I can add - I hate shopping together with someone. I want to move at my pace and not deal with what they want to look at. And if I need 20 minutes to choose, i do not want anyone to stand there and make me anxious

Supermarkets are hell. Online ordering and delivery saved my life. My partner kindly picks up little bits and pieces on his way home from work. If I MUST go to the shops, I go late at night to avoid crowds and with headphones/sunglasses

I have so much anxiety about making the wrong choice when shopping. Now I know why. Thank you.

My daughter is undiagnosed and I think she may be on the spectrum. She gets emotionally attached to objects as you described. She explained it exactly as you did

I agree about feeling bad for other items! It wasn't centred much on shopping, but when I was little, I'd have a very difficult time settling down for bed if I didn't have EVERY teddy/soft toy I had somewhere on my bed, otherwise I'd feel awful for not showing my appreciation for them!

Omg I already commented but then you said something that made me so happy! I also feel like the items I'm not getting are sad. Especially if I pick something up and then grab another item I'll feel bad for not getting the first one. Like I'm hurting their feelings. I've never heard anyone else that does this. I'm so relieved. I thought I was crazy lol. I also use to buy the broken or defective toys and stuff when I was little (and still do) because I felt like no one else would buy them and they'd be sad. A shop lady once talked me into getting binoculars over a duck because he was missing an eye. Half way home I started crying because I abandoned the duck and my parents had to turn around and return the binoculars and exchange them for the duck. Still have him too lol.

As a teenager my best friends and I would go into the city, they would buy a few items here and there, one in this shop, three in the next etc. I would DRIVE THEM MAD. As I would have to try everything on, I would try on 5 items here, 4 there, 3 in there. After we had visited all the shops we had planned, I would then evaluate which of all the items was "worth" it the most. It really could tale me hours to decide, I may have had to go back in to two of the shops to check the two items again just to see which I deemed was the better. I also have to wear things out. My paetner got me a new phone last Christmas and mine was still fully functional and although I appreciate and use it, I always use everything till it no longer is usable, I have some items of clothes that are 10-15 years old! I really relate to so much of this

For me I love to shop, but my body doesn’t 😂😂 I’ll want to be there with friends and exploring all these different things and textures. But then my body starts over heating and brain goes foggy and I get a head ache. Then I progressively find it harder to be there, but I still have things I want to do on my list. So it’s just such a constant battle 😂😂

Shopping like this sends me into a meltdown. I’ve had that happen, drop everything I was going to buy and storm out. It takes me a while to get my mood back to normal

6:35. ...I’ve never heard anyone say anything like that before...”I feel bad for the things I don’t buy” OMg, I get it... As a child I loved my dolls as if they were real. I adored my first cabbage patch kid, then I got a second and I loved my two cabbage patch kids. Then I got twin cabbage patch kids. (All over the course of a few years) ...it stressed me out. I felt massively guilty for not being able to have the bandwidth to love and appreciate ALL the dolls...always thought that was kinda strange... I was like that with friends too, anymore than two friends(as well as me) and I could not deal...to many factors... I completely relate to all you’ve mentioned....I get so distracted and/or engrossed at some stores I will shop for hours and accomplish nothing , or find myself at the end with random things that I saw along the way that provoked ideas about how I would use said things. Sometimes, said things would be used, sometimes not...simply put, it’s freaking exhausting!! So I avoid it when ever possible... I just realized, I wait till last second to get presents...prob to avoid the endless circling of my mind (and body) ...such a waste of time and sometimes money..... Ah!

I'm autistic and have problems with supermarket shopping. Its mostly sensory overload and not being able to find things because of distractions. However some supermarkets use the sunflower lanyard scheme that I've found extremely helpful. All you've got to do is put the lanyard round your neck when you walk in. If you're looking a bit lost or if you ask for help the staff are extra helpful when they see the lanyard and will generally come with you finding all the remaining things on your list. Thanks to this scheme I can get a big load of shopping and its a nice experience.

Dear gawd, I can relate to all of this so hard. I hate to say this, but Covid made my life so much easier because now all the grocery stores have online shopping so I never have to go in. People with shopping carts having a reunion in the middle of the aisle drive me nuts. I think this is one of the reasons I can't stop giving Amazon money too. I will research a purchase to death before I actually make it. LOVE this video. Just found you today. Binge watched, liked, and subscribed. Thank you for making me feel less alone in the world.

