The fact that your kids don't like Brenda either shows Bryan's claims have some merit.

Imagine thinking someone is a good person simply for going to church.

Story 1: When the OP said "She goes to church with, and Bryan and his wife haven't stepped foot into a church in a long time." I already knew who the idiot was. OP sounds very judgemental and is showing blatant favoritism. I'm thinking OP has a lot to do with why Bryan doesn't have anything to do with his sister. I wonder if OP's favoritism is because Brenda is just like her.

Story 1 Brenda comes of as the kind of person who does their best to APPEAR to be a good person without actually being a good person. Bryan knows who Brenda really is but OP is blinded by the facade . Its telling that her own children don't like Brenda either. OP is the kind of person who only sees whats she wants to see and will actively ignore that which does not match what she wants to see.

Story 1: YTA "Brian says she's a bully and she stole his inheritance but she goes to church and he doesn't so she must be a good person" I like how OP took Brenda under her wing but not Brian who had also lost his mom. OP presented herself as aassive asshole before we even got to the issue.

Story 1: HARD YTA I have a very strong feeling that OP is keeping certain information out of this story, cause it sounds like she is trying hard to make her nephew out as the bad guy. "She goes to church with me and Bryan and his wife haven't stepped foot into a church in a long time." Yea... That just screams condisending, cause apparently since Brenda goes to church, she can't be a terrible person in OP eyes. But yeah, 100% AH for OP and I hope her nephew and his new family never has to deal with her again.

Last Story: Always remember the "Waiter Rule": If someone is nice to their date but mean to the waitstaff, they are not a nice person. The stepdad in this story is a real piece of work.

Fiancé has the nerve to discriminate against the adopted kid when his kids are less yours then your daughter.

Story 2: NTA. Honestly his Daughter not being in makes more since. Two of his kids, two of your kids. If it isn’t a big deal then he really shouldn’t be fighting you on this.

I can’t imagine how OP’s fiancé could possibly think it was in anyway reasonable or acceptable to suggest excluding ONE child from a significant family event for such a ridiculous meaningless reason (it’s also alarming he has no consideration or care for how the daughter would feel to be the only one not in the wedding party). There is no compromise to consider - OP obviously deserves to have BOTH her daughters as HER bridesmaids and the fact he somehow believes his daughter should take precedence over a daughter she has loved and raised her whole life is disgraceful. If he truly can’t see what an awful mindset this is over such an inconsequential non-issue then i find it hard not to believe similar situations are going to crop up in the future, especially when they have to share resources across five children such as allocating bedrooms, family photos, going on holiday, car trips or outings, organising presents or financial assistance.

Brenda stole Bryan's inheritance. Thats all you need to know about that situation. Its all over money.

Fourth story, NTA, dont date someone who is potentially isolating u and using ur history to do so. It seems really convenient she gets panic attacks suddenly when there was no history of it, and with info that isnt bad at all

Story 1: Bryan made his choice. OP is definitely TA raised to the power of TA -- "spirited," "says things she doesn't mean" -- enabling phrases for, at the very least, "gets way pissed off and deliberately tries to hurt others by lashing out with her words." Whether it's someone I'm dating, a girlfriend, a friend, or a relative my rule is simple -- if this happens you are out of my life completely on the first offense. These people cannot or will not control their emotions or behavior and simply do not change (without a ton of professional help) and others always make excuses for them. I do not. Remove all toxic people from your life. It's easier than you think, at least once you're an adult.

"We go to church together" well there is your reason for her blindness to her awfulness lol, they are both the same lind of hypocrite that spend all their time in church yet are awful people lol.

Last story. OP really needs to talk with Dad about getting her sister out of that situation. It is only going to get worse especially after the baby is born.

Story 2 nta. Op i think you need to rethink this engagement or rather dump him. He says he has no problem with your adopted daughter but he now had a problem when it came w/ the bridemaids. He suggested the adopted daughter to be out and keep his daughter in. He's trying to be subtle with this but no. If Op gets married he'll probably tell her to rehome the adopted daughter or put her back in the foster system or permanently place her in maybe relatives or grandparents.

Story 2: so let me get this straight,he wants the Opie to show preferential treatment to his child but not to her adopted child and is also mad that she doesn't supposedly see his daughter as her daughter (which she's not) when he doesn't see her actual adopted child as her daughter. The mental gymnastics are astounding. She needs to rethink that engagement.

