Narcissistic Family: Odd Ways They TARGET the Scapegoat

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Күн бұрын

In this video, I explore the odd ways narcissistic parents and families target the scapegoat and how this role plays out within the dysfunctional family.
This is how I can help you👇🏼
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For over 45 Years, Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 1000s of people in the same situation as you. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he uses his wealth of knowledge and experience to help clients get permanently unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to serve as a substitute for professional counseling. Be sure to consult a professional to help you integrate and utilize these concepts.
🔥Access my FREE Training - ‘Build the Differentiated Self You Were Never Allowed to Have!’ jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webina...

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@jerrywise 8 ай бұрын

If you're finally ready to get your narcissistic dysfunctional family out of you and enjoy a life free of their toxic grip, sign up here program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

@BrianKlumker 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Mr Wise as I have been struggling with this for my whole life

@Joelswinger34 8 ай бұрын

Amazing the way these people live. They go to so much work to avoid doing the work.

@michelerunyon9593 8 ай бұрын

I signed up

@keats27 8 ай бұрын

When they give you the silent treatment, and it turns out to be a relief...

@housofpayneful 8 ай бұрын

Wise man 👍🏻

@forgiven5919 8 ай бұрын

The saddest thing the narc mother or father does is turn your own siblings against you. These things are demonic.

@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql 8 ай бұрын

I agree! Even today I am still not accepted. We are all in our 70’s. They still don’t want to hear about my abusive childhood experiences. I can talk about it because I have forgiven my family, I am also forgiven!

@forgiven5919 8 ай бұрын

@@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql come Lord Jesus soon!

@Theinsomniac826 8 ай бұрын

My narc mom started smearing my brother when I was 2 and he was in his crib as a 1 year old. How? She put me in the room with him and asked me where he came from and asked me why he was here. Imagine how crazy that is to tell a 2 year-old. My mom then said she didn't like him and he shouldn't be here. She smeared him all his life. Fast forward to her last days on earth, being bedridden she smeared him so bad behind his back that I pulled out my phone and secretly recorded her.

@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql 8 ай бұрын

@@Theinsomniac826 that is traumatizing!!!!!

@forgiven5919 8 ай бұрын

@@Theinsomniac826 so sorry for you and your brother! That was so wicked of her. I hope you and your brother are healing now.

@tburgher1 8 ай бұрын

I broke the cycle by walking away from the family over twenty-five years ago. One of my best decisions.

@JulieSevelson-nb9nj 8 ай бұрын

Oh, hell yes !! Me too !

@mariahconklin4150 8 ай бұрын

How did you deal with the holidays? It's been a year sense I've seen my mother I think but I don't remember I lost track of the time nor do I really care.

@bakerwannabe4435 8 ай бұрын

@@mariahconklin4150 I’m having my second holiday season without my narcissistic family and it’s fantastic! None of their drama or snide comments, none of their imposed guilt, none of their triangulation. I wish I had done it years ago.

@pujabelgian 7 ай бұрын

I'm really impressed with Jerry. He nailed it. Being creatively sensitive and a caring human being, walking away from a family for good is difficult. I never saw my mother for the last two years of her life, she was mentally abusive to the end.. my narcissistic sibs score 11 out of 11 having turned her and everyone in my extended family against me. My wife has seen it all and knows exactly what's going on. For 10 yrs I was on antidepressants. They're horrible. I'm long off them but psychological abuse dished out by dominant narcissistic sibs never goes away. I'm lucky to have married an intelligent, sagacious, kind, beautiful and feminine woman..everything my sister's aren't, her mother was the same. In some ways I'm free. Now I just need a pill that makes me forget I ever had a family. 😆

@ImDemanding 7 ай бұрын

I’ve started the process. Recently, I no longer show up to family events. I only communicate through texts. I no longer visit their homes, I stopped visiting in 2021 (that was the very beginning of the process). I have no opinions. I deleted them from social media. I love this peace. ❤

@carolynjaynes9094 7 ай бұрын

I went “no contact” with my whole family and I’m thriving now, 2000 miles away where I made new friends and live close to nature. ❤

@CVenza 7 ай бұрын

@carolynjaynes9094; I am so happy for you. 🕊

@joyrocku 7 ай бұрын

Wooiow

@chrisoultram9458 7 ай бұрын

Me with you all the way xx xXxX

@SR-uz1ov 7 ай бұрын

I want to do this so bad but I feel bad. I hate it.

@Blackgrimreaper2024 7 ай бұрын

@@SR-uz1ovstay in a bad situation than it's your life you only get one you're wasting it

@stephanie8795 7 ай бұрын

I've always said, some of the most toxic people come disguised as family

@jeprusan 2 ай бұрын

It’s the absolute truth. They can be some of the sickest and most evil people you’ll ever have to learn life’s bitter lessons from. And unfortunately, they are the first ones that we come to know, and they can sometimes damage us the most.💔

@jolie-brianawilliams1428 Ай бұрын

Very well said

@jk-76 8 ай бұрын

Being the scapegoat hurts. More pain than you can explain to a narcissist.

@mememan2344 8 ай бұрын

Oh you can explain it very slowly over the course of several weeks in MANY different ways ;) BUT that's why I had to get saved. Jesus took care of all that and repaired what they did😂

@dancerb8069 8 ай бұрын

Don’t tell them nothing, they aren’t listening & I wish you the best of luck

@vickigonya9432 8 ай бұрын

Ya know, it does hurt bit it doesn't ALWAYS have to hurt. I realized nothing unites a group of people like a common enemy. So they made me theirs. Even tho they won't tell you how good I was to any of them. Nor will anyone tell ME what's being said. So it is what it is. I have decided they are simply 10 people I used to know. I am now free of the vicious cycle , not understanding the sideways glances and standoffish behaviors. No.longer having to endure the unwarranted gut kicks out of the blue. The gossip, two faced disingenuous toxic environment. I feel relaxed, at peace, my new circle enjoys my company and I enjoy theirs. It's refreshing. I have rediscovered things I used to enjoy. It feels as if the world was lifted from my shoulders 😍🥰 I enjoy being alone. Never feel lonely, never cared what people thought Certainly don't care now. GOD will judge me not humans why would I care ? ❤️

@vickigonya9432 8 ай бұрын

@@mememan2344 Amen to that!!!

@mememan2344 8 ай бұрын

@@vickigonya9432 I had to view it as "I am looking at a damned human being, who is going to hell by choice, and is Satan's happy servant". When I was younger I was naive and thought everyone could be saved if you just talked to them enough. Not true unfortunately. Blessings.

@vickigonya9432 8 ай бұрын

I have DENIED ACCESS to me from all the toxic BS. I withdrew from all social media. I only watch KZfaq videos. Changed my phone number, returned to sender any mail reveived, fenced in the front yard, put a gate across my driveway. I am DONE forever. I enjoy my peace and LOVE living alone. No drama, no stress, total indifference. IM not a person that feels lonely. I feel free to relax

@mariahconklin4150 8 ай бұрын

God I wish this was me right now but I'm so depressed not sure how to get out of it but this is where I want to be at where you're at.

@afromatriarche 7 ай бұрын

Congratulations... Building the same thing here

@ImDemanding 7 ай бұрын

I don’t get lonely either

@PennyDavis-cm9tl 7 ай бұрын

The only fucking thing that works

@aleshapeters 7 ай бұрын

My mantra. I've done this with people in my life, and it works.

@baileymarie2656 6 ай бұрын

The absence of empathy from a narcissistic mother is extremely painful

@omnipotent451 2 ай бұрын

Try being the mother of narcissitic kids after you healed yourself for years from your own family, the guy you had kids with that you didn't know was just like your family and now your kids are like this too... try that!!

@rosalindr4975 Ай бұрын

I’m fortunate I could talk to my Dad ( most of the time)

@rosalindr4975 Ай бұрын

Not my mom!

@angel15550 Ай бұрын

@@omnipotent451but did YOU rear them?

@omnipotent451 23 күн бұрын

@@angel15550 OBVIOUSLY

@donnakelley1202 4 ай бұрын

It is amazing to me that the narcissist parents focus their hate and cruelty on the good child in the family. The one who is kind, patient, hard working and forgiving. That one becomes the scapegoat. It happened in my family and I have seen it happen in other families when I was growing up. Why do they do that? Narcissists hate good people. The scapegoat is almost always a "good" child.

