The anorexia to bulimia dilemma is such an epidemic that isnt talked about as much as it should. You're either labeled as a bulimic or anorexic, but they are so intertwined.

You have no idea how much I needed this. When I searched ‘anorexia story’ I had hoped to see a series of photos of seriously underweight girls just to emphasise the feeling of inadequacy and push me to breaking point, to tempt me back into restricting food and losing weight. In watching this video, I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted, its like someone else understands and I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

Heidi! I never knew! I remember in HS how small you were and I would be lying if I said I didn’t wonder, but I always said to myself there was no way. You were so “healthy” with all the activities you were involved in etc. But more than anything else, I remember how kind you were to everyone. You were the nicest person in our class for sure! Thanks for sharing your story. I know it will help many people. 💜💜

You were not selfish , you were sick . Dont be hard on yourself , this is disorder not a choice ♥️

I agree that it's not your parents "fault" but gosh at 8 years old I wouldn't even have the vocabulary or conception of some of these ideas like feeling "fat" or "thin" in a leotard wasn't even in my consciousness at that age.

I appreciate this post so much.

I am now 65. Omg you are telling my 4 decade eating disorder story. Thank you for your share 🙏🏻❤️ My ED was my oxygen. The only way I could survive in this world I was not prepared to face. I was a restricting anorexic for my first 7 years of my ED which started my senior year of HS. I made it through college. I became an RN. This is when the purging started. I wanted to be a part of our nursing potlucks. I panicked after eating a chicken wing. I remember my grandma always telling me that if I eat something that upset my stomach It was OK to throw up. I went to the hospital BR and my 4 decades of purging began. I changed to Anorexia subtype BP. When I binged I was eating all my feelings for that day. When I got home I would purge all the food which equaled my feelings and the people I was upset at that day because I did not know how to express my feelings. I would cry when I was binging. I felt like an alien landed in me and I couldn’t get away. I had to purged every morsel of food I ate. This was such a great release of emotions. Fast forward to today with many years of therapy I have been able to free myself from this alien and my ED. I love my life. I am about to retire from nursing in 4 years. Blessings and prayers to all who are going through their own journey with an ED 🙏🏻❤️

I burst into tears from minute 17 onwards... that's where I'm currently stuck and I can totally relate to hating the purge and being addicted to the emptiness...

This is powerful. As an educational psychologist it’s empowering to so many women to hear your story. Our young girls starve themselves in search of the perfect body. Thank you for sharing.

I’m glad it didn’t effect your fertility and that you were able to go on and become a mother.

I remember hoarding food when i was in the orphanage. I had very little to eat and when i moved to America. I ate and ate and ate. I would sneak out in the middle of night and drink alcohol and eat as much as i could and then during the day not eat anything. I would start gaining weight. As punishment i would stop eating and kept drinking during the night. I had lost so much weight but people still bullied me for being fat. I understand how rough it can be. Even now at 22, i struggle with food. I don’t know how to explain it.

i can relate to this in so many ways. even though i am only 14 i have been struggling for over a year now and i don’t know how to get help. being a dancer, i have always felt that i’m too big and i don’t have the body everyone views as pretty. this ed has been the hardest thing i’ve ever gone through and everyday i just wanna starve and be skinny, but all i can think about is binging. i wanna recover but i’m embarrassed to ask for help. thank you for motivating me to get help and for making me feel less alone❤️

Your story is the exact same as mine

As a former addict, whenever I go back home I do the same thing where I associate certain places with my experiences there. It's always kind of a sad reminder because it's like there's pieces of my dark past sprinkled throughout my hometown, which in a way taints it for me. Fortunately though I live somewhere else now because of my job so I don't get those painful reminders too often anymore.

Not me deleting my history while watching this just in case! This was so on point thank you so much for the peace and safe space you’ve created through this video!

the high for me wasn’t eating bare minimum; it was being able to drop drastic amounts of weight whenever i chose

Thank you for sharing Heidi, I suffered anorexia though out high school and into my late 20's. Body dysmorphia is still a demon I deal with daily.

I went the other way. From super skinny to overweight. From 5 ft 7 in and 115 pounds to 190 pounds. Im in the middle of food addiction.