To protect OP’s daughter, she should look into canceling this wedding. Her STBEX fiancé has shown her who he is. She should believe him. He’s such TAH that it never even occurred to him to just get another groomsman.

Last story: Wow. Sounds like stepdad has been holding all that in for a while. He unloaded. That said, he obviously just wants OP and her sister gone so he can have mom all to himself

He tried to oust one of your daughters from being in the wedding. Specifically your adopted daughter. HUGE red flag! Why didn’t he ask a nephew, a friends child or even another relative? I’d postpone the wedding indefinitely & keep separate homes, finances & everything. Make sure you you have someone more trustworthy to take care of your children & estate.

The girlfriend having "panic attacks" every time she sees Mandy sounds super sus. If she knows she is going to have a panic attack every time she sees Mandy, then don't go see Mandy. Whether the panic attacks are real or not, she's deliberately sabotaging OPs friendship at this point because she knowingly making OP leave early every time. She needs to work out her issues with a professional not at the expense of the person she supposedly loves.

She goes into a “panic attack” everytime and she says she’s not jealous? This is not gonna work out buddy. I have panic attacks and I am so tired of people claiming “panic attack” just to leave an uncomfortable situation. If she can’t get past your….well past then it’s not gonna work. And he is not lying to hang out with just her. If they both think it was nothing and do not have feelings for each other over one drunken night then y’all need to stop calling him names.

The moment "drop your adopted daughter" left his lips he'd be catching hands if I was OP....

I love listening to the narrator on this channel. Not only do I love his British accent, but also the occasional little laugh at idiotic comments they OPs have written about. Please keep posting these wonderful stories.

Mom in the last story is pathetic. Her husband threw a tantrum and demanded that she chose him over her kids and she just goes along with it? Disgusting. Glad OP recognized the assignment and decided to move out. Screw the mom's side of the family if they can't tell right from wrong.

Story 1: I see a lot of comments focusing on the stupidity and YTAness of OP for her thinking of "goes to church" as automatically meaning Brenda is a good person, and all that is valid, but I think people are overlooking something. She mentions Brenda and Bryans mom died when they where very young. Then she gives the ages, Brenda is 34, Bryan is 30. Brenda is 4 years older than Bryan, but she specifically mentions taking Brenda under her wing when the mom died. So, instead of looking out for the younger child, OP pretty much admits she was primarily looking out for the older child. We don't know how old they where when the mom died, but isn't that really odd to anyone else? It really seems OP has some really bizarre fascination with Brenda, even beyond the "church = good people only" idiocy.

Story 1: Big YTA, and not because of my membership in the International Fellowship of Brians. You only have one side of the story, you’re the type that thinks church going somehow makes someone the better person when that’s not necessarily the case, and you kept push the issue when Brian asked you to stop talking about Brenda. Either get his side of the story so you can make an informed decision on getting involved between them, or just stay out of it!

Story 4: Going against the grain, NTA. OP had a drunken one night stand five years ago and that info causes his current girlfriend to have a panic attack everytime he's near Mandy? I get super depressed and jealous when my friends show off their healthy relationships but I don't go out my way to tell them to knock it off and stop being happy. I work on myself, I let them be happy, and I know I'll find happiness. I think the girlfriend is jealous and trying to keep OP away from his friends. Was the lying bad? Yes, but at what point will OP or his friends get tired of him having to walk on eggshells and just ditch him? WIll he have to make a new friend group because of the girlfriend?

I'm a Brit who lived in the US for 25 years and it took me several dates/relationships before I realised that manipulation was acceptable female behaviour over there to the point where I'd even hear girls boasting about it. I can't blame the guy for thinking that was what was going on but OP needs to realise it and lay her cards on the table - that it may be common but she doesn't want to play those games either as a batter or a pitcher. I don't know whether that will have an effect or how far she can distance herself from cultural norms but it's probably worth a try.

"people that assume they're being manipulated have a history of manipulating people" WTF?! You know who else feels that way? People that have a history of being manipulated. But cuz it's a guy he couldn't possibly be a victim right? He must be the bad guy. There are sooo many women that play these games. It's perfectly reasonable for him to think that is the case. Of course he took it too far if he keeps insisting she's lying. But it's something to have a discussion. And if you're starting off with less trust it may be best to go separate ways. He may need some therapy. Or may he was just joking. We don't really know and op would need to determine if it's something worth figuring out.