@joeythebushkangaroo1 4 ай бұрын

I agree, I'm the SGoat, eldest of 6,had to be a child-parent to 8 other children as our cousins lived with us for 6 yrs,eldest grandchild as well. "You're the oldest,you're responsible for them", was the most common sentence I heard. I loved school bc I could be a child there. Narcissistic family,both parents very self-absorbed,oneAlcoholic & a codependent.Both are dead now & Golden Children, 2 younger sisters, made executors just to spite me,told by my own Father. I can't wait until family home is sold,these people are cruel control freaks, then it's NO CONTACT for me again. Have been screamed at,lied to,literally locked out of our family home since last parent died last year. Money bring$ out the worst in a Narc...u thought it was bad before the parents die,the power is just transferred over to the next Narc/s in waiting. Appearances are everything to these people & the fake charade will continue, any truth teller is isolated and treated as the outcast. Remember, the higher the horse,the further they will fall... they HATE truth.

@audreyquinn73 3 ай бұрын

My mom is a narc and my father, now deceased, was a co-dependent and alcoholic. My younger brother was the golden child, and I was the scapegoat, which confused me as a child because I was excelling in school and was known as a caring, compassionate person. The better I acted, the worse my treatment. It took years for me to understand that while my accomplishments made my mom look good, she simultaneously hated me for showing her up. I also loved school because I received praise for my work and my grades. I remember saying to my mom when I was 10 years old that I felt like I needed to earn my love from her. I was a truth teller, but no one was listening. Now, at 51, I'm living in a rural area with my chickens and ducks, 8000 km/5000 miles away, and life is so peaceful now. The scapegoat thrives as soon as he/she leaves and lives in an authentic way. ❤

@Dawn737 3 ай бұрын

Bingo. It always amazed me as well. My mother spoiled my brother until he was as selfish as my mother was. It obviously surprises her now, how much my brother takes her for granted and never thinks he owes her anything in return, but then she always forgives him because she was just as selfish towards her mother at his age. I wasn't allowed to consider my own needs, even since I was 2 years old. If I ever mentioned that anything she did had hurt my feelings (such as beating me up) then I was EXTREMELY SELFISH and Mom accused me of thinking the world revolved around me. Theresa Knorr, who killed two of her daughters, had been her own mother's spoiled, selfish, favorite daughter (favoritism is often passed down through the generations by the favored child). A neighbor commented, "I never understood why the mother favored Theresa over her sweet sister, because Theresa was such a spoiled and selfish child." Well, it was actually that the mother favored Theresa and turned her into a spoiled and selfish child, who then murdered two of her own children.

@moonchildpink5525 2 ай бұрын

IMO I think it's became the scapegoat speaks the truth & the others go along with the "stories"! 😊

@kathyhhb 2 ай бұрын

No it's that you develop a lot of empathy when you grow up with abuse of all forms. That makes you to a very sensible and caring person.

@britviking5960 8 ай бұрын

Mother is a narcissist,had to cut ties in the end,my brothers have ignored me ever since, still worth it. Be true to yourself.

@mememan2344 8 ай бұрын

Good. Very glad for you. They never deserved you and never were your family.

@SakthiC 8 ай бұрын

My mother is too narcissist, my siblings too.. They also narcissist ... Its very hard to accept

@Layla-fr7mf 7 ай бұрын

@@SakthiCIt gets easier the more time goes by and the more peace you have. I used to cry every night until I eventually healed and went to therapy and prayed or read scripture every time I would think about it and it helped as well as my hubby who helped me through it with all his love.

@booknerdmomma0950 7 ай бұрын

My sister is pretty much the same. She took our mom's side bc she needs her mom to pay her bills. She's always been our moms favorite while I (the oldest) was the kid she never wanted. Twelve yrs ago I walked away from my mom after she started treating my kids how she did me and my sister. My daughter was her pride and joy, my son reminded her to much of me and she was awful to him. Best decision I ever made was to walk away and be the best mom I could. My kids are now 15 and 17 and they back me up 100% in my choice.

@debrawilliams1693 7 ай бұрын

I was the scapegoat in my family : took care of my mom and then walked away

@jonathanuniverse9302 8 ай бұрын

As the former scapegoat in a very sick narcissistic family, I can say this is 100% accurate.

@stefanie6122 8 ай бұрын

Yes, sadly it is. The good thing is that we got the knowledge about their illness and tactics, so we can protect ourselves. I now understand and try to make peace with myself. ❤

@jrg4313 7 ай бұрын

I was the scapegoat.

@tesskaiser2190 7 ай бұрын

It's just good to know it's not all in my head. This is frighteningly accurate.

@natas12rm 7 ай бұрын

Are black sheep naturally the scape goat?

@soulsister2022 7 ай бұрын

Yep!!

@Accountant3 6 ай бұрын

My mother was a narcissist and I was the scapegoat. This description is totally how I grew up. I'm 65 and I'm finally healing from my childhood trauma.

@Andrea-yq9oi 6 ай бұрын

I'm 66 and finally had to walk away..just learning why I've lived in confusion, grief and rage..it's something. Only wish I'd figured it out sooner. Best to you!

@Accountant3 6 ай бұрын

Hey, one of my favorite sayings is better late than never. Don't regret anything. Celebrate the fact that you woke up and did something about it. That's what really matters. @@Andrea-yq9oi

@dianeandries1331 4 ай бұрын

Same here.

@hipsonsogbo 4 ай бұрын

Interesting I figured some things out at 29 I’m now 39 I thought I was late it’s taken a decade of work I went back and observed and it helped me get conviction. A big struggle for me was feeling guilty or responsible, I no longer feel that way, and no need to convince others. I’m content with no contact it’s not ideal but it’s good to get to a point where no contact is ok for you.

@deirdrehelms5958 3 ай бұрын

Same here 62

@pennyenzor 7 ай бұрын

This is me. The abused scapegoat. The truth teller. Often referred to as being crazy by my narcissistic mother that is jealous of me. Thank you for this information.

@plumduff3303 2 ай бұрын

Same buddy ❤

@jennifergriffin5467 2 ай бұрын

Me, too!❤

@christinekourou2475 2 ай бұрын

🙋‍♀️

@BAsed_AFro 5 күн бұрын

You get labeled "crazy" by the malignant NPD when the realization sets in for them that you simply can't/won't be controlled and subject to their bs anymore... is what it is.

@teddiiicarebear6418 8 ай бұрын

You just described my family 100%. Dealing with this will literally kill you from stress and depression if you let it. Be wise and escape quietly and never look back. They always self destruct.

@-in-the-meantime... 6 ай бұрын

Or find someone to guilt/harass their way through the woes for them.

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

Many of them live to be in their 90s and beyond.

@elirien4264 6 ай бұрын

By the time I was in middle school I wanted to just disappear. I wish I'd joined the Navy about 20 years sooner than I had.

@hyggeeof9885 4 ай бұрын

My mother has outlived all her family..and is proud of it..they don't disintegrate.

@destinypetteway884 3 ай бұрын

Wow ❤

@LazyWitch11 5 ай бұрын

"Why are you so mean now?" - setting boundaries, no longer permitting abuse

@srozaardnet5630 8 ай бұрын

My narcissist parents used to love to verbally attack me in situations where I could not easily escape. In a car. A boat. A restaurant. Places where they felt they had total control of me.

@leahflower9924 7 ай бұрын

Ooh I can relate to the car and the boat scenario I got to the point where I didn't want to be in a car alone with anyone who had ever hurt me and my narc ex used to take me sailing and we would be in the middle of the Hudson River and I was always tempted to jump off the boat and swim to the nearest land

@srozaardnet5630 7 ай бұрын

I feel for you. Nice to know I'm not the only one. I hope you are doing well now. @@leahflower9924

@bridgetsieger2261 7 ай бұрын

Yes!! The car screaming on the way home from school. Or she was so blotto she was an hour late and almost gets in a wreck with my pals in the car. Miracle I had pals And oh, that never happened.. my mom veering off the freeway in a nightgown with teens in the car. I think I should join the therapy. Real life ones don’t get it and I’m typing too much.

@truthrecon4404 6 ай бұрын

Dinner table was classic.

@-in-the-meantime... 6 ай бұрын

@@bridgetsieger2261you're not alone ❤

@chrisbonnett6783 7 ай бұрын

I grew up with narcissistic parents. My counter, which I did by default and only realized later, was to become more educated and knowledgeable on any and every subject. You can't lie and manipulate someone who knows more than you. And, when I realized what they were, I disowned them and moved halfway across the country. You can't fix those people. You have to separate yourself. You can't be a good person surrounded by bad people.

@randallcauley9484 5 ай бұрын

trew. yup

@lindac6919 4 ай бұрын

I became a learning junkie, too. All kinds of subjects. They got nervous when I got dedicated to self-defense training. They still scapegoated me, but they started to keep some distance.

