Yes

Yeah

I dont know didn't watch yet

Maybe

I did.

Congrats! You made it! Turned trauma into something positive!😊

This was not my experience of being a parent. I can do it for my daughter, but not for myself. My inner wounds are too overwhelming. What I do for my daughter doesn't apply to myself.

I chose NOT to have children b/c I didn't want to be the kind of parent I had.

using your children to comfort your own anxiety or trauma is probably not going to make them functional people in the log run

​@@zaragrace964You were super educated by experience how NoT to be...i wish You will still enjoy a Family.❤

I've also kind of realized I'm not processing data today. I'm not thinking and absorbing information. I'm in a sort of thought deadzone. A KZfaq break I think.

I just realized that, too. I had never thought about this story in that way. It’s interesting because in a lot of stories hair represents power.

Gaining weight, hiding behind a hoard are two ther ways people isolate themselves. Isolation is not good for anyone.

me too🫨💘

is that it

theres a typo on number three should be past not fast fyi (just letting you know not trying to be mean or anything)

@@noncasges423 thanks for telling I about that

Thank you good man

@@quazar98 you are welcome

I think this is why most people tend to "forget their childhood", they can't cope with that fact and end burying all the experiences altogether.

Just don't expect me to live up to your inner child's expectations, cause I'm not very well balanced these days.

Happiness and fulfillment in life isn't just, or even primarily, things that you get just by reaching your goals. Happiness and fulfillment is a path rather than a destination. Reaching goals tells your mind that you're capable of reaching goals that you set, which is why everyone should have a number of realistic and small short-term goals, whether or not they contribute to any long-term goals. Happiness isn't a stash of treasure that makes you happy to have, but the universe paying your mind rent as it stays on the right path. A person can have everything they feel they might ever want and be unhappy, or nothing that they want and be very happy, because you can't be happy if you don't have wishes, desires and goals, and you're less likely to have those or experience having them in a positive way if you don't think it's realistic to attain them. That's the basis of the tragedy of narcissists. When they won't allow their minds to be changed or contributed to even by those that they care for, it's often because they truly do care about the matters they insist that they're right about and they hold themselves to high enough expectations that it tends to make them feel insulted when others try to present them with evidence that might infer they're not doing proper justice to their own values. When a person declines to accept any knowledge and wisdom that listening to others might provide them with, they're both discouraging the other person from possibly ever being up for trying to helpfully correct or teach *any* person who might find benefit in their efforts to be beneficial (which can lead to feelings of uselessness), and the narcissist, at the same time, is denying their would-be helpers the opportunity to prove to them that people who (and ideas that) don't agree with them can still be valuable to them. Narcissists are born from a habit of not listening to people, which usually becomes a trend when they don't feel like anyone ever listens to *them*, which can be true regardless of who's right or wrong. If a person automatically assumes that most other people aren't worth them listening to, they'll trick themselves into denial of that by only listening to people who they believe agree with them, that can help them defend what they say, so happiness, to them, then is a matter of knowing that they've successfully held their ground---because success, to them, is their track record of never having to compromise representing the fact that they never actually have to concede anything in order to maintain their sense of security. A lonely, sad life is a life devoid of challenges. If life ever feels oppressively tiring to live out every day, it can be a sign of being so scared of anything challenging due to too many negative challenges having traumatized you in regards to difficulties that some of your energy is being spent avoiding any challenges more than what already unpleasantly challenges you. Similar to a narcissist refusing to believe that others who would challenge them to see from other perspectives can be of value to them, depressed folks can see challenges as threats because they sap energy. But exciting and rewarding challenges don't often cost as much energy as they *give*! So good, good, good for you! Give yourself visual ways to track your progress! Watering plants is therapeutic because their health is evidence of your successful efforts. You don't need to become a gardener, but having a little day planner calendar that doubles as a mini diary tracking your goals might be an idea. Good luck, friendo! 🌻🌞🌈

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's definitely tough when you feel that you are not living up to your goals and dreams as a kid. What advice would you give to someone in your shoes?

