Psychologist Explains The SECRET To Making STRESS YOUR FRIEND

Psychologist Explains The SECRET To Making STRESS YOUR FRIEND | Kelly McGonigal & Lewis Howes

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Kelly McGonigal, PhD is a health psychologist at Stanford University, as well as a best-selling author and popular TED speaker. She specializes in the mind-body connection, and her research is impacting tons of people and empowering them to manage their stress and start living happier and more hopeful lives.
Kelly has written multiple books, often drawing from the popular courses she teaches at Stanford for research and inspiration. Her first book, The Willpower Instinct, is based on her course “The Science of Willpower,” and her second, The Upside of Stress, grew out of the course “Living Well with Stress.” Her latest book, The Joy of Movement, didn’t grow out of a class, but it’s still full of great information about how physical exercise can be a powerful antidote for anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
In addition to being a prolific writer and popular Stanford professor, Kelly’s also a hit on KZfaq! Her TED Talk, “How to Make Stress Your Friend,” has received over 10 million views, and I have a feeling it’s about to receive a lot more. It’s an inspiring message about why stress can actually be helpful, and it suggests that reaching out to others can be an incredible way to reduce stress in our lives.
Beyond her academic work, Kelly is passionate about giving back, and she does a lot of work with the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism. In fact, she helped create the Stanford Compassion Cultivation Training, a course taught worldwide to help individuals develop greater empathy, compassion, and social connection.
And as if all that weren’t enough, Oprah’s O Magazine named Kelly the first-ever O! Visionary and celebrated her as a person whose groundbreaking way of seeing the world means a better future for us all.
Kelly McGonigal is an inspiring person. Her research is making the world a better, less stressed-out place every day. I’m so excited to have her here on The School of Greatness today! If you’re ready to take control of your stress and improve your mental wellness, join me on Episode 1,006 with Kelly McGonigal!
You can follow me at:
Website: lewishowes.com/
Facebook: / lewishowes
Twitter: / lewishowes
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Linkedin: / lewishowes

Пікірлер: 271

@zaria5785 3 жыл бұрын

The exercise high is well known in the surfer community where you’re going out in the water and are filled with gratitude for nature, waves, others in the water, where you’re also being challenged by the intensity of waves. And then overcoming the embarrassment of getting knocked down on a wave or missing a wave for not paddling at just the right moment over time builds resilience. Edit: I loved this interview with her. She deserves every bit of recognition possible. Thank you for having her on your show and sharing her with us. 💕✌🏼

@lt2339 3 жыл бұрын

This woman is the best speaker I have ever heard.

@marycampbell6060 3 жыл бұрын

What i learned is 3 things 1) Exercise 2) Gratitude 3) Truama & Stress is life telling you...to learn, neuroplasticity....Hard lessons...most difficult... but empowering if used correctly.

@vesnabjelanovic6595 3 жыл бұрын

The most difficult thing to do is to rewire the subconscious brain. That's the one that gives us must grief in an attempt to save us from danger, imagined or real.

@Froglet1968 3 жыл бұрын

Can you tell me more about neuroplasticity please? I'm struggling with stress and am remote, it's very lonely. Thank you so much.

@Froglet1968 3 жыл бұрын

@@AlternicityBlogspot thank you....and we will find a way I'm sure.

@prrrrify 3 жыл бұрын

@@Froglet1968 I would recommend watching/listening to Dr. Joe Dispenza! He is all about rewiring the brain. There's lot's from him om KZfaq and Lewis Howes did a talk with him which you can find on KZfaq as well.

@Froglet1968 3 жыл бұрын

@@prrrrify thank you so much. I'll check it out. Much appreciated.

@nickidaisyreddwoodd5837 3 жыл бұрын

Yes this is very clear and it's what I have been observing as well. Psychological stress is very bad. The panic over the panic and the fear of the fear is convoluted stress and that is what causes immune deficiency. That's why it is so extremely important to bring all of our worries and phobias and also our needs to the surface and not bury them frantically down out of fear of social rejection. The more people bury their actual fears and needs down the worse becomes the psychological stress.

@beldonhuang Жыл бұрын

Brilliantly said. Just one session covers so much that we should know about how to live our lives to the fullest and learn to enjoy it

@miskokinoo 3 жыл бұрын

1:09:45 Sometime last fall I started "faking it til I made" self-confidence in order to hopefully stop or at least diminish apprehension and stress in my work which was constantly giving me problems which often seemed insurmountable and in the process either discouraged me, enraged me or both. I've been the type that generally couldn't be confident in the face of a new challenge or problem, and had encountered a few people in my life who were seemingly self-confident in such situations, which didn't make sense to me. I thought they were bluffing and that they were perhaps a little stupid to undertake something that would overwhelm them, etc. only to find out later that they were doing well. So, last fall I decided to give it a try and visualize(pretended) that I had had multiple prior successful experiences and hence was fully self-confident, and it sorta magically worked. It was a game changer, a turning point in my life. I'll be fifty four in a month...was about time, lol

@andypalmer1319 3 жыл бұрын

Sounds to me like you’re already a success, keep going it’s never too late!