@icalotdonthide2646 3 ай бұрын

Seems we all had the same idea😂. When you can't depend on anyone around you, you become your own expert 😂😂😂

@lindac6919 3 ай бұрын

@@icalotdonthide2646 "No one saves us but ourselves."

@StepbyStepbyMiriam 24 күн бұрын

@chrisbonnett6783 'You can't be a good person surrounded by bad people.' Well said. And you are spot on about 'knowledge' too. Enjoy your life of peace.

@dnk4559 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Jerry for helping me become an “escaped goat”!!!

@elysianfields8461 8 ай бұрын

dnk I love this! An "escaped goat"...I'm going to borrow that one!! 😂

@Randomthings1965 8 ай бұрын

Love that, " escaped goat "

@kimberlyfowler5748 8 ай бұрын

😂👍

@CVenza 7 ай бұрын

@dnk4559; goat? never! escaped or not. Most good people are lambs 🐑and don't even know it IMO. 🐑 or 🐐?

@katjaxxx7353 7 ай бұрын

💜

@lukecarey613 8 ай бұрын

Don’t caretake the Narcissists.

@onnie.6815 8 ай бұрын

Nope, let the “good” family members take care of you

@debbieschultz9768 8 ай бұрын

When I was a child I had to take care of my family. You don’t say no to my mom!!!! I definitely was the scape goat.

@amberinthemist7912 8 ай бұрын

Yep! I got out before Dad could pin mom's Alzheimers care on me. All while he had plenty of money to pay for care. He just wanted it done by me for free. It was all womens work and therefore beneath him. The golden child is unreliable and won't help. And of course is too precious to be forced to. He started not caring for her to force me to. I pulled the alarm bell on my life and left the state. I will not sacrifice myself for these leaches anymore!

@jcimsn8464 8 ай бұрын

Some honor their parents despite the abuse.

@amberinthemist7912 8 ай бұрын

@@jcimsn8464 I'm sorry they can't free their minds from slavery to child abusers. I wish them healing.

@jarrod210478 7 ай бұрын

It's actually quite insane really how nearly every enmeshed narcissistic family operates, functions and behaves pretty much exactly the same way isn't it.

@lizadedeaux 7 ай бұрын

As well as some workplaces

@renclave 7 ай бұрын

Being in this world where people like this are allowed to exist and thrive makes it all feel pointless.

@renclave 7 ай бұрын

Was just born to be demonized for standing up to a PDFfile?

@f_youtubecensorshipf_nazis 7 ай бұрын

no, what's insane is that humans are convinced we're all unique and none of this stuff is real because of some ridiculous notion that we're a higher life

@jarrod210478 7 ай бұрын

@@f_youtubecensorshipf_nazis most humans today are weak spineless cowards living in their own bubble of truth. Which is kind of why I can’t help but feel like those of us who have been put through the ring of fire were simply being battle-hardened ready for the days ahead.

@MakeupMobster 7 ай бұрын

Yup. I’ve been through this all. Even down to them keeping information away from me when my grandmother was sick. I am happy to be the scapegoat in my family because I am the one who got out of the toxic situation while they are all still stuck in the brainwashing.

@maxinericheson9210 8 ай бұрын

We sold our home to a family who had 4 little girls. Just one little girl was always singled out & treated worse than the others! Dad was strict with them all, but the 3rd girl always had black eyes, as she hadn’t slept. The other girls didn’t look like that! They were all very well behaved. It was so long ago, & I’m 85 years old and a great grandmother. I still think about that little girl!😢

@bridgetsieger2261 7 ай бұрын

I have a similar experience. I saw a child treated like the slave and she had a bum leg. It was at a craft fair. I think of this often. She was there… embarrassing pet/servant. That would never be gotten allowed with these days with phones and rules etc.

@jmvwegnerpriest 4 ай бұрын

Oh that is heartbreaking and you are kind♥.

@rhondab9792 7 ай бұрын

Being denied family info was the nail in the family coffin for me. After father died, narc mother and my brothers started having family reunions at various places. I guess just keeping it a secret wasn't fun enough so mommy always made sure to spill the beans a couple months afterwards, then act surprised that I didn't know.

@Juke582 7 ай бұрын

So damn mean! You need to cut off all contact and move away and be in your own life! It’s good healing! Otherwise it’s torture! I felt a huge sense of being FREE when my narcissist father died in 2019 even though I had not spoken to him since 2003! He lied and told people he disowned ME! I was the one who confronted his narcissist evil and destroying everyone and told him I likely won’t ever be back to visit again! This was in 2003 and I never spoke to him again!

@necabibi3558 6 ай бұрын

My brother and mother would secretly go to my other brothers house with spouses and kids have a family get together without me. then the day after, my brother would send loads of pictures of the gathering and boast about how much fun they had. Then act like he didn't think I would be interested and going that's why he didn't tell me. But then why tell me about it the next day if you think I'm not interested.

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

These are examples of what the Bible refers to as "the fiery darts of the wicked."

@brennadickinson2920 6 ай бұрын

Classic passive-aggressive gas-lighting...

@leafmebee 6 ай бұрын

One of my uncles did many shi**y things and spread lies about me. The last was he took my grandmother's ashes and scattered them without me, she was my guardian for 2 years and we were always very close, he resented me for having a good relationship with her. I'll never forgive him, that was the final straw. No heart, it was to punish me. It still makes me cry 7 years later.

@JayRory-tz1sj 2 ай бұрын

The scapegoat is ALWAYS AN EMPATH.

@Jess-yp9fo 15 күн бұрын

Yup yup

@plumduff3303 2 ай бұрын

I was the scapegoat child..I grew up and had a isolated lonely life. When the narcissists get old and die they came back to me to sort out their problems yet they were never there for me.

@KOLAkola 8 ай бұрын

After my grandparents died I realize the family I was in was just relatives. That’s it!

@eb1042 7 ай бұрын

"Relatives" who AREN'T very relative...🥴

@Joelswinger34 4 ай бұрын

Good point!

@inmyownwords9798 3 ай бұрын

Yep!

@user-ln9dh2bq8j 3 ай бұрын

Yep, my brother is now referred to as an abusive sibling that used me as a disposable resource. Perspective changes work wonders.

@JohnShotter-ft6vq Ай бұрын

After my grandmother died who was my guardian my relatives aunt and uncles to my cousins all were and wonder why my mental health being escape goat and the black sheep 😢 tried three attempts

@nicj5354 8 ай бұрын

When my covert narcissist grandma was setting up for some proper emotional terrorism I'd always say to myself "pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip."

@janetbaker7848 8 ай бұрын

My daughter always like to try to use the guilt trip thing on me and she would become extremely Furious because guilt doesn't work on me.

@ruckerbrady8342 8 ай бұрын

Ima use that. That's good lol.

@JulieSevelson-nb9nj 8 ай бұрын

" Guilt trip," that's funny ! I know it wasn't funny when it was going on, though .

@noeleen-58 7 ай бұрын

When my Mam started getting into one of her humours it was time to go out 😲

@MeanOldLady 7 ай бұрын

Heh. Say it to her face. Call out all of the bs techniques she uses as she uses them. When she shuts up & leaves you alone: "Finally!" /Shrek 🤣

@CC-cp5uf 6 ай бұрын

Giving someone the silent treatment can be used as a weapon, but growing up with 2 narc parents I used the silent treatment to protect myself.

@ImDemanding 7 ай бұрын

I was moms & siblings scapegoat. I’ve started the process. Recently, I no longer show up to family events. I only communicate through texts. I no longer visit their homes, I stopped visiting in 2021 (that was the very beginning of the process). I have no opinions. I deleted them from social media. I love this peace. ❤

@shaunpdaly 6 ай бұрын

That’s me …

@Andrea-yq9oi 6 ай бұрын

Me too. But the only way is to sever all communications..took me 66 years to figure this out. It's sick and diabolical..it will never get better. We must stop trying

@louiseparham-l8k 5 ай бұрын

@@Andrea-yq9oiI am 64 years old. At 42 years old I first cut off my abusive family members. At 51 years old I was getting married and they showed up at my wedding. They expressed gladness that we were all together again after so long and I started to feel guilty. They were "nice"to me for a while and I went back to family gatherings. As soon as I felt comfortable and secure the abusive behaviour crept back in and also towards my husband who is the one decent person in my life. They insulted him to hurt me. I finally cut them off 2 years ago. I finally learnt at 62 years old not to feel guilty about looking after myself. I learnt the lesson that they desperately need me as scapegoat to focus all their problems on. I have cut down my anti depressants and having therapy.

@SAHamel_ 8 ай бұрын

Triangulation & projection was the 'way of life' under Mom. I watched, I learned, rose above it. Making me stronger.

