Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
Пікірлер: 1 300
@BobGymlan2 жыл бұрын
I love how he’s already an adult in the Spanish American War, meaning he’s at least 120 years old.
@stephiis88822 жыл бұрын
He looks like someone even Bigfoot would be afraid to mess with.
@todd1737 Жыл бұрын
It's the spite. The spite keeps him a live.
@biohazardsoldierPMK Жыл бұрын
Joad Cressbeckler probably looked like that when he was 11 years old
@goodolnonamee Жыл бұрын
@@todd1737 Joad will live until he gives Congrass what they deserve!
@Giganfan2k1 Жыл бұрын
Hey glad to see you here Bob
@catsforbrains8 жыл бұрын
"McCain is old, but is he old enough?"
@brennencox5165 жыл бұрын
lol, apparently not now
@abundantYOUniverse5 жыл бұрын
@@brennencox516 He's gonna rally.
@jg14gerhard_bar5 жыл бұрын
@@abundantYOUniverse the dead...
@thecreepnextdoor75604 жыл бұрын
@Agent J trump supporter?
@thecreepnextdoor75604 жыл бұрын
@Agent J I was just making a joke because trump didn't like McCain but if you wanna tell me your political opinions I'm ok with that.
@kalebnbrown3 жыл бұрын
"You can't put a bucket over a pig's head, it'll just make 'im skittish!" Truer words have never been spoken.
@mercster6 жыл бұрын
"I like him, he's mad all the time."
@bobswarcrimes84323 жыл бұрын
Bruh
@mercster3 жыл бұрын
@@bobswarcrimes8432 Shuttup idiot.
@mercster3 жыл бұрын
@@bobswarcrimes8432 "He also promised to cut Washington red-tape by replacing Congress by a horse that stomps once for yes, twice for no."
@bobswarcrimes84323 жыл бұрын
mercster Bruh
@mercster3 жыл бұрын
@@bobswarcrimes8432 IF JOHN MCCLAIN WANTS TO TAKE ME ON IN A WOOD SPLITTIN' CONTEST, I GUARANTEE I CAN SPLIT A CORD O' WOOD FASTER THAN HE CAN!
@bullanguero822 жыл бұрын
"Murder victim killed before achieving dream of fighting off a murderer". So sad.
@Nippleless_Cage Жыл бұрын
So close, yet so far.
@pcross849 жыл бұрын
"I'm voting for a man I can imagine drowning a bag of cats"... about to piss myself laughing!
RIP to this legendary actor. He deserved his own show outside of Onion sketches!
@420villain Жыл бұрын
He would have been great on Veep
@catsforbrains8 жыл бұрын
You can't put a bucket over a pig's head, it'll just make him skittish!
@cockoffgewgle49935 жыл бұрын
Thought he said "skinny"
@therat78864 жыл бұрын
Good for you
@wetbadger21743 жыл бұрын
*Skiddish
@bubson29813 жыл бұрын
@@wetbadger2174 no
@LRGDuran3 жыл бұрын
Best advice I ever got
@bthy3845 жыл бұрын
Spanish-American war lol
@averagefanenjoyer86965 жыл бұрын
1899 XD
@davidjatt32515 жыл бұрын
BUZZARD'S GULCH.
@PresidentialWinner4 жыл бұрын
I just read a book about that
@Finn9594 жыл бұрын
PresidentialWinner which one?
@Eisenwulf6664 жыл бұрын
"2 months sheriff of Diablo River mining settlement" hahaha i don't know why that made laugh the most
@TheBigStupidHead12 жыл бұрын
His war experience is the Spanish-American war lmfao
@TehMorbidAtheist4 жыл бұрын
You made this comment 7 fucking years ago. Are you old and wrinkly now?
@thecreepnextdoor75604 жыл бұрын
@@TehMorbidAtheist were you angry when you made this?
@olavbakke28894 жыл бұрын
@@skeetrix5577 You made this comment two months ago. Have you entered into depression due to social distancing yet?
@youtubeuser62504 жыл бұрын
Olav Bakke You made this comment 2 weeks ago. Are you dead from covid-19?
@citrustrack70644 жыл бұрын
@@youtubeuser6250 You made this comment 3 weeks ago, did the riots get to you?
