They know their behaviour is poor because they never pull out their poor behaviour in front of outsiders.

The fact alone that narcissitically abusive parents hide (by acting as if they were nice and a perfect family) to the outside world what they're doing to their scapegoat children at home says it all.

I am 64 years old and 40 years married. I was 23 when took home my then boyfriend to meet my family. When we left in the car, he was quiet, then down the road a bit he asked "you do know that's not normal the way your mother behaves, and how you all just take it & go along with it? " I was an adult living away from home and until that point had never considered any of that. All I knew was I was no good and had to be" knocked down from your high horse, young lady" she slapped my face in the bridal shop, so I ended up with the dress she wanted. She told me I was ruining the wedding. Still I kept running back for forgiveness. Finally no contact since 2013. Left me gutted as I have x3 brothers who became the flying monkeys. So no contact with them either. Long story, sorry. I have subscribed, your video popped up on my KZfaq feed. Thanks for reading this xx

There are people who are evil...not misunderstood, not having a bad day, not working out their own pain. They are knowingly, deliberately, consciously evil. Get away from them.

To this day she plays the perfect abandoned mother card. I can't.

I’m terrified to talk to anyone about how horrible my parents are.

These child abuser parents need to be criminalised.

That's just it. It's one thing for a parent to mess up or have an "off day"..but to persistently and continuously mistreat, manipulate and abuse a child is entirely something else.

Narcissists generally don't admit any wrong, unless it serves them in some way.

The correct response to “You should forgive your parent.” is “I didn’t make them have children. If they didn’t want to be loving parents, they should have used condoms.”

"To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you're not allowed to criticize."

The best thing my narcissistic, alcoholic mother did was die. The fact that she is no longer spewing her evil onto me brings me great happiness.

Yes that smirky sick grin is sickening churning my stomach. It’s evil.

I remember being teased by my parents until I cried, and then they laughed at me. Yep! They enjoyed it!

I finally understood what my childhood was and my mom had cornered me with her drunken tears and I called her on how she manipulated me as a kid and she smirked. She couldn’t hide her pleasure. That was the completion of understanding for me.

Twice, when I was 25 years old, and practicing 'gray rock' in a conversation with my mother when visiting my parents, she got very angry and began to waive her hands in front of me saying, "what's that thing that you are doing? what are you doing? I'm trying to hurt you!" She said this, two different times, and I acted like I didn't hear her. That was all I needed to hear, as she WAS trying to hurt me by arguing with me and I was non-committal and bland (grey rock), and she became so enraged that she forgot she was supposed to be hiding the fact that she did indeed intend to hurt me. Horrible, horrible people.

I knew my mother was manipulating me and abusing me emotionally because she never apologized to me or felt guilt.

I finally mustered the courage to ask my mother about some horrible things she’d done when I was a child. Her initial response was denial-I never did those things. Then she shifted to her favorite move, gaslighting by saying “You know you’ve always had a problem with your memory and making things up.” When I offered irrefutable proof, she started attacking my character by bringing up an honest mistake I’d made when I was 13 years old (I’m 36 years old!) saying that incident made me an untrustworthy person. I was at a slumber party and asked another girl to ask the parents if I could leave with my friend and go to her grandmas house down the street. She lied and said it was okay, then didn’t tell anyone where we were and all hell broke loose. After that I found out she’d been saying horrible things about me. She called me petty on the day my son was born because I didn’t send a picture to her fast enough, insinuating I did it on purpose to hurt her and my sisters. When I asked her why she was saying these horrible things, she said “I’ve been retaliating against you for accusing me of things I didn’t do.” 😦 I’ve been no contact ever since.

My mother said “every family has a scapegoat and unfortunately you’re ours” When I asked her why I was treated so badly

It is so dark, what they did. During no contact I have had memories surface that I had forgotten about. This has helped put the pieces together but also brings great darkness with it.

While I was being yelled at and falsely accused of outrageous things I didn't even do and I was explaining , I saw the smirk and look of pleasure while I was suffering in confusion and pain.

I think that the fact that they don't treat us one way in front of others and yet another when it's more private says a lot.

I once asked my 74 year old mom whether she is ready to meet her new parents in the next life. I warned her whatever she did to her children will be done against her by the next parents. She had a nerve to ask what she has done to me.