@sheilajac 8 ай бұрын

when/how old were you when you figured out what was wrong in your family? my mom was projecting onto me as far back as when i was 4 - that i remember. some very vividly. i remember when i was 7, seeing a kids help line commercial explaining what verbal/mental abuse was and rather than call the number, confronting my mom, telling her she was abusing me...she dared me to call and end up in a foster home. i just wanted her to stop, is all. but it wasn't until i was 50 or so, that i realized, despite having taken psychology classes in high school and college, trying to figure it out. it was youtube and my brother demonstrating narcissistic behaviours in a way that i couldn't NOT see it, that i realized what this was about way way too late and not until after a tornado of narcissism and abuse descended on me/my life and basically put the nail in the coffin my own mother put me in. it goes against nature/procreation - the whole point of life - to destroy via neglect and abuse, your own children. it makes no sense. but i don't doubt that if i'd had kids at 20 or 21, i might have been her or repeated her mistakes. i'll never know because it's too late now.

@lynnbrown4364 8 ай бұрын

@@sheilajacI threw tantrums as a young child and all my life tried to figure out what was wrong with ME. Discovered at 60, it wasn't me - I was mirroring 3 generations of raging narcissists. As a teen and younger adult, if I conveyed emotion or loneliness, my mother told me to wear more makeup or color. At 19, after I cut my hair short, my mom told me I was going to ruin my cousin's wedding pictures and handed me a tube of lipstick saying "you need all the help you can get." At 60, I realized it was pure projection. Do I wish I figured out all this earlier? Yes. But it's never too late. I don't rage anymore, and people love me with or without makeup. Better yet, I love myself. Love that inner child that didn't know better.

@sheilajac 8 ай бұрын

@@lynnbrown4364 i tried to runaway when i was 4. also, had an "invisible friend" who i sometimes use as a mediator with my mom ("suzy says....") I think/know I was rsther smart, too - so i talked back. One example, also around 4 or 5, i told my mom that she'd hurt my feelings, to which she taunted "oh really, where are your feelings, how do you know i hurt them if you don't know where they are?" and I pointed to the lump in my throat, saying it hurt there, so that must be where my feelings were. Wish i could go back and give that little girl a big hug, because i know for sure that was not my mom's reaction. Never once in my life did she apologize - no one in my family has ever apologized for anything, even when it was obvious they were wrong and wrongly accused me. it just got dropped, like it never happened. it really amounts to ego - a parent needing to be superior, right, better - WIN against their own child. At any cost.

@redrose-wb4bw 8 ай бұрын

@@lynnbrown4364is Mom still with you? My Mom was the narcissist who tortured my 3 sisters and me. She’s still alive and still trying to scapegoat us. But she has dementia now so acts like an angry child. I feel like giving her a bit back but instead, I just avoid her. Sad that it comes to that. She hasn’t spoken to my youngest sister in 30 years now, I know what she’s capable of.

@lynnbrown4364 8 ай бұрын

@redrose-wb4bw I know it must be painful for you. My mom died at a young 66. Her final "gotcha!" was 3 months after she died, I discovered evidence of a 30 year affair as I was cleaning out her drawers. My father had no clue, and we never told him. She died 16 years ago. Now that I recognize her as a narcissist who learned from the best, I concentrate on breaking the Karmic bond and appreciating her good points of which, thank God, she had many. All the best to you. Love yourself and keep your boundaries strong!

@sharonjones7138 8 ай бұрын

For decades, I “wore” the belief that I was the reason for the divorce, and family breakdown. “If only I’d been a better child…we would be together as a family”. A therapist told me “stop wearing this. YOU, were a girl…a child and YOU, were NOT responsible for the health of the family!!! Your parents were. THEY, are the reason for the falling apart of the family, not you”. As I allowed that to sink in, I was able to let it go.

@wasntme3651 8 ай бұрын

Same here. I didn’t understand what a narcissist was until two years ago. I’m in my mid 40’s so it was a long time of thinking that everything was my fault. Fast forward to today I feel a huge weight off my shoulders and have been no contact for over 12 years.

@deadparrot5953 8 ай бұрын

@bradyryan5105 Your parents must've been treating you very badly to make you act out so strongly at such a young age. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

@gottfriedosterbach3907 8 ай бұрын

Glad it worked because it can be stated but only is effective if believed and internalized because the negative side already has been.

@TheHelenhunter 8 ай бұрын

It's not your fault. It's the parents' job, they are responsible.

@spinnettdesigns 7 ай бұрын

So happy for you!

@CH-do8lh 7 ай бұрын

"The narcissist is accusing you of the very things THEY are doing" - SPOT ON. A close family member has been doling this out for years and his wife is on board and my fear is that they will bring their children into the fold for more ammunition. I have chosen to step away from the abuse but will miss the time with the children.

@destinypetteway884 3 ай бұрын

Yes

@chosencreoleking4571 8 ай бұрын

Thank you for this. I used to self sabotage for so many years thinking I was cursed and wrecking my brain and being depressed wondering how I could be treated so bad when done nothing to them. Helped them even when I never got the same inreturn.

@Tracy-qz8ps 7 ай бұрын

You sound exactly like what I've went through, I'm 47 now and knew for years something was deeply wrong with my family, I was treated harshly and critically, mocked and belittled, they never took what I said seriously as if I didn't deserve to voice my opinions, I didn't know I was a scapegoat but do now, I've self sabotaged so much in my life due to being treated less than, but i had therapy early this year that helped me to understand boundaries, I've tried to put them boundaries in place it's been extremely hard to do so, but I've started to gain some self respect for myself and my family upper the ante on me, i did explode and now im cutting contact they are no good for my mental health and i need to isolate away from all of them, hope your okay hope your situation has changed for the better, big hugs to you

@elaineanderson2989 7 ай бұрын

They will make you out to be the WORST kind of person if you dont allow them to control you. You are not alone. Find your tribe honey, people who are more like you are and less like them THEN you will be ALOT happier. 😊

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

@@elaineanderson2989 They are intra species predators (actually they are another species, not fully human).

@louiseparham-l8k 5 ай бұрын

@@Tracy-qz8psyour account of your life with your family sounds identical to mine. At family gatherings I was demeaned belittled and humiliated in front of everyone for voicing my own opinions, expressing my own tastes in music and my brother replying you always had bog standard and mediocre tastes in music, in front of all to hear. I tried cutting them of years ago. Did not visit for Xmas. I was on my own then. It was very lonely. Then when I was getting married I thought it right to tell them. They invited themselves down for the wedding at the local registar. For a time they were "nice" towards me. Just as I felt comfortable and secure the abuse started to creep in again. Me and my husband were not invited to my nephew's wedding and was not told about it until 2 months after the event. I realise now my nephew despises and looks down on me. They hurt me through turning on my husband and labelling him a "creep" when he never said a bad thing ever against them and is the best thing that ever happened to me. I cut them off 2 years ago I am having therapy and aim to get off the anti depressants.

@randallcauley9484 5 ай бұрын

relate. self-sabotage and depression (cPTSD in my case) is brutal, debilitating.

@randomactsofchaos5029 8 ай бұрын

The wonderful thing about the road to recovery is realizing the ludicrously of it all. When someone lies to me about me to me, I break out laughing.

@Michelle_9_27 8 ай бұрын

You just explained my entire life & family dynamics. Wish I could join your live class. I’ve been holding on to this for a very long time. Mourning an entire family.

@MegaDiva1999 8 ай бұрын

mine too. My mother and elder sister have been a tag team for nearly all my life.My Dad is sweet enough but weak.An enabler. My other sister is also sweet enough but prefers to be a tortoise and keep out of the hard conversations which is all about her self-preservation. The withholding information has been so difficult to understand including my parents being in hospital and both my siblings keeping it from me, not being told about family events , people going to functions , funerals or trips without telling me, changing the kid's school without telling me, and buying a new car! I often expect that I'll go to my parent''s /family home one day and every one will have moved without telling me. It's awful but by God's grace ,I'm still here and finally thriving. Going no contact has been life changing.

@Kitty-ov7ds 8 ай бұрын

You’re not alone in doing this to protect yourself. It’s very difficult but you can live your own life, finally. You’ve got this!!!

@kayewilliams4517 8 ай бұрын

You're not alone in this.

@SusanaXpeace2u 8 ай бұрын

i'M mourning my family too. It only ever worked when I absorbed all of the projections. The moment I defended myself and stood firm in my own interpretation of events, I was mad/bad/sad, isolated, given the silent treatment, other members of the wider family were drafted in to give me the silent treatment, then I was gaslighted ''it was just your perception that we gave you the silent treatment'' so you're not on your own. I'm grieving my ''family''.

