It’s the dad who’s acting childish not the child. It breaks my heart to see how this perfect little angel gets treated. The parents treat him like a dog! They walk by him and pay no attention to him. The dad needs to let foster care take his child in and take care of him. I feel so lucky because at one point in my life when I was a kid my dad was drinking and abusing drugs and my mom went to court with him and she got custody of me. I was so lucky to have a good healthy parent that could take care of me. But then my dad turned his life around and got help and it has been 15 or 16 years since he’s drank and he is a WONDERFUL parent. He told me I saved his life and I was one of the main reasons that he got better. My parents are divorced but they are really good friends. I feel like that’s what kind of relationship god meant for my parents to have. So god bless this poor child. I wish I could pick him up and give him a huge hug and a kiss and tell him that I love him and that Jesus loves him too. And I want to give him a good home and help him with his speech. I love children like him. So I hope he is getting more affection by someone now. I have just fallen in love with this kid! So hang in there little guy angel’s are all around you and these social workers are special angels that protect children like you and they won’t let these mean people hurt you. So I send big hugs and kisses your way! Does anyone agree with me? Don’t you just want to pick him up and just hug and kiss him?

There are even charities that donate these things to low income families.

@@helenwhite2957 at least you were saved and your parents done the right thing for you your so lucky and thank god for your mother who got you away from the drinking and your dad who stopped drinking and drugs he’s a strong person

@@soul7530 yeah there’s is food banks and stuff but he’s parents didn’t care enough to apply for anything just left the child without and not brushing he’s teeth it’s terrible

You can also have no money and live cleanly... I don't get why so many live in filth. It makes you feel so much worse.

More like a half that is

He hasn't got any now,as I knew him 😂

My mother never brought me to the dentist I got a job at 16 and bought my own toothbrush even to this day my teeth are bad because the damage was already done I make sure my kids brush their teeth and I bring them to the dentist regularly because I know the damage it can cause

Sadly love is not always enough to care for a child but only a loving parent can understand that they aren't capable to care for it and give the child child up to have a better life. The dad was putting his pride before his childs well being and nothing showed that more than when he agreed to foster until mom got back but changed his mind because he felt insulted so he took the kid home knowing he couldn't care for him that's not love 😢😢 44:38 The dad seemed more focused on those toys than on his kid !! It's like he was just another kid playing with the toys.

Hes chances of being adopted are slim though with his age and special needs. It is likely he will grow up in the care system with no where to call home and will be a damaged adult.

1,000% agree!!

I TOO HAD TO MAKE THE HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE I WAS RECOVERING FROM A VERY SERIOUS DRUNK DRIVER HIT AND RUN I KNEW MY SONS WERE GOING TO BE PREEMIES I HAD NO FINANCIAL WAY TO CARE FOR MY SONS SO I GAVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTION I HAVE BEEN HAILED AS A HERO FOR DOING JUST THAT AT LEAST MY SONS WERE NOT ABUSED

@@celtictarotreadings333 Very sad but very true when I first saw Toby I thought he may have some form of Autism.

It's a terrible thing to know and understand that, before women even had the most basic of human rights, this was pretty much most every marriage in the past. Controlling, a busive and completely in favour of the father no matter how evil he might have been. No matter what the woman said or showed in an effort for help, she would be made a laughing stock and that it was simply her duty to take it.

@@fawnieee Very 😞 sad in deed.

@@fawnieeeThe saying rule of the thumb came from years ago , men were allowed to hit a woman with a cane no wider than his thumb

Massive overgrown toddler …

Also note at 39:18 Tony pushes his dad away from him.

I agree

Wonderfully caught.. I often stand with my jaw dropping.. Forgetting that these "parents" may well have had no stability or loving environment themselves as kids. I know some elements of my childhood seeped into my parenting now and again.. I caught them and tried to rectify them where I did/could.. I hope.. but I'm sure the ability to do that varies from person to person.

He did that on purpose because he knew it was cause the child to do excatly what he did so he could then say "he will be like this all night now"

@@nadia-tp1xv yes, very manipulative behaviour. Episode 2 I’m watching now & it’s just as sad.