Ella, you are my saviour: I either go shopping early or late.. Avoid midday like the plague X

I detest everything about the shopping experience. Going with someone else makes it worse because I will put their needs ahead of mine, so for instance, I might forego what I came for if looking for it means they have to wait. At any rate, I will feel uncomfortable being my weird self and have them see it. It takes so much effort and energy pretending to be normal in public. Unfortunately, shopping online makes me extremely nervous and frustrated. I am not tech savvy and never feel confident that things will arrive, my payment will be safe, or that items may arrive damaged or poor quality. One day, I am going to end up with my house falling down, no clothes and no food 😂

Does it make me non autistic If I enjoy shopping? I even could go to shopping without intentions to buy something but just to look at new stuff. Especially watch electronic devices or tools. I could spend hours browsing around huge shopping center in a crowd without sensory issues. Another thing I like is to go to fair markets, where people selling various garbage. Again, Im not buying anything but I feel entertained like in supper good a museum.

For years and years I carried a list with me everywhere. I would take a piece of printer paper, split it in half long ways and then have 2 strips. I'd use 1 strip a week. Weekly tasks on one side and a menu/grocery list on the other. Any unfinished tasks or uneaten meals would just carry over to my new list the next week. I didn't realize that what I was actually doing was bullet journaling. So, now I have a book and each page contains what my previous paper list would. This is helpful because I can look back through time and see what we did and what we ate if I'm running low on ideas. Though, it does mean I still have to create a shopping list to carry with me. I absolutely do not go without a list and self-checkout lines are preferred. I always buy toilet paper and dishwasher tabs online and in bulk. I cannot stand in a store and work out the maths on how many sheets are in each pack and whether or not I need 48 extra strength tabs or 96 original ones.

I think everyone forgets what they were trying to buy or shop for. That's why everyone on budgeting blogs or websites always say to write down a list before you go to the store. That might also help some people with anxiety and that way you don't get so overwhelmed you can just focus on those few things.? Worth a shot

"It's really got to be that level of excitement. Otherwise, I can't have it." - And if I do have that level of excitement and don't get the thing, I may not forget it. Especially if I go to the place I left the thing. There was a dress that I wanted at the mall 3 years ago. I had the required amount of money. Talked myself out of it because I'd almost never wear it because it was TOO nice and I'd get scared of it being damaged. 3 years later, I have a really hard time being in the mall, wondering how long the dress sat and then probably went home with someone who didn't treat it like the king of all dresses. 😣

I worked in retail for many years so the autism referral that has just been put through by my counsellor was difficult to do as without realising, I seem to have trained myself to work through my own discomfort in order to act as I'm expected to. I also come from a hot country so I'm used to, and prefer much brighter daylight than what we get in the UK. These videos (thanks Ella) have helped me to work out what things I do. Like for example, I do like to browse but only by myself, and with music in my ears so I can ignore the other unexpected noises around me, I can't just get part of a set. For example, I worked on a cross stitch once, had to purchase the embroidery thread in specific colours, went off and got those, then started purchasing the other colours which I don't actually need! I definitely overshare with strangers, I guess I'm trying to look normal by having 'conversation'. And yet I still walk away with them knowing my life history and me not even knowing their name.

My daughter picked a plushie and then decided against it and put it back. I was so sad for the poor thing! He almost got adopted and was put back! We also got a food dehydrator recently and it didn't work properly so we had to take it back. They gave us a different one and I felt really bad for the first one wondering if it'd be destroyed.... Anyway if you're crazy, so am I :)

I always wear my noise cancelling earphones when shopping, helps with the noise and discourages clerks from approaching you.

At 58 I’m finding out I have ADHD and Autism! Since a child, I felt badly for “things”. I also can relate to sensory overload, I call it that too. I’m really enjoying your videos from a woman’s POV.

Ya I hate being in the store with ppl. Also I take a long time to think. And it’s also hard for me to make choices I really also think of clothes as ppl and try to treat them the same way as ppl like I feel bad if I rip a clothes the same way I feel bad if I bump into someone. I’m also very confused about shopping for clothes bc I can’t figure out what I need it just gets confusing like what kinds of things are warm I forget:?

I have Autism & struggle in shops coz of the noise & lights, loads of people in the same shop

One thing I would add is that a lot of us have problems with shopping compulsions because of our collecting.

I never go anywhere without my sunglasses or my MP3 player. Grocery shopping is a lot more pleasant when I'm listening to KISS, Beach Boys or the Glen Miller Orchestra!

I won’t go shopping, my husband does it all. I frequently enjoy shopping online, no queues, no lights, no annoying noise or people, it’s perfect for me especially at times when I just cannot adult or NT.

