or disrespectful, but I was stern. I knew he was petty so I was prepared for the worst. The fact is that family members can have some serious character flaws, and we shouldn't make excuses for them.

100%

I hope she moved the remaining money to a new account at least. But ya, I doubt she is going to demand he repay it now.

@@JesusSavesTheDay96absolutely. It’s such a shame how some people take advantage of naïve children. It’s gross and cowardly

She probably didn’t make him put the money back and she probably also didn’t move the money .

Sad how parents can do you sooo dirty .

oh you know this woman and her father to make these statements? funny how people write as if they are writing facts lol

Yep, why would a parent need access. It's only to take the money

@@jlebrech well it can be a good thing if you don't have control of your own spending and getting your parents to set a spending limit might be handy.

@@Fayknol not when youre an adult. There are money managing tools.

I was mad when a family member used my CC on my Amazon account! Lol I cant even imagine what she feela

@@Fayknol yeah no my mum had access when I was under 18 (she had to legally in my area). She only would ever glance at the bank statement and would probably only talk to me if I was spending a lot. She wouldn’t put limits or try to control my spending because when you are under 18 that’s the time to learn and be hurt by your choices (when it’s small money). Now I’m not saying my mum was perfect she’d definitely ask for a loan but she’d never just take money out of my account even though she could. And when I became an adult one of the first things she said was “get my name off your bank account!”

I was thinking the same thing

It maybe that or it maybe desperation on his part as well but he needs to stop.

She's raised in that environment of poor boundaries I would be surprised if she's got the skills to set boundaries.

I bet its always a man's fault with you. Im sure youre always the victim too.

🤣🤣 she Won’t do what Dave told her to do it . She will just let it slide .

@@mgrsdgfsdafsdgrsdgfsdg6980 She was literally robbed...I don't understand where your coming from.

I'll go a step further and say to anyone. This should never be in our arsenal

Yes,

AMEN 👏👏👏

What u think every business owner are elon musk or jeff benzo? Sometimes u need the cash for a while it is As long as he gives her back i dont see any problem, dave is stupid, and the girl is over reacting Not like she needs the money now

@@johndone8045 hey john i need some cash to help my business, can i borrow $20k from you? i'll give it back

@@johndone8045 The father is a scumbag. He stole the money because he's took the money without asking her first. He has no respect for his daughter because he would have asked her prior to taking it out. If you think that kind of behavior is okay, please don't have children because you really don't respect other people.

@@johndone8045 then you ask for a loan. You don’t take money that isn’t yours because the other doesn’t need it anyway. That is called theft. It is wrong. To steal front your children is even more vile.

Haha yes

You have to love them enough to not let them get away with it. That would be enabling them in their abusive understanding of relationship.

Good point, grandfather could be alive and kicking, or at least ready to kick Dad's butt.

She doesnt have the strength

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

If he returns its not steal

@@johndone8045 its still stealing

@@johndone8045 if I go to your house today and take $100 from your wallet but I pay it back you know whenever I can is that theft? I’m sure you would call the cops. If he didn’t have permission than it is theft period !

She’s a coward

Yes, and if her dad listens to the radio, she might be out of the other 20 by now.

@@coniccinoc the way it looks her dad doesn’t follow or listen to Dave Ramsey

Haha 😆

We're not talking about legality here. From a moral perspective it's wrong to take what doesn't belong to you.

And that’s why you should be able to open an account BEFORE 18 and not deal with this immediately after you graduate from high school.

It's not hard for us to figure out why she's your ex wife.

I don’t get it either. I’m custodian on the savings accounts for both my kids because the bank legally requires it. Those accounts belong to them; that money is not mine, therefore, I don’t touch it. I put money in, but could never withdraw a single penny from them. How can people drain that money and not feel guilty about it?

@@TheDecoCottage I have no idea. Most of the money was gifted by other people aswell.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

There is one time he said good instead of "better than I deserve"

Agreed. I’m custodian on the savings accounts I opened for my children (the accounts belong to them, they are in their names, but because they are under 18 I have to manage it for them). Money goes in, but I wouldn’t think of ever withdrawing anything out. That money belongs to them and it’s my responsibility to protect it for them until they’re financially literate and responsible enough to manage it for themselves.

@@TheDecoCottage And that’s exactly what my parents did for my sister and I too which is super awesome! I think it’s super reasonable to wait until they’re older to give them full control of it, especially if you give them the “be smart with money” talk!

Exactly

she cant take his name off without his signature!But she can PULL THE MONEY OUT AND PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE ...qUICK

Exactly. Sometimes parents are the worst. They feel like because they raised you you're supposed to pay you back. You chose to have a kid, whether expected or unexpected. They owe you nothing.

It does in functional families

Nooo they don’t

They never do

My mother has been on one of my accounts for almost 25 years. She know if the needs anything she can access my account. If it gets low she just has to tell me and I’ll put more money in it.

I don't think it has anything to do with family. A person who steals will steal. I've had several businesses and business dealings with my family. The ones I had trouble with were the ones who are not trustworthy. Everybody else was good and did what they said they would do. Especially if you intend to keep business in your family, you're gonna have to mix money with family.

emotionally and financially 😔

"Always". No.

Not always!

Maybe not always... but it seems more times than not.

It just may have not happened to you all yet.....give it some time.

Sponge Bob SO True. I wouldn’t give her a hard time about that though just because at her age, I didn’t even know what that meant lol

That is even worst I am sorry that happened to you

Bruhhh that would not stand with me. 911 on speed dial. My fam would never do this I know that for sure cuz I would never let that happen.

Mine did the same thing. 45years later, I will retire before they do.

Hey! I loved your millennial money!