I finally confronted my family and asked if (my mother in particular) would be willing to learn about my mental health conditions and Autism so they could help me function better/stop triggering me. My dad (enabler) said and I quote, "That's never going to happen." Well gosh thanks folks and boy that made it easy to stop caring in any way about them. I was 45 at the time. I hope they like getting old alone and only having their Golden Child (Narcissist) to 'look after' them. A whole family (minus myself) with no empathy or compassion and I think they deserve each other. I might be alone and on the outside but it's infinitely better then being around people who take pleasure in hurting you.

My Enabling father who was the strong arm ( physically abusive) of my malignant narcissistic mother and her equally malignant narcissistic son, admitted to me: " I knew what they were doing to you. I knew it for a long, long time. But I couldn't do anything about it because I had to watch out for myself. You understand, Right?" No apology. Then he went on to pull the religion card: " You're going to hell because you don't honor your mother and father!" So...He admitted I was being abused and thought I should be honoring my abusers or I "would burn in hell"??? No Contact.

I know from experience in a malignant narcissistic and psychopathic "family" that there is pleasure derived in the process of traumatizing and breaking down the scapegoat. It is not until the scapegoat understands and resets the power balance are we free. Peace to the World.

It’s mind boggling to me the number of people that have been devastated by the impact of the family scapegoat. This insanity is so hard to explain to someone who grew up in a normal family. Please remind yourself that none of this was ever your fault. We all have a perspective about life that many people (thankfully) will never have to endure. I remember telling my mother that it would have been much easier for me if she just told me she hated me. The cover up was, at times, worse than the truth.

I’m 65 year old widow. My mother has never cared about me. My husband died in 2018 my dad in 2020. My life has been hell. She taught my 2 sisters to despise me. I have been listening to you recently. This is my life, hard to understand or share feelings without being labeled insane. They don’t care. It is cruel.

My Mom passed last march. I will never forget when she called me one day, not too long before and said, "Hi, it's your nemesis."

My grown daughter became my mother's golden grandchild. Which my kid thought was pretty funny. My daughter returns from her home in Cork most summers to visit me in Georgia and other family and friends in California, where we all are from. Anyway, she is at my mom's house having a visit with her, when she gets the brilliant idea to use her status in my mother's eyes to ask her why she always treated me badly, and how hard it was as a kid for her and her sister to hear my whole family talk smack about me, their mother. My daughter tell me that my mom flashed her hate eyes while simultaneously looking terrified at being called out by her golden one. But she did finally give an answer that actually sounded right. I had asked her many times what had i ever done to deserve how she and my siblings treated me. Why did they pay each other back money, but never me? I would be told i was selfish and a money grubber. One Christmas when i didn't get a new dress, (to be fair, the same amount was contributed to a horse i bought), we were taking a picture and while we all smiled, my mother was pinching my thigh really hard saying, I'm so glad you're sister gets to be the pretty one today. Etc, etc. Mary, when you used the word contempt in another video, my stomach clenched, that's exactly how my family always treated me. But u never got answer beyond i deserved the way i was treated. Anyway. My mother did tell my daughter that when i was born my father paid too much attention to me, then when siblings came along, i was prettier and smarter and took all the attention. So she had to put me in my place, had to make sure my siblings got the spotlight rather than me. So that is how i knew that she knew, exactly how she was purposely mean and abusive to me. I'm 66, this truthful moment only happened about 3 years ago. That's how long and how badly this stuff can affect us. But in fairness to me, i only had libraries back then and wouldn't even have thought to research this, if the info was even out there. I'm so happy to see young people figuring out that that aren't broken so much sooner than i could.

The day I packed up and moved out of my parents’ house, my narcissistic mother’s response was “You think you can just move out and get away from your problems?” SHE IS THE PROBLEM! My mother KNOWS she’s problematic and abusive. Hence two sisters married young (and are miserable), and my only brother took his own life after I moved out.

I remember a strange smile mom would get sometimes when she had said something upsetting to put me down and when it was totally inappropriate. She never remembered what she had said or done later. It had never happened. I wouldn't have mentioned the strange smile, but it was there.

Being different people inside and outside the home is confirmation enough, IMO. Then there are the contradictions like the toxic people have to be accepted as they are because they are family, but that rule does not apply to us.

