Ok

You video is amazing , because there cute ❤️

the avoider. its pretty complicated, one of my parents is an absolute shitbag while the other is the best parent ever. they separated recently, and the good parent has custody, so maybe eventually i wont be an avoider anymore

Your the best youtuber how do u make a video about my problem every single time.....

Thank you for making this insightful video! 👏

wish my biological father could read this

Great quote and true.

@@kraz3034 same its tough

😢

cope and pasta

I agree and disagree. I didn't know i had some issues until i became a parent. I have been working on breaking cycles and learning to show emotion. I didn't grow up in a home where we hugged or said i love you to each other, being sensitive was viewed as being weak. I feel like i will always be a work in progress.

@@stacyparraguirre9855 i kinda get your view, i think at some point being human will always feel like a work in progress

Oh one can dream I am glad my mom decided to go to a councilor as I was growing a few Mark's from a changing mold

everyone should go to therapy

That sounds lame. Therapy takes years. Passion can die quick like that

Please, just be circumspect. I lost the love of my life to something like this trait. We were together for 6 years and engaged for 3. We tried to build a life together, but life never seemed to let up. I only ever wanted to see her smile, to hear her laugh, and all the while I was falling into a pit of utter misery and self-loathing for my inadequacy. I lost confidence in my appearance when the anxieties of life eventually caused me to develop severe eczema over nearly all of my body. I found myself disgusting, I was in constant pain and discomfort, and hence we lost our intimacy. I couldn't work much due to it and my complete lack of motivation, which only made me think I was more of a failure. I tried to do everything I could for her, to salve her worries and cook her food, do all the little things and make her comfortable, and yet... slowly, the love that was born and cemented in the space of a single day dwindled and died, until we were basically nothing more than roommates. We argued more and more and loved less and less. One day, when I finally thought things might be looking up, she asked me with tears in her eyes if I would sleep in the spare room. That was it. I was blindsided, and I don't know why in retrospect. I couldn't see the wood for the trees. It'll be three years since then this year, and I don't believe I'll ever love again, because every time I try all I can think of is the time I lost my heart and soul to the vagaries of my own mind. It's been so long and it still chokes me up to think of it all. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a chance. Take care of what you need. You cannot help anyone else if you are yourself dying in whatever way. Don't give up on yourself, and remember, there is always hope. That's all the advice of any worth I can offer. I wish you all the luck and all the happiness in the world.

Damn, that must’ve been so tough for you. You’re honestly incredible, despite what you’ve done to yourself. I wish you the best in life, cause there’s still way to go

I so relate!

Am truly sorry to hear that my friend one thing am gonna say don't give up no matter how many mistakes and even if they are so hard to forget just get over them and find a new girl who loves you and that's the important thing considering the time you lost ​@@ZoopsMind

I relate too,and the part where you said where you will sort out your problems later is especially true. I dont date,but i try to make things better for friends. I would get myself in trouble just to help out my friend even a little,and i wont do that for myself. I know if i get in trouble i can get myself out of it. But then i wonder if my friends are actually friends? Are they just friends because they get things out of me? I will never know

The weird thing is I somehow get past it or just emotionally detach myself from these memories from childhood, because when I think about them it brings all the pain and negativity back. It makes me push everyone away even though all things are better now that im a young adult. The best thing I can advise to anyone in the same situation is to just let go of the past, make realistic long/short term goals and make it happen. Productivity is a depression killer, But stagnation just keeps the dark cloud floating over you.

@@justincassels5595 pain

Yeah thats me.. if I want to have kisses hugs and I love you's I will have to say it first or do it first..

Istg, some people just say "why are you so rude? You can't give me an hug? It's easy" For me, give an hug is one of the hardest things I can do, and the worst part is that once a friend of mine was crying so I hugged her but she just pushed me away, I'm not blaming her because that was a hard moment for her, but since that day I never hugged again

I’m just not affectionate in general, maybe my family was affectionate but I’m not

We have this video: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/qqqTqdl5yrHdpas.html

I'll sign on to that.