@Noyjeetut16 жыл бұрын
That horse that stomps twice for "yes" and once for "no" sold me on CressBeckler, finally congress will get results.
@DavidLee-id3lf3 жыл бұрын
that's progress
@HappyMomma412 Жыл бұрын
Cressbeckler! 😝🤣🤣😆💜💜💜
@ernstthalmann43069 ай бұрын
More effective than what we have now
@EliWernigg2 ай бұрын
I can't believe that not only did this actually end up happening, but he won
@turtleturtle51583 жыл бұрын
A needle, thread, and a bottle of whiskey is better than our current healthcare system
@itsmebeter3538 Жыл бұрын
at least EVERY family gets SOMETHING
@zacharyhobia159 Жыл бұрын
And we have to share the Whiskey
@notlucas68593 ай бұрын
@aintnoway686 dawg what
@paulh24684 жыл бұрын
The Onion's ability to accurately predict the future is frightening.
@matthew81534 жыл бұрын
They somehow have a better record than the Simpsons.
@o.sunsfamily4 жыл бұрын
This is the past as well. Everything will repeat eventually.
@Jason-xm8ck3 жыл бұрын
@@o.sunsfamily yea all the comments say that the onion predicts the future but in reality this stuff happened before and will continue to happen
@MikeHawk-s2g2 жыл бұрын
@Maiahi Trump was a grizzled city boy
@Dreamagain112 жыл бұрын
what did they predict ?
@jcrowley19859 жыл бұрын
That horse would be so much more efficient than congress....
@averagefanenjoyer86965 жыл бұрын
ye at least shit would actually get done
@medexamtoolsdotcom5 жыл бұрын
On that issue alone, he has my vote. That would cut so much expense out of the government's costs.
@justifano70464 жыл бұрын
@@averagefanenjoyer8696 I feel like a lot of people don't understand that the government isn't supposed to be pumping out laws and bills and "getting stuff done"
@LucasFernandez-fk8se4 жыл бұрын
The Dankest Betty White it’s a joke. 99.9% of Americans don’t actually support replacing congress with a horse that stomps once for yes and twice for no
@deathskunk34 жыл бұрын
I do
@Its__Good5 жыл бұрын
Stop predicting the future The Onion.
@taffyadam60315 жыл бұрын
It'sGood gorbal trank rekt by onion fruit
@medexamtoolsdotcom5 жыл бұрын
If only it came to pass.
@crocsonletsgo96654 жыл бұрын
Glad I'm not the only one to see this! This man has the "Bern" written all over him. haha
@Seththeprince4 жыл бұрын
Matt Davis I would say trump
@livelaughlove02094 жыл бұрын
@@crocsonletsgo9665 hmm...I don't think Bernie is the candidate who's racist, hated immigration and can't form full sentences properly
@Qwerka Жыл бұрын
The guy who played Cressbeckler died, rest in peace…
@jonathanharoun52476 ай бұрын
Just goes to show that he was old enough.
@Mr_Valentin.6 ай бұрын
Rip
@DarthCipient8 жыл бұрын
The Onion ahead of the curve yet again.
@alasdeangel39293 жыл бұрын
The Onion is like the Oracle at Delphi: never wrong. Never. Wrong.
@gyurhanaziz76763 жыл бұрын
This video is interesting because they predicted Trump but also kind of Joe Biden.
@studtistics24482 жыл бұрын
@@gyurhanaziz7676 in terms of being old as shit they predicted Biden, but his personality is reflective of trump.
@Hastur876 Жыл бұрын
Satire simply holds a mirror up to reality.
@mrj4990 Жыл бұрын
Hilarious how now Trump was a better president than Biden in every regard. The world is insane lately
@d.l.d.l.8140 Жыл бұрын
Lost my cable service. So glad to find a good news source. I get stories here that other news organizations miss completely.
@marcusatiusvirilis77235 жыл бұрын
Assuming that Cressbeckler was as young as 12 when he served in the Spanish American war and looked like a much older man as some do, he would be around 122 at the time of running, making him 6 years older than the oldest man and 3 years older than the oldest woman ever. Likely, no? Possible, yes!