Mine told me she treated me badly because she knew I could take it. They are wicked.

My mother refuses to take responsibility for anything she does, whether it’s manipulating me, splitting the family by capitulating to my narcissistic siblings, or gaslighting me by pretending she doesn’t know why I feel harmed by her. My siblings have never accomplished anything in their lives and they hate me for being strong and accomplished and for always telling the truth since I was a little girl. After years of trying to reason with them, I’m finally done being the family scapegoat. It’s a lonely feeling not having a family, but its better than losing my self-respect.

I'd never heard the term "toxic compassion" before but holy wow does it fall in line with my life. Always feeling the lion's share of compassion for people while they patronize and gaslight me in turn. Hurtful things that other people do are "mistakes" but I'm fit to be punished unendingly for things I'm not even aware of. One thing I've learned is that I can have compassion for someone and not trust them or want to engage with them at the same time. Forgiveness is not forgetting that they are still accountable for who they are.

My mother sometimes said " I am your mother I have the right to mistreat you if I want to."

Miserable people NEED to drag someone down to where they are. To punish someone who they resent for being "good" because deep down inside they see themselves as "bad". It's really sad when you think about it, if the above describes your parent(s) the best thing to do is to distance yourself and save yourself from their terrible behavior. No relationship is worth keeping if if means giving up being treated with respect.

Yes they know! Their just hoping you will never figure it out or keep making excuses for them. In my case, they also used Religion to control me. It's sick!

"You're mom is mentally ill. That's not a problem. Your reaction to her abuse is a problem. You need to get rid of that" That hit me hard.

That is exactly what a psychologist once said to me: “she is a very dangerous woman.” The psychiatrist who later diagnosed me with CPTSD believes she is at the far end of the sociopathic spectrum (yep, psychopathy). After she would belt and hit us around the head she would often call one of her friends and you would hear a peal of merry laughter over some gossip they’d shared. Hurting her children gave her a high.

At my mom's friend's house, when I was about 10, my mom was having a bad night with her mental illness. I woke up in a panic, hearing her sobbing. A thing I heard a lot. Her friend was comforting her, and almost felt relief. But then her friend said, "Well then just take it out on [me]." And then she started sobbing and crying, "I already do. I do." That was a distillation of how the entire family and friends treated me. Thanks for your video.

When I was in my 40's I finally asked my mother why she treated me the way she did but not my brother. Previously she denied she'd treated us differently. She actually replied: "because you can take it". I didn't know what I was more shocked about - the fact that she finally admitted it, finally validating what I felt inside for years but she gaslit me for years denying my brother and I were treated differently which made me feel like I was going crazy..... or whether I was more shocked at the fact that she had known exactly what she was doing and singled me out specifically for the abuse. After that I felt sad to my core and I still feel sad about it and very messed up. I loved my mum even though she was a monster at times, but I feel so let down by her.

I told my mom that I realized that my 'anxiety problems' started earlier in life than I previously thought.... So she took to social media to post 'how it's a sin when your children ruin their lives with drugs and then later try to blame the parents'. Holy smokes I was mad... but I successfully repressed my anger so as not to further provoke her into a public shaming of me. (I smoke marijuana btw... which has greatly helped me not lose my shit on her over the years... that's the drug by which I'm a druggy). Clarity.

I'll never forget the joy and smug expression on my "mother's" face when once I broke in tears in front of her cause I was so unhappy...she seemed overjoyed. And the conversations of insanity about food....geee, that is so well known. I bet many of us have or have had one or the other eating disorder ...to protect ourselves from their intrusing behaviour about everything about us and also cause of the confusion...on one hand they force us to eat and at the same time they imply that we are fat, unregulated, talking about how skinny they were when young and bla bla...

Being different behind closed doors, vs in public. Making sure you can’t access a phone to call 911. Constantly asking what you talk about with your therapist.

The "you have accomplished so much despite my actions" is a familiar one to me

Once, when my stepmom was trying to embarrass me with an old story, I got sick of it and called her out on hers and my dad’s behavior. Told her I was just a child and they were wrong to abuse me. She practically spat at me across the table “Well, someone had to take the blame!” It wasn’t until Grandma (her mom) gasped, she realized it was Christmas eve and we weren’t alone.