Story regarding Kendall and Mandy: Mandy doesn't perceive OP in a strictly platonic sense or she would not have mentioned "Eskimo sisters". That was deliberate and designed to cause anxiety in Kendall. That being said, Kendall's willingness to work on her social anxiety is great, but should be done on her own time, not every time OP actually gets to hang out with his friend group. It can take months or years to overcome panic attacks in social situations, and OP has a right to visit with his friends. OP is not justified in lying to Kendall. Therapy for both is required.

Nta in panic attack story. Op was hanging witha. Coworker that then went to other friends. If i tell my wife im going to work and it was a waaaay diff work building did I lie about going to work? Nah? For the test one. Everyone jumps on him being an asshole and projecting or but why also can't he be hurt and he was tested before? As a teen dating, "testing" was sadly common; toxic AF and it became expected to be a point. Being with my wife, I felt that way at least - she never tested me and agrees it's toxic, my word.

Story 4. Does this man really want to go through life with a partner who has "serial panic attacks" when she receives information she does not like. That is no way to live. When someone tries to separate you from friends or family look out! This woman is not currently his wife, what will she do after marriage? The Reddit commentators really missed the boat here. I have a friend who dated a man, they eventually parted ways and years later through a work situation met his brother, they dated and eventually happily married. A drunken one night stand years ago in college is a big nothing burger. If he had a friends with benefits relationship with her that would be entirely different, but he said he did not.

Test date- it’s like Reddit hasn’t read stories about these ‘test’ in the past and told the op to run. But he should’ve believed her when she said it wasn’t.

About the guy who thought he was being tested. This is something a lot of people do, particularly women. So it is entirely possible that it is something he has experienced in a past relationship and he may still be bitter about it. It is not a good feeling being on the receiving end of that kind of "test", regardless of whether you pass or not. So commenters assuming that he is projecting because he is actually manipulative, is quite a leap. It is possible, sure. But it is also possible that this is the result of his past experiences with previous relationships. I do think a lot people on reddit have a habbit of jumping immediately to the worst possible conclusion. Sometimes they are right. But it is not always the case.

Wedding If he wants even numbers then he can have his two sons and you can have your two daughters. If he wants his daughter included then he should not worry about "even" and yes he can add another groomsman.

Why can’t a nephew or something be put in as a third groomsman?

Final Story: NTA. While yes you need to respect your parents, you have every right to call them out on crappy behavior. Stepdad is supposed to be better, Mom is supposed to stick by you. And now your half sibling can grow up knowing that you left them behind.

Well I mean he doesn't go to church so that's pretty much like he's Satan. 🙄

Story 2: Have we found the mythological Groomzilla?!

OP with the adopted daughter needs to call the wedding off. The fact that he thinks it's perfectly acceptable to remove her from the wedding party is very telling. He doesn't see her as real family and will likely never treat her as such. She needs to consider what could happen if she passes away before him, especially if the kids are still young and living at home.

Panic attack gf- NTA. She is jealous🙄 but you should’ve told her straight up what you were doing because now it’s worse.

"she'll have a panic attack" repeatedly. Oh, get over yourself, dear. Yes, you can control yourself. You know you aren't marrying a virgin. To the guy, don't marry this drama queen until she grows up.

No way in hell would I tell one of my daughters to step out of my wedding party to "make things even" no matter whether she's bio or adopted. I'd find a cousin or nephew or friend of the family to stand with groomzilla to make it even that way if he's gonna be a baby about it. Of course this is all hypothetical because I'm male, hetero, middle aged and childless, and therefore probably will never be a bride.

Story 1: Anyone gonna mention how op hasn't seen or heard from her nephew in how long?, and doesn't even ask how he's been or what he's been up to. Yet just starts telling him what he should do and what his sister's life is about.

Story 1: YTA. Sorry but he is a grown man that can make his own decision. If he doesn’t want her in his life he can exclude her. I get the feeling that you may have a different view of her then you think.