@@pjg_77 yep and ep three isn't sad as much as angering.

He’s disgusting it actually makes my heart hurt for that poor boy and what he’s been through in the years he was with that so called father

@@lucyhope5069 yep what got me was "I don't brush my teeth so why should he brush his" vile vile man, but at the same time I think the dad is a product of his own environment that's how he was raised so he sees nothing wrong with it.

RIGHT? The leap in his behaviour between the first visit and he one on one with his dad.

I’m the bio child of foster carers, and for one of our kids, he was assessed as having a severe global developmental delay (such as Toby) yet when he stopped seeing his bio mother 3 times a week, he developed leaps and bounds, and is now naturally several years forward, presence of abusive parents is far more damaging than people realising, and that was just contact for an hour at a time.

Tobi’s mind was in the same chaos as his surroundings and his father’s inability to be a father.

@@LukeLjJames you don't sound too good your self, not disputing that children should always come first. You are very ignorant to call every parent who needs support from SS as low life's and scum bags. You absolutely no nothing about other people and their circumstances! I had to have support short term after I had had my son because of health issues. Things worked out very successfully and my son is now graduated from uni, we both have a very close relationship and I lead my own life! Not every case with children with SS is to do with abuse, get your fact rights and stop being so prejudiced and uneducated! Some parents may need additional help for housing, it could be health it could be accessing the correct disability benefits for a child with special needs! It is NOT always a case of abuse and its people like you that that are actually very abusive with your accusations and false information, that pretty much makes you a low life!

@@LukeLjJames what an intelligent reply. I can see lots of thought went into that. Well done 👍

@@LukeLjJames well well done you. Not many men can say that. And I hope you both go on to have a great life. And your right it’s never ending. But the scum bags comment was totally uncalled for. She gave her kids up in the end FOR THEM. You could see she was controlled by that man. Best thing he did was leave her. Yes the boy was very neglected but some people just ‘cant’ they don’t know how. You clearly have been lucky enough to have seen your son as a blessing. Some people sink. I don’t feel sorry for the dad he was arrogant and selfish. But I think the mum with the right help and support could have made a good mum?

the ending broke me 😭 she tried so hard and obviously loved her babies. she just needed support and showing how to be a mum. I really hope she's doing well now.

Toby crying heartbreaking. To go to nursery. Leaving his mum and dad. He hadn't even seen his mum properly.

Tiffany shouldnt have been allowed to breed. Neither should mike.

Best reply on here, my thoughts exactly 👏

No, he wasn't. I'm actually not certain everything's ok with dads development either. Sad. Just sad. Mom made the right decision here.

There are an unbelievable amount of fathers that are like this and it's not talked about enough in society. It really is time for men to be held accountable as a parent the same way women are :/

yeah that scene kind of stood out to me as to how his father seems to have an intellectual disability thats never really been supported

I think if more people were able to analyse their own will and capabilities when it came to parenthood, there wouldn't be so many unwanted, uncared for and downright abused children who (may) turn into dysfunctional adults and problematic members of society (like Mike). It's admirable for one to admit that they didn't have children because they felt they were not able to or did not want to parent children.

Thank you for your comment. That is a good observation. Currently in my Health and Social Care course, I have been learning about Lifespan and Development. We have covered many theories regarding children's social, intellectual, physical and emotional development. Intellectual development is crucial for Toby, and realistically by the age of around 3 years old he should be able to make simple sentences to express his needs, e.g 'I want drink'. at his age, 4, he should be able to make clear sentences that can be understood, even if the grammar isn't quite correct, e.g 'we met lots of peoples at the shop today'. Many theories all seem to agree that by 4, this should be the bare minimum, that a child should be able to communicate at a basic level. Although it is said in this episode that both parents weren't able to speak until around six years old, with the paediatrician suggesting that is the reason Toby might be struggling, I think that because the parents were so disengaged with his development, Toby had suffered as a result. This would then lead us to John Bowlby's attachment theory, where a new born forms an attachment to a primary care giver, often the mother. Attachment to a primary care giver is an essential factor in the child's development as a person, it quite literally dictates the rest of their lives. What I think happened is that the mother and father didn't quite know how to raise a child, which lead to them indirectly causing neglect, and possible emotional abuse as a consequence. They had mentioned earlier in the episode that they hadn't had a great upbringing, and were using their parent's parenting skills to raise Toby. I feel that if adequate support had been given to both the parents when Toby was born, and not four years later!, that they would have been able to properly form a more suitable attachment to Toby, which would have most definitely helped with Toby's intellectual development, because as you said, when Toby and his father were at the contact centre, the communication wasn't that great, also mentioned by the child psychologist. I assume that this also meant that communication between Toby and the parents was also quite minimal when at home. I think that the government need to give much more support to new parents, because I believe many people can be good parents, if they are given appropriate support and education, as raising a child is no doubt a very tough job, not exactly a walk in the park.