My parents fall into the last category of lack of personal responsibility. My dad was raised by an abusive father and he constantly told us "what I am doing to you is nothing compared to what my father did to me so what are you even complaining about?" My mom admitted that she had issues self regulating her emotions and just said "I'm sorry, but you guys would just make me so angry I couldn't help myself." My mom also expects us all to forgive and forget the past and just be a happy family because "I really do love you guys and miss you all." Because we're all limited contact with them. Spending any time with them is exhausting because I am on guard the entire time. It appears they have improved since I no longer live with them, but the way I have seen them treat each other, I know things would be just as bad if I still had to live with them. They only appear okay because I can limit the time I spend with them.

"I never had a father so you're certainly not going to get one either". As I age I wonder if it wasn't all a big competition for him

My mum always told me that she will never help me when I have children because nobody ever helped her and why should I have a better life than her?

This names it all so well. My brother has a life-threatening peanut allergy, known since he was a toddler. So what did my mother do to control access to food in the home? Smeared peanut butter on the door handles. To this day people still buy her benign outward persona and the narrative that her adult children have neglected her.

I feel like no matter what I said or did, my parents always justified inflicting abuse on me.

Interesting. I don't think my parents have ever admitted anything to me. I said to my dad once "do you ever think how odd it is that you went to a psychiatric hospital with paranoid delusions and depression, twice, and yet I am the one who has emerged from this family narrative with the label of "paranoid" ??? And he stared back at me like id told a bad joke. No response. Nothing. My mother is never wrong. So if you're not reflecting back her perfect version of herself then you have to be mad/bad/sad or "detached from reality".

It was a circled conversation but it came to the point where I told my mother "You hit me" to her reply was "what did you do to deserve it? You did something to make me hit you" initially blaming me for her chosen actions. This is how I know she knew what she was doing. But psychologically flipped the script, and left me concluding I had control in her not abusing me, therefore, my precursor to "people pleasing"

Ofcourse the narcissistic parent knows what they are doing, they are demons in disguise, they come to inflict pain, suffering, tormenting us for years intentionally, when I finally found out my mother is a narcissist and that the narcissist parent don't love their children I got a panic attack and couldn't stop crying for weeks, it all made sense, like all the pieces from the puzzle came together and all came to light! I went through all the phases I felt upset, stupid for not knowing about narcissism back then in the 1980s, betrayed, sad, all different emotions, then I grieved and finally accepted I would never have a loving mother or family, and act as if she already died, and moved on, yes she took everything from me, but my father Jehovah God will never abandon me, and he has blessed me always, I forgive them but don't want them in my life ever again!! They know what they did to me!! And what goes around comes around!!

I remember once when I was around 17 during an episode with my mother I kept trying to get away from her. I was going around the house avoiding her, not giving any reaction to the verbal & physical abuse and trying to get on with my morning without engaging in the bullshit. Finally I turned around, eyes full of tears and asked her "why do you continue to keep following me around and hurting me?" She looked at me incredulously, like how could I possibly ask her that, and smiled & responded with, "Why I'm your mother. I can do whatever I want to you whenever I want to." I'm now 31 and I've never forgotten that moment.

It's hard to deal with the lack of any kind of meaningful justice. Like, I want to see them lose everything & have to face a judge in court for what they did, but it'll never happen. I guess one tiny bit of justice is that I've completely wrecked their plans for my future (unpaid old age carer) that I was groomed for from primary school age. We're an investment/retirement plan that they spent decades working on & when we go no contact, it all goes out the window. Sounds awful to say, but I'm so thankful for the pandemic, as it was the ultimate wakeup call, as the way they behaved during what felt like the apocalypse chipped away the last bit of false hope I had that they'd ever change.

Great video. It’s a widely accepted myth, that all parents love their children. This myth is what’s enabled abusive parents to continue their abuse. Just like the ideology that all mothers are natural nurturers is false. Thank you for your much needed work. God Bless you.

My mom told me it's because I had the audacity to grow up and become an independent adult. My sister who is the "golden child" is incredibly dependent on them at 26 despite living in another town...they still go up there and buy her groceries and won't allow her to drive anywhere outside the town....and of course they bought her that car too.

My mother was angry and dissatisfied with her ‘lot’; I think she realised by abusing me it made her ‘feel’ better. Sick and twisted, I know, but that is what she did. She would get creative in ways to abuse me and it was always a way to regulate her anger. Awful awful woman.