@LC-pk4zz 3 жыл бұрын

You are adorable. So honest and real. We all feel like that sometimes (a lot... and many of us). So true it's never too late to change course - love your story!!

@ligiasommers 3 жыл бұрын

I agree totally about the definition of love from dogs and cats . Through my life I adopted more than 50 animals . My biggest love 🙏🏻💖🌷

@nickidaisyreddwoodd5837 3 жыл бұрын

@O k Yes and we have to also give that unconditional love to the animals.

@elmalanmalan2175 3 жыл бұрын

Is not the same loving an animal than a human being.

@craigmcivor3034 3 жыл бұрын

@O k Dogs yes. Cats are definitely conditional.

@angelgirldebbiejo 3 жыл бұрын

@@elmalanmalan2175 your right...sometimes animals love you more

@johnnydogs217 3 жыл бұрын

That’s awesome 👏

@marga23 3 жыл бұрын

“Don’t fall apart in the presence of pain and suffering” resonates with my pass experiences. Exercise is powerful to keep mental sanity in the presence of chaos! I went through a difficult long disease process with my beloved husband. I kept going to the gym despite the pain and uncertainty. Exercise kept me going and made me stronger physically and mentally.

@maheshnaag Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing, Its inspiring.

@ezekielshams2778 3 жыл бұрын

while I realized who much I was thinking that stress was bad for me ...things just switched in my self I felt better about stress I felt more resilient and distant thank you

@camarc79 3 жыл бұрын

This episode hits me on so many levels and I feel like I just saw the whole truth for the first time in a long time! Thank you Lewis and Kelly! This was so light and at the same time so full. Bless you both!

@amanda.doskocil-music 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you SO much Lewis for having this guest on and for your persistence, focus and grace in creating a platform that’s helped me and others in a profound way. You’re gold! ✨

@daisycardona2910 3 жыл бұрын

I love her energy and integrity she's awesome 🥰.

@jasonbaer6341 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for having her on! She's wonderful!

@sandram6913 3 жыл бұрын

Bringing out the best in others has often been my mantra... I love this!!! Thank you, Kelly and Lewis

@Wise101 3 жыл бұрын

12:30 When you feel lonely, you need to reach out to people and need community. Simple yet profound

@Eirene628 3 жыл бұрын

That does not always work. People are busy with their own friends and families. Best to learn to reach out to yourself and self soothe.

@user-pf5xq3lq8i 3 жыл бұрын

Wrong. That's a recipe for co-dependency.

@lt2339 3 жыл бұрын

Try to find a new hobby, try a new one if that doesn't work. Get a keyboard and make up songs or learn to play. Get art supplies an paint something for your wall or to gift. Volunteer at an Animal Shelter......

@sleepsmartsmashstress740 3 жыл бұрын

When you feel lonely, just call my name. I will come running winter spring summer or fall

@VernonSwanepoel 3 жыл бұрын

This is an episode I'll watch a few times.

@truusweber9691 3 жыл бұрын

Qax

@sayusayme7729 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing information, thank you. Grateful to finally be off pharmaceuticals! Can’t wait until this is shared with the universe. 🦋

@erikknudsen4034 3 жыл бұрын

47:09 - I'm kinda towards the 'a lot of adverse experiences' end over the past 4 years, and I can't wait until me and those surrounding me can say... wow, he's doing really really well.

@judyforbeauty9163 3 жыл бұрын

You’re a survivor!

@audreypistor4610 3 жыл бұрын

self doubt can hurt you the most however who said you can't is powerful to tell yourself.....Thanks for that reminder......

@westcoastsands 3 жыл бұрын

I love Kelly McGonigal! I met her at a Yoga Conference in Toronto and have read her books. I just love her! Great feature on your channel Lewis!

@revllorlegit117 3 жыл бұрын

Yes it is more blessed to give than to receive. Very rewarding to serve those especially who cannot ever return the favor. People or animals! Be genuine and offer this with a joyful attitude.