Yes probably had an effect but maybe the boy just had slow learning, I am not being rude but his dad didnt seem that smart an not very well spoken, so maybe its genetic too, I think they maybe did the wrong thing taking the boy away at 4 years old, thats far more traumatic probably then living in some messy house and with not very engaging chatty parents, His mum seemed to give him affection and I think social services should have maybe said to get rid of the dogs , not get rid of the boy who will probably never find a adopter now hes too old an has problems sigh

@@randommess6667 The issues were more than mess though. The boy didn't even has a bed!! There was mention of not brushing his teeth too, and he dad just didn't seem aware of his needs when he packed the overnight bag after mum got sick. The lack of engagement was so serious, it was emotional neglect, and the parents were also physically neglecting him, as well as failing to provide for his basic needs by not having so much as a mattress for their child. Given what was shown, I think it was right for the child to be removed from their care - the longer be stayed the worse it would have become. Poor lad. He was doing better in foster care too bless him.

@@WindInMyWings I know an it seems really bad to not have a bed and not brush his teeth , But maybe the child was fine sleeping without a bed, I have friend who sleeps on the floor every night lol his choice though, and my son has fallen asleep on the floor in the daytime so I suppose it cant have been that uncomfortable , So what im meaning to say is that I still dont think that is a terrible enough thing or more terrible then being taken from ur parents, the child ended up with a bed in the end, And teeth brushing sure it could be bad but how many kids need teeth removing because of parents giving theyre child alot of sweet drinks and chocolate, They dont get removed from theyre parents, It is a bad decision not to make the child do the teeth but it looked like they had started to do it after being told to, I dont agree its ok not to make your child do teeth but I know some people who didnt make theyre child because it was hard work as children dont always like it, I had to fight with my son to make him and some ppl would tell me I was cruel to do what I did, I am just saying people are different and sometmes dont always do right thing, But if they loved him whch the mum did seem to then it seem harsh to take him away from them when theres no guarentee he will find better parents or any parents

@@randommess6667 he had no bed.... no toothbrush.... there were dog faeces everywere.... they were told conditions need to improve three times..and they did absolutelynothing to fix it... and to top it off she gets pregnant again.... nah these parents were outright neglectful in every sense

😹 Underrated comment

That bothered me! He restrained his own child the poor baby is probably so confused as frustrated and sad! 😭

It's actually very common for families with sen children to have a social worker. The key for success is getting a good one which unfortunately, a lot of families struggle with.

I'm so glad ours is fantastic, she's pushing our housing association for extra help with our situation just now too. I have three autistic kids, only, when the younger one was diagnosed, I was never offered any extra help or advice, it was a case of "your son has autism, now get out of my office" and I just had to cope with it, I wish we were able to roll the clock back because I would fight to get every ounce of help possible but I can't and to be honest, my boy has grown into a really fantastic young man, he's 21 now and he's so adorable

@@Rhiannonganon So, in other words, you had THREE autistic kids with no husband and expect the public to pay for you for the rest of your life. I think that sums it up.

You’re lucky. I have an autistic child and asked the social for help. I got nothing.

I've got a social worker recently as I have severe mental health problems. There's a terrible stigma around why people have a social worker. I feel I have been seen differently since admitting I have one.