@@ianp7383 thank you!!

He paid her back once so he probably will pay her the money but it should not be happening at all. If he wants a loan from her he needs to ask her.

@@bighands69 he can ask but the answer must be an automatic no. If he can’t get a bank loan then his business is a failure and he’s a deadbeat.

@@HermannTheGreat geez can u imagine suing your own father? She mentioned He took care of her and did a lot for her..Money is not everything , FAMILY is. Just as long the father pays back or she can tell the father not to do it anymore and transfer the money on her own name. That’s all. But suing your family specially if that’s the only thing they did is too much. It will ruin their relationship.

@@HermannTheGreat yes mysekl. But never in my life think to sue my parents because of money. In back of my mind without them and their help I wouldn’t be where I am now. My parents actually manipulate and decided what course to take in college which i didn’t want at first.! I was mad. They will not pay my tuition if I will not take OT. But thank goodness I followed their advise and now Im licensed occupational therapist. I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was younger. I liked being therapist now.

My Dad would never do this he would like you say add money. My Mom, however, yikes.

Not all of us.

Those type of people feel no shame......

That's a tragedy, no money and you know your son's true nature. I'm sorry

I think we can guess how it went. The father thinks of this account as his "back-up" emergency fund. He doesn't ask his daughter if he can use it. He notifies her afterward, not giving her a choice. In his head it's as much his as hers. He will be very angry.

@Smooth Sailing The only reason he was on the account to begin with was because she was under 18. She should have taken him off the account at that age. The money was clearly earmarked for her education. The fact that she didn't remove his name cost her 20K and him, the trust of his daughter. Very sad.

@Smooth Sailing It was a present from her grandpa for her education. The dad was there because of regulation, not moral fiber or family worthiness.

dont pay it. you forfeit the policy but arent stuck with debt.

@@superwhitt21 Yup. Already done. Thanks.

With smh

It was probably loan money. She has yet to feel the burden of having to pay it pack. She’s not as angry, as it feels just like paper to her at the moment without value since it may not have been earned, but rather loaned. When the time comes to pay it back she will understand what happened. That’s what I can gather from her voice. It has to be a loan.

Btw, to you a pretty, r u single?

It wasn't a loan, it was a gift from her grandfather.

@@maddawgzzzz Listen carefully. She got a full scholarship for college. Didn’t need the 40,000 given by grandfather.

@@RevMarket There ya go. Wasn't money she earned. Does not feel real to her yet.

Wow, this is EXCATLY what is happening to me

And i thought my dad stealing 6k was bad.

Entitled

@@HermannTheGreat it is! :-D I earn a good salary so pay a lot in taxes, which helps ensure all my fellow citizens get a quality education without them having to worry about costs :-) and what military protection do you mean? I only know about you guys starting endless wars and destabilizing the Middle East.

Exactly!!! It amazes me how people think those types will stop there. Completely false.

Worst is my mom knew, and she got back with him and he broke up with her again and I never got my money back. Broke my heart and trust.

Wow that’s awful

The 18 year old children that had no bad experiences and loves (even adores) a parent, and wants their approval, will not assume their parents are ethically challenged (to put it mildly). IF a parent is unstable, abusive, unreliable, mean, distant they have negatively impacted their children, and one side effect of that: it is impossible for many of the children to "see" and "process" what the parents are doing. Who they are. Some can (even in early teenage years) and normally that means that they are at odds with the parents, fight a lot with them. OR they have lost all respect, no open fighting, but they suppress the emotional attachment, and have cut off the emotional chord to the parents. When you are done with them (emotionally - some contact is possible) they can recognize the red flags. The disappointment over a betrayal (another one) is not that big - they handled that much earlier when they had no legal independance. And w/o the emotional attachment holding a parent to account and at least making them uncomfortable is not that hard. Children that were abused in some way (or felt insecure not well "parented" because of unstable ! parents) will always hope their parents will manifest as the ideal parents they dream off. The underwhelming parents are often idealized in order to not jeopardize that illusion. Or they hope that the parents will come around, will have insight and will apologize. And all is well after that. A lot of emotion is invested into that "end of the rainbow" outcome, they cannot let that be disturbed by a realistic assessment of what the parents are doing. Normally they do not have the life experience, but also if an older person that watches out for their interests tells them - it is hard to accept. It COSTS them. Didn't have it in the past, and the good parents are not showing up in the future. That father may be DESPERATE to not lose his biz, or in the grips of an addiction. He was not remorseful and apologetic, he just told her that he had taken out the "loan". Obviously he expects that favor from her and does not bother to ask for permission. Lots of entitlement, or glossing over his embarrassement of not getting the money elsewhere. one commenter in this comment section: mother had access to his account (maybe for practical reasons) when he / she was deployed to Afghanistan and took 15,000 USD w/o asking. When asked about it she rolled her eyes. That is brazen entitlement, and the brazenness helps them to gloss over any shame they may feel deep down. Anthony (? not sure about the name, the other man) is right - the offenders often cut contact for being called out, even if that is done respectfully - to avoid feeling shamed (even if she does not bring it up anymore). HE KNOWS. John Delony had a caller that he knew as student / or junior assistant from university. Delony was his boss. The man admits that the males in his family all have a "short temper" (grandfather, father, he and brother), they start yelling and throwing tantrums with little provocation. He only realized that his father's behavior was "not normal" when he contrasted it with the behavior of his calm father in law. and that lead to the insight that his tantrums, and the family way of the maleshandling their emotions are also not normal. That was a mature sounding man, with a background in psychology. Only well into his 20s or 30s he could SEE (or allow himself to see) a parental behavior and a family dynamic for what it is.