The situation in which I'm is terrible like I can't explain it's Idk WAHT are my feelings should I laugh or cry I REALLY WANT TO SCREAM OUT LOUD 😭🥺

Beautifully phrased.

Maybe already just another bad day, but these lines made me cry

Some didn't get to

you're exactly like me.....

You are not alone. I, too, am the only child of 2 narcissists. The work is hard as hell. I think I'm finally at the core of my issues. It hurts.

We are bros

Literally me

​@@vikramo6994 my mom never let me hang out with my family or friends. And my dad also sided with her saying "you must obey your mom" Now as a pre adult, i dont like to hang around with anyone

Wow your courageous story is inspiring!!

Obligatory, given your age: *_Nice._*

Amazing 🙏🏽

Good for you. That gives hope to the rest of us. I’ve been in therapy for decades and it just doesn’t seem to do any good. I keep trying though. Thanks for being an inspiration.

Hi. What do you mean with the word ''work''. What do you do exactly? Thanks

Hi Michelle. I left a comment a couple days ago and then I see that someone just asked you a question and it was something I had been thinking about asking you at the time, so I wanted you to know that there are at least two people who would love to know what you found that is actually helping you. I feel like I’ve tried everything! I know not everyone’s the same and different things work for different people, but I’d sure love to know what has been beneficial for you. If you don’t mind sharing of course. Thank you! 😊

@@erimozata5120 Hi, the work is looking into your past❤️ even when it’s super painful.

@@whitebirchtarot HI😊 so sorry I didn’t see the comment. What’s helping me? Well, I have a life coach and a somatic trauma therapist. I have had 7 therapists in the last 20 years, and no one was able to help me until my life coach. I was in a dark place, with so much shame, and I hated myself. I also didn’t like the younger me, I was abused and neglected and unsafe , and i just didn’t want to face it. I had an autistic son which was so hard(he is a blessing, an angel). I started self medicating with alcohol, until i was addicted. I quit drinking 5 years and 9 months ago, and then got off my anti depressants, and then everything hit me. The work is looking back, and loving your younger self, so you can love your self today. I had to set boundaries with people who always took advantage and treated me poorly, I stopped talking to my narcissistic mother 2 days before I quit drinking. My childhood was extremely bad. I am still struggling at times, but there is no cure for complex ptsd, i just have to learn what works for me when i am triggered, but loving myself really helped. I use to starve myself, now since doing inner child work, I make sure to at least feed myself a couple of times a day. that was hard. Sorry for rambling, I hope i helped a little❤️

Same

@@rayzorite Using this video I shall heal you. Don't worry my inner child.

Thank you for taking the time to share something that's so personal to you. Sometimes, when there are more than one thing going on at once, it can be extremely overwhelming and discouraging. What are some things that you are doing now to take care of your mental health in the midst of it all?

​@@mononoke5942 ti say the least, it helps you in raising awareness of your own self. More connection == less distraction, also :D

Have the confidence in yourself that you are moving forward with strength and can deal with anything life has to offer.

I completely feel this, even down to the ADHD thing. I went through the same thing. I wish I would’ve known how to heal when I was in my 20s. It sucks when it feels like my youth has slipped by dwelling in all that hurt and pain.

Oh please

Taking care of other people's inner children is sorta like practicing free, psychic babysitting. Your rates have got to go up...In THIS economy?

@@Pimp-Master Not just taking care other people's inner child friend.. it's important to get to know bout the ways that makes ur inner child get wounded even more.. I mean it's totally up to certain individuals whether they want or not to take care of other people's inner child.. but becoming aware bout other people means that u getting know bout the ways that could possibly can bring harm to ur innerchild.. that's what important.. u just don't want let the child only getting healed.. u need to create a shield that helps to avoid furthermore harm that causes to that inner child getting even more wounds..

