Aw Linda, I'm so glad :) Thank you for watching and joining in in that way!

aw thank you I'm so honored! :) :)

oh I'm so glad Kristin! and haha you're right, nothing matters 😂

oh I"m so glad you liked the video :)

oh thank you Sabine! I can't really say exactly what my 'scout' advised because he just pointed at some of my artwork (a series of black ink abstracts) and said that would work, and pointed to other work saying I had to stop doing that. In retrospect I know 'why', because the shape language in the 'other work' I was exploring was very 'beginner-like' (this one was a spiral in acrylic paint). But I didn't want to sacrifice any part of my creative explorations - and yes even those beginner-like works were worthy of being done, because they were a part of my journey. :) And yes I see what you're saying about the spiritual awakening. I would agree with that for sure, though it's complicated by the CPTSD I have! 😅Still, I do feel like I've realized observed layers of depth that I hadn't ever before, and I have a new way of seeing 'through' things (I don't know how else to put it). I'm still on the path of recovering from my CPTSD (even though it's lightyears better than what it was!), and once that's behind me, I have no doubt that what I've gone through is ALSO a spiritual awakening. Which doesn't mean I'm 'grateful' for it, even though I am grateful for it. It's tricky to explain - I guess what I mean is: I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone. I also don't prescribe to the notion that 'everything happens for a reason', or that 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. I think sometimes life is just horrific and unfair and sadly sometimes it's just about surviving those things, and hopefully finding ways to heal once you can, and discovering new different paths towards our thriving self (rather than our surviving self). haha sorry that was maybe a bit longer than you were thinking I'd say, it definitely was more than I thought I'd say haha, but thank you for your kindness! :)

​@@marienoellewurm Thank you for such a thoughtful response. You confirmed my hunch about your experience and perfectly explained the intricacies. I also validate them with my own (not that you need my validation, of course). When I was recovering from one of my last most traumatic life experiences, I used it as an opportunity to test my practice of my adopted Tibetan Buddhist faith and literally said out loud to myself "Well, if you truly believe in karma, you have to turn the pointing finger back at you...the only way you can have this happen to you is because you have done something similar to someone in the past. Therefore, I can rejoice at finishing my bad karmic seed for this incident, and (the most challenging aspect) I can have compassion for the hella bad karma this person has created for themself." In sincerely applying these thoughts to my mind, I had one of the most profound mental experiences of my life when I experienced and intense and indescribable feelings of freedom, lightness of being, and joy. It took me to another level in my life that no one can take from me. Some may call it "God's grace, which would not have been possible without this experience. Of course by now I have been practicing this way of thinking for the past 25 years, so about 15 years in when that issue came up about 10 years ago, I was able to simply take it to another level with this unusual opportunity. So am I happy to have experienced the actual situation, trauma, and worldly damage? Hell no, but the bonus is inconceivable. Little does this person, who btw thought they really hurt me and got me good, know that they gave me such a gift. In essence, whatever religion one practices, or not, I believe practicing this outlook may be useful to many people, so I try to share it should the topic arise. Looking back, I can say that I feel like I lost out on some important aspect of my life for a long while because I had been bogged down by other (family oriented+) lagging issues. Although I am obviously grateful about dissolving hopefully all but a smidge of it and finally finding my own way on my path, I don't dwell on the past. I do however, acknowledge that my only slight regret is that I just didn't get on with that whole process and simply let myself enjoy my life more in the moment. It sort of is just that simple sometimes. Anyway, talk about long responses lol, I look forward to seeing your creative videos and I wish you all the best on all of your life journeys! You have already done the hardest part!

:)

aww thanks Cass :)

good to know, I tried to read all the most important comments, but I'll def keep this in mind for the future!

Thanks so much! It’s a Fuji XT4 (which I love) but I also have the Fuji XT20 which is much cheaper and is also really great quality!

@@marienoellewurm thank u for answering my question 💛 hope u hv a good day🫶🏻