@Kpopbhavna 3 жыл бұрын

This episode will help people who have a lot of stress and anxiety I think 😊🙏🙏🖤

@LisaAGroenendijk 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing this. Our thoughts and words have power 💯

@dianadesta4184 3 жыл бұрын

thank you Kelly...you are talking relevant things

@hannabaroncelli8297 3 жыл бұрын

I learned so much from this podcast, I truly enjoyed listening and taking in all the information. Thank you 🙏

@sunnyvsaavie9947 Жыл бұрын

I am 100% in my belief system that food brings me vitality, nourishes my body, mind and soul. I eat whatever I like and I don't gain an once. I don't label food as good food or bad/junk food. Now I am taking this new belief that stress is neither good stress nor bad stress.. It will be just a contrast that helps me to grow/expand. Thank you, Lewis for this great interview. Arigato! ❤️ 💙 💜

@laurab9867 2 жыл бұрын

Wow!! Lewis, you have so many great videos but this one has to be one of the most powerful relevant topics ever! I talk about stress all the time, but today I learned that I can rethink how I feel about it to protect myself from physical and mental illness. You know I will be watching this again and again and revising my NOTES. I needed this. I can't thank you enough.

@lewishowes 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜

@SOSSTSE 3 жыл бұрын

Thank You

@mekdeskassaye7770 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you both of you!

@maxwellmuller 3 жыл бұрын

Great video Lewis! I really loved how you brought up the change of our hormones can cause stress on your mind

@WAYNEMyke 2 жыл бұрын

The way addictions are described is quite mind blowing.

@katarinahinsey3931 2 жыл бұрын

She's wonderful.

@LenkaSaratoga Жыл бұрын

43:00 changes in physiology Trauma opens plasticity 1:00:00 addiction to exersize

@misse2013 3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely one of the best episodes 🙌

@sleepsmartsmashstress740 3 жыл бұрын

The best episode

@EMuro-wu7uy Жыл бұрын

All of what she says is awesome. I find tai chi to be great, easy destresser, it takes time focus on breathing and movement. Finding what works for each person is amazing. Women and men think and feel differently, but stress happens to everyone, men are living longer now, women generally live longer. Finding the keys, are the answer.

@bu4459 3 жыл бұрын

Another moving dialogue, thank you , both.

@davewelbylivinginhistinyti4796 3 жыл бұрын

Fantastic interview with Kelly. Very interesting it's always appreciative to have information as such, and it beats topics on narcissistic abuse..... Keep up the good work.

@roxaneeskan6005 2 жыл бұрын

Lewis you will absolutely love having BOTH a cat and a dog. The combination is pure joy and continuous laughter!

@lewishowes 2 жыл бұрын

🧡

@valeryvandersar-whatismy-y1538 3 жыл бұрын

My biggest take is that ,the best way to overcome stress is to take action and start doing all the little things that you often ignore.

@vesnabjelanovic6595 3 жыл бұрын

That's true. But that's called everyday stress. PTSD comes from traumatic experiences that are beyond a person's control. I'd really hate to give you examples for this. Use your imagination.

@valeryvandersar-whatismy-y1538 3 жыл бұрын

@@vesnabjelanovic6595 You are right ,however I am relating to stress(everyday stress as you clearly stated)and not one form of stress like PTSD at any rate I do truly believe stress is caused by a lack of our ability to take action.Even with PTSD if you take action there's a lot you can control as oppose to what is beyond our control.

@krypteiawxb 3 жыл бұрын

thank you!

@AceBishop. 3 жыл бұрын

Golden Comment

@sleepsmartsmashstress740 3 жыл бұрын

My biggest take is that ,the best way to overcome stress is mistress

@raifandreev 3 жыл бұрын

Kelly McGonigal Spiritual warrior💜

@yolandadavidson9871 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for creating such an interesting discussion, Lewis. Fascinating....

@Wmom18 3 жыл бұрын

So awesome!! Thank you!!❤️❤️

@valeriemorris7265 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I love your videos.

@carolegonsalves1614 3 жыл бұрын

This information is very helpful and she is very inspirational

@nickatnight9103 3 жыл бұрын

This is so powerful! Especially this! 1:00:02

@sukhan9854 3 жыл бұрын

I am grateful for this video. I can sleep in peace with my stresses that would like to enjoy my company for tonight

@julianafelix8808 3 жыл бұрын

One of the best! Thanks, Lewis and Kelly!

@IvanTokmenin 3 жыл бұрын

What an inspiration!

@sherylhokianga3 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks 4 This Informative Talk! Amend!

@angelag2662 3 жыл бұрын

Awesome thank you!

@psychologyis 3 жыл бұрын

wow! I love the exercise you do with your students! incredible!