Kendall may have legit anxiety issues, but I get the feeling that she's trying to cut OP off from his friends to get him away from Mandy. She's not just angry because he lied, she's angry because he's finding ways to hang out with his friends that don't include her. And if she's not there then she can't cut his visits with his friends short or keep an eye on Mandy. She needs to just be honest that she got bad vibes from Mandy's comment and talk things out with OP.

Last Story NTA and if I were OP I'd be telling her Dad about how the stepdad treats OP and the sister so that they can BOTH move in with him ASAP!!! Leave the two AH's to it and tell her family to kick rocks as she CHOSE to marry that AH, OP and the sister don't owe him sh*t or have to put with his abuse, both towards them and others!!

What i find weird is that Mandy and Op joke about having drunk sex but the gf doesn't know until now? Something feels off here. However, i would question Mandy's motives. Why would she tell the Gf after three years? Something fishy is going on.

"I really don't know why he does'nt like his sister" while simultaneously explaining why. When Grandma goes they will never see him again.

Brenda 4 yrs older...By the aunt's description, sounds like a bossy "mother child" to her brother?.. Single dad put her incharge, while away? Maybe that was why there is no contact...She disappears, when he returns...some serious hostility going on here...It would be interesting to hear his side of the story...

Stpry 2: so it's OK to take her daughter out...but not his? And then to use the "you don't see her as your own" line when he did THE EXACT SAME THING?Hypocrite much? Let's be real. OP can love that girl but she isn't going to see a girl she's known since was 14 "as her own" at least not compared to the girl she's raised her whole life. It's just not possible and we shOuld be realistic. It's not a bad thing. It's just reality. Love isn't finite, but it grows with time and 14 years vs 5 is no comparison.

Oh yeah op, like bullies don't go to church, sounds like you won't keep a open mind bc you won't even consider he may be telling the truth.

You can hear the bias in the first story.

Fiancé who specifically wants to exclude the adoptive daughter but not the bio daughter-or his daughter! Hit pause in this wedding

3:43. Lol, op adding in Church attendance to get exactly the reaction the writer wanted. This is called ragebait and this one was ridiculously easy to see through. It hit all the sore spots for the AITA community.

And when he does come to honor your mother, this is the treatment he received. No wonder he stays no contact.

Dude wants to toss out the adoptive daughter from the wedding so quickly to be ‘even’ yet goes off his rocker when she suggests his daughter be out then? Sorry dude but that’s messed up. Adopted or not that’s her daughter. You don’t get to treat her any less of her daughter. And then get mad being treated the same way towards your child. If we’re going to talk about being ‘even’ it should only be his sons and her daughters. But that whole needing to be even wedding parties is just stupid. I don’t even want a damn wedding party. Too much money for them to be spending lol.

0:50 "Can be _spirited and emotional_ at some times, and says things she doesn't mean." Aha. And that, my dear, is how I know _exactly_ what kind of people Brenda and OP are. Those are some crazy Rose-tinted blindfolds they're rocking in a Candyland of Favoritism.

Unfortunately I’ve learned the hard way that men act really well with with the kids until the relationship becomes official or marriage.

Story 2 you need to leave this guy. He's never going to accept your daughter.

I can see why Brian didn't bring his wife. Knew he'd run into people like OP

Date story: unfortunately, the "shit test" has been gaining popularity in dating. This situation was genuine, but I can see why he would have thought that. It was rather crass of him to bring it up, though. Asking if he'd "passed the test" could be overlooked as him asking if the daughter had liked him enough to continue the relationship. He went off the rails when he laid out that he thought it was a cooked-up ploy to test him.

Story 2: she doesn't consider his daughter as her own daughter? Yeah, because she isn't. Can't even be considered an actual stepdaughter until after the marriage.

Very telling how OP spoke about Brian's wife not coming and how she spoke about Brenda not coming. Two completely different tones.

So she goes to church ,and automatically she's a good person ?? Yeah,don't believe it! She sounds like a bully to Me ..