Damned if you do, Damned if you don’t

@HVACRWrld A good example of a social worker is Annie, In episode two. I’ll grab a link

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/griflbynkreYo5c.html

@@xkyleprivatex815 yes I watched that one too. She’s a very kind and compassionate lady ❤️

Stfu they steal children at schools . They get money to bother happy families

I agree 100000%!!! 💔💔💔

What got me was that from what this showed is the dad spent most of it in silence barely able to do much more then mong out at the toys instead of talking to his son or even just narrating what his son’s doing

@@leeshravioli6643 very sad, clearly generational neglect has been at play but we’re in the best time ever to understand generational failing and try to break those behaviours. You don’t have to be Einstein to meet your child’s emotional and physical needs. It just takes TIME and ATTENTION. I admire the mother for her sacrifice, she understood in the end

I’m sorry but I’m what way is Tiffany a good mother? If she was a good mother she would have gotten her child everything he needs.

Did we watch the same programme? Tiffany and the scum she's with are absolute lazy, fat neglectful slobs, he's 3 years of age and can't say a single word, she has never held that baby and done what all normal parents do and mouth words enthusiastically for the baby to watch and pick up on, dog faeces can cause a child to go blind and contract digestive parasites....good mother!? No. Sorry.

No way is she a good mother. She threw her children away and you're saying she is a good mother because she didn't continue to neglect them? She should be in prison.

I dont think she was a good mother but think she wanted to be a good mother just sadly she didnt have the ability I guess because she was depressed and other reasons too probably

She didn’t look after her kids and didn’t even try when they social workers were telling them what to do. She also actively lied multiple times about how much she was doing. As soon as Mike left, she decided she would give the kids up, so if they hadn’t split, she would have kept them. To me, that means ‘I wanted the man, not the kids.’ A good mother? I don’t think so.

Or clean up after a dog or cat😢

There is a saying, that an alcoholic with two kids has one who went on to be an alcoholic and one who swore never to drink. Ask the alcoholic sibling why they have this addiction, they say "I watched my parent". Ask the sober sibling why they never tried alcohol, they say "I watched my parent". I had a bad childhood too so I can relate to you, we are breaking the cycle. I hope you and your child have a wonderful future, and you get to heal ✨️

Yep and there are some people who had amazing parents but turn out to be crap ones.

I agree, we are not just brought up by our parent but by communities that forms a society. Therefore, we have many influences and our choices do not necessarily have to be narrowed.

Good on you!

This isn’t a worrying sign, you see it a lot when children are picked up from nursery. One moment they’re happily playing with a toy next moment they see a parent they burst out crying. It’s a kind of relief, they’re back with the person who makes them feel the most safe and happiest again.

Also worrying how he fell asleep so easily with them, shows he felt safe. It happens when abused children go to school too, they fall asleep.

You really only see what you want to see.. Not defending the parents in any way, but at that particular moment he was reaching for his parents, in particular his dad (both before and after his mom got him).

Totally agree with you

Would you want to adopt a child of theirs. Not me

The mum sounded very tired & broken the main cause her partner.

I dont understand why you feel sorry for her shes the mum whos suppose to protect comfort her little boy shes as bad as him if not worse she wasnt that tired she fell pregnant again no excuse we all have a bad past

Yes my thoughts too

Umm it takes much more than just 40 hours of "obsevation" to diagnose autism...you should know that...🤯

@@shaunanacole sorry that wasnt the clearest way for me to say that. I was surprised it wasnt even brought up as something to further look into, at least as far as we see in this doc. Although I will say my goddaughter was recently diagnosed and that was at best 2 hours observation, not that I would advocate for this quick a process just bringing it up to highlight that diagnosis isn't very standardized. I was just expressing surprise but I could see how it could be read as attacking or criticizing that professional and that wouldn't be useful or fair, the problems with autism diagnosis is beyond a single persons fault

I'm glad you mentioned this. I've watched quite a few documentaries like this and mental health issues, autism spectrum and learning disabilities among parents, but dads especially, always seems like the elephant in the room no one mentions less alone addresses

Non verbal doesn't neccessarily equal, on the spectrum. Dad, and mum for that matter, where obviously cognitively impaired. I did not see autism though. You need to speak and interact with a child, in order for then to speak and interact. You could see on the supervised visit, dad never spoke or interacted. They might be, I'm not sure. I'm very sure that wasn't what was the issue in this case.