@kayligo 3 жыл бұрын

Great interview. Thanks for finding so many interesting people to share with us Lewis. I really like the part about becoming equal to the person you want to attract. And seeing "failure" as learning. You can't become good at something without being willing to be bad at it first.

@revllorlegit117 3 жыл бұрын

Yes animals are so grateful and appreciative . Breathe work/meditation/attitude of gratitude

@sudheshkumaran6608 3 жыл бұрын

Awesome insights and focus pointers that changes state of mind and quality of moment. Awesome interview.

@andypalmer1319 3 жыл бұрын

Not cheesy at all, love your attitude!

@cherylhemsoth9929 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! This was great and I can’t wait to pass this on to people! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️👍💥

@shifinshaji8888 3 жыл бұрын

An eye opener.

@marcelasvirbelovakuziakova7517 3 жыл бұрын

Love,love,this episode,thank you both of you,so greatful,that I have opportunity to hear brilliant people,thank you 🙏👍♥️🍀🤗

@crisgayle2581 3 жыл бұрын

that's why I miss working out in the gym: exercise w/ music, people, & intensity

@hildastrangwayes9162 3 жыл бұрын

I suffer from depression and I believe she is right.

@mkh2799 3 жыл бұрын

I too did..

@RA-el6zj 3 жыл бұрын

I don't ever feel depressed. 🤥

@linamartinez1104 2 жыл бұрын

So true, being lonely is a signal that you need to connect with someone.

@ENAIRAMA1 3 жыл бұрын

Yea... stress is stress, the way you handle is what is important. If you compare the stress with the ocean, it has waves, it can be choppy, or just wavy. You are the boat, if you learn how to handle you, your boat, and learn about the ups and down of the energies of stress and emotions, you can navigate like a pro during stormy times.

@maudlynhenry2221 2 жыл бұрын

Very interesting knowledge. Thanks much 💚

@louisagraham8957 2 жыл бұрын

Love these podcasts listening to different guests, gain so much listening to different views. I've listened to you for a long time but recently seen you grow so much THANK YOU

@lewishowes 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for listening!

@roumaissakhair5548 3 жыл бұрын

Many thanks lewis Howes

@lewishowes 3 жыл бұрын

You are welcome!

@hasmikvardan4703 2 жыл бұрын

The way Kelly explained how to experience and practice gratitude is wonderful, suddenly it all made sense to me. Great interview, thank you so much for wonderful insights.

@lauraestes9304 3 жыл бұрын

Very true about the exercise helping addiction

@tashadeluca 3 жыл бұрын

What an incredible episode, this really help me ✨thank you so much for sharing!!!

@lewishowes 3 жыл бұрын

You are welcome. Thanks for tuning in!

@Arencibia123 3 жыл бұрын

A lot of good information and introspection in her part and it was nice of the host to let her be the guest. A lot of times the host over runs the guest. I Gathered what was good for me. Thank You 🙏

@EveningTV 3 жыл бұрын

Great interview. One thing I have to say is towards the end of the discussion around 1:20:30 you talked about seeing what you want AND becoming who you are looking for. While being open is critical there is a kind of malignant optimism that in these narcissistic times often gets good people in trouble. As the poet Anais Nin wrote, " _We don't see others as they are; we see others as _*_WE_*_ are_ ," In this we are often attributing our own good qualities where they don't exist at all.

@vesnabjelanovic6595 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, but she did say that those who are always suspicious of others are not actually able to spot the real culprit.

@emjaye13 3 жыл бұрын

21:55 I heard this a lot but it didn't really resonate with me before but now it did after listening to her explanation. Service to others could make you feel that you have a purpose, I however have a small concern for people who derive their sense of validation from people pleasing. I guess we need to be mindful of this too.

@tb8827 Жыл бұрын

Everyone on social media.

@caseywan7061 2 жыл бұрын

Wow! That Kekly, is awesome, “wicked man!”

@revllorlegit117 3 жыл бұрын

And circumstances can always be worse than...

@jondoe170 3 жыл бұрын

What is proper meditation? Can I combine with affirmations? Anyone ever experiment? What's the sweet spot? 30 minutes? An hour?

@rinaflows 3 жыл бұрын

Another great talk, enjoyed every minute of it 🤍

@lewishowes 3 жыл бұрын

Awesome! So glad to hear it!

@HindustaniQueen 3 жыл бұрын

I wish I could meet Kelly‼️

@emjaye13 3 жыл бұрын

11:40 This reminds me of Susan David's teaching about emotions are signposts for the things that we care about. Emotions are data, they are not directives. Just like what they discussed here that if you feel lonely, the emotion is telling you of what you need, so rather than allowing it to dictate your state of being, why not investigate why it's there? Just like what they said here, loneliness is telling you that you need to connect so rather than allowing loneliness to make you feel even worse, why not listen to the message of what it's needing you to do instead? I have practiced this tool like if I feel bored, then I know that it's asking me to do something.