@MibertTV2423 Жыл бұрын
oldest woman ever was 122
@Demiglitch Жыл бұрын
He was six feet tall and had a moustache at 12 then.
@baconwizard Жыл бұрын
@@Demiglitch they grow up so fast
@someoneunknown7655Ай бұрын
@@Demiglitchthe times were different back then
@briantannenbaum81103 жыл бұрын
“Americans a man who relies on his self” -Joad Cressbeckler, 2008
@mandreadfg3 жыл бұрын
Crying
@vitaming5822 жыл бұрын
The Onion doesn't predict the future, it writes reality.
@johnmartinez7440 Жыл бұрын
What reality was it referencing?
@obamgma Жыл бұрын
@@johnmartinez7440 hes probably talking about trump
@deifufu11 жыл бұрын
So, McCain is being challenged by Andrew Jackson?
@imperator52284 жыл бұрын
Yes but without the genocide.
@mrsharpie78994 жыл бұрын
@@imperator5228 Agh, disappointing. He almost had my vote. Ah well, maybe next term
@xems89104 жыл бұрын
7 years late.
@briandiehl92573 жыл бұрын
@@imperator5228 You don't know anything about this guy
@bengal40473 жыл бұрын
@@mrsharpie7899 You might be interested in the No Values Voters coalition
@thejacktator133 Жыл бұрын
"The only thing going to China is missiles!!!" lmfao
@ernstthalmann43069 ай бұрын
That will age well
@gschaub93 ай бұрын
I thought he would've said canonballs
@tangobear35362 жыл бұрын
Cressbeckler was the keynote speaker at this year's CPAC.
@Hastur876 Жыл бұрын
They booed him off the stage and called him a socialist.
@medexamtoolsdotcom5 жыл бұрын
Unknown age, veteran of the spanish american war. Wow. Actually, I remember an article from the onion claiming McCain to be a veteran who earned a gold star in the crimean war, so they didn't hold the consistency together there.
@lolasdm69592 жыл бұрын
Look the Queen of England was a veteran of the Battle of Kadesh, we mortals shouldn't be shocked lizards live so long.
@mercster6 жыл бұрын
"I'm voting for a man I can imagine drowning a bag of cats."
@XxZigiixX6 жыл бұрын
mercster that's a man who can make tough decisions
@mercster6 жыл бұрын
Tough decision?! Sheeeeeit...you got a farm cat poopin' out babies who are gonna run the whole goddamn place over, drownin' those cat babies is the EASY decision!
@adorabasilwinterpock60354 жыл бұрын
Such a disgusting thought I feel sick
@despicableone44954 жыл бұрын
@@adorabasilwinterpock6035 Why?
@adorabasilwinterpock60354 жыл бұрын
Despicable One drowning cats is sick, psychopathic
@b0010100b13 жыл бұрын
did anyone else peep "Sudan to send 200 soldiers to Iraq, for vacation." on the ticker? lmao
@LRGDuran4 жыл бұрын
I think we should make splitting a chord of wood a requirement to anyone running for government.
@WasatchWind3 жыл бұрын
This would be extremely entertaining.
@Z.D.G.Entertainment7452 жыл бұрын
I would like but it’s 69
@LRGDuran2 жыл бұрын
@@Z.D.G.Entertainment745 do it that way we can still 69 plus a finger in the butt 😉
@Z.D.G.Entertainment7452 жыл бұрын
@@LRGDuran ok
@lodepublishing2 ай бұрын
The Onion predicted Trump
@sambringit78595 жыл бұрын
War experience: Spanish-American War Political experience: Sheriff....LOL
@Dr.Quarex3 жыл бұрын
That whole comparison slide is genius. Buzzard's Gulch and Diablo River are such inspired names for the concept
@lincolndyer98373 жыл бұрын
You cant put a bucket on a pigs head without making him skittish
@ljrgi475 ай бұрын
If only Cressbeckler were here to threaten Trump's base. I'm sure Joad would have something to say about "that sissified rich boy ain't ever even used a live possum as a 'kerchief."
@Seawiiplay4 жыл бұрын
this aged well...