It's strange how we sometimes stumble across effective ways to heal ourselves. This happened to me several times that I think there must be something guiding me indirectly

Just be aware that parenting yourself comes with other downsides. It's very common to "adult" yourself when growing up in a dysfunctional family.

@@lianevoelker9845 it already happened unfortunately.. I mean not recently.. but a long ago.. but what I admire the most is that this method helps u to bring yourself self awareness very quickly..

❤❤❤

Amen

I too have felt those same feelings. We have to give ourselves love and find things to enjoy in life. My happy ONLY happiness in childhood and now is swimming or outdoors. Hiking and nature can heal us

I see myself in you.. My little me has made me terrified to ask for help, even when I truly need it because I never got it or I was punished for it somehow. My mom hated when I missed the bus and always chewed me out if I did since the 5th grade I believe and if I woke up late, I got in trouble. So I just like.... don't ask for help now. It caused me to almost fail high school and flunk out because I was so scared to ask my parents to help me do better.... Hell, I'm scared to ask anyone honestly..

@@YaYa-hq9kt It's not so much that I'm afraid to ask for help as that I see it as pointless. It has no consequences and produces no results.

Fantastic use of never using a period. You could teach zoom classes cuz that's a true art.

Sounds like you had a rough time, but it doesn’t mean that you have to ask an authority figure for help. How about just asking a friend? I had to grow up basically raising myself also and I’m fiercely independent as well, but I’ve learned that all humans need help at some time and I had to teach myself to ask. So now others help me and I help others. That’s the way the world works! You sound like my sister. She would die rather than ask for help and that doesn’t make any sense. You have the power to change yourself. It sounds to me like you’re afraid to trust. I get that, but why choose to be that way forever? 💕

@@YaYa-hq9kt maybe you’re trusting the wrong people? I never used to ask for help, but as I got older I was forced to and it was a really good thing actually. Now I have no problem asking for help, well just a little bit, but for the most part it works out OK. You just have to learn who to trust. If you don’t take, then other people don’t get the chance to give. There are good people in the world, honestly there are. The key is finding the right people who care. 💕

For me I had to let out the past otherwise I wouldn't be where I'm at not only with my walk with Christ but also with the relationship of both my parents.

It sucked!!!!! I went to a therapist that I’m pretty sure is a narcissist herself. She did not get to know me well, (one week), before starting a treatment that was not good for me. (EMDR)…She violated patient-client relationship multiple times, and used my time to frequently tell me stories of her own, often the same story repeated at two or three sessions. Finally had enough and walked away from her. That was 2019. Took 3 years to finally start feeling like myself again. I got better results and learned more about myself, working on my own. I had to heal first from that experience! And then I could start healing the rest. It would’ve been nice and probably a little easier had I had a friend or companion to lean on, but at least I know I did it on my own. 🥰 (and a LOT of help from God/spirit/source, the universe, whatever you like to call “it”. ) 🥰😇 I completely understand why you don’t want to. Much love and respect to you. 😊

@@isaiahvoss that's fair and I hope you are doing well 🫂 in my instance I'm estranged from my dad due to a lot of what he did and my mum cut me out (and chose the abuser) when I was a teen. Haven't seen hide nor hair from her since and hopefully never will, she made that choice. So I think the lack of parents/blocked memories just helps to soften the ache around my past and I'm alright with that.

@@namethestars Thank you both for sharing your thoughts around the subject of dealing with your past. Though processing your past is essential to healing, finding the right resources and timing is also as critical. Do you think the past is something you will ever want to confront given the right resources or support network?