@carlinmariepower5691 3 жыл бұрын

distinguish between words and feelings all0o

@linamartinez1104 2 жыл бұрын

One of your best speakers. Have her all the time she writes a new book

@jensardam3429 3 жыл бұрын

Oh no. I've really got to start practicing more of what she's saying here. I often make comments like, "I'm so damn stressed! I think I'm going to have a heart attack!" Or ... "My stress is going to kill me!" Yeah, not very productive language, am I right?!

@graceriley9103 3 жыл бұрын

True, I'm worried my son doesn't have a built in coping mechanism in highly stress environment and not resilient enough.

@front2427 2 жыл бұрын

total expert

@for-you-5990 3 жыл бұрын

Love love love this video. Thanks for sharing 🌻

@lewishowes 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for watching!

@for-you-5990 3 жыл бұрын

You should make a video of stuff you’d like to share with us. I am certain you have accumulated much knowledge with all these interviews. One of my goals is to be on your show! I am a newbie but plan to be a HUGE speaker some day REAL REAL soon and I will see you on the flip side 😬

@biancagadi786 3 жыл бұрын

lewis, your questions are fabulous. you are one of the top five quality interviewers in the podcast scene. your job is not easy and the guests you invite are all interesting. you make your job look so easy and effortless................and I know it is not...............your fan from los angeles

@vesnabjelanovic6595 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Lewis! I looooove watching your shows. They are always very entertaining, interesting, inspiring and today I bought the book" The joy of movement" from amazon straight after the show ended. I loved it. I'm looking forward to reading it. I also bought "limitless" by Jim Kwik after watching the interview on your show. I would recommend the book to anyone who cares about their brain enough to challenge it. Thank you so much for all the inspirational interviews. Keep up the good work.

@indirajayaraman4758 2 жыл бұрын

Great tip about making stress your friend. Every time before a running race or some other public performance I am full of tension and sleep badly the night before the event. Now, thanks to you, I am going to use this tension, by BELIEVING it is good for me. Thank you.

@lewishowes 2 жыл бұрын

You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡

@agniem9698 3 жыл бұрын

It always struck me when people say they believe in genes and that we are conditioned by genes. Saying Our personality is conditioned by genes is like directly putting ourselves in a victim mode. If your mother was depressed it doesn't mean you inherited the depression. It means you have learnt the specific response to life constant changes=stress.

@vesnabjelanovic6595 3 жыл бұрын

However, everything you learn in childhood, you take it with you into adulthood and struggle to find a different, better way to live.

@alward599 Жыл бұрын

I totally hear what you are saying. If you are interested in knowing more about the power of genes and your personality, then check out the beat your genes podcast. It is fascinating. Perhaps also take The Big Five personality indicator. It may not change your thinking but it is very interesting.

@debrabloch3003 3 жыл бұрын

Smart girl

@edwardmuniz6700 3 жыл бұрын

It's a great spin off of human behavior biology & stoic philosophy

@lampstandmusic9331 3 жыл бұрын

Reframe the doubt 💯🚀💎

@lamborghinicentenario2497 3 жыл бұрын

Lewis Howes starter pack: "that's powerful"

@Damfinone 3 жыл бұрын

The rejection is a big factor for myself. My brother is similar. I guess our personalities must be significantly different from the majority because we’ve never had many friends but are instead shown consistent rejection from others. I wonder if it contributed to my brother having cancer. She mentioned helping others but I’ve personally tried that. It’s only made me feel used because people take advantage and never reflect it back to me. Perhaps I’ve been surrounded by the wrong people. I don’t like most people.

@alward599 Жыл бұрын

I do believe it is probably the people you choose to surround yourself with. Try to teach yourself how to choose people who appreciate you and let go of the others.

@sodapop210 3 жыл бұрын

Wim Hof breathing

@ujjwalkhanna750 2 жыл бұрын

Stress response is helpful

@nancyfalcon2796 3 жыл бұрын

You need to check out the ACES study. Childhood trauma has been shown to lead to significantly earlier death and poor health outcomes.

@howapower8742 3 жыл бұрын

Thought 💭 & MIND PATTERNS 📚 🤓

@drewe9514 3 жыл бұрын

ground positive thinking in reality

@selfhelpchampion9664 3 жыл бұрын

Tonglen Meditation is a useful tool to develop compassion for ourselves and others. We have posted a Tonglen meditation video at our blog selfhelpchampion under Meditation.