@GTA5Player13 жыл бұрын
I like how he physically looks like a poor man's Donald Trump...
@coreyeverett55002 жыл бұрын
Which is hilarious because Donald Trump is already a poor man's Donald Trump
@z-wire2609 Жыл бұрын
He actually kinda looks like trump's dad
@hunterlee6286 Жыл бұрын
@@coreyeverett5500 what does that even mean?
@hunterlee6286 Жыл бұрын
Literally how?
@LordVader1094 Жыл бұрын
Does everyone resemble Trump to you? Lol
@ElaborateTiger4 жыл бұрын
Cressbeckler still makes more sense as a presidential candidate than Kanye West
@yeezusyhrist4 жыл бұрын
damn.
@isuckatusernames4297 Жыл бұрын
even more relevant now
@TiocfaidhArLa344 ай бұрын
my god i can only imagine what would happen under kanye west post medication crisis.
@Josh1OD2 жыл бұрын
How did they get such good actors! This is worth a prize of some sort.
@Aramis4442 ай бұрын
Why is it that The Onion is prophetic? Do we really live in the dumbest timeline?
@Yosef94389 ай бұрын
"Ya can't put a bucket over a pig's head. It'll just make 'em skittish!" Finally a candidate that speaks to the issues.
@efilwv16354 жыл бұрын
This is officially my favorite Onion report. 😂
@werdk5342 жыл бұрын
Joad Cressbeckler is the only man I have ever voted for. God Bless Joad!
@humpteedumptee86297 ай бұрын
honenstly i like the concept of skipping debates and just seeing who can split logs faster.
@MadMako16 жыл бұрын
Joad Cressbeckler for the change we need and the straight talk Americans deserve.
@sploofmcsterra478610 ай бұрын
Little did they know they were only half a decade early from being reality. Not a wonder this show doesn't run anymore. It would just be normal news.
@-haclong23665 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the web-only bonus clip. 😊😊😊
@daviddavid5880 Жыл бұрын
Revisiting this 14yrs later, looking at a not-so-fresh slate of seriously politicians. Smh. Sigh.
@JonesTameka2 жыл бұрын
Can we hear his whole speech, unedited please?
@rum-ham Жыл бұрын
They should have made an entire movie out of this character 😂
@209bornandbred7 ай бұрын
This guy would win any Republican primary in 2024 by an 80 point margin and that's not a good thing
@hewhohateseverything16 жыл бұрын
Their delivery is soooo good. It just like real national news casters. Why isn't the onion on Comedy Central?
@DavidLee-id3lf3 жыл бұрын
Comedy Central would have dragged down 2008 Onion
@elysiankentarchy15318 жыл бұрын
Ladies and gentlemen: this is the candidate I am writing in for 2016.
@Rebsten12 жыл бұрын
Am I the only one who thinks replacing Congress with a horse that stomps once for yes and twice for no is actually a significant improvement? I mean, think about it. He has a 50% chance of actually helping Americans.
@discordlexia24292 жыл бұрын
Better yet, inverse Congress. Whatever they decide, you do the opposite.
@HappyBazinga Жыл бұрын
But who proposes the bills? Maybe there should be some kind of coucil of representatives of the people who decide what gets proposed to the horse
@iedgetomahoraga Жыл бұрын
@@HappyBazinga just cut out the middle man and have the council of representatives flip a coin on the issues themselves
@observer19069 ай бұрын
They can’t be trusted. The horse should be in charge. Also I was actually looking for this comment lol @OP
@college541144 жыл бұрын
McCains foreign policy is “dislikes Asians” LMFAO WOAAAH
@zurielsss Жыл бұрын
He did fought in Vietnam
@maxwellweiss98493 жыл бұрын
Energy policy: U s e I m m I g r a n t s
@rfkwouldvebeenaok1008 Жыл бұрын
That caligula horse reference was pretty good.
@poleag Жыл бұрын
Crez 4 Prez!
@justicevanpool902512 жыл бұрын
I gerntee I kin split a cord'a wood faystern' he kin!
@Spect3r. Жыл бұрын
EVen the way he says "China"" omfg Onion your time machine, show it to us now
@Drj-694 ай бұрын
It's a shame that the Onion could not make money with their fantastic parody. Better than any billion dollar comedy skits on TV or any platform...
