I find this hilarious. Imagine you're like 16, going to Judo class, suddenly your Sensei tells you that there's a crime lord villain you have to defeat one day.

I saw this review in 2011, I bought a copy of 'Pocket Ninjas' in 2011. I have no regrets. Well, I have one regret: buying a copy of 'Pocket Ninjas'. Allison's review turned out to be a better sit than the actual thing.

"While you were reading comic books and watching Beavis and Butthead, I was studying the blade"

From the clips that you showed, it makes it look like it's secretly the most genius film ever made, but humanity hasn't yet achieved the level of enlightenment required to understand it. All college courses should be replaced with the study of this film until its secrets have been revealed to us all.

And the kids aren't even all that young or short to be called "pocket ninjas".

I know this movie came within a whisper (or training montage) of completely breaking you psychologically, but this review is officially my new favorite thing to watch when I'm down and need a pick-me-up.

I am not kidding. The fight scene between Cobra Kahn and the White Ninja was the best scene that I have ever seen ever

This seems like the most incoherent movie to ever exist. I Love This.

Watching this movie is like taking discount acid

Despite the nightmare that this movie is, it DOES make me want to see Robert Z'dar in more comedy fare. He looks like he's having a BLAST.

I have never known less about what was happening in a movie.

"What the fuck,dude?" Looks like a perfect summation of this movie.

Lol, one downvote? Gotta either be someone who was in the film or the one true fan. I am in awe. Edit: WHO FUCKING HATES COOKIES?!

This film really looks like they had the footage from an unreleased movie/ T.V. pilot/something about three kids, filmed a few additional scenes, and tried to cut it together into a different story. I feel like that would explain a lot of the severe shifts in tone and coherence. Like, if you take just the bits with the kids and rearrange them, there does seem to be some kind of story with them imagining themselves into the comic book/events in the comic becoming real. Probably not a good story but at least a coherent one. I really think several scenes, including the balloon scene because the guy never takes off his mask so it could be another actor under there, were filmed much later and spliced in to change the plot. Sadly, they gave editing duty to a blind gibbon.

The way she says "What The FUCK?!" gives me life

Thanks for posting your old reviews. Great again.

This video has become like an old reliable salve for me whenever I've had a bad day. No matter how down in the dumps I am I just can't NOT lose it at your bewildered silence during the nonsensical circus scene followed by "I am 5 minutes closer to death now." This whole review always brightens my day. :)

Hey, good to have this back! I love seeing your breakdowns over five years later!

Thank you for making my morning before I go and do my late shift, so many laughs. Thank you, thank you.

Yes! My favorite Lupa episode ever comes to KZfaq! I feel just like I did when Jurassic Park finally came out on home video.

the Australian sensei with the American flag outfit reminds me of a less self aware version of basically the same character from Napolean Dynamite.

That "Australian" guy is British Martial artist Gary Daniels.

I choose to believe that the fast forward effects are original to the movie and will not hear otherwise. This is a fucking trip.

Robert Zadar has a more terrifying screen presence in this movie than in fucking maniac cop.

That Camaro was the best thing in this whole film!!

It was at the balloon bouncing scene... Robert Z'dar was thinking... "I really shouldn't have been so quick to say no to Maniac Cop 4: Cops in Space"

What on Earth was even the point of that balloon scene?

13:55 she's the angry vhs nerd

I just watched the latest episode of Baywatching and it was called "Let the Games Begin" and it reminded me of the weird way that bad guy kid said that before the random video game fighting scenes so here I am

Another one I come back to a lot. Your confusion seems very genuine.

Ah yes, the movie that broke Allison. I still believe the theory that the movie was put together by an intern last minute.

i know rifftrax already tore this beautiful mess of a "movie" several new ones, but i'd love to see you react and maybe get some backstory on Rollergator.

18:14 I'm almost a million percent certain Sega did not sanction this.

was there a gas leak in the treehouse or something?

Saying that whoever did the film assumed every drug substance is a massive MASSIVE UNDERSTATEMENT! Pocket Ninjas makes every Uwe Boll movie seem like a masterpiece! Cannot believe that i actually said that

Its like if GI Joe the cartoon, 3 Ninjas, TMNT and Surf Ninjas spent the entire weekend in a drunken drug-infused bender of an orgy causing them to completely forget what happened but was never spoken of.

This has to have been raw footage of three different unfinished movies they just taped together to get it feature length and shoved out the door.

My guess is that this movie is trying to ape 3 Ninjas, but Jesus! As ridiculous as 3 Ninjas was at least is was coherent.

There's not enough 'What the fuck' in the entire universe for this movie. Seriously, was there a point to this? I can answer that. No! Why does this movie exist?! 😱

8:53 this roar was in Comic Zone on Sega Genesis

this was the second dvd I ever got.

Sub-Zero is a Chinese ninja warrior, so there ... WITH HIS HEART SO COLD

''Buttwhiff'' PEOPLE DON'T TALK THAT WAY!!!!!!

R.I.P Brad Bufanda tho

Are you sure you want to bring this back? Scott Shaw might threaten you again.