Omg yes please, let's start a global petition on this! :D

word!!!

dear kids, start understanding your parents instead of thinking that the world revolves around you. It goes both ways honestly

Same

Jesus loves you

I don't know what you've been through, but I hope things get better for you and that you can feel at peace

This hits so hard

I am not sure I believe this it is hard to recover but it is not impossible I mean there are residual things left we will not be perfect as we were before but none of us will leave this world without hurt or pain...

what you tell yourself becomes reality

@@cassandercameron888 I honestly think you don't ever recover. You sort of just work around it and sometimes find patches for it. But it is still sort of there

I guess that is true as much as I have worked on myself my mind goes to dark places quite often... even when the darkness is not there anymore

It really does... i still have some bad childhood memories that affects my life

@@greenstar5800 there with ya but we got this

Cause it’s when your brain develops the most …

It isnt that crazy but ok

It's almost like when they say childhood is the formative years of your life they aren't lying

That first sentence is ironic.

This looks like an odd but very possible combination of 2 types

Neighbor out of control day and night loud yelling cursing drugs abusive nasty attitude traffic of people even the old parent is always complaining of things no one has a problem with lies very very aggressive don’t have no type of structure such a unhappy life it’s been a surprise to see how people never say I love you never say any loving caring gestures JUST ALL NEGATIVE LIFE STYLE

thanks for info

this is a 100% me, I even don't come along with people who don't show there expressions openly bc I'm always worried that I'm doing something wrong or I'm a burden to them..

I started crying when I heard that… my mom was loving and caring but she was extremely unstable. She had bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety and often took things out on me verbally and physically. So I look at my relationship today and I notice I do everything in my power to make sure my girl is good, she’s happy, she has everything she needs. I will sacrifice my wants and needs for hers and her sons and sometimes I just feel lost.. I feel I’m just going with the flow to avoid these things and avoid conflict cause to her I’m being sensitive or emotional, same shit my moms would tell me.

I totally get you. I think I'm a combination of 2 and 4

@@gfc_wd0129 I'm really sorry. I wish you could be yourself and not have to worry about all of that. 😔 I also have a lot of the problems your mother has I hope to never take it out on my children because that's what my mother did as well.

It really did though

Me to.

“There won’t be a next time” is also a gut puncher

That hit way to close to home

Me too :'(

Wait that's illegal- and i felt that so bad

That hit hard

@@justasimpleguy172 same

For me it was "don't disgrace the family name," "always be on your best behavior," "don't embarrass us" etc... But I just realized it was all to make *them* feel better so they could fit in more and not stand out which is a kind of childhood oppression.

Idk it sounds weird that I can relate to all of them except for the controling one

Thx

Hello there, time traveler

4 days ago🤐🤯

First

Thanks for putting this together!

I'm a combo of avoider and victim

Yep... pleaser/victim.

Also also... discovering is one thing, but discovery is not definition. You are not defined by your love style(s). We learn these things so we can find balance.

@@uncoeur yup yup. You have to find the source of these behaviors and confront them. Trust I’ve been doing it and I can say, my relationships with people as improve but more importantly, the relationship with myself is strengthened. Self love is important. So what I’ve taught my partner and my friends and (hopefully my family if they weren’t stubborn lol) is find that source of your trauma, then find your love languages, and From there you use those love language (everyone has them. It’s key to how people socialize), use them on yourself. When you do that, I promise you things should get easier. The answers are inside us. So I would say to myself: Learn how to treat myself first so that I know what to do and not to do to others from now on. I hope this helps someone in need. 🙏🏾🧿

@@uncoeur same for me... you're not alone 😭

I agree. When youre treated bad, you remember how you felt. So you treat others around you good and kindly so they wont feel the way you did.

some of the stuff you do are things you do unconsciously, yea if you’re abused you won’t want to pass that on to other people but if you were taught love in a way that was manipulative and didn’t know it, you could be emotionally abusive to someone without realizing it

It's where I'm at but there's a lot of flaws you develop and don't even know it. Lots of things you have to fight when you realize the things they gave you to make a healthy realationship

@@whimsygirl333 yes, so true, I see this happening everywhere. It's like the saying hurt people hurt people. 😞

@@obrandondonaldson1208 exactly

Most people probably don't

No human could be a perfect parent. That is the reality. We can try but we will fail at one thing or a few hundred. There is only - try. Try to do our best. Every parent is a struggling human too with their own issues from their own childhood and life.