Kendall story- OP NTA. The girlfriend sounds really manipulative. So she starts having panic attacks the SECOND she finds out he slept with the friend ONCE? I see where this is going, she is forcing him to stop hanging out with his friends by being manipulative. Having panic attacks over a girl your bf banged is pretty extreme

In the story about OP’s intentions being questioned as to the daughter on the date situation. I’m disgusted with the comments. The assumptions being made about the guy are so completely unfair, and so full of unfounded assumptions I can’t believe it. Did it ever occur to any of those people that just maybe this guy has had to deal with lying, suspicious, manipulative, and self centered women in his past? I am an unsuccessful, average looking at best, gay man. I have had to deal with the women I described above so many times over my many years, I don’t think I could possibly recount all of them. I’m not just talking little tests and manipulations either. I’m talking full on bat s**t crazy, self centered, manipulative, lying narcissists. I can only imagine what an average successful heterosexual guy has been put through. This assumption that all men are evil and looking to manipulate women is ridiculous. OP needs to sit down with this guy and simply ask why he would automatically assume the unforeseen circumstance was a test. She could have used that opportunity to learn about this guy she’s seeing and his past experiences, as well as explain how his assumption and mistrust made her feel. To wrap this up. There are wonderful men and wonderful women out there. No one sex has a monopoly on awful. Different individuals have had different life experiences. If I go by my life experiences alone. I would probably claim that women are the reason I’m gay. Fortunately, I’m not so ignorant as to think the truly abhorrent women whom have been in my life are reflective of all women.

Story 2: ESH, my suggestion would be for him to just add a groomsmen (if he wants the parties to be even).... Dropping/excluding a kid is not an option... Story 3: NAH, him think it was a test isn't a big deal (since anyone with children would do it), but you harping on the fact he thought it was a test is an issue (not an AH level one). As far as I see he passed, even if it wasn't meant as a test.

Kindle definitely puts up a show.. doesn't she have her own friends? Let op hyperventilate every time he sees a male friend of hers. See how soon she'll get tired of It

"Brenda goes to church"...yeah that doesn't indicate anything about her being a decent person

What the Hell does going to church have anything to do with being a good person..

Why did Mandy feel the need to tell OP’s fiancé that they slept together ?

Ghat story about Kendal and Mandy: ok, so OP has been consistently unable to see his social circle because his GF has panic attacks EVERY SINGLE TIME she see’s…Mandy was it? Ya, he slept with her once and they laugh about it. Get over it, he’s with kendal (?) in a committed relationship and she KNOWS these are people OP has known a long time. She IS actively isolating him. Her “Panic Attacks” are so convenient. She’s JUST jealous. If she can’t deal with it then OP SHOULD maybe consider her a list cause. Its abusive to expect him to ditch all his friends for her. Legit or not, those “panic attacks” are causing him problems, HER problems. Not to mention that she is being totally unreasonable. So she just expects him to invite her to every event just so she can get a “panic attack” out of jealousy and then force him to leave? Thats abusive. If she can’t handle seeing (op’s friend he banged) then she shouldn’t WANT to go anyway. He literally HAD to lie to her JUST to enjoy an event with HIS friends. Sorry but mental illness or not thats abusive behaviour, SHE is being TA

Story 3: Sounds like OP needs to decide if her boyfriend's low trust cap is something she can live with. Dating in 21st century has more landmines than it used to. Boyfriend's on guard just like OP.

I’d think about recording stepdaddydearest when he verbally abuses you & your sister & makes those comments about workers. Play it for your dad & then your mom’s other relatives. I wouldn’t play it for his relatives because they’re most likely just like him. Keep the recordings somewhere safe so they can’t be erased. You may want to see if you can speak to an attorney to see if CPS should be notified because this is abuse. Your dad needs an attorney too to ensure your mom & stepdaddydearest pay child support

What use is a panicking dingbat? What are you going to do when your children have an issue and she panics? She'll dither uselessly while your child drowns etc. These people are a danger to themselves and everyone around them.

Last story: NTA, your mom picked a real keeper....

Story 3: NTA. I could understand if he did think this was “A Test” but to call it underhanded was a little off putting. Your a Mom, life happens, as long as he’s not suffering he needs to accept that.

S1 YTA and OP reminds of my aunt who I went off on for the exact same thing recently as I'm NC for years now with my AH sister (weirdly also named Brenda), and she won't shut up about her when we talk. AH's like OP are the reason why it took me a decade to cut out that thieving, lazy, 39yrs old, addict from my life and I went NC contact with her also. OP has NO idea what it was like for her nephew but Brenda's perfect to her and they go to church together so obviously its the nephew's fault so disregard his decision as an ADULT and try force him to "forgive/reconcile" which is BS!! I was the nephew and I blocked my aunt hope he does the same; I'll ghost anyone who tries to bring that AH back into my life!!