@ndl78 8 ай бұрын

It’s really painful ..been scapegoated my whole life and it has caused me anxiety depression and high blood pressure ..you have to find a way to heal and get therapy and move on with people who care about you ..they will literally kill you if you don’t

@emiliax5945 2 ай бұрын

Im done with my narc family.. I don't care anymore. They can do whatever they want but not with me anymore. Im out of this forever. That was the best decision of my life. Since than I feel so much better and i healed.. There is no coming back for them. This door is closed forever! God bless you my friend 🌹🌼

@MullajeanUnfiltered-pv2zk 7 ай бұрын

I guess I have work to do. When I decided to comment " the voice" in my head said, "Don't say anything that would embarrass your family" .

@Amberguymerhosking 9 сағат бұрын

This one. We’re still silenced to a degree x. 😢

@manny775 8 ай бұрын

I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THIS MY WHOLE LIFE AND IT'S REALLY SAD!!!!

@kimpeterson4846 8 ай бұрын

OMG I was not told when my sister went in for lung cancer surgery....she lost an entire lung . I found out from a family friend. I am persona non grata, now....the reason every one's life is screwed up. I am that POWERFUL 👌 😂😅

@DeathToWinsteads 8 ай бұрын

Same here (in the non-fatal sense) though I would NEVER CRY EXACTLY if my older NARC sister would suffer from that fate...I CANNOT even "love from a distance" by THAT POINT. Thankfully I am NO CONTACT FOR LIFE against her for years now

@BronzeDragon133 8 ай бұрын

I am Death, destroyer of Holidays, bringer of Extreme Annoyance, causer of Anxiety. The world shall look upon me and tremble at my power.

@tinkingtinking2134 8 ай бұрын

I was never told my mum was sick until the day she died.

@katie7748 8 ай бұрын

Funny...I didn't want anyone to know I had c--cer but felt morally obligated to tell them because me having it automatically put my sister (whom I harbour absolutely no ill feelings towards) at higher risk. I should've kept it to myself like I'd originally wanted to. Sigh. Thanks to a childhood I won't get into, I have MAJOR trust issues which is why I'm a private person...especially with family.

@alisonj9533 8 ай бұрын

Now give her your lung, go on!! It will still be on you. 😅

@user-xn1ku7gr8k 7 ай бұрын

I used to think I was going crazy about all the things that happened to me, that my family denied. I realised later on in my 40’s when I finally stepped away from them, what it was. A good friend pointed out I was their emotional punchbag, used to make them feel better. Now I know about Narcissists, it all makes sense.

@destinypetteway884 3 ай бұрын

Yes😢

@blessinge7637 6 ай бұрын

For everyone that has had to suffer through this type of abuse, my heart goes out to you. May you find wisdom and strength to navigate the waters and come stronger and wiser than you've ever been. Evil can never triumph over good. Stay strong.

@mamacitasalsera 8 ай бұрын

I was a single parent so we spent a lot of time with my family and I realised too late that my now adult daughter has been influenced by seeing how I was treated in my family despite being the main carer for my elderly parents. My mother died recently and my sister's attitude towards me worsened, we are no longer speaking and my daughter took her side although we did resolve it. The worst thing is always being seen as the troubled, unstable one. I am the only one who has gone to therapy and am constantly working on myself.

@bookbeing 8 ай бұрын

Same here!

@tinkingtinking2134 8 ай бұрын

❤️

@s.s.8029 8 ай бұрын

I am sorry that your daughter has been influenced by this. I married into it and I did see some red flags early on, but I was young and thought things would get better through time, but they have only gotten worse and I have very low/no contact with my in-laws. I am glad that you are working on yourself. It can be so lonely, but worth the peace and sanity.

@sistadreponl7152 8 ай бұрын

I have that exact same story but with 2 daughters. By raising them around my mother and sister I unknowingly sabotage my relationship with my own daughters

@oliveoil7642 8 ай бұрын

@@sistadreponl7152 I was not able to understand initially why my husband detached from his family after a few years into our marriage but now it makes sense. He wanted to stop the dysfunction for our children and family!

@PropheticSoakingwithSarahJER 8 ай бұрын

I was excluded from family celebrations for 2 years with no explanation until my BIL confessed out of the blue that he had lied that I had tried to seduce him. No apologies of course when the truth was out. Mother was caught in the act of triangulating through my cousin, helped me understand why one by one family members were ghosting me. Best thing I did was walk away in 2010.

@ecoo911 7 ай бұрын

I was definitely a scapegoat, I was a threat to the beliefs of my family and I was politically controversial. Silent treatment is actively constant every week , imagine the endurance to deal with that.

@philp7884 7 ай бұрын

Same here.

@user-zl8ti5ee1v 7 ай бұрын

I do not have to imagine it, i too have endured this for yrs and when u speak uo for yrsrlf, u get told u are selfish,unreasonable, and many other things because they can't admit that they are at fault at all. They can't or won't change and if u do they blame u. I admit i have faults too, but don't want to waste my life propping up their egos. Good to know i am not alone, although it sometimes feels like it

@Righteous1ist 6 ай бұрын

I'm going through this right now since I stopped helping my crazy family members growing their illegal weed selling. Never wanted to do it but had to, currently been in years of manipulation and scheming and lies.

@Wake-the-Woke Ай бұрын

Really? You disagreed with religious and political beliefs and that made you the scapegoat? No. You have NO IDEA what a scapegoat is.

@小山春樹Harumi 6 ай бұрын

I'm in no contact with my father more than 5 years, he is now invisible to me and I still get shivers when I think how he demeaned me in public hundreds of times

@KDSima 8 ай бұрын

I was the scapegoat. Our 85 yo mother, the narcissist, has dementia now. It is sad, but she no longer has control.

@individualspawn1077 3 ай бұрын

Don't go near her!

@LP-tu8li 2 ай бұрын

She may have some control. Did she turn everyone against you? Did she leave you out of her will? There are ways to control beyond lucidity.

@KDSima 2 ай бұрын

Yes, she turned everyone against me.Yes she tried to manage me from the will. But, she was ultimately was unsuccessful. My sisters stepped in. Three of the four of us are now very close. We are lucky bc the woman who was mean, and vengeful is now nice. It’s weird. So many people with dementia become mean… she was mean and has become nice. She has rewritten her past… we are okay with it.

@sherryclark8121 8 ай бұрын

Oh yeah, I was the scapegoat and my mother smeared me to as many relatives as possible. I thank our Heavenly Father that I had an aunt who could see what was really going on and would take me every Easter, Christmas and Summer vacations to get me away from her. If she had not, I think I would have gone insane...

@rosalindluper2801 4 ай бұрын

I wish I had known you years ago - you have described my growing up exactly. I was always compared to my sister the 'golden' child, and even though I gained excellent academic results, had a good career, looked after myself etc.. I was never 'good enough'. I eventually moved to a city only 60 miles away, and although I did the car run hundreds of times, they never ever came to see me, there was always an excuse. The day I said 'no more' was the start of a new life- just wish I'd done it sooner.

@helenb7559 7 ай бұрын

I have never heard of narcissistic family dynamics before. I could relate to every single one of these as the scapegoat. They tried to ruin my wedding 15 years ago and have given me the silent treatment ever since. What I thought was such a sad experience and being undeserving of a lovely wedding day has turned into a blessing. I wouldn’t have my husband and my 4 beautiful children have been spared from living with the hell of this messed up existence.

@dickie_white 8 ай бұрын

I wish I'd heard this when I was 10 years old. The tragedy of it all is (well it would have been for me), is that in our isolated family units, young people believe that their family is NORMAL. I probably wouldn't have recognised the value of it all aged 10, and denied, what I know so clearly now about the way I was raised.

@RonSafreed 7 ай бұрын

Narcissistic parents will eventually loose all their friends & they are also quasi/de-facto isolated from their families!! I saw this with my parents by the time I was a teen at age 13 & saw both sides of the family only several times in my young life!! They act in ways that embarrasses the kids so they bring no one to the house because of their 'insanity' & they don't care!!

@suzycatipiller821 8 ай бұрын

I never saw myself as a scapegoat just that I didn't fit in. But I am one. Isolating me is a big one as well as insulting and talking down to me. Our parents are deceased and our immediate family is very small. I refuse to spend Thanksgiving this year with them. I will be alone with my pets. We are all old enough to know better. We were not raised this way. They know very well what they do and the effects it has had on me

@Michelle_9_27 8 ай бұрын

I’m sorry. ♥️ I hope you can find peace at this Holiday. I’m trying my hardest to just make it pleasant for just my husband and I this year. It’s a new start of being alone, BUT being ok with it. Less stress & drama.

