How To Heal Your Grief By Changing Your Story

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How To Heal Your Grief By Changing Your Story | David Kessler, Grief Expert

Рет қаралды 59,710

Күн бұрын

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Grief is about your heart, but your mind can take control by creating stories.
Remember, the events do not change: death is death and divorce is divorce. Facts are what happened, without anything added. Yet, your mind likes to create stories to find reason and meaning in the events. How you tell your story can change.
You are not the author of the facts, but you have the power to change the story you tell yourself and other people. That’s where you have some control. You are not powerless in your pain.
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Пікірлер: 86

@wandasewell4501 Ай бұрын

Everything was great in my life with my husband he passed away at 70..I think that was young. He died from demitia. That's all I can think about. We were married for 30 years. I was 32 and he was 42 when we married. He left me with a lot, but died too young. We only had 30 years to be soul mates. The best man, I will love him forever!

@victorframpton1743 6 ай бұрын

This video is so much better then the grief meetings I’ve been going to

@maryannschembri5295 3 ай бұрын

So true

@rachelbunt2188 11 ай бұрын

This man is helping me , thank you sir

@minnielove5293 7 ай бұрын

Thanks,Mr David .My. Husband passed away 8-2023, three kind of cancer, God, and you have helped me so. Married 29 years. People who don't understand ,fight you and some don't even listen too what you say. Love you. Negative people Will always be around ❤. Don't become bitter, that's not what your love one's won't for you.❤

@theModernLeadersManifiesto 5 ай бұрын

Yeesss same here! 20 years together! Sudden death 8/23, the most brutal day of my Life. We need more Love around.❤

@GangStar_6 Жыл бұрын

I’ve had 8 people close friends and family members pass away in just four years. I got another funeral to attend soon. Great video

@alessandrachavesphotograph3857 8 ай бұрын

I like how you always give examples to clarify.

@NoMoreTears64 9 ай бұрын

You gave too many examples to get your point across that I got completely lost. My "take away" from this is : 1. I am grieving the recent loss of my only son and simultaneously grieving the recent loss of my two pets. 2. Now, in addition to these losses, you conjured up the fact that I STILL grieve the loss of my 10 miscarriages even though I am now in my 60's. 3. All of my losses in life remind me "that I was never good enough for anything ". Great 👍 now you want me to think of something "positive " about all of that. IF I could do THAT, I would magically be healed and not watching KZfaq grief videos at 2 am. Do I sound "angry"? Of course I am angry. That's the problem. I am angry, broken hearted, and am in complete denial over my son's death ALL AT THE SAME TIME and cannot separate any of it.

@Elsie144k Ай бұрын

I am sorry all that happened to you. It sounds like all those losses has caused complex trauma - many traumas over a long period of time and is more than the mind can process. I hope you find a good truama therapist or grief counselor to help you feel better. You deserve it ❤

@sharonann729 Жыл бұрын

This guy makes a lot of sense. The first half of the video about the story we tell ourselves and our old wounds was especially helpful.

@Cooperfan54 6 ай бұрын

One amongst a million… how could someone even be able to have a therapy session with him. Grief is the hurdle I can’t figure out. Or at best conceptualize. A message we all need to hear. And how special to break it down with such a wise person.

@vickishoemaker9064 2 ай бұрын

On September 1, 2000, my 40 year old brother was standing 10 feet from his 9 year old son and was struck by lightening in the chest. He died. My 9 year old nephew's mom died of Pancreatic cancer when he was 20 years old. Mom had Alzheimer's for 5 years, she fell and broke her hip, she died from protein malnutrition My 58 year old brother hung himself December 9, 2023. 4 facts - no emotion. Put some emotion to that over the course of 24 years.

@Cmyangels106 3 ай бұрын

OMG! Story of triumph!!! Just the piece of the puzzle I have been searching for to reenter my life and society in general. Thank you David.

@yammak2004 2 ай бұрын

This has really helped me reshape losing my mom and my son quitting talking to me. I'm forgiving myself and moving on. Thank you.

@brettmurphy7588 6 ай бұрын

If it's hysterical, then it's historical. That gave me deep pause, and i hope i can reframe my loved ones' seemingly irrational outbursts in difficult moments. Perhaps we can uncover, heal, and grow

@Thatsbannanas-d8c 6 ай бұрын

I had to write that down. How profound.

