Have you ever done something so embarrassing while you were drunk that you wanted to crawl in a hole the next day? Annie welcomes Mike to the podcast, who shares his ‘David Hasselhoff’ drinking moment and how this was a turning point for quitting. From blackout nights and weekend warrior binge drinking, Mike has traded his ‘badge of honor’ for a sober life - a life free from embarrassing blackout moments.
2017 is when my drinking ramped up. That also started me on the path that I've been on now to sobriety. My company offered us the opportunity to work from home one day a week. I choose Monday's so I could keep drinking on Sunday's and not have to go into the office on Monday mornings so hungover.
I was dealing with more serious, personal issues. My dad had been battling life threatening illness with a rare disease called Amyloidosis. An abnormal protein build up in your tissues and organs. He had to undergo a stem cell transplant and chemotherapy, a kidney transplant. In 2017, he was spending months in and out of the hospital. Things had really taken a turn for the worse. I drank a lot more as a way to cope and numb the pain. Also my wife and I had been trying, unsuccessfully, to have a baby for about a year. We had just started this journey of meeting with the fertility doctor and going into the whole infertility world. In the fall of 2017 we were getting ready to go into our first cycle of IVF, and I was still partying like every weekend was like a bachelor party.
One of the things that happened, and I've read your book now, is you talk about the moderation trap. I would go into some certain weekends, planning not to drink very much and have a chill weekend. Then I was the type of drinker that once I started it was, kind of, off to the races.
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That Friday night I got off of work and stopped at a bodega on the way home to pick up a whole bunch of beer for the weekend. I remember I was walking down the street and on the corner of my street there was a group of people gathered outside of a building. I was wondering what they were doing. Looking over, they were chatting with each other, and there was a sign that said AA. An arrow pointing down the stairs to the basement. I remember thinking to myself, "I should just walk in there right now."
But, I didn't, and I was terrified to do that, you know, enter that whole world. I had, kind of, built up this thing in my mind that I didn't need that.
I started having beers before my wife got home, we went out to dinner, and then I had a couple cocktails at dinner. We were trying to have a chill night, but was already drinking a lot. Then when we got home my wife went to bed and I stayed up drinking more by myself, which was something I would tend to do a lot.
On Saturday afternoon we had a party to go to, which was a friend of my wife's from work. I didn't know anyone at this party. This is an example of social anxiety, I think it played in a lot to the reason I drank, and so I can be shy or introverted when I'm in a new situation like that. Like I'm sure a lot of people are.
Fast forward to Sunday morning, my wife flew off to Seattle, it was our Sunday ritual that we'd all get together, watch football. This day was no exception. I had friends come over at about noon. I remember specifically saying to one friend, something like, "Too early to crack one?" Of course, he said, "No", and we started drinking at noon.
By like, 4:00, 4:30, the Patriots game was over, all the beer had run out, and I said, "Well I have this bottle of vodka that I just bought, just in case." So we cracked that open, and we're all hanging out, making vodka sodas. This is when things get really blurry and I started to black out. I think eventually we finished the bottle of vodka and me and a couple other friends decided it would be great idea to go down the street to the bar, down the street. At this point I was totally blacked out, and I guess just really embarrassed myself at the bar.
If that had been the end of it, you know, I probably would have woken up on Monday and just carried on. "Oh, another rough weekend." But what was different this time is I got home and decided to keep the party going by myself. This time I decided to post a couple Instagram videos of myself, drunkenly blasting music in my living room, and really embarrassing. Apparently I was lying on the floor in one. Now I can, kind of, laugh about it now, but in the moment, at the time, it was so painful.
Waking I had this crippling sense of shame and just something felt different. Like, "Oh man, I did something really stupid last night, didn't I?"
I had this moment where I realized, this is different this time and I really need to do something about this. I need to stop drinking.
Listen to the complete podcast for more on how Mike went from blackout nights to a Naked Life!