@@niwtru right, but that’s really no excuse to pass on the pain unto generation after generation, and what’s worse is parents like this really ever accept that they weren’t really good parents. The child didn’t ask to be in that position hence why people should first see if they are really ready to have kids and be parents not just go off of how they feel. People can heal first before having children.

@@niwtru But all people could be a better person than they are, Obviously we are not perfect, in fact there will always be dysfunctional families and traumatized children, but that doesn't have to stop you from thinking and healing before doing something wrong to your child. What this channel and many people in many ways are trying to do is to make people understand how the choises that you make as a parent have consequences and how to prevent them, and that isn't useless.

@@niwtru I guess you're right

Oh shut up man.

@@spork5528 someone's hurt 🙄

@@psychologicalFudge damn straight.

True. I'm like a mix of the vasilator, the pleaser, and the victim...

Thanks for this! 😊

yup. nothings has changed. i still feel the same as a kid, just different circumstances now :(

Same

I tried to relate myself to every other love style and was waiting for a “chaotic home” comment. But it didn’t happen until victim which is probably the one I most didn’t wanna be but it’s true

@@creamofthecrop5868 i wish i became strong from it rather then depressed

Same

I always loved growing up having to hear about how terrible my grandmother treated my mother. Always criticizing her weight, to dismissing everything she always liked or ever wanted to be. Apparently my mother never picked up on the fact that she did the same thing to her children except her favorite as well. Parents never have any idea what impact they have on their children's lives and how much damage they do. I haven't spoken to my mother in 13 years, and only because I told her that if she wanted to talk, she could pick up the phone and call sometimes. Sometimes all kids want to know is that someone cares.

This is so true. When i was very little my mum would hold a baby doll and say something like "I have a new baby now..." I'd cry every time and they'd find it funny. It was just a small joke but I still remember it, and have abandonment issues now. And let's just say I didn't handle it very well when my little sister was born lol.

I hate when parents say “they’ll forget” no they won’t and they will hold resentment. You may think “oh he’s/she is 5 they won’t remember this argument.” Oh they will, more than any other memory from when they were 5 or any other age and it will affect them when they grow up

The axe forgets, but the tree remembers

Most important learning time and programming of the subconscious mind

I understand the last part of this, as someone who put up a happy front so everyone else could be happy (cause my mom was the same way).

@@bubblegumbishonen honestly I've never met someone (online or irl) who's gone through the same thing as me. I always felt like it's a very unique experience, but it is comforting to know I'm not alone in this. I hope you and your mom are both okay, you're so strong to make everyone else happy but know your feelings are also valid and you have to feel them!

@@midnightfandoms8960 Hey no same to you too!! She's a lot better now, but it was rough back when. I'm still a people-pleaser though sadly. Like it's hard for me to even have to leave my job now bc of how much worse my departure is going to make it for my coworkers. I feel really guilty, but I have no other choice but to leave now to keep my sanity.

@@bubblegumbishonen I’m glad to hear she’s better! And yeah I can understand where you’re coming from, but you have to focus on you! Nothing wrong with wanting to make other people happy, but you gotta look after yourself y’know? I’m still learning too but we’ll be okay 😊

@@midnightfandoms8960 Heehee indeed we shall! Thank you :)

I feel that I am much the same. My parents are always arguing and shouting at each other or my brother and I just want to either run away or hide. They also always have tried to pressure me to be a farmer and a Christian, so when I finally told them I wanted to be a tattoo artist and practice Wicca, they were less than supportive, especially of my new practice so I have ended up pretending to be Christian while studying Wicca in secret.

Lately for me, it’s getting pretty chaotic for my family and everyone is on edge. It’s not like I’m afraid of conflict or arguing, it’s more of the fact that I find it pointless and a waste of time and energy. It just gets tiring to avoid conflict all together and it eventually catches up to me and what usually happens is that when I’m in a grumpy mood, everyone else is happy. And whenever I’m in a really good mood, everyone else gets angry over the tiniest damn things.