@KapitalP735 жыл бұрын
…….and here we are in 2019 with some of this.
@werdk5342 жыл бұрын
"and when I am president, we'll kill em'!" - Joad Cressbeckler 2008
@kevin00751510 жыл бұрын
I want more of this guy...
@mercster6 жыл бұрын
Search KZfaq for 'onion cressbeckler', he has his own series of skits.
@jensmalzer63443 жыл бұрын
look up donald trump he's real
@chorbap14 жыл бұрын
I love this guy. Continue to bring more of him.
@Lauren_aida16 жыл бұрын
Hahahaha! I love the Spanish-American War photo!!!
@Mikemaladar13 жыл бұрын
good god I am an idiot. I was dumbstruck for the entire video then I saw "TheOnion"
@big1016 жыл бұрын
The news crawl at the bottom was completely hilarious this time! My favorite was the "Ex Do Not Call List." LOL.
@thegamersfaction6343 Жыл бұрын
Decent tax plan: “aaccckk spuuhhggh”
@MackTheTemp14 жыл бұрын
"I'm ready for a man I can imagine drowning a bag of cats." lol!
@Paul-ou1rx4 жыл бұрын
Predicting the future of a similar, alternate universe. So close its scary.
@theodorebear67143 жыл бұрын
1:53 "Ye can't put a bucket over a pig's head. It'll just make 'em *SKITTISH!"* He's not wrong. I've never seen a calm pig with a bucket on it's head.
@blunt38623 жыл бұрын
Please someone explain this joke to me in terms of Iran. I feel sooo left out 😭😭🤣
@theodorebear6714 Жыл бұрын
@@blunt3862 Puttin a bucket over Iran's head is just gonna make them skittish. Joad ain't gonna put a bucket over Iran's head. He knows better ol' Joad. I once seen that man charm a snake but it weren't with no flute. It was with a .45 pistol but *Iran ain't no damn snake,* see? Iran is a country. 🇮🇷 Joad knows that.
@It-Will-All-Be-Okay-I-Promise Жыл бұрын
@@blunt3862 Presumably, he means that sanctions on Iran will only further hasten its nuclear program, and that instead we should butcher it, sell the edible parts, and leave whatever’s left to the elements. Truly the everyman’s candidate.
@tanker00v25 Жыл бұрын
@@blunt3862 no
@rmTheWalrus Жыл бұрын
14 years ago part of what makes this funny is how preposterous it is… in 2023 I am still laughing, but it’s a nervous laughter, because this isn’t so seemingly preposterous anymore 😮
@favoritemustard3542 Жыл бұрын
Gotta love his immigration policy listed @1:10 although it doesn't really jive with the overall image lol
@croweau16 жыл бұрын
"I like him, he's mad all the time." PERFECT, esp the wooden leg in the Spanish War
@simonereckhaus64694 жыл бұрын
I salute you from 2020
@lejwocky16 жыл бұрын
"You can't put a bucket over a pig's head, it'll just make him skittish!" hahahahaha
@mervesto16 жыл бұрын
Hahahahaha, I am already dying loughing over the description, haven't even seen the clip.
@sweetsnejinka9411 Жыл бұрын
This aged in a horrifying way, wow. Wow.
@MenwithHill12 жыл бұрын
Implementing a single horse taking decisions would be better than the actual system where a donkey proposes ideas and an elephant says "no".
@taffyadam60315 жыл бұрын
MenwithHill HOLY CRAP AMERICAN POLITICIANS DESTRYOED BY INTERNET USER
@MenwithHill4 жыл бұрын
@Odysseas G Yeah, it was an easier statement to make 7 years ago. Though to be honest neither animal is doing much of anything right now, Congress really doesn't wanna have to make tough choices when it can just coast.
@peytonburrell63033 жыл бұрын
@@MenwithHill word
@fatshpee71743 жыл бұрын
@@MenwithHill I like how you responded to a reply on a comment you made 7 years ago
@MenwithHill3 жыл бұрын
@@fatshpee7174 not everyone drops their old accounts (though many do, KZfaq is big enough to be worth keeping up with for over a decade)
@freddymarcel-marcum68314 жыл бұрын
I aspire to be him in thirty years.