I was kind of expecting it to be about ninjas who were either really small or got shrunk down and hid in people's pockets or something. Also, I'm pretty sure Kobra Kahn is a He-Man villain. The snake guy who sprays water or something.

This movie didn't make me feel anything. Anger, laughter, heck even depression which I usually get by the drop of a hat!

I almost ALMOST confused this with 3 ninjas 😂

I'm not even sure this can be called a film...

According to Wikipedia "The film was intended to be a children's version of The Roller Blade Seven that would showcase Jacksons' "Roller Cam" cinematography and "Zen Film-making" style." having seen the Roller Blade Seven this film makes more sense to me now. You should do a reaction to Roller Blade Seven.... it's a HORRIBLE movie... you'd love it.

This is like 3 Ninjas got mashed up with Rollergator. On ALL the drugs.

I'm now inspired to make my own movie. Without any training, I think I could put something together better than this.

You know what's not even on that Bottom 100 list, though? _ANYTHING BY DINGO PICTURES._

Wish it was in a higher resolution quality.

this isn't a story! it's just a bunch of stuff that happened!

Him giving them the masks reminds me of the scene in the MMPR movie where Dulcea tells the Rangers about their animal spirits.

Excellent j'adore ! Rire J'adore !

I'm convinced I lost more brain cells to this movie than alcohol.

Oh Gary Daniels. I think he made an even worse movie than Daniel Bernhardt did with Future War.

Definitely thought at first the 'White Dragon' looked like a clown or a lemur, also one of the silliest fatalities/final smashes I have ever seen.

This movie feels like when I had to go off my ADHD medication and things felt fast and slow at the same time.

Oh, like it could be worse than 3 Ninja-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Several years later but "why not". This movie was a result of a "style" called Zen Film making. The original "creator" behind it is responsible for such things as Rollergator. The style is basically shooting film without a script. The funny thing is that they brought someone on to try and put some sort of sense to this madness but it ended up making it worse.

So it was assembled out of order. But even if was assembled in order, it wouldn't have made sense. But even if it *did* make sense, it would've sucked.

Dude, My Boyfriend's Back, I miss that movie...

Wait, did that blue bat just bend like a balloon?

My copy was supposed to be a dollar. But no... with my FYE membeship should have been 90 cents. But nope. But the register said it was supposed to be in the 75% off section. Meaning I actually paid 85% off. So at 15 cents..... I still felt ripped off.

Now Im curious.... Throwing punches and kicks WITH rollerblades on?

You know, there's a lot of scenes here that could go very horribly wrong if they were taken out of what little context they have. Also, what the fuck is going on?!

What the hell did I just watch you watch?????

Has ANY more information about this...THING been made available in the intervening eleven years since this review??? WTF IS this?!?

Allison, I have a rather weird question about this movie, "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" 😑 Not even Gary Daniels can't solve this problem. 🤔

Maybe if the bad guy was dressed as his bad guys namesake from Masters of the Universe he might have been more threatening. Thats a BIG maybe though.

Was this movie filmed inside a starship going full warp? That rumbling is annoying.

My brain: *almost thinks you said cobra Kai* Mmmm I can already tell it’s confusing 😂 18.10.22

Why doe this exist? I mean I know why, but WHY?

did a child write this mess?

Well stuff sure did happen. Thats all i can say about this movie.

Lol, thanks😹🥋🥋

what the hell are we watching xD

10:45 I laughed way too hard. I'm not saying acting is easy, I'm saying being devoid of anything resembling natural human emotion and inflection is pretty hard.

You know of every terrible movie Robert Z'Dar's been in, I think he'd like to be forgotten he was in this one the most.

I think the 1 dislike is from the director

Still not sure if Donald Jackson made this movie

nah silly string is a secret ancient laotian ninja technique.

If there were a list of things that this world would be better without, not only would you find Donald Trump, but you would also find the movie Pocket Ninjas. 6:02- That actually how I describe the Birdemic movies.

This is one of the less movie-y movies I have ever seen!

Just. ROTFL

Wait what?

WTF did I just watch?

15:48 Wait, is that Mayim Bialik?

god...sloppy filmmaking at it's finest

Wait, this made it to DVD? So I'm stuck watching crap quality bootleg episodes of _Da Vinci's Inquest_ past Season 3, but this incomprehensible mess gets _two_ DVD releases? How is the world this broken?

Ah yes, the movie that caused Rich Evans of Red Letter Media to go on a furniture massacre.

Maybe it is a poor martial arts comedy whatever. But it looks like a nice sequel to "Fun in ballon land"

I think the worst movies are boring and pretentious. I can forgive indie productions but not big budget snooze fests. At least this is nonsensical fun.

I wish Alison knew wht Zen film making was before she saw this movie. :p

Such lame attempts at comedy combined with an incoherent plot and editing so horrendous and inconsistent you couldn't even call it editing. I think I'd rather watch Toad Warrior over this!

Ninja came from China to Japan

I'd rather watch all 4 of the 3 ninjas movie's back to back than watch this garbage