One of my best shopping experiences ever was being let into a specialty shop for a private shopping spree after hours. Before online shopping became a thing, I would dream of doing all my shopping after hours, unbothered by other shoppers or shop employees. I still wish I could do this for things that I want to actually touch / try out before buying.

I definitely do the thing where I have to be really excited about the thing I'm getting and it has to be absolutely necessary because otherwise I'll be so ridiculously anxious about it that I won't be using the thing anyway. Often times I'll buy something and end up having to return it because I'm too anxious about whether I actually need it. And I definitely also do the thing where I get attached to a certain object. I do that with houseplants a lot and often times the person I'm with will ask why I'm getting the 'ugly' plant and it's because that's the first one I picked up and bonded with and if I don't get that one I'll be forever questioning if I got the wrong plant :D

When you went on to describing the "paying for stuff in shops" at around 2m50s I couldn't help but chuckle because I recognise that in myself. I'm either really ott friendly or feel really socially uncoordinated with shop assistants. I never considered the social awkwardness as part of the executive function pain of the process of making the actual purchase (I'm always the one who drops all their money or fumbles the change or forgets their pin) so it's interesting to think about Thanks for another great video 😊

Nearly scrolled past this video just because it mentioned shopping, lol. This was so spot on, even the relationship with inanimate objects. I think this is one reason why I prefer shopping at thrift stores.

Yes, to everything you've said!! Going shopping, even to the grocery store, does my head in. If I need something I will go to shops I now so I can go straight to where the item I need is, I get so upset when a shop doesn't have what I need. My whole day will be ruined. Sometimes just going through a store towards said item can be so overwhelming that by the time I get to the item I need I'm so over the shopping experience that I want to leave, empty handed, which drives my husband crazy. 😂🙈 Why do they need to pack stores so tightly?! And they've now started creating cues for the cash, used to be like at the bank, now they've added shelves and lots and lots of stuff!! 😱 So claustrophobic! I got really nervous and jittery last time. Music blasting, lights, people. Horrible!!

Late to this one but I relate to absolutely EVERYTHING, even the attachment to inanimate objects. I have subscribed. 👍😃

I do my grocery shopping online & then my hubby is nice enough to pick it up. 😊

I go to Sainsbury's and their checkout people keep trying to talk to me. I'm so sick of it. I don't want to make small talk at the checkout. Please just leave me alone. They keep pushing the issue as well if you don't respond.

Arghhhh shopping!! I need to be in a silent dark room after it... it makes my body ache (which is how my body responds when I am overloaded)... Sound, light, smells, choices... arghhhhh!!! I am really really bad at choices!! I keep items for soooo long.... I have many clothes I have had for well over a decade. It really resonates with me about choices, and it being the right thing! I feel that much pressure for sure! It’s so stressful... yes, like it’s final! 🙈😂. Absolutely avoid shopping 😁

I hate online shopping with choosing clothes, because I want to feel the fabric bevore I put it on. I also recently have a new backpack where I have my sensory stuf in it. Works wonders for me.

I hate crowded places. The lights are terrible. And when I’m out alone, I listen to music. So I don’t hear the crowd. I have to remember where things are to find in a grocery. There are situations I need help and sometimes I manage to ask for it. Sometimes I can’t ask for help.I have to write down what I need.Clothes and other things I buy online, with food I’m not sure if I should do. Shoes I have to buy in a shop, because they have to fit. Winter jackets are the same. But those things have to stay many years.Your tips are great. I have a little kit in my pockets. When I’m out with someone I stick to that person like glue. If I lost that person, I get real anxious and panicking.

My son once made the observation that if I go to turn down an isle and there are other people in it, I'll avoid that one and go down another one. I think I've always done that. If I'm in a hurry, I will go down an isle with other shoppers, but I definitely have a way of choosing still based on how many are there. I don't need anything badly enough to enter an isle that's packed. Or I'll leave it and go back to it once it clears out more.

I love self checkout

I can't work where they play trashy commercial pop sounding music because I can't tune it out. The trouble with this is in insults everybody who suffers a loss of bicycle tire pump to the self-esteem from somebody not wanting to hear the music by which they identify and define themselves. The public's fanaticism of forcing their music and culture down our throats by blasting it in every public place is so extreme it makes ISIS look like the Unitarian Church.