Coming across you and your stuff is really helping me out. I am 62 yo scapegoat, went no contact for many years and to date... family doesnt mean what it means to other people. I was wary and afraid all the time.

Their constant denial of their own actions and how they act differently in front of others is proof positive that they know what they are doing is wrong.

Whenever confronted with the monsters, they deny and again they will attack by bringing up our wrongdoing in the past ( diversion) No contact is the best way to deal with monsters

how do u cope with the feeling of being utterly alone in the world? after leaving

One of my elders said to me "we'll be nice to you if you (fill in the blank). That's when I knew that they knew exactly what they were doing. I eventually went no contact.

My mother got all worried what I might tell my therapist when I started therapy at age 22. She told me, “I know I was an awful mother. I yelled at you all the time.”

Thirty five years ago, aged 22, I said to my parent, "I could take you to court for what you've done to me". Her response "you're not clever enough". She's passed away.

😮 “The conversation of insanity” that’s the perfect description.

My mother failed to spot I had a broken wrist after I fell on ice. Despite my screams of pain she chose to ignore the injury until the following day when she took me to hospital (after she’d taken my siblings to school and waited for my father to leave for work). At the hospital, she said that if I told the doctors I’d broken my wrist the day before, then the doctors would tell social services who would come and take me and my brothers away. She said, ‘you don’t want to be responsible for that now do you?’ I lied to the doctors, and to my father when he came home. He smacked me around the back of my head for causing my mum to disrupt her day. They both knew what they were doing. I was 7 years old when I learned that. Later in life, my younger sister (born after the above incident) said this to me, ‘me and mum loved you better when you were weaker, we could do anything we liked to you and there was nothing you could do about it.’ My mother clearly taught my sister well. They always know what they are doing.

I think the main thing they VALUE... is..... CONTROL. ( not necessarily drama, etc... ). But for me... it was , is, just... CONTROL.

My mother said quite a few times that she was "unable" to love other people, and only loved herself. This was always a pity play because she wanted me to feel sorry for her. I did. Until I finally learned what narcissism was. Then I realised what she was saying was the literal definition of narcissism. I learned the hard way you must never confront them, you will suffer the torments of the damned if you tell them they are narcissistic. This was very wounding to my mother. She had done some kind of starter course in counselling, and signed up for the proper thing. In the first couple of weeks they had to look at their own lives and childhoods. She quit. She wouldn't talk about what had happened at all. So I gather it wasn't the first time she had been told.

Had a boss who was also styled as a father figure, esp since his kids were going away to college and no longer available for supply (and I look young). He would have these irrational and incoherent blow ups from time to time about something invisible and one day long into this relationship I yet again told him it wasn't acceptable to act like that, I was scared, could he please stop, and apparently I cornered his illogical brain just right because he squeezed his eyes shut and spat out, "But you hurt my feelings!" I forget exactly what I said but at that moment I realized, He treats me this way because he believes that if he's been hurt, he gets to react however he wants to the other person. That was the big eye opener for me. It wasn't just panic attacks or genuine lack of emotional understanding but with respect still attached. It was a sincerely held belief and concerted effort to believe I was evil and punish me for it. Even though I never could get it of him what I'd supposedly done. Oh, yeah, and this is a guy who would be belligerent for an hour at a time but insisted that because he wasn't "yelling," it couldn't possibly be scary, intimidating, or inappropriate. What a piece of work.

My parents are both malignant narcissists. My mom has come out and said they were horrible parents, and then laughed about it. So she didn’t directly admit the abuse, but she admitted to knowing she is culpable but finds it funny how terribly she failed, which is horrifying. After going no contact I have realized they both know exactly what they’re doing and I had been gaslighting myself into thinking they couldn’t help it all along. It is completely bizarre to reflect on how evil it truly is. If you’re in a situation where people are hurting you, LEAVE if you can, and don‘t look back. They know what they’re doing.

They knew they could get away with hurting me. They knew exactly what they were doing and didn’t give two shits how I felt. Didn’t care how they were treating me caused so much damage.

My mother once or twice accused my husband of "wanting kids only to look normal to other people". Not to his face, just in conversation with me. Later I realised it was a textbook example of projection.🤣

I said to Mom, on a text "I'm not playing this game with you". She said back, on text "Not a game".