Same, I'm the oldest of 5 and when we were children, our parents used to fight a lot, my father used to come drunk and fight with my mother, nothing physical but shouting matches were enough, I used to hold my little brothers while we cried on the other room wishing to be somewhere else, now at 30 I can't stand conflict, just to thought of maybe getting confrontational with anyone scares me and I just avoid it at all cost

I get what u mean my whole life my parents guilt trip me for everything I ever did and my "friends" said im such a people pleaser like girl u seam to like me more that way

I can relate. Just know we can all improve and heal God bless this was super informative

What if…you’re all of them..

@@annaa8839 this distinction is more of a reference, I think. You can be a combination of any of those personalities, our psyche is a difficult thing sometimes.

Im the pleaser but i had a total victims childhood

All of them

I have All of them, that's pretty concerning

Same... Definitely a Victim playing Pleaser to avoid and getting hurt alone. I guess some thing never change..

Being blamed for everything is abuse? I already knew my parents were rarely nice to me but I didn't know some of their behaviour counts as abuse

:'(

This hit home

Mhmm. I used to have a motto in high school and early adulthood. "I want to make everyone happy, no matter what happens to me." That, and every time I was asked out, unless I was already in a relationship, I couldn't bring myself to say no. Like I would feel bad if I possibly hurt someone's feelings with rejection, so I would give everyone a chance even if I knew I didn't like them beyond friendship. Because of that, I was often called "boy crazy" and slut shamed. And even later on, I apologized to a (now ex)-friend because they were upset that I didn't settle down and left my rapist. It was a horrible cycle of being mistreated and then constantly taking responsibility for other people's actions and putting my happiness and safety aside to make sure everyone else was satisfied. And of course, because the world is so full of people and everyone has their own morals, likes, dislikes, etc., it became impossible to keep up with what everyone wanted, and I would lose friends and have people get mad with me anyways. I quite literally shut down and isolated myself from society because I couldn't handle being used anymore. It was like no matter how much of myself I gave away, it was never enough. I wasn't enough. And I learned slowly in my isolation how unfair it was. That nobody deserves to be abused and treated that way. Unfortunately though, now that I've reworked my priorities and gained self-worth and set high standards for human connection, along with Covid, I've found that I've been isolated for entirely way too long and don't know how to look for the right people. I barely got any friends and don't know how to human. Guess all I can do is try and hope. I'll figure it out eventually. 😂

😂😂😂😂

🤣

LMAO-

I laughed so hard, my sides hurt LOL

LMAO

You can get rid of your baggage.

@@shoestring9964 some can sure. Some scenarios you cannot. Some you can ease or control. They do not "go away" you can work at them- like anything else. For me specifically, it's a very long road until that point. ❤ the fact you commented on this and watched this means you are also struggling and I hope that your journey for peace is fast and fulfilling have a wonderful day!

We all somehow effected by family in the past that made us who we are today. It effects the way we act, think and how we raise kids. It's hard to let these negative things we had as a kid go and actually, as the matter of fact, you shouldn't. You should embrace them instead, learn from them, take what's right and discard what's wrong. With what we learned, it's not only for a kid we raise to have a healthy life but also for bringing peace to us addult. Of course, I'm not saying you have to have kids, I'm in no place to tell you what to do. I just want to say there is more than 1 way to end the cycle. It doesn't have to be your own kids you give birth to, it can be any kid that need a healthier life so they won't suffer undeservely what we had to

The fact that you know what you could do and are aware of it shows you know what to do now. You can change it because you are aware of it

Shelby, I’m not going to try and change your mind- but you might find someone that’s absolutely wonderful and would make an amazing parent. Marriage is a team thing, there’s still some hope!😊

Same for me, no matter how much I did, my parents were never happy. They always compared to me to other kids always pointing out my failures.

I am a pleaser too... Do you guys constantly feel insecure due to that ? Did you try to change or did you stick to that behavior ? Thank you.

'Pleaser' just need to find his 'victim' and live in harmony.

@@arena.f Hey! Now that I clearly now the reason of my insecurity I am trying to change it. Whenever (almost everything) I feel insecure oor I am not good enough to pull this up, I tell myself and so it anyways with that fast beating heart😂. Tbh I am noticing change in my behaviour already.

*know

Nobody is perfect. There are are only healthier and less healthy parent-child relationships.