It's called "blissful ignorance", but IMHO it's hardly a truly "blissful" things. For me, it works the opposite: since I am deeply appassionate in math, physics and most of all computer science, the knowledge about all of cause-effect principles plus understanding "why" I'm in the current situation helps, because I have a rational explanation connecting the past I've lived and the "forces" I'm living today. Therefore, I can actually __choose__ to let the past go and to avoid those "forces" at all, preferring my own will. Back about you, acknowledging the past IS painful, I'm not stating the opposite, BUT it might help you to both understand why you are acting, feeling and preferring the way you are and separating that past (with all of its consequences) from your present and, more importantly, your future. Also, "running away" from the memories of the past by "hiding" them will not remove them: facing them, and strongly stating that those past experiences does live in the past only will help tin moving on. It requires courage and bravery, of course, and TRUE convinction. You also need to understand what "true convinction" : for me, it's the chain of logical steps and mechanisms, rooting back to ancestral and animal instincts and "gears", for you it might be something else. Build your basis (logical like me, or whatever) to disconnect the influence of your past over your present, and you'll be free. "More free", to say the least. Your "Will" will thank you :)

Do it privately. I could possibly hook you up with a mountain cabin. You free to discuss it over lunch?

fads are illusions. be genuine with yourself and don't try to fit in.

That being said you shouldn't have high expectations for your children either of you're one of those parents who "needs" their kid to do a certain career or hobby

@@intermediateingrid5746 I will continue to have high expectations. That's not for you to tell me. God made me just right and I will continue to shine. Have a great day😊

Yes! Those childhood pictures are great tools to use. 🩷

What would you say is dangerous? Not arguing I'm just trying to heal and interested in your perspective.

@@dewaynemcclure like when the mind reflects it might trigger feelings of depression. And maybe suicide. Thoughts, feelings and behavior are all connected.

​@@pierre0227yes I absolutely get you that it does trigger those feelings. So how do you avoid that plus do the work?

@@doriacortez1667 well when I had thoughts of suicide, it’s because I would look at my whole life and compare myself to others. Comparing yourself means you don’t love yourself. That’s just an example. It all depends what the thought is and how to counter it. Think of yourself as a child and speak to yourself like an adult.

They've been doing it for 10 years now. The money is abso-friggen fantastic. I just hope they aren't using SVB, the bank that just imploded.

Thank you for the kind words and support!

They can't shun first, because then how could they gaslight you?

I think it might help you to look at family roles especially the Golden Child. While some of the issues are different you may find a local CODA group very helpful

@@Dietconsulting I think it's too late for that now.

I can pray for you. Jesus told him “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." John 14:6

​@@isaiahvoss big deal what's Jesus gonna do Lol

@@isaiahvoss thank you very much ,may God bless you ,I can't do it alone ✨

Joan Jett also said "Don't Abuse Me."

@@astalavista5328 A lot, actually, if we let Him 😊😊

Postponing it is much more fun. Look into that.

huh, not the only one :)

Thanks for this comment. What did you resonate with the most?

​@@Psych2go All of them but mostly number 4, confront childhood trauma lies. My family are narcissists and they made me believe alot of the lies they told me about myself but now I'm unlearning all the toxicity one day at a time.🌟

Me too

She's also incredibly gorgeous. Life absolutely isn't fair.

I hope you're good now. Emotions are like little children, the more you hush at them, the more they'll weep and wail. So embrace your emotions, we all feel them.

I understand. There was very little grace in my household. I always heard what I did wrong even when 99% was correct. I did not fit in and was questioned and blamed for it when it was more because my family’s lifestyle (religious) kept me isolated. I didn’t learn how to be social. I escaped by reading. So here’s my advice, take what works for you. Be kind to yourself. You are not a misfit, you were not taught. Go to counseling. It saved me. Keep trying and don’t expect to change overnight. These things take time. Remember…be kind to yourself.

Way sorry. We're only buying silver. Come back in 2 years?

The money's fantastic. They'll make more.

@@Pimp-Master I don't doubt that.

Your parents had to deal with both your outer and inner child. Maybe they deserve a break?

@@Pimp-Master I suppose your right, maybe I should too for some self reflection and get my headspace right. It shouldn't be as hard as it would seem right?~

Yes, he a lifesaver. 💗

Good luck, also your English seems pretty good too.