@81redddd 8 ай бұрын

This is definitely my life’s story, I’d come for holidays and they would barely speak or not at all. They would also watch how much food I put on my plate or make little smart comments. I haven’t been out there since 2020, I’d rather spend the holidays alone than deal with their toxicity.

@tiffanydrouin2622 8 ай бұрын

My husband and I have found we are much happier and have by far more peaceful and pleasant holidays celebrating by ourselves or with close friends, rather than visit family down in TN for the holidays (we live in KY). It was like a weight was lifted off our shoulders. Hoping you all have the same experience!!

@fightback397 8 ай бұрын

On thanksgiving days there are a lot of people that are alone . Look up shelter centres where you either can join or volunteer to work . Or churches .

@Michelle_9_27 8 ай бұрын

@@fightback397 I may actually do this ! Great idea

@jen-cy6wj 7 ай бұрын

My mom would always guilt trip me about how much it cost to raise me, as if I set the cost of clothing and food myself. No matter that I started working at 13 (the only kid out of three of us that was required to work) in the family business without getting any wages

@brennadickinson2920 6 ай бұрын

You were manipulated.

@sallysailor5642 Ай бұрын

What a nasty monster, your mother!

@mainlittlerock5422 7 ай бұрын

My mother repeatedly told me my father never loved me. And, coming from a family of six kids, my mother specifically wrote me out of her will. The hurt & humiliation the truth-teller scapegoat lives with is deep. Topper... my siblings are fine with it; more money for them, I guess.

@Serendipity-gj2me 8 ай бұрын

Wow! It was like mirroring my entire life with my narcissitic arrogant family. You hit the nail on the head and made me realise what I endured as a child. The trauma of being the victim to their narcissistic and tyrannical ways. Now, as an adult, who distanced herself from them, a long time ago and succeeding on my own, they want to see me again. That is never going to happen. I will never give them the opportunity of ever terrorising me ever again.

@individualspawn1077 3 ай бұрын

Don't let them it's undoubtedly a trap!!

@Thomas-pq4ys 7 ай бұрын

This brought up many images. I didn't know I was the family scapegoat/black sheep until my golden child sister passed, and her executors, exact clones of my sister, or vice-versa... they are all alike, stoic, unemotional, control freak teachers... Mom, and these women, all were/are covert narcissists. This sudden discovery of family abuse was dropped on me suddenly, when the sister's executors shamed me using the very same words used on me as a child. I'm 73. This happened 6 months ago, and I, just now, am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel after dealing with the rage hurt, depression, this discovery caused. I'm not free of this yet... but every day, I get incrementally better. I'm searching for wherever my motivation went... my fun loving self, I miss the old artistic, creatively driven me... the brilliant musician/performer. I hope he shows up soon... i miss that guy.

@YoSoyBlanca 7 ай бұрын

What bothers me is that I have to go out of my way to research and learn in order to manage my interactions. I wish for us all to let love in 💖 Thank you for being a resource!

@edadan 8 ай бұрын

Happened to me. My brothers wanted me to do something I couldn’t afford to do, so I refused to participate. It was amazing to see how quickly all of my family turned against me.

@Righteous1ist 6 ай бұрын

@hyggeeof9885 4 ай бұрын

Me too..refused to go grandiose on her 90th birthday?

@TheLectureRoom 8 ай бұрын

My abusive sibling, would flip the script on me, if I were to say- your were the golden child, and I had been the scapegoat. That why I’ve been no contact for two decades…

@b.pack3 7 ай бұрын

Not attending thanksgiving this year was one of the best thanksgivings I’ve ever had. Same tomorrow. About to go to the movies and relax.

@sonybarne1298 2 ай бұрын

As the scapegoat, truth-teller of a Narcissist family, I relate to ALL the enumerated because it happens to me.

@katpleiadean7525 8 ай бұрын

This was my whole upbringing and continued into my 40s. When it started to extend beyond the immediate family, to the spouses, cousins and nieces and nephews, I just went 'no contact'.

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

Yes it's like a cancer that spreads (due to the narc's subtle smear campaign). If the extended family chooses to drink their poison kool aid about you, they become just like the narc and it's band of worshipful idiots.

@BrotherAlyx 8 ай бұрын

I’m the child of a narcissistic mother. I healed myself by distancing and then finding myself after years of suffering and self abuse. This video describes my maternal family to a “T”. Thanks for this clarifying talk Mr. Wise!❤

@individualspawn1077 3 ай бұрын

God bless you!

@glennyb1298 6 ай бұрын

Yes! Exactly what my narcissistic and abusive family have abused me to no end and blame me for everything! I asked for a healthy relationship and they put me on the street and made me homeless for calling them on their abuse!

@deborahpender2347 3 ай бұрын

My narcissistic mother made it a competition between my brother and I as to who could do the most for her. Later extended that competition to the grand children.

@markw999 8 ай бұрын

Greenlighting crappy behavior was my Father's favorite game. From siblings and neighborhood kids even. He did nothing but undermine and humiliate me. Most passive-aggressive man I've ever met to this day. It was constant, like the prick had made a job of it. Another isolation tactic was just not telling me anything. I never knew where or what the family was doing. They "ditched" me frequently and there were times I literally had no idea where they had gone or what they had been doing.

@engleharddinglefester4285 8 ай бұрын

Yeah that's not right.

@starseeds8121 8 ай бұрын

Same here as in never telling me where everyone was going.

@markw999 8 ай бұрын

@@starseeds8121 The neighbors used to ask me if I was adopted. True story.

@starseeds8121 8 ай бұрын

@@markw999 I always felt like I was adopted for most of my life but there was no way for either 'parent' to ever admit that when I asked them if I was. I look like neither 'parent' and it is very bizarre and suspicious to say the least.

@markw999 8 ай бұрын

@@starseeds8121 Full story: my Borderline/Narcissistic mother cheated on my father so many times there was no telling who's kid I was. Of the three of us, I didn't resemble him in any way. Being raised by an angry, passive-aggressive cuck was a bitch, I tell you.

@OhPleaseMary 8 ай бұрын

Now, I understand why, when my mother didn't like something her children did, said, or wore, she would always call us by the name of someone she detested or saw as foolish. It was exhausting, but more so, demeaning and hurtful.

@shelleyw87 8 ай бұрын

We got the same treatment. When mother didn't like the way one of us kids was acting (behavior we got from our father Karl of course ) she would ask... Karl when did you walk in the door? Effectively putting him and us down at the same time.

@angelanicholson951 8 ай бұрын

Oh, they love labelling. Their own deep insecurities and loathing thrives off of it.

@Michelle_9_27 8 ай бұрын

Yes! My mother would say, on a daily. You are just like your father. Putting us both down as if we were the most horrible people alive.

@Michelle_9_27 8 ай бұрын

@@bradyryan5105 I’m sorry♥️. I still to this day , in my 50s , still have no idea why she hated me so much. I wonder to this day why. I was a little girl, 5 yrs old, picking that up. She just always resented me for some reason. And I have basically begged for her love, attention & answer to that question & have never received any of it. It was just easier for her to be hateful towards me. Sad to see there are so many of us dealing with childhood trauma. Prayers for you 🙏🏼

@DHW256 8 ай бұрын

Yes, I was an academic and artistic prodigy, but Mom frequently called me by the name of a cousin, who was severely retarded due to physical, sexual and psychological abuse. Perhaps she was projecting the shame of her own actions as a malignant narcissist and abuser.

$@Sourcefractile7777$

@Sourcefractile7777 7 ай бұрын

I am asthonished, sad and happy, that after 50 years of questioning myself "why?!?" in total guilt, sadness and depression, I finally have the answer. This is the story of my life and I am the scapegoat of a narcissist family. That makes it easier to let go, as I blocked contacts, 2 months ago. Narcissists never change. Thank you, for this great relieve. Blessings

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

Same here. And it's always a "damned if ya do, damned if ya don't" situation for us scapegoats and "Win/Win" for the narc vipers. If you stay , they have a whipping post/emotional trash can. If you go, they confiscate your rightful inheritance and steal all your family support systems.

$@Sourcefractile7777$

@Sourcefractile7777 6 ай бұрын

@@BlackSheep380 Very true. They put us in an emotional double bind situation.

@DonnaTurner-qb1qd 3 ай бұрын

Enoy your freedom ❤❤❤🎉🎉 let them go !!

@katcre22 7 ай бұрын

I cannot tell you just how thankful that I am for coming across your page. This explains my life perfectly. It’s inhumane and abusive to treat someone this way. I isolate myself from the pain of it all, but it is impossible to understand fully.