I will be the one to say I had loving and supportive parents. Not saying they're flawless but i do feel happy to know they are great emotional supporting parents. Despite that I still am the pleaser type

I have very loving and selfless parents, but they don’t meet all my needs or spoil me. Thanks to my parents, I’m able to grow up healthily in both physical and mental ways

There are good parents and there's also bad kids.

Perhaps the environment where you grew up told you that.

Indeed

There is a school of thought that we spend our adult lives more or less replacing our parents in relationships... If you can get over the "icky part" of the discussion, basically, the thinking is that young women are generally more attracted to men who remind them somehow of their fathers, and young men are generally more attracted to women who remind them of their mothers... I'm not sure entirely on the validity of the thinking, but the existence of such trends is arguable, making it at least worth note. There's likely quite a lot about our formative years (before age 8 or 10 even) that determines a LOT of our adult decision-making paradigms... one way or another. ;o)

@@gnarthdarkanen7464 sounds a bit like Freudian ideas. He's not considered well in psychology these days but I think a lot of the later work by Ainsworth and others draw on that idea that your formative years influence a lot of your life. So I'm sure there's at least some grain of truth in that idea. (I have a psych degree i love discussing these things haha)

Yep! Haven't met someone where it hasn't been accurate.

Depends tho which also includes mental issues and my family has anger issues which is very difficult to put things back together

Aww I hope you feel comfort and solidarity in that other people relate to you💜 also I love your Lil hamtaro pfp

Right the panels so sad :( all I hope you're doing alright

@@SageAvalon uwu thank you!..i do feel good in this comment section haha

@@iluvu6619 i am!!

Dw I cried over a comic too it's alright to cry

I agree so much with this.

Same 😕. How did you get 44 likes in 4 hours though on a/an old video?

Me too!!

Same

No, that's just you being a narcissist convincing yourself you do it for others but really it's to get glorified and revered by the ones around you as their savior of some sort.

@@gvs6462 no there is people who are genuinely not narcissists and still do this stuff

Same for me. Being the oldest I was always the mediator for conflicts between my parents and siblings. I always try to make everyone else happy because I hope someday someone will do that for me.

And everyone you can help says 'Your girlfriend/boyfriend must be so happy to have you' but for me it feels like noone wants to have a pleaser as partner.. So i hate to always be the nice guy..

@@interceptor5645 Same for me. I always get friendzoned :( I am also an introvert 😅

@@aloneagainst8052 Me too ☹

@@setjprechel7411 oh i agree, we tend to say its fine just for the sake of everyone around you will not be burdened by what you'll feel. But you're secretly seeking for someone who can give that same amount of care you have given to others.

So true 💓

Neither did they.

Ok this made me tear up so badly

that hit hard..

Omg finally someone states the fact. I literally felt so bad for him.

I JUST SAW THAT PART😭 it made my eyes water omfg

People feel bad for fictional characters but don't give a s* about actual kids going to sleep like that tonight. Just imagine and think about one particular kid crying itself to sleep in Syria or Palastine tonight or anywhere else.. And go donate or do something. Maybe just spread a word if you can't do more. Thank you 💞

Me too. I thought it was just me. 😢💔

learn to shift realities, trust me its worth it ;)

Books,movies,dramas,art and music were my escape

All these from Beth helped me in my childhood and teenagehood, but especially creating and roleplaying characters has really helped me a LOT in my adult life. Sometimes it's easier to be somebody else and to live in someone else's story.

@@sassylittleprophet true all these helped as well because I've read thousands of minds and characters because of books which made me become mature at a young age since I am the eldest ,with high expectations, apologizing when it's not even my fault the pressure is sometimes too hard to handel.my parents are good people even tho I kept blaming them in my heart but I also realized that they also didn't know how to Express themselves since they both had a tough background. When I'm in school I felt like a kid again but when I come home I felt like a 3rd parent.im trying to act my age since I'm still a minor , I don't want to become an adult yet 😂 so I guess it goes both ways.i feel old writing this lol I'm still in HS.thank you stranger

@@mai5332 how 😭😭

Same

@@marianavicelli853 I hope you can make changes and feel happy :)

Congratulations! I hope you continue to grow and feel better with yourself 😄

Same and when you weren't you weren't there kid

im sorry ;( are u seeking help?