"I know I wasn't the 'best mother'" was our mother's admission. Could she have been worse? Are statements like, "I love you but don't like you" or "I wish you were dead and in hell!" tolerable? How 'bout forcing me to sit on my bed while she snapped a broken rubber band from a vacuum cleaner against my bare legs, 'til welts covered both of my thighs? Or calling me a hypochondriac -- "causing it to happen" -- when my eyes would swell shut from allergen exposure? These incidents were fairly routine. Growing up in that environment, it was difficult to learn the difference between discipline and abuse, but I was eventually blessed. I married a wonderful, loving, warm woman with whom I raised two children, and I came to realize there was no real discipline in our childhood home: nearly all our mother's actions were rooted in some sort of abuse. I walked away after the murder of our father and left it up to her to maintain our relationship. The closest she got was continuing to tear me down to her friends, and treat me as the scapegoat "en absentia". Ironically, it was her darling child who gave her COVID, which took her life. My heart aches for what she gave up, for what she could have had but chose to neglect.

The Pandemic is a blessed gift !!! It allowed everyone to show their true colors!!! Many people I know are now choosing to walk away from Narcassists wether they are Parents...Siblings....Friends...or Boss's Amen 🙏

Being psychologically and emotionally manipulated by anyone is torture, but from your own mom and dad there is nothing more soul shredding. I feel for all of you going through it ❤ just remember, the more genuine happiness you create in your life and honor your authentic self, the more anxt from their own self hate/disgust rages through them. When you stand in your power without having to prove it , it will cause them to squirm with contempt. Allow your eyes to say “I see right through you. I feel sorry for you and thank you for being a prime example of what I would never want to embody or spend my valuable time around”. Meet their smirk with a compassionate heart, they will see the self they wish they could be as they watch it radiate from you effortlessly. Stand in your power and stay away from those who salivate over your tears of pain ❤ they want to see you anything but well and happy

"I hurt you a lot, because it is better that you cry for me than I'd cry for you" - said a mother of 6yr son.

Yeah my parents loved using the term ‘Family business’ and not talking to their parents or anyone about ‘family business’. My mother used to brag in front of me when I would go with strangers that she give them permission to beat me. My father also once shoved a hot dog up my nose for eating fast one day. I have been ten years no contact as of this year.

The male parent admitted that he knew he was abusing me, by saying that he "ruined me". The female parent never admitted anything, never took any responsibility. She had so many excuses when I confronted her, and finally, when she felt cornered, she said "I was too concerned about my own well-being to be even thinking about yours", and that pretty much sums it up. Unlike you, I find it easy to understand the mental space of both of my parents, as I had to learn to anticipate their individual and joint pathological patterns in order to survive. What was way harder for me was to delineate who I am as a person beyond that, especially since they both treated me as a property or an object. Great videos, btw, and well done for being open about these topics!!!

My dad just repeatedly told me not to tell anyone about our family and “real men don’t tell people they’re hurt.” He literally said that to me when I was thirteen. This is around the time he killed my pet cat and told me he ran away. I only found out the truth as an adult because he thought it was funny to tell me in front of family at a restaurant.

After years of denial the abusive mother finally admitted she lives in a delusional fantasy where she can believe anything she wants. So, it validated the insanity I experienced while I was a child. It finally made sense of why she would insist she was such a good mother when that certainly was not the case. Its sad. I can finally see her as a very sick person now even though I knew this before it was hard to accept since she is a master manipulator.

My late mom once told me, while laying on her hospital bed, suffering badly from a relapse of her cancer, "See, I have been well punished for all I have done to you." Actually, I was deeply sad to see her so weak and sick, but it was one of the few times that she kinda acknowledged her past (very) abusive behavior.

They wouldn't lie, gaslight you and pretend in front of others if they weren't aware it's wrong.

At the last place I lived, one of them was sneaking into my apartment and moving things...sometimes, even stealing...then bringing the item back later...I had been foolish in providing a key for "my safety..." I think they enjoyed discussing the confusion it was causing me...I had mentioned at one point that I had a great deal of patience and one of them said, "Boy...do you ever..." That was my big clue...Moving my shoes around out in the hall...gratefully, I moved and managed to keep my sanity. It was very hard to pretend I didn't know what was going on...because all they would do is lie about it anyway...say it was "my imagination"...talk amongst each other that "he's losing his mind...etc." They are terrible people, and I am forever grateful for channels like yours that confirm that I am not the problem...too many of us can tell the same stories...