@jackkruese4258 8 ай бұрын

I was totally the scapegoat and was told I was stupid continuously whilst my father also had a favourite child who could get away with anything. He’s dead now, thank god but they still act in the same way. I’ve been much more successful than the rest of my family in adult life and have loaned all of them money in the past, yet one of my sisters stole a load of money from me 20 years ago and I got the blame for her stealing. She even said “ if our father was still around he wouldn’t have let you treat me like this” when she was confronted about stealing money from me.

@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql 8 ай бұрын

My siblings got money for homes etc. not me. But that is okay because I always felt their money was cursed.

@KarmasaReal1 8 ай бұрын

"I don't know where you got that from!" I hear it daily....

@privatelyprivate3285 7 ай бұрын

Suuuuuure they don’t - but do they even try to clear things up or, god forbid, reassure you instead of just walking off after labeling you a villainous sh!t judge of character? Nah!

@simonbelmont1986 7 ай бұрын

My family has did this to me. They called me the Golden Apple as a child. Now that I'm an adult I'm suddenly the target of my mom's gaslighting, and my step father's instigation strategy. I'm completely isolated now and alone.

@eb1042 7 ай бұрын

Congrats!!! Stay AWAY... Toxicity is poison to the soul!!!

@Juke582 7 ай бұрын

We tend to isolate in our pain and suffering but you have to move somewhere where you can make friends and have a new better life! Once o figured out narcissists on KZfaq Dr Les Carter page, I healed a lot! I live in a retirement community in Florida that’s social and active and it’s a good life! I don’t talk to my siblings as they are evil! I was made the scapegoat!

@Jza-GZa40k 7 ай бұрын

Happened most my life even when they know the problems i’ve had growing up and till this day as a autistic person they’d gang up on me and blatantly ignore my sadness or issues with what they are saying to me for no reason to guilt trip me like i’m doing wrong all the time,It’s very disheartening and makes you feel like sh*te.Sorry you went through or still go through it.

@Righteous1ist 6 ай бұрын

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

@@Righteous1ist Enough about the weed. You sound self righteous. God made weeds, government does not own them. Neither does govt own the rivers, lakes and forests, yet the tyrants try to make us pay them to hunt and fish. Stop being such a good slave to the corrupt govt.

@yarnarrutor9418 4 ай бұрын

Great distinction: Breaking free from family (cutoff) is not the same as breaking free from family enmeshment.

@PropheticSoakingwithSarahJER 8 ай бұрын

“All my children have been diagnosed with anxiety but I haven’t.” Says the narc mother who breathes through her teeth almost constantly.

@vanessas2363 8 ай бұрын

Oh my god, I could have written this. My mother said this too to someone "all my children have mental health problems". And she grits her teeth when she sees me, bares them like a dog. She can't even disguise it. She hates me so much. No contact for over 8 years. She sabotaged my whole life and isolated me. No siblings (4) have any contact with each other. It's so very sad. Take care ❤🇬🇧

@lionsandwarriorsreturntofo7000 7 ай бұрын

Any reasonable person would see she is the culprit 😂 A fool, ratting herself out! …. I can relate! So relieved and blessed, to be free from the nonsense 😊

@GyobuTheDemonOniwa 7 ай бұрын

Don't worry my father says the same stuff all the time. He has no awareness. He'll physically abuse his woman and pets until they have Stockholm syndrome then he talks about how his pets like him more than others. Complete looney toon.

@sdmoore8408 7 ай бұрын

Prayer prayer prayer May God intervene soon. Please God soon.

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

@@metafromaustralia Their willfully ignorant bliss will evaporate soon when they are weeping and gnashing their teeth on their one way trip to an eternal lake vacation (fire lake)...❤‍🔥🔥

@americanrefugee6756 8 ай бұрын

We keep calling it a “scape goat” but in reality chosen one’s, beautiful brothers and sisters in reality, you have been rendered into a sacrificial lamb. The Lord sees. May God bless you.

@jennifergriffin5467 2 ай бұрын

Wow! What a beautiful way to put it! And so true. It is my faith that has been saving my life. If it weren't for Him, I would not be here. No fooling. God bless you!

@jeniferfuhrman1525 Ай бұрын

I like it ❤

@WalkerHoundGal 2 ай бұрын

I experienced a 3 year narcissistic smear campaign involving my entire social system, with my separated spouse being the teller of the most heinous lies against me. They all gave input on how to make his divorce petition as cruel as possible. I was definitely cast as someone who “suddenly changed for the worse.” I did a complete emotional cutoff and became a trauma coach. I broke free of the enmeshment and from the family. Thank you Jerry. ❤

@LauraCook-pl9pq 2 ай бұрын

I feel this every day of my life. I always thought it was my bad luck. The lies and deception was horrible. What makes me so mad is they have lied to my kids. Don't EVER let your kids around these people!!! My family sabotaged my kids after turning them against me. They will NEVER apologize either. Love them from a distance. I promise. I NEVER want someone to go through what I did. I don't care how guilty someone makes you feel

@gottabme Ай бұрын

Being the youngest, the 'unwanted, m-pause' baby, I saw my mother do that to nieces and nephews who closer in age to me than my siblings were. I didn't have a name for it then, but I could see, plain as day, my mom turn my brothers' and sisters' kids against them. Later, when my (then) boyfriend and I were discussing marriage, I told him I would NOT raise children around my family, especially my mother. I was only 17 at the time, but I knew what I knew!

@nancybartley4610 8 ай бұрын

It doesn't seem to matter what the dynamic playing out is. By this I mean Jerry is describing various behaviors that may or may not resonate for some of us. We all have different stories to tell. What is the same across every story is that we are the outsider. We are not allowed to express concerns, opinions, investigate, understand what is happening because no one else sees our viewpoint as mattering . They do not view our needs as worthy of being addressed. We want to talk and work things out. We want to fix the problem but they see us as the problem. They don't see the family dynamic as the problem that must be seriously and completely addressed if healing is going to occur. Healthy people work together. They want everyone's needs to be met and make reasonable efforts to do so. They can admit their role in a problem or at least validate someone's view of their behavior. Healthy people include. They do not exclude. They care enough about their family to work on problems as everyone's problem. Compromise is what people who are loving do. When a relationship is one-way, well, it isn't a relationship.

@michelleduncan9965 8 ай бұрын

You can't "work with" narcissists Nancy. They will not acknowledge that they have a problem, &/or that they are part of a problem. They never get better.

@tinkingtinking2134 8 ай бұрын

This is my experience in my family.

@donnamartaofficial9903 8 ай бұрын

dear Nancy, thank you for your comment simply put nothing extravagant I couldn't believe there could be an inclusive family where you are heard and excepted most significant time was when my father returned to the Lord and I actually realized in what mess (family) I was in until then he had been the thermostat balancing the dynamics representing my perspective as well

@Michelle_9_27 8 ай бұрын

Exactly! Great way of putting it. My thoughts as well.

@DeathToWinsteads 8 ай бұрын

That's why I'm committed to NO CONTACT FOR LIFE back against my three EX-SIBLINGS at 50-yrs old for a few years now

@sarahrayman620 8 ай бұрын

I cried because this was me in my family and how they made it appear to the rest of my family. I had to completely sever my ties with my whole biological family. This was like having multiple deaths happen at one time. I had been married 2 different times to 2 different narcissists. I wondered why I was attracted to such men. I started getting trauma help. I ended up marrying for the last time to a wonderfully loving man, that takes care of me and my children. That move of marrying him, lead my brother to come and threaten my husband and myself after we got married. One because my family wasn’t excepting of him, 2, I dared, as a 44 year old woman with 4 kids to get married in spite of this without my folks or other family present. Since the day my brother threatened us, we went no contact. I still love my parents and brother. I still pray for them and have forgiven them, but it doesn’t mean I have to stay in that toxic environment and won’t let my children be effected by their manipulation and projection and gaslighting. Just done. Trying to raise my children to live lives that honor God and that love people wisely.

@katherineirvin7464 7 ай бұрын

Wow you may have no idea how similar your story is compared to others. Yeah, your godly marriage changed their twisted narrative about you that stemmed from toxic hatred and pride. Did you need to get a court ordered Restraining Order against him?

@SpaceGhostMars94 7 ай бұрын

Feel like I may be going through the same thing only it's happening to me after ACTUALLY experiencing multiple deaths of loved ones. I think spirituality and mushrooms are the only reasons I'm still here. 😂

@mik7564 7 ай бұрын

Amen to you last sentence. You d9 what is best and safe for your family. I don't have children yet, but I want to protect them from these things.