@@userm180 i just wanted to say i love how you go around offering help, thank you for what you’re doing

@@Tata-yy2jf awwwww thank u love!! have a great day

For me it was books.

Bruh i started playing genshin impact. Shits hit the fan fr

Not *yet*. Open up, buddy. It will make life better for you. 😇

us moment

me too bro it felt surreal

same I literally looked like a skull with broken jaw

Mutual agreement here***

And even with therapy it will hurt as hell, you won't have those negative ways of doing things, but it will hurt you remmeber those times forever..

And i know it from my own experience.

@@rubyfx1 its true :( but at least it can get u through it in a healthier way.

@@userm180 More for anothers than you but yeah, i guess..

Thank you, 5 years of therapy and still traumatised 🤡

Same.

god that hits so hard, i was looking for someone else with the vacillator type 😭 i come up with this happy little image of being with someone, and then i always tend to pick apart and lay out the “pros and cons” of a new love interest as if i’m trying to prepare myself for the worst

Gosh this is so me😢😅

"if my mom is happy, the day will end in tears" NAILED IT, RIGHT ON THE DOT

⁠@@alyziawildes5074 oml I have been hunted, identified, attacked , roasted on open flame, enjoyed with a fine chianti ⚰️

To you maybe, to me no childhood was the worst a very bad stage for me most days, I can't think of any good days, other people have to tell me in order for me to remember otherwise it's was just the normal day in and day out routine, deal with a family who would have rather watched me and my sister die while my father did abusive things and my mother letting him still live with her knowing he was a horrible person along with a lot of other very traumatic things going on outside of it all

@@deathinsanity666 sounds like you normalized the trauma :(

@@samlafontaine8552 it's what you do in order to survive the worst days that would come but it would cost me to never sleep properly and have to cry myself to sleep a lot. Normalizing it only put me in a numb feeling that now lingers into different emotions without my control. So in reality I still have to pay the price and I still choose to try to forget what happened to me even though I still see the memories that traumatized me the most

Like a Sky: Children of the Light Cape?

I feel almost the same way 💀

High five?

@@Psych2go that finished him off 💀

@@sierraandreason1667 G A S P I LOVE THAT GAME 💕💕💕💖💖💖

I don't know who you are, but I am the exact same way as you are... I always hold in my bad emotions and try my best to make others happy and I always feel like if I'm not making them laugh or be happy enough, that they'll toss me away like garbage :(

I was like that for a long time, and still have to remind myself to not use unhealthy coping mechanisms or habits. I'm so lucky to have met my husband when I did. I had started going to a counselor and working through a lot of trauma. He's been there for me. We've had misunderstandings and miscommunications through out the years, but he's been one of the only people I chose to take a chance on and open up. In return, he's been able to open up to me. I'm not over being the "goodie two shoes" and still have trouble making real connections with people, but I've made it through more than I thought possible. I'm far happier than I ever thought I could be. And that matters. I'm improving. Sry for the long comment. I guess I mean to say that I hope everyone like us can find happiness, too.

same

same...

Same here!!!

*Parent pulls you by the arm to your room to shout at you for not doing your chores* "MuH PhYsiCaL aNd VeRbAlL AbUsE" *Meanwhile, in Africa, some parents is beating their child senseless with an oxydated metal rod before they slash the child's back with a machete to leave marks as a reminder*

I can relate so much of this. I am mostly a victim though the rest I can partly relate too. My mother left me be to myself if she is not blaming me for something. The way I got treated in school from mostly females made not having much trust in females too. This days I keep at my Grandmother mostly to myself because I just want to have my peace because I can not really connect to others. I have no real dreames as my mother in her behavior that she is the one with Salomon's wisdom made sure that all what could be interpreted as a job wish is extinguished with the first spark so I do her ideas of job. And now with all my dream bubbles where popped and all her ideas killed the virus I just hope that this Pandemie will keep on decades and mutate so much that all the vaccines turn ineffective so that I can just live on as I have no ideas what to do.

This right her bro.. like this explains me so much that it makes me cry..

How do you love a person like this, because i was doing literally everything for her and she still walked away, knowing preety well that we were happy together? Or what do you do, u give her space or what, my mind is fried but i know this isn’t her fault for doing me this Way.