@vickifrederick2934 10 ай бұрын

So much information,not the same ole 5 or 7 steps but deeper ways to self help

@MsTheeg Жыл бұрын

This is a beautiful and helpful video shared in a very matter of fact, yet compassionate and authentic approach.

@mindysharp7488 6 ай бұрын

Very much appreciated this video. Thank you

@jennebeattie3168 4 ай бұрын

Lost my 14 year old son, Branson 😭

@terryallard6419 8 ай бұрын

I think David is sincere and has much to offer."D" I am sorry for your loss and hope you find some places of equanimity to rest.

@Makalani503 5 ай бұрын

Thank you David, I didn't think I could surmount the painful events of my life. Your tools have given me hope and I see that it is possible to overcome loss, and live a happy life!

@TheMissprincessleah Жыл бұрын

You're so awesome. I wish I could book a private session to discuss recent traumatic events in my life. Ty for your insight, knowledge, & examples.

@cosmosprincess20 Жыл бұрын

This was refreshing

@2212booboo 10 ай бұрын

I just loved the way David explained all this. 👌👌👌. So, so easy to understand

@ggavinkru 9 ай бұрын

The story can change. Yes. Thank you 😢

@lindazama5498 Ай бұрын

Thank you, David. What a well-timed sharing for me.

@user-ok8mr6qz7h 5 ай бұрын

Excellent haven’t thought of it that way as I’ve recently gone through grief and trauma and have been working towards deeper self awareness yes my story has the silver lining but it also brings me to deeper understanding as I have two grandchildren with mental disorders I deal with daily. It’s tough a lot of days but I find joy in the little accomplishments that present

@lnbarbee19 8 ай бұрын

Thank you David I learn so much from you already.

@Jan-Maggie 17 күн бұрын

My son asked why did I love this man that said he wasn't in love with me and I said I loved his physical beauty and going to mass with him and him calling me frequently. But he had a lot of bad habits so i try to keep reminding myself of that but I still go back to loving thoughts about him

@travelfreedom555 28 күн бұрын

Thanks David clearing my thoughts this helping to understand the my grief your thoughts and words helps me to overcome and be better person in this valuable life once again thank you and I recommend everyone to watch this when they feel something lost or something went unplanned changes happened in their life

@dreamweaver1832 6 ай бұрын

I have lost my two brothers three years apart both at a young age. Few years ago my only living sibling my sister passed away. Recently my mom passed away. I’m extremely heartbroken, depressed from the loss of my mom now. I know this all takes time. They say time heals a broken heart. I don’t agree with this.

@caitlinkelly1791 6 ай бұрын

I heard that time doesn't heal all wounds. But it allows you to learn to live with them.

@Thatsbannanas-d8c 6 ай бұрын

Hello, we have similar losses. I’m sorry you suffer. I’m sorry I can not take that pain away. I hear you. (I buried 2 sister, my dad, my husband, my therapist of five years died too). I was abandoned by my mom at seven, she left us kids with a violent heartless man It’s better if I just never was.

@ssofianos 2 ай бұрын

no one can take our pain away 😢 we must learn to live with all our losses.. it is an unavoidable process 😢 everyones loss hurts the most..

@claudiaherrendoerfer9103 24 күн бұрын

@@Thatsbannanas-d8cno, u are a precious person. And there IS meaning to your life. I encourage u to seek the Lord Jesus thru your pain. There is hope and power in His Name❤

@claudiaherrendoerfer9103 24 күн бұрын

So very sorry for all your loss. May u find hope and peace in life. U are a precious person ❤

@rosebuckner3831 2 ай бұрын

Thank you David. You're a dear man.

@user-zu6xo3zi6b 4 ай бұрын

I love this video and appreciate you beyond measure 💜💜💜🔥

@jennygrim2057 6 ай бұрын

Very helpful thank you!

@Pitou770 6 ай бұрын

This is soo helpful. Thank you so much.

@TheYazmanian 2 ай бұрын

This man has helped me so much

@angelicalopez5801 4 ай бұрын

I have been to a relationship for 13 years.. my whole world was confided in him.we are married and one day i just woke up and he is a different person and sees this woman.. i feel so betrayed i dont know this is going to happen.. i am thankful for this David.i would love to ask your opinion for me to continuously move on.

@jennebeattie3168 4 ай бұрын

THANK YOU DAVID ❤

@montanabirdmommy 4 ай бұрын

What is a person to do when there is no upside? There has been no upside. My life has stopped.