How do they break the cycle? They accept the help 🤷‍♀️ it’s not that hard if it’s being handed to them.

To be taught about DV in highschool..and contraception..and teachers at High schools seeing who is at high risk of not being able to cope being parents bc of these factors.

probs drug/alcohol abuse, maybe a chromosome issue. his facial structure is odd.

I’ve just watched the end, Tiffany you’ve proved yourself to be a great mother by putting your children first. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that was for you. ❤

😢was he charged on DV offences ? Poor women...runnnn

I feel he's possibly on the spectrum, I doubtt mum or dad have any sincere knowledge or understanding of autism

However her son prefers his dad far more than her and actually behaves as though he actively dislikes her which is extremely concerning as that means he's the stable consistent parent and he's volitile.

Neither of them are capable or suitable parents! Seriously.

@@starlightzebra1997 well maybe it’s not because he dislikes her Maybe he is imitating the way his dad is towards her

Sad she had to give up her kids But it was the right thing to do. Time 6:54AM Wed 11/8/21

I think the same

😢😢😢they should of been placed together

​@@kellyalexander7347they couldnt bc the boy needed probably one on one...and whilst he was getting his needs met the Lil girl also needed peace and stability..

​@@kelliephilipoom6198 🥱😴🙄 What a boring and inaccurate comment.

If she loved them, she would have gotten Toby a bed. She would have gotten him help before these social services got involved. She loved Mike and the drama. Not the kids.

Honestly, I don’t think ‘privilege’ is the right way to describe it. It’s a consequence, and a responsibility which needs to be upheld

Good and true about phlegm 😂

To you it is a privilege to those that can barely function in day to day lives themselves it's a cycle of neglect. It's not a privilege. It's a biological need. That's all it is. That's why people who are not equipped to be parents breed.

What really a good mum she is as bad as mike she had every chance to get it together clean that dump get a grip

Right? Bleeding from running into a laptop? That’s a bold face lie he’s horrid.

Prob an unhealthy lifestyle

The cause..pathological liar

Certainly in the UK people only want to adopt babies as you say to start from scratch. Also babies are cute, and are less hard work than a special needs child. No one really wants to adopt a child with Toby’s issues , and teenagers, well forget it !! I fear Toby will grow up in the care system and face god only knows what. I speak from experience. My friends waited 9 years to wait to adopt because they wanted a baby. They turned down many young children with disabilities

I would hesitate to adopt a child of theirs because of his genetics from them

@@judithryle2113yes, that is the risk isn’t it ? 😢

Yes - the mum seems to have had a terrible maybe abusive upbringing - but has an awareness of how much her son needs her. The dad is little more than a child himself - his ranting self-righteousness is all rooted in fear. I bet he had a horrendous upbringing.

She’s not an amazing mum. Toby is neglected. Whether her heart is in the right place or not she’s not capable of being a parent. She did the right thing by giving him up.

You do realise Mike the father is probably autistic and suffering himself. Listening to him talk you can see there is something up. He is the product of the system not giving à shit about mental health. He's clearly not all there as they say.

She is not amazing she is neglecting her child she did the best thing to give them up she should have left him when the boy was a baby then had a chance to parent him with support

I feel like any mum, would at minimum try to make things better...cleaning the house doesn't seem like a huge ask, something she failed to do.

Huh??? He bawled

He’s an adult, Toby is a child. No excuses.

Yes, this would be a good case study for the Bandura Social Learning theory, where children copy the actions that they witness happen in the family home by their parents. Toby throwing things at people is probably due to him seeing his father act out in violence at home..

And the way she says “the more better care they need” the woman can’t even speak properly let alone look after kids. Why these people even breed is beyond me. So evil of them in the first place

I used to date the twat and before I had found out about this video,and I had asked that twat of a father if he had children and he answered no. Basically he made it like that they didn't exist at all. As I know him ,I know of how to find him and know his Facebook page and Tik Tok videos,there has been no mention of him being a dad at all. As some parents would share, their love for their children,by mentioning them. With Mike the only thing that he had ever mentioned about is his love for sports. He doesn't love his children,he just loves himself.