🤧

ME ASF, I was like "that really sounds like me" to 3 of them holy shit

Or honestly, a lot of people have at least some of these traits, fears, etc. and it’s not always because of some hidden childhood trauma. Wanting to be controlling or needing a lot of personal space isn’t always an indicator that you were neglected or unsafe

A lot of my issues are from people outside if my family. My family isn't perfect but the most hurt came from outside the home. I definitely have all these styles mixed together, weird situation.

Yup I am a pleaser and a victim and when it seems like a peaceful relationship I turn into a controller when I do not have much Conflict which for me is alarming for me... irrational and emotionally charged easily lead into creating chaos especially if I do not get my way... nothing subtle about that

Me. I feel like a combination of some, but cannot relate my parents being any of what was mentioned. It is it just me possibly

i felt like pleaser, then indecisive, then the victim probably fit me best, although going through this i was like "yep my parents were like that, and that.. and that, and that, and that." xD

Well I'm all and not because of my parents but because of ✨trauma✨ Not their fault tbh I was just at the wrong palace and wrong time a lot of the times

@@sch00lgirll same but my friends helped me stay happy more than my parents

@@s.s9544 Im sorry to hear that you had to go through trauma and that you didn't had your parents to fall back on. If you need a talk I'm here. Maybe things are better now. Maybe not. Just know I'm here. I don't want anyone to go trough trauma. That shit is hard. And sometimes you never can heal completely so yeah I'm here for you when you need me! (I know I'm a stranger but sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger)

Same

Thank you for sharing It's been inspiring

My story is quit similar to urs… what are the practices u use to ‘fix’ yourself, apart from therapy?

Nushi Manuela, I do arts Ever since I was a kid I always drew what I felt, and talked to myself (self-reflecting or something) And was always alone, always liked to look at nature to calm me down I also write a lot and read

@@iluvarts2248 Thanks for sharing. You’re just 16 and have a lot of growing to continue to do. Take good care of yourself when no one else will and continue therapy. You’ve got this.

The fact that you have such a mature and self-aware mentality is truly amazing. As I read through your comment, I felt almost as if I was reading about my own similar experiences. I am truly sorry that you had to go through all of that (I’m sorry to EVERYONE and truly am so heartbroken that so many of us have been caused such deep pain and suffering while we were only children…) I completely understand if this may creep you out or something similar, but I was wondering if you would be interested in talking with me sometime. Not in a stalker “I wanna know everything about you” kind of way. But in an honest and genuine conversation kind of way. I went through a lot of stuff in my past (and presently dealing with some major issues) as well and would not only like to get to know your perspective on certain things, because like I said, you seem very self-aware and mature for your age and I am trying to figure out what a younger me would think. Not saying that you are DESTINED to be like me because I believe you would be so much better by the time you’re my age (oh, I’m almost 23 now… I know this makes it creepier that I’m almost 7 years older than you…. Sorry…). I did want to pick your brain a little bit, yes. But I also wanted to talk and give you a little advice and support from someone who not only admires the impact of psychology, but also went through some of the things you have and may be able to offer some additional perspectives and insights. Now I just wanted to reiterate: this is ENTIRELY your decision and I promise that I will not get angry if you ultimately choose to decline. I mean you no harm, I swear. And with you being 16, there is a lot of fear for you and those who care about you, I know. But I am not just some creepy old dude trying to find my way to your heart. Lol, I do feel like my back may be from an old man but otherwise I am in no way trying to pretend to be something or someone I am not. I am willing to do whatever it is that you would need to feel safe because I get that you never know who you can trust anymore. I at least for sure knew that I didn’t at that age and even now. But back to the point, I do not want to cause you worry or harm. I simply think that I would benefit from hearing your perspective on present situations, and I believe (and really hope) that I could offer some helpful advice for things that you may need. But again, you are 1,000,000,000% allowed to tell me no and that you’re not interested. I will respect your feelings and would appreciate the honesty. If nothing else, I hope that you could at least walk away feeling more confident in yourself and in that someone else out there does understand what you are feeling. And if you ever decide to chat, let me know! I know I ranted for-freaking-EVER lmao but I do appreciate you taking the time to read this and whatever you decide, I know that you will be making the best choice possible for yourself and your loved ones. I do appreciate your time and patience with me, and I hope you have a great day, week, month, year, et cetera lol!! Signed, Jamiella “Jamie” Karim P.S. If you do decide that you would like to chat and I have not responded, you are welcome to send me a text at ➕1️⃣-3️⃣1️⃣8️⃣-7️⃣7️⃣2️⃣-7️⃣4️⃣8️⃣5️⃣ which is a secondary phone number to keep myself from giving out personal info on the internet.