@forgiven5919 7 ай бұрын

I am happy for you that you found a loving man and got away. ❤️

@vijaydeepborde7908 6 ай бұрын

I am so proud of you dear

@bazb2591 7 ай бұрын

My mother does all of these things to me. She’s bitter, nasty and angry and very manipulative. It’s been really difficult to cope with.

@jeniferr444 7 ай бұрын

My father told me he kept me away from himself and the family not because he didn’t want to see me but because he thought that would help me not to argue with everyone in the family. It was a whole showdown without me ever arguing with anyone to my knowledge and not being involved in the kicking out of the family episode- all of them and then me. WOW obviously this all resonates more than I want it to but I knew it would. It has been happening long enough that the knowledge is overwhelming. Thank you for your lessons

@valhallabound3938 8 ай бұрын

One day, I went to my mom's to talk about some things, she is a narcissist. I had smoked one before I went, as green helps me calmly explain my feelings, I'm less likely to get angry, but I do feel more comfortable talking about my feelings, and more comfortable crying...my narcissistic mother didn't like feeling uncomfortable so when I was telling her how I felt, she held her hands up and told me "I'm not talking to you when you are like this, I don't want to be around you when you are high"...she didn't like feeling guilty for the tears I was shedding, the cracking of my calm voice, the real of the conversation. This video has described my life. My mother's mother is a narcissist. Her sisters, my sister have all ganged up on me several times. They will all block me give me the silent treatment for weeks, even months. My mom has used my siblings in her psychological games. To the point when I've tried to talk to them, they think I'm just being mean to mom. I saw a poster of the narcissistic family dynamic when I was in rehab and that was when everything made sense. I didn't ever know she was a narcissist nor I the scapegoat or Rebel. I've called them all out several times, the new game over the last few years has been trying to plant seeds of doubt in my head as far as my relationship goes.

@individualspawn1077 3 ай бұрын

Fuck them, stop caring!

@sharonjones7138 8 ай бұрын

Emotional Blackmail….written by Susan Forward. I read this book 20 years ago and I highly recommend it. It opened the window to my healing. Boy was my mother good at this. She continues to manipulate using fear, obligation, guilt. Because I went no contact, I thought I was free but realized as I read this book that I was still operating as her robot. I sought professional help and never looked back.

@starseeds8121 8 ай бұрын

I have wondered if I have been operating as my parent's robot in no contact as well.

@franknberry333 8 ай бұрын

I'm going to buy that book, thanks for the suggestion

@troll23-troll23 8 ай бұрын

Thanks for the reminder. I own that book, will read it again.

@rhiannancaraway 7 ай бұрын

This is THE most accurate thing I've ever heard. It's actually spooky hearing my entire life explained by a stranger.

@kareemosman3064 2 ай бұрын

people think they are different. they are not.

@jolynn2271 Ай бұрын

There's always going to be a person who makes negative judgements on others. Just let it fly😂❤

@user-xe5qg9zp9d 8 ай бұрын

in addition to my previus comment. i realized that everytime i got back to engage, i sold my self. its no joke.

@darlenebradley6756 8 ай бұрын

I was the scapegoat for my family. Alcoholic dad, narcissitic mom. Mother turned my sisters against me for years and I was subjected to almost everything you talked about. I was ridiculed as crazy and all sorts of things. Fortunately, we all came to places in our lives that brought us to counseling and treatment, and gradually began talking to each other about all that stuff. Thankfully, we all have good relationships today.

@destinypetteway884 3 ай бұрын

Glad you found healing it’s dangeous

@joenataliegorman5541 7 ай бұрын

I cannot even believe how on-point this is. It's telling my story to a "T". Thank you, Natalie

@xojenniferlynne 7 ай бұрын

This is my life in one video….ughhh. Blessings on all of us who went through having a narc parent. It’s horrific. 😢

@debral9651 8 ай бұрын

Nailed it. And we have changed to them for the worst, because we are not the same conforming person we used to be

@michelleduncan9965 8 ай бұрын

Amen Debra. Our big "CRIME" was differentiating into: 1-WHO WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE (separate from them), plus, into 2-BEING HEALTHY!

@boomboomwatts4745 8 ай бұрын

Thank you! I grew up with a narcissist mother… A LOT of emotional blackmail.. A LOT! Very informative … easily understandable. Great job!

@MissionForward3 8 ай бұрын

After hearing this I now understand who the family scapegoat was.... It was me.

@annadonahue4119 2 ай бұрын

I hear you... I was never sure who I was in the messy group who had a hand in raising me

@SiddityPrincess 6 ай бұрын

Yup when my step sister passed away I found out via social media and family friend. Didn’t even get the news from the immediate family until A WEEK after her passing. My step mother would try to compare us and always try to boost her up and make it as if she was better than me. That was it from me. That’s NOT my family. They I don’t believe considered this chapter of life.

@GoddessAthena_here 8 ай бұрын

The good news is that nothing is as it seems on this planet. Apparent families are hell because they are lies. Those of us who are brave and take the path of becoming authentically ourselves will reunite our true family.

@Yaruandromedano1111 7 ай бұрын

By creating our OWN family.

@GoddessAthena_here 7 ай бұрын

@@Yaruandromedano1111 Nothing is created or destroyed

@jenniferthomas8804 8 ай бұрын

All of these are so accurate! However the one about casting the victim as 'unbelievable', hit hard. Frequently I get asked questions. I reply honestly, according to my perception of an event or objectively according to fact, yet I'm the one spinning stories to make others look bad.🤦‍♀️ Like, why even ask if nothing I say matters?

@privatelyprivate3285 7 ай бұрын

Yup - and if they’re not content with simply dismissing the perception (and ensuing feelings) that you just “shouldn’t have”, here come the accusations of imagining sh!t and thinking you can read everyone’s minds to put words in their mouths/lend them intentions for earnestly trying to fill in / make sense of the blanks they leave to maintain plausible deniability

@BlackSheep380 6 ай бұрын

@@privatelyprivate3285 Also known as crazy making.

@destinypetteway884 3 ай бұрын

🙌🏾 this is the biggest one everyone will go around you asking you the same question until they believe your telling the truth it’s sick and twisted.

@brawlytorres6285 7 ай бұрын

My mother is a narcissistic alcoholic. I saw her stretchered out of the house many times as a teen after nearly killing herself with week long benders. Older brother was already moved out, younger sister would get whisked away by her dad (my stepdad, who was divorced from my mother), leaving me the only child stuck living there watching my mother tear her life apart. My tolerance for her drinking is pretty much nonexistent in my adulthood. A few years back, she had another bad episode where my younger sister finally got to see her at her worst, and it terrified her. That was the last straw for me, and I cut her off for a full year before my family finally pressured me into trying to patch things up. In doing so, my mother made it clear that she felt no remorse for what she’d done, in fact, me cutting her off was the worst, most evil thing anyone had ever done to her. I became the villain who would dare try to tear this perfectly functional family apart. And while she “forgives me” now and we are on mostly good terms, I see through all her bullshit and am just biding my time until I can someday move far away from them all and try to find a happy life for myself.

@doctorstreamspunk9996 3 ай бұрын

As my sister used to say, the only reason to talk to mom is to find out how the past has changed. I'd finally had enough when my mother enlisted one of my sisters to gang up on and psychologically abuse my youngest sister. I warned them both that if they kept it up I'd never speak to either of them again. Only then did they back off.

@monicaperez2843 8 ай бұрын

Jerry, please address narcissists "breaking bad," turning to crime as adults. Thank you.

@BronzeDragon133 8 ай бұрын

Or enabling the addictions or crimes of the Golden Child (or blaming all of that on the Scapegoat...down to, in my case, getting damned close to framing me for crap). I could tell you stories that would curl your hair.

@bradyryan5105 8 ай бұрын

@@BronzeDragon133I could probably match you cruelty for cruelty. I endured abuse in private that was enabled by people who "loved" me in public

@lilithajezile4536 8 ай бұрын

OMG I watched my partner’s mother be this way, she even put me under her spell to band together against him until I woke up to it. I never want her around me or our son ever again. She is dangerous.

@IronsharpensIron-lu2lh 8 ай бұрын

Don’t let her around your husband and son she only wants to destroy you and tear down your family. Hugs ❤

@NarcArtTherapy 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for acknowledging this dynamic in our wider society. It's so painful and destructive to relationships.

@enigmalfidelity 7 ай бұрын

All i ever asked for was an apology from my mom for the abuse growing u. A simple "im sorry" WITHOUT a "...BUT..." at the end. It has been 20 years. It wont happen. Because i ask for this, im tearing the family apart.