Anorexia is scary for so many different reasons. The psychological impact of being anorexic is so vast. It's heartbreaking to know that this condition is still thriving. We're going to be ok. ❤

I lost too much weight too fast this year and for the first time in 20 years, people picked up on it. My hair is falling out, I'm cold, I faint easily, and now when I eat it makes me physically ill. At 37, I'm expected to dig out of this alone. We don't age out of it. Thank you for sharing.

😭😭😭😭 tears flowed from my eyes during your entire video. While I have not struggled with what you have, I do struggle with binge eating which has caused me to gain over 100lbs. Food is pleasure and enjoyment but it’s also distraction and escape from any problem in life. When I’m sad I eat, when I’m happy I eat. It’s a never ending cycle and I don’t know how to break it. I actually applied to be on EWL 8 years ago hoping that would solve my problems, but know that literally nothing will solve these problems except for me diving into it head first. As someone who is 300 lbs and married to a personal trainer, it is hard. All this to say, I am grateful for this video. You are brave for sharing your story. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone.

My new best friend was anorexic in HS and college. That disease never goes away. She is still thin but in a healthy weight, but how she eats, worksout and the orthorexic view she has, tells me her mind will never change.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. I’ve always struggled with my weight.. seems like it’s always the topic of conversation. After 2 weight loss surgeries, I find myself still struggling. This year, especially, with all that has gone on and happened has really taken its toll on me. After watching this, I have to be honest with myself. I have a true food addiction...which scares me to death. With that.. I want to thank you for being so open, honest and transparent. I appreciate this video and your story so much. Thank you for taking the time to share ❤️

13:27 The anorexia to bulimia shift... When I went through that stage of my eating disorder it totally messed with my mind. For me, I was just in a situation where I had to eat for the sake of those around me during a family gathering and when I went to the washroom it just occurred to me that I could get rid of what I ate. I didn't (and never needed to) induce vomiting using my fingers or any other object down my throat because it just happened "naturally" - my eating disordered brain just told my body what to do from the first time and purging was, 90% of the time, quick and painless to the extent that no one ever questioned what I was doing in the washroom after eating. I believed that I was talented, a secret talent. I was diagnosed with anorexia but specifically described as as a "purging anorexic" which is not an official DSM term but it was the best the doctors could come up with to describe me as I didn't binge or over exercise at the time; my body and mind was just prone to disinterest in eating and keeping food out of the body with the motivation to lose weight beyond what is healthy. It started When I was 11 years old and now I'm 36 and I'm still dealing and in recovery and it's always going to be a day-to-day thing especially when your body starts to change again each decade that you live.

Thank You!!! I couldn't agree more about always being an "addict" and battling an eating disorder. I'm 42, spent 2 years as an anorexic and 11 as a bulimic. Still have moments of struggle. Thank you for sharing your story!!! It's very difficult for outsiders to understand sometimes. I appreciate you sharing!!

Thank you for sharing your personal journey. You’re so brave to do this.

This is very much similar to my story. The only times in my life that I have not fought my eating disorder was when pregnant or nursing. Thank you for sharing. It's nice to hear your not alone in this as an adult. So often it is seen as a "teen thing". Sad thing is it never goes away. I am 40 and still relapse.

Thank you so much. Your story is our story, so damned precious✨❤️

This is so beautiful. Thankyou for sharing your story.

AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING ON THIS!

Thank you for sharing this powerful story. I’ve been through this too long n my youth and I agree there’s hope!

This video hit home! I see myself so much in your story and it is feeling so comforting. Thanks

I’m so happy this is at the top of this search. I needed this.!!!!!

Bless your heart for sharing and helping others. Hope you are well!

this made me cry, love you so much sister ❤️

I appreciate this a lot. I'm in recovery now, thanks for sharing and for being and inspiration

This is one of the most candid and vulnerable KZfaq videos I've watched. You are a beacon of hope. My wish is this content get seen by many young girls, women, people. You are powerful for sharing such words. Continue to be an inspiration as you are.

Great video with many valuable insights. Worth saving the link and watching again!

Wow, she's really courageous for being so open about this. How inspiring.

Thanx for this, you told this really well & you're stunning! Hope you stay on the road to recovery 💪

Thank you for this... I am in recovery for the 2nd time and I almost died last year because my heart was giving up on me. It’s not a glamorous “nothing is good as skinny feels” it’s not a trend to be followed. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. ❤️❤️

That was powerful! I'm struggling.right now trying to recovery yet again. I needed this.