Me too pleaser

pleaser gang

Hey fellow homeschooler.

Wait for me 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️...yeah pleaser gang🙋🏻‍♀️😌

I’m the same way. Unfortunately, I had to learn through a rather traumatic experience that this way of living is awful and exhausting. We become very easy to manipulate. Setting boundaries are so important! Being a pleaser is a very difficult habit to break I know, but it’s so worth it. My friends help me the most with this because I’ve communicated this problem and I have to learn to say no, so you could practice that with your friends!

i love the fact that you’re so open to sharing💕

awe... dont let the demons in your mind get to you, Ik it may be hard to deal with everything, me relating to a lot of what you said. But you, and everyone reading this, have got to leave your past behind you, stay positive, work on your struggles (with someone would be more beneficial), and keep pushing forward to better yourself. No matter what is holding you back, and no matter what happens just know that no one is perfect, and everyone has their struggles. One thing that really helps me, even though it may not for you, is talking about your struggles, problems, or whatever may be bothering you with a close friend. I dont have anyone like that irl, so I resorted to online relationships with people, and talking to someone you really can trust, and who you know will support you, really helps. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you better yourself... much love❤️ Also if you or anybody wants to talk abt something, im here, Ill be available, Ill link my discord, insta, etc on my channel if anyone wants to talk😊

Thanks for sharing, I hope everything gets better!

Pretty sure we’ve had the same childhood and I relate to all 5 and have all these love styles

Happy to know that u r so open to share your emotions By the way where r u from? If u r comfortable with it.

This resembles my childhood. More power to you, may you achieve what you seek

I, too, am a "pleaser." It's a hard life, but regardless, how our families see us do not define our worth. You are so loved, and you are so capable. Keep moving forward!

@@deneensanchez9633 Thank you so much, that's very kind of you :)

@Elaf M.K Fellow writer! Thank you so much :)

Hello fellow pleaser and writer!

This was accurate for you but it's likely very wrong, there is not a single source in the video. Moreover, the video talk about determinism but this is more like a possible reason.

That’s beautiful

I hope i find someone but honestly, sometimes i feel like i don't deserve love. I'm just not cut out to be loved

@@shuvayougoswami1162 everyone deserves love, everyone

@@shuvayougoswami1162 it’s complicated and messy, but so is everything else in life. I hope you can put your heart out there and find someone who makes you feel worthy of the whole world

Ok

I can really relate!

Looking back I’m asking myself why did I push myself so hard lost most of my childhood to it

Don't worry you definitely aren't alone I have the same problems. I'm in place to get valedictorian when I graduate and I came home with a 98 on my progress report the other day and got yelled at for messing up when I'm this close to the end. Now that I'm older I see how awful this way of thinking is and how much it affects me yet I can't help but want to make them proud despite how they never have been no matter what I've done in my life.

Hmm...it's difficult to me 'cause I think I'm a pleaser and I feel concerned about it. But even If I had expectations my parent never do these things. My mom was just only strict so I became very polite. I only make things which could make her happy like grades. But never in my life, I feel like I worked hard for her and only for her. I'm really mixed about that.

I don’t know if I have this love style but I’ve seen it in others and in my personal experience the best relationships for people with this style are ones where the person your with is able to pause and take in the situation and make sure your needs are met as well. The image that comes to my mind is having a delicious piece of cake and getting lost in the delight of eating it. Only to realise it’s the last slice and your friend/significant other hasn’t had any, yet is content to just see you happy. In short you need a friend/significant other that will not only notice that but desire to share the last piece with you. Sorry if this tidbit sounds abstract I just noticed this in a friend who didn’t receive it from his significant other and he became distant and closed off because of it. I just wanted to share so anyone relating to this knows there are people who want to see you happy as well