@Elsie144k Ай бұрын

I can relate. It has been exceptionally hard for me to find the upside and reframe my story with a silver lining. My mind is very clever at seeing through those euphemisms that everyone is so fond of. So I dig deeper. And deeper. My search has brought be down some interesting paths. Ultimately I have been able to find a level of acceptance for all that has happened. And most importantly a level of self acceptance. Keep digging. You may not find a silver lining but you may find something else. Best wishes and God Bless

@amberbowen1628 Жыл бұрын

When I meet my new psychiatrist and friends.there's 3 things were not going to talk about (mom,mamaw, papaw,) they were fantastic people is all I'll say when they ask. Then I tell people to drop the subject.

@debracurboy5844 3 ай бұрын

I can't get through losing my Mark. Heart is broken 😢

@parminderkaur4298 Жыл бұрын

Hi its really great vedio Rhythm

@user-hi1se4ms4j 9 ай бұрын

David how do I sleep......I am tired of taking drugs like klonopin and gabapentin....help!

@Dogsarefurbabies24 5 ай бұрын

Meditate Is a beautiful way to relax and sleep Leave it on all night 🌉

@slimilacraft7676 4 ай бұрын

This last loss of a relationship told me that I ignored my intuition/gut. Now the thoughts are so intense, they don’t even seem like my own. I got so wrapped up in my parents world that I don’t remember much of being with my own family while with them. Damn shame. I don’t want to think about anything at this point.

@peopleplacesandperspective5564 Жыл бұрын

Old wounds coming up again.

@rosep9866 8 ай бұрын

If your alone,, do I talk to myself,, is that ok? This is different ,, my grief has killed me.. no one wants to hear that.

@annehedonia156 2 ай бұрын

Dear Rose, I hear you. I feel the same. ❤

@montanabirdmommy 4 ай бұрын

This is all been exceedingly invalidating. 8:11

@julieb8668 3 ай бұрын

? Assume u meant to say validating

@nadyavisseren5482 5 ай бұрын

Wauw❤️

@jeanniebair4103 2 ай бұрын

Too many ads

@rw4754 3 ай бұрын

Who was that drunk Irish Poet who said, "During the dark night of the soul it is always 3am."

@susandubois112 Ай бұрын

Scott Fitzgerald

@rw4754 Ай бұрын

@@susandubois112 Dylan Thomas. Also famous for the poem, "Don't go Gentle into that Good Night"

@davidpatteson3061 11 ай бұрын

How do you trust a guy who does a participatory exercise about grief that involves losing his son (sorry, it is horrible as I lost a son too) and then somehow weaves an advertisement for his book into it. He even circles back and says what year his book was published.

@HeatherMoyer23 9 ай бұрын

I hear you that it can seem that way regarding his book. I haven’t watched one KZfaq video from an expert where they didn’t try to sell their books. They can’t do everything for free. I lost my son a year ago and David Kessler saved my life. I have trusted him with my survival through this journey and he’s always been there for me. Book-selling aside, he’s a caring, authentic, trustworthy guide through this brutal journey. Give him a chance. He’ll change your life. Sending you much love David ❤

@amaanivand.8455 9 ай бұрын

If an author truly believes in the benefits of his book, and how it can help people, why would he not refer to it? Selling doesn’t have to be selfish

@yesminors6088 8 ай бұрын

his books and utube videos definitely helped me get through the first 6 months of my grief. David Kessler books helped me out of severe depression.

@betha8761 8 ай бұрын

Take the parts that might help and leave out the rest. ❤

@davidpatteson3061 8 ай бұрын

I was referred to David Kessler's work by my therapist and my late son's mother. In reading through these comments, he obviously has been able to help many people with profound grief. I do not want to neglect that fact and deter people away from him who will find hit work helpful. In other words, I do not want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. There have been unique experiences that I have undergone in losing a beloved son in his 20s. One thing is that I a find the experience of grieving at this level, and finding someone that can steer me through the loss, to require a great deal of trust. During this period, if I find one to be the least bit authentic, I have an intensely negative experience. Even if most of your work is great, as a therapist and an author, myself, I struggle with anyone with dual agendas with the topic of grief, particularly if they involved self promotion. If David could stick to the great qualities of his work an not have another agenda going on, I think he would have an ever larger impact.