This is one of the best videos of this kind that I have seen on here! I think you are so reflective and insightful with your own journey because you have been processing your illness for many years now! Having this kind of distance actually makes this video less triggering than others and I thank you for that!

powerful. thank you, i needed this so much

Wow. The fact that you'd share your story means so much. Thank you.

Sometimes I think the "problem with the parents" thing is not so much that your parents are abusive (I struggle with this and my parents are the best parents in the world and thr most supportive and kindest people in the world) and I think the reality is not feeling as good as them or not being able to measure up to them, since my mother is also extremely disciplined and intelligent and successful and I never did well in school or anything conventionally attributed to success. I want to be like my mom so badly. Thank you for telling your story. It helps me understand myself even more.

So much of your story is a variation of mine. Thank you so much for this vulnerable video, and I’m so happy of the progress you made.

Damn, this was so helpful and inspiring. I am struggling with bulimia for too many years and learned so much from you. Thank you! 🙏

Thank you for sharing ❤️ your vulnerability is beautiful

Thank you for sharing your story. You will help so many. ❤

Brave woman….wishing you all the best!

This genuinely made me cry. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone.

This video is helping SO many young people like me. Thankyou so so so much for opening up about this situation. That’s all I can say, Thankyou.

This is one of the best videos ive ever seen!!! Ive struggled for many years. Thank you soo much!!!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am grateful for your vulnerability, honesty and advice

Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us and for being so vulnerable and open. You’re helping so many people by doing this. I can relate so much to you saying your day was just about your disorder. Thank you again this was very helpful. Love you 💕

Wow...what a raw, honest, vulnerable video! This is so needed. Thank you!!!!

I struggled with anorexia for 7 months at the age of twelve, the impacts it caused on me still affect my life, but i can say im almost fully recovered. It was the worst expierience i ever had, from the extreme low energy to all the ways it could have killed me at a random time on a random day, because that is what must happen to you when you eat as i did. If you suffer from anorexia, know that you are not alone, and, your case is probably worth of worrying, you NEED help, do not neglect your body from that.

Such an inspiration! Thank you for being you! Don't forget, you are enough, Heidi! You are brave and special!

Heidi - Thank you for being so open and honest. It’s not easy but so many people can appreciate you being detailed with how it was for you 💖

3 minutes in, you're such a good person. Thanks for your existence

Heidi THANK YOU so much for sharing your story. You are just so ‘real’ and I commend you for being open, honest and vulnerable ❤️😊🙌👏👏👏 being a strong woman is not always easy, so good on you for working on yourself and in the process helping others xxxxxxx 😘

When you said purging gave you feelings of purity and cleanliness....that got to me. That is exactly how I explained my feelings of purging. I was bulimic for over 10 years and would go from bulimia to long term restriction and the fear of eating. I still have problems eating, even more after I injured a rib and haven’t been able to train. For the first time in a few years today, I felt like I wanted to purge after a pizza party with my son. I hadn’t since I found out I was pregnant with him 6 years ago. I’m glad I found this. AZ local myself 😘

Thank you... You are wonderful!!! I needed this!!!

TY, Miss Heidi! I appreciate your vulnerability. The manner in which you articulate your story, helped me comprehend and find sense of elements of my own past. You are a GEM💎

Thank you for sharing your story!! ❤️

Wow courage is a word that comes to my mind and I am grateful for u posting this . Working through an eating disorder as well . So ty for sharing

This helped me so much tonight after my first purge in a year. It helped me get my head back on straight and see clearly again. Thank you so much.

I love you for this ❤️ feeling that you are the only one is really hard. Hearing how deep it got for you helps me with the shame I feel for it. I have told people before and never received any help. I will check out your links thank you!

from all the eating disorder story videos ive watched so far, this one was the more beautiful and touching. im so happy for u and i find u so strong and powerful

I finally felt strong enough to share my story on YT recently as well. It's so hard to get that point! Be kind to yourself after uploading this, it brings up A LOT!

I connect to your story so much! Especially the toilets and the purging. The feeling of the release was the high for me too. I’m so thankful I’m past this way of life. It was horrible.

Thanks Heidi for sharing your vulnerability and story. This made me 😭 I don't like the feeling associated with binging/purging so sometimes I choose not to eat main meals. I know I shouldn't. Hopefully one day I will l love my body the way you have embraced yours. Thank you for being a ray of light and a beacon of hope.