When I confronted my mom about her gaslighting, in a threatening way she said, “DO NOT challenge me.”

I was always told that if I told on them, they would tell on me. This had a dual purpose. It made me shut up, but also make feel scared that I was worse than them. I grew up TERRIFIED of being found out. For what specifically, I was never sure, but I struggle with it to this day.

"This is gonna hurt me worse than it hurts you" "you're no worse for the wear" "You turned out okay"

I wish Hollywood would make a movie or documentaries about us. I would love to tell the world what my mother said to me and how she treated me poorly. Since she is still alive and hopefully would watch it and knows that i revealed all her dirty secrets. That would be very therapeutic and healing to me!!

“Conversation of insanity”. Omg that’s so fitting.

I think some parents are like this bc they see us as an extension of themselves and project onto us what they subconsciously feel about themselves. No contact is often the best option for both parties. You never ever have to feel obligated to people who treat you badly no matter who they are.

Her reply to text telling her I’m seeking help for anxiety/panic for childhood felony abandonment…. “ It’s a hard thing to face and hard to deal with but you are strong. After all you are my daughter!”

Told my mom I was struggling with PTSD from various things in my childhood including multiple sexual assaults. She’s always had this “joke” she does since I was a child where she’d poke my bum and laugh. It always gave me an ick. I’ve told her plenty of times I don’t like it. She hadn’t did it for some time and after I opened up to her about struggling with flashbacks, repressed memories coming up, nightmares of it happening again she started back doing it. I’m 29 years old. I again told her no and she says “you act like I’m touching you like that it’s just a joke”. That’s when I knew.

The heads of my household would drill into me privately that I was 'rotten', 'coward', 'garbage', 'failure', etc. I didn't tell on them out of loyalty and the belief that I was those things. After all, why would they say it if it wasn't true? They also told me, "What will other people do when they find out what you're really like?" Far from seeing this as a manipulative way to keep me quiet about what they were saying and doing, I thought, oh my gosh, they're right - I better not get too close or spend too much time with anyone because they'll find out what my parents know about me. They were communal and covert and did many good deeds and had good solid reputations. I was regarded as the spoiler or the dud of the bunch, a loss on the balance sheets. This online community taught me that this was abuse. I couldn't call it that until I started to learn about npd and scapegoating in families. They scapegoated me and the effects have lasted a lifetime. It's never too late though to get wise and reinvigorate yourself, to get out and get living. Thanks.

I went no contact no contact from my entire family of origin over 20 years ago. My father used to say implicitly or explicitly that what happens in this home stays in this home period. I’ve always hated that phrase. I always hated the Vegas thing too of saying “what goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas “. I have detested that trending saying from day one.

My feeling is that the adult is mostly unaware of the pain they are inflicting, but they have moments of clarity, which they soon forget about or rationalise away. I do think they enjoy it, in that they are taking satisfying, subliminal revenge for the abuse they have suffered. They are doing unto others what was done unto them.

My mother is still doing it to me now. I'm 43. I didn't know how bad it was until I ended up trusting her and my family. Now I stuck in a bedsit, totally isolated and being bullied my whole family, food and resources are used to control me. I don't know or when or if food or resources will be given or offered or withheld as punishment. When I am really upset she groats. When I'm starving she taunts me that she is out having lunch and fun with my aunty and cousins. When I am feeling suicidal she gets off on it. She tells everyone awful stuff about me and she buys everyone around her so they think she is nice. It hurts so bad. The torment and suffering And I can't believe I didn't know how bad it was and now I am a prisoner here basically. It's always the guilt cos she is a vulnerable narcissist and I used yo feel like I was the horrible one. Always hated myself 4 being not food enough. She tells me how she is using everyone else. They don't know she is using them and they don't talk to me and wouldn't believe me if I did tell them she is using them. I am getting help now. Thank you for this. Love to everyone. And thank you for letting me share cos I feel so fkn low and its hard to think I can get free any time soon. Never give up on yourself.x