@WasatchWind3 жыл бұрын
I aspire to be him someday, and I'm only a ripe ol' lad of twenty three. But fer' sure I'll tell ya', I'll fire off warnin' shots at any dagum toktikkers that wander on to ma' property!
@genericalfishtycoon3853 Жыл бұрын
@@WasatchWind That's the spirit. Anyone using that rice picker app deserves a healthy volley.
@faithnoman16 жыл бұрын
That was my favorite part, with the Horse stomping once for yes, twice for no.
@antigonemerlin7 ай бұрын
Is it weird now that the foreign policy segment doesn't feel like satire at all?
@vandahm Жыл бұрын
This video was hilarious in 2008, but it's really depressing in 2022.
@brooklyna007 Жыл бұрын
@@lilwerner1518 Completely wrong. The 2008 elections were between two men who disagreed on a lot of issues but still very much respected each other and very much respected the dignity of the country's politics. That was always clear throughout that election. The same for 2012, Romney was an absolutely respectable man. When Trump came in he completely destroyed the dignity of the country's presidential politics (the Tea Party had already ruined the dignity of congress) and created an atmosphere where there was no respect among the final two presidential candidates. I have never seen or even heard of a larger piece of shit run for the American presidency, let alone win.
@favoritemustard3542 Жыл бұрын
@@brooklyna007 Biden was a mistake for Obama, but Palin was an even worse one for McCain. I think there were a lot of factors, but their potential VPs did play a big role.
@brooklyna007 Жыл бұрын
@@favoritemustard3542 Oof, Palin was suicidal for McCain. I know vice presidents are effectively chosen by the party and not the president. But Palin was just brutal to McCain's campaign. Biden was a gaff machine and didn't have great political history. But he had a lot of connections in Washington from his time in congress. So it is easier to justify him as vice president than Palin for McCain.
@tron8115 жыл бұрын
"That's the way it was, and we liked it! We loved it!"
@chumbels16 жыл бұрын
oooohhhh. thank you!!!!! that was fantastic.. that made me happy. so smart and funny. thank you.really. i dont feel so alone now.
@D3fcon1414 жыл бұрын
I will learn how the Onion predicts things and I will become incredibly depressed about what is to come
@AgentAlmost8 жыл бұрын
Cressbeckler 2016
@Jefff727 жыл бұрын
2020 will be his re-election.
@AgentAlmost7 жыл бұрын
Don't you dare besmirch Joad's good name by comparing him to Donald Trump.
@taffyadam60315 жыл бұрын
AgentAlmost hahahaha yes boland gollumpus physically decimated by comparison to parody character
@s.bakyhnh17565 жыл бұрын
@@taffyadam6031 Trump is basically a parody of himself.
@taffyadam60315 жыл бұрын
S. Bakyhnh ronald flump rekt lmao get trolled conservatives
@intergalactichumanempire97595 жыл бұрын
Huey Long aged pretty well.
@Steve-Fallon16 жыл бұрын
Great video.
@yodanielcarter16 жыл бұрын
This is one of the recent best! Hilarious and great actor!! Amazing!!
@dannyric92053 жыл бұрын
Back when 72 was old for a Presidential candidate
@urinalbushrat13 жыл бұрын
I want a "Joad Cressbeckler 2012" presidential campaign ute bumper sticker. And I'm a New Zealander.
@arandomsteve22514 жыл бұрын
This aged well...
@Helgy23 Жыл бұрын
No man beats cressbeckler in a wood splittin' contest
@AwfulWaffle847416 жыл бұрын
when he fired the shotgun into the air...i spit my water out i was laughing so hard
@Rahavin19 жыл бұрын
This is the guy from Duck Dynasty, right?
@seronimo__773523 күн бұрын
Say what you will about Cressbeckler, he's not a hypocrite. Unlike a similar politician today.
@gunterandersson Жыл бұрын
This is straight up gold
@kgfes5 жыл бұрын
Lord God almighty I can't breathe 😂
@psicologiajoseh Жыл бұрын
The Onion actors are on another league. Impressive.