Haha Ella … you are a breathe of fresh air to me … I feel exactly the same !!! Thank goodness someone understands. It can be very lonely …

My ASD (undx) dad gave me the best advice for shopping (we both hate shopping). "Know what you want, get in, get out." I always preferred shopping with him as a kid bc there was none of this wandering and looking. Just a fast, focused process, that accepted this shopping experience as a necessary evil we had to endure, but could make more bearable by getting it done quickly. This was of course all well before the days of Instacart and Amazon

I just found this video, and now I'm feeling really happy because I can relate to it so much! I hate shopping because of the decisions which have to be made and the stressful environment. On the latter point, second-hand shops are quite good because they are usually quieter than branded retailers. Also, I have always felt compassion for objects. Until recently, I thought it was inexplicably weird, but then I read a fiction story about a boy who felt this way because objects were innocent, even more so than animals. So now, it doesn't seem so inexplicable. Still seems a bit weird though.

I don’t like shopping either. I wear clothes until they’re threadbare, even my shoes had holes in them for two years and my feet got wet so often, but finally I got a new pair lol. I understand feeling a little bit bad for items you don’t choose, I feel like I come up with a whole story in a flash when choosing items, like where it came from, how long it’s been sitting there, how it probably feels, but I try to avoid feeling attached and try to laugh at myself. But I can take a long time for just picking out a few items for grocery shopping for example, it used to drive my ex nuts 😂

I would love to hang out with you and compare experiences because so many of your videos resonate with me and I am so grateful I found your channel 💚

Not formally diagnosed but I find it interesting that you prefer to buy clothes in a shop. Changing rooms are my personal hell. I hate the feeling of getting out of my own clothes and into clothes someone else may have worn. I don't like the lighting. The doors and curtains make me feel vulnerable. Bras are the worst, though. Something about undressing in a place that I don't feel secure in and putting on clothes that are not mine and may feel very uncomfortable makes me cry :( But then again, even buying online and trying on clothes in my room makes me uncomfortable. I am not used to the feeling of them and I am not used to seeing them on my body, so sometimes I buy things that I think will make me feel good and then they actually make me feel much worse. Anyone else?!

I can’t queue, AT ALL, it makes me want to shout and push people out the way.

I agree with all of these points! I’m the same! Also, I always like to look online and plan what I’m going to buy before I go out, I don’t know why but I always have done that! Maybe it’s because I like researching products in depth first!

I buy everything online mostly. I do like physical thrift stores and antique stores but they tend to be quieter and less crowded any way. Well... Let's put it this way, antique stores are a situation where I go in knowing that I will walk out with sensory overload, but still go any way. I generally either go grocery shopping with friends or with my mother. My friends understand my issues and can get me calmed down or hurry us through so I can get out faster. My mother... Well at least it's another person. She isn't the best about my sensory needs but she's nice enough to buy me food so no complaints there (I'm 20 and a student, I won't turn down free food).

You are so right. Too much visual pollution in most shops.

Yes I feel guilty about other things that I don't choose

My husband usually does almost all the shopping and for that I am extremely grateful.

That’s helpful advice about not going when feeling tired or stressed. Always have a list in mind and decided shops. Btw, I have earplugs that I carry with me and have often needed to use, not only for shopping but for presentations too..and when I’ve needed them but have forgotten them, I’ve had to use tissues in the ears. Really cannot fathom that people have created these shopping environments intentionally. Thank you so much for the hints and reminders. Good one on the sensory kit.

Thank you so much for not blasting me with music at the end 💗

OMG, this is ME! Thank you for sharing. This was so helpful!

Brilliant video, Ella. These are excellent opinions and experiences are very relatable, especially since it’s Autism Hour this week. I can also be sensitive to children running around crowded spaces and loud noises. I avoid shops except when I’m with my career and my family because I feel comfortable being with people I know. 🙂✨

Same! I always feel bad for the things I didn't pick like I hurt its feelings n it's a hoodie lol

Seeing this for the first time in 2021, and, YES, it is useful! I had figured out most of the tips, but forget them - need to watch to this one repeatedly. Just getting groceries has been extremely problematic for all the reasons and clothing, etc., nearly impossible. Thanks!

Hi, about the thing you said about having equal emotional attachment to objects as you do people, I don't necessarily do that with clothes but I did a lot as a child and still kind of do now, instead of was with teddies. I would have all my teddies on my bed with me all in a neat pyramid shape on my bed and it would have to be perfect so they could all see and weren't 'smothered' otherwise I'd feel bad, and I'd kiss them all on the head twice and if I missed any out I'd feel bad for them, I never used to single any one out to sleep beside me (here's where my OCD dabbles a bit) because I had the recurring thought that the other teddies would feel jealous and try to kill me in my sleep😬. Then if I accidentally kissed one of them on the head e.g. one extra time, I would have to do it the same amount of times on each of the others and I'd keep repeating that or else I couldn't sleep.