You're so wonderful!!!! Thank you very much for sharing this was such a wonderful video and helped me to understand other aspects of my life I struggle with at times :)

Thank you for this. Could identify with so many things you described.

Amazing, I was a Gymnast too..Exactly the same childhood..

Wow! Shocking! I didn't know this about you. Now I love you even more! You are amazing!

Heidi.... thank you SO MUCH for this. Truly. Thank you 💜🌻

Being 33 myself, I seriously appreciate hearing another adults experience and perspective re children after our and through our ed. Thank you!

So informative and helpful! Thank you for sharing your story Heidi1 You are helping so many! You continue to inspire me each and every day!

Just thank you, from the bottom of my aching heart. 💖💖💖

I tore my ACL too, and I experienced exactly the same though process as you. Your whole story is almost identical to mine, and you have no idea how good it feels to not feel like I'm insane or alone. Thank you so much you have sparked motivation back into me again to get better.

as someone who is currently struggling with hardcore bulimia i just wanted to say that this is amazing and thank you so much for sharing your story you are so strong and such a great role model for people struggling with eating disorders. literally crying rn

Thanks for sharing, I have suffered from bulimia and then restricting at times for about 7 years. Thank you for this video... much love to you and your family ❤

You’ve helped me so much. I am in the recovery process. I have to say, watching your journey motivated me to continue on the recovery path. Thank you. It brought me tears of joy. May god bless you 🙏🏼🙏🏼💕💕💕

the comorbidity is at most 4% having a relationship with food is difficult for sure these days and many have their struggles, but not to the extent that you explained in your journey. i am proud of you for being honest and open in public. Sharing your story is another step away from it ever returning. Full recovery is possible. I was a chronic hopeless case, and if i can figure it out, anyone can. Let me know if anyone needs some recovery tips

Thank you so much for sharing this!

Thank you 🙏🌸🌸🌸I needed this so much

Heidi, THANK YOU so so much for being so brave and sharing your story. It takes so much strength for being vulnerable. As for someone who’s also struggled with Anorexia and Bulimia for 15 years (and still currently struggling with active behaviors) your story has touched me. I’ve never related so much more than hearing your story. You bring so much light to such a painful addiction that so many people who “praise” this disorder. We need to kick the diet mentality and focus more on ourselves and stop focusing on commenting on body/beauty tips and put more focus on who we are as humans and the good we can do in this world. You have such a beautiful heart.

Heidi, this literally made me cry so much!! As an 19 year old girl in college who also has/had perfectionistic tendencies, I can relate to so much of what you spoke about, especially when it came to feeling the need to be the lightest/smallest in the room. I was diagnosed with anorexia at age 12 and had to go into intensive treatment. I am now doing much better, but can still find myself struggling with dysmorphic thoughts and the urge to restrict myself. Thank you for inspiring me and for sharing such an important message. This has motivated me to continue to work on improving my relationship with my body and food and I cannot tell you how much I truly admire you opening up about your own personal journey. You have given me hope that I can fully get past this and go on to live a life free of ED!!! Always have loved you and looked up to you. Xoxo

I thank you telling this story with each other and uploading it online; it was incredibly helpful! Anorexia has the strongest fatality rate of any psychological disorder, and the most of recovery options are unreliable. Both you and your family have my heartfelt thanks and blessings!

I’ve made it through your story and my heart breaks for little kid Heidi. I’m so sorry you suffered like that, and you didn’t have the resources and knowledge you needed to recover at that age. 🥺🥺

Love you, Heidi 💕✨

Thank you so much for sharing your story It means a lot to me! I had almost 5yeas of serious anorexia and after that 4yeas and a haft of bulimia every single day I did the dumb thing It was so hard for me to stop and I hated myself for what I was doing I feel so horrible and felt like I’m not a person anymore I strongly believe that this psychological disease never goes away I found God through The Bible and it is amazing how much helps me I still can’t believe that I’m cured of all the dumbest things that I did for a long time! Please any person who is in the darkest place and feels no hope in life I understand so hard and you are not alone I will never be able to cure by myself But with God anything is possible People never change yes but God can change people through his word

This video is everything. Thank you for sharing your story.

LOVE YOU HEIDI!!!!

Thank you for sharing❤ the strength is real

Great video! I could relate so much to this!!

Heidi you are amazing!

I hope to meet someone like you here where I am ❤ thanks for being here, thanks for letting your light shine