Story 2: I'd make adopted daughter the Maid of Honour.

Nothing raises my suspicions like situations where there's a clear and easy solution, but the person instead insists on a hurtful, dysfunctional and bizarre "solution." Like, instead of simply adding a groomsman, you're going to exclude the adoted daughter from the wedding??

To the woman who has the adopted daughter, bridesmaids and groomsmen don't have to be equal, the boys could quite easily follow the bridesmaids youngest girl in front and the two older walk behind her and the boys walk behind the girls, what's so wrong with that? problem solved, nobody needs to be left out. It only matters if you're letting one girl walk with one boy down the aisle x

S2 NTA time to have a heart to heart with your husband, glad you stood your ground. Call off the wedding. Major red flags

My father often accused me, when I was a child, of manipulating him. He turned out to be a terrible parent and spouse (emotionally and verbally abusive, cheated etc.). As an adult I realize that was a red flag. Manipulators see manipulation everywhere. She should end it. If he doesn’t believe her about this small thing, he’s not going to believe about big things too. He’s also probably manipulative.

I am sorry I need to go against the grain if Kendal is that emotionally unstable that she can not handle the fact that her BF had a one-night stand with Mandy 5 years ago when they were not a couple then she needs to lock herself up in a room and never face the real world. Because this is a person who will have a breakdown when she breaks a nail, when the milk expires before its expiration date, or does not have enough eggs for the recipe. The BF needs to find someone else to be in a relationship with. He does not need to be tied down with someone this emotionally unstable. Like I said I am taking the cold route here but there is no reason for a person to be this way. If you can not face reality then lock yourself up. This is nothing. Trust me there is so much worse out there to be upset about.

I went no contact with my grandmother and we live 30 minutes away. The next time I see that women will be at her funeral if I even go. No contact means no contact.

Holy Smoke, the sarcasm is DRIPPING from Mr. Narrator in the first story! 😂 Love it. But yeah the whole story screams YTA for OP. If one person doesn't like someone it's whatever (kinda) and still both sides need to be considered. But if MULTIPLE People doesn't like someone, especially "unrelated to each other" they might have a point

‘You don’t consider my daughter also your daughter’ BIT RICH FROM THE GUY WHO SUGGESTS THE ADOPTED ONE ISN’T ANYONE’S DAUGHTER! Red flags everywhere 🚩

last story...apologize to the step dad?HUH??? if she was my daughter id be having a conversation with stepdad, and the next time he did it he would get smacked up side the head

Uneven bridal party story: does he have OCD? Or are there going to be other sacrifices for the sake of being even? College fund? Birthdays? Room share?

For the third one. NAH. Op likely did not mean this as a test but some women really do that as a test and it's likely he might have experienced it before. Which is why he's cynical about it.

Going to church doesn't make you a good person being a good person makes you a good person

Last story: mom doesnt want them to move out because she's going to have to pay child support

I have a former friend who literally did steal her brother’s inheritance (and other terrible things). People who only see her on a surface level think she’s the most wonderful person. There are some horrible people hiding behind going to church every Sunday.

So op took op under her wing, but did op bother to do the same for Bryan? I don’t think op can be blamed for doing that. Also, op is v judgmental of Bryan for not going to church. That’s why they mentioned it. Also, people need to stop excusing the rude things people say through “they don’t mean it” nothing op said justifies what cruel things she may say. Op is TA.

When ur a good person when u go to church 😂 ive never been so i guess im pretty much the devil

If there was a will, and things were written down then , Brian can't do anything. Maybe parents saw the infighting between Brenda and Brian.

Perhaps a young man from the extended family. He doesn't like having the adopted daughter around.. shame on him!

story 2. OP NTA but like other people said major red flags waving if he thinks your adopted daughter shouldn't be apart. Also red flags of favoritism. If he was so worried about having even sides he should just add another guy or boy to his side. not exclude one of the girls. Counseling sounds like before marriage cuz if he is showing that he thinks your adopted daughter a real daughter, then don't think this man is for you. You need to protect her and your other daughter.