The poor me stories..

there is a thread about this. people think that she was talking about the father.

@@xkyleprivatex815 She was talking about the father, she used the pronoun 'He' and he is the only male in the room

she says "you've been" I listened to it with and without subtitles and that's what was said. I completely agree with you, I'm disgusted by that.

@@natalietylerrobinson okay zoomer lol

@@xkyleprivatex815 err ok then dinosaur

I was thinking that too. Children learn from watching the parents etcs. Toby must be so frustrated

I know, I was shocked to read they’d only get letters. ):

@@jessicawatson7360 in the US, they wouldn’t even need to get letters. Unless there was an adoption agreement.

She shouldn’t have contact- it’s too confusing for the children. This way they’ll have a chance of a normal, stable upbringing

Real glad you aren't the one making these important decisions, do you have any higher education? Even a basic psychology class? You would understand how badly it would go, how poorly adjusted the child would be, the interference in bonding with new parents it would cause to have the original parent in the mix while a child, especially a young one, is trying to bond and adjust with a new family/parent, if you don't have children, great! If you do, breed no more unless you take a serious amount of adult education classes to enrich your knowledge of parenting and early childhood development

​@@bethewalt7385it's not about education classes. Do your research on adoptee trauma. They need contact with their biological families. Listen to the adoptee's voices. ❤

I dont believe him...its his way of gaslighting them to say.".none of this is my fault, I didnt speak til 6 yo "..he probably did until 4 or so🤔bc of perhaps same neglect of developmental needs himself. BUT This is now not then..he didnt register that his son has human rights to be given the help he didnt receive. Its not about the dad at that moment its about getting that child out of harms way...and then onto the other details..

Without Mike in the picture and with some help she might have managed to keep her children. How sad.

She’s great I worked with her once.

I agree, I like this manager approach to this case

@@cocokitten2252 35 minutes in does she say "you've been very unhelpful to that child?" Very cruel thing to say to a NQSW

@@kimberleygreen6518 I was wondering if I picked that up correctly. I’d have been so stressed out if my manager said that to me like that

@@kimberleygreen6518I thought she said it about dad?

The dad has probably needed help throughout his life and not got it. Mental health for autism is just not there .

You can clearly see that Toby wants to be with his dad

I don't think that's what happened???

@@schmauftenI thought she said that the new social worker wasn’t being any help to the child. I was a bit surprised at that

I never actually picked up on that. I definitely think they did the right thing by taking this little boy away from that home. He was never going to thrive there.

No its not stupid women flat head can effect any child the way they lie don't mean they left him

He was going to die there. Thank goodness Toby's sister never had to be in that house. I am glad Tiffany left Michael. Something was wrong with Mike ​@@ambermcivor1456

wtfffff

@@roxxi789 know so much about the scumbag and said to him that it's was his own fault for losing his children. I have found some videos of him online, and he happily engaged to a woman,when he told me that he was single. I ended things with him back last July and found out that he was someone else behind my back before July He is nothing but a scumbag. When I have given him shit about how he treats people,and he is a woman beater. He didn't want to know me anymore, as I didn't want anything to do with him. So I have blocked him again. Good riddance to bad rubbish

Mike…take this “L” 🤡

If the mother's love could have been enough, I can't imagine her pain, she's a good mum because she made a very difficult painful decision and put their needs above her own. She truly is a caring mum.

It seems to be a shared sentiment across the country. I was looking into an apprenticeship to get a degree in social work but it seems such an unappreciated, underfunded role highly prone to burnout that I'm having second thoughts.

@@zrzmtz93 I'm training to be a social worker too

I do feel sympathy for the profession in general. They can’t do right for doing wrong. No one wants to take a child from their parents unless it’s absolutely necessary. The general paranoia from some individuals who engage with social services is laughable in some cases.

She….was neglecting her little boy. She lied about his care. What part of that is brave?