I’m the same as you with the things and people x I say sorry to the hoover xxxx

It's ok Ella, I don't either. Every time someone asks for my preference, I just run down a list of questions in my head: Cost? Time? Company involved? Will people talk to me if I buy it? The last one stopped me from using a cane after I hurt my back...i need it, but I also need people to stop feigning concern to appease their curiosity.

My C ptsd and sensitivities make shopping centres really hard to stay. Get triggered, dizzy, panic, pace and hyperventilate. 😭 im29 and it's been like this since 16

I feel exactly the same as you. I have to calm down for a bit after grocery shopping because even if I do it well, I feel so worn out and anxious by the time I’m done as if I worked all day. I need to add though, I do enjoy online shopping though to the point I have gotten addicted to it.

I have a hard time making decision, being on the spectrum and possibly adhd. One thing I can say for sure, having made substantial considerations about it for 26 years: I. Hate. Shopping. - Shopping Streets. / Malls. etc. HATE. Everything about it!! The lightings and sensory overloads are a physical assault and dealing with buzzling people blocking the whole sidewalk... Cant express the strength of emotion to that experience!

You are outlining the experience exactly!

Stumbled upon your channel. THANK YOU

Thank you Purple Ella.☮️💜🙏🏼👍🏼

Not sure if I relate so much about shopping. But my mother made such a huge deal over grocery shopping with each of us kids in turn that it became nearly enjoyable. She made it all about us, so I learned early on about coping with shopping, which usually consists of being inside of my head rather than paying much attention.

I have the same problem to with the music Loud and people all ways stae at me I like to smile a lot to,

I relate and im 16 never been diagnosed with autism. I feel like i probably am but if i talk to anyone even my mom i know she would just shut that idea down and say i dont have it. Idk what to do because i dont want to seem like an attention seeker that makes up stuff to seem "special".

That was really helpful, Thank You for choosing this topic!

Thank you for your video. You can express things that I wish I could. You are describing my life.

Great tips thank you! And I can so relate to everything you say!

Recently diagnosed and still trying to figure things out. Your videos have been helping. Thank you. :) All of this video in particular is true of me with only very slight differences.

Had to give a like for feeling bad for all the things we don't choose

Does anybody else talk to themselves, out loud, while shopping? About what they need to buy or the thing/s they're looking at? No? That's just a weird me thing? Okay

You are the best person on youtube in terms of explaining things so clearly to topics that are very broad and hard to tackle. Great job.

It's chill, I used to talk to my reflection and assigned personalities to all my fingers atleast twice instead of doing work

So much resonating with me in this video. There's a branch of Tesco near me, and I used to have a melt/shutdown every time I visited because of how big and bright it was, which would lead me to forget what I'm there for. We have a sunflower lanyard, but is more for my fiancee as I know that if I am struggling the last thing I need is somebody else that I don't know trying to help me. Attachments to things as well as people reminds me of when I managed to get a month's worth of journeys out of a single open trturn train ticket because nobody would bother checking it. I gave the ticket a name (Bruno) and considered him my faithful travelling companion. I have now started keeping a list of what we need in my phone. I'll wear my headphones and try to use the self checkout when I can. I maybe need to find my fidget cube.

I have to get rid of my first car.. :( i got a pretty new one! But i had to hold back tears earlier thinking abt getting rid of my old car. Im def gonna cry when i see it go. Im tearing up now ahg!

I just never understood why people look clothers one by one. I just give a quick ( 5 minutes max) look and if I find a clothes that I like, then I look more closer ( to see details but ) and I try on in the fitting room ( there is the part I take so much longer, I just want that article of clothing fits perfectly and then do not regret it by buying it). Sometimes, I can take a little bit longer than usually because my mom ( she take a really long time to see clothes one by one, so , I do the same to not get "bored"). I also hate that shop asistance close to me ( or any people that are looking the same section where I am looking that especific article of clothing , it makes my anxious) and asking if I need help or whatever. I have learned now to say: no, i'm fine and smile. Instead of said: "No" and go away or keep looking what I chose, It was difficult to learn do that. Shopping or just see clothes with friends or aunt ( I did that only two or three times,maybe?) was uncomfortable as hell. I only feel commfortable with my mom or grandmother or alone (but not with a lot of people around) I do not feel any pressure.

Great video, my best friend is an Aspie and shopping by himself just doesn't work, he does so much better when I go with him. Great tips, thanks.

Thank you!

Yesssss I relate to this 100!!!!

Online shopping sucks, I can't tell the texture properly. Also, I don't buy new stuff so I only get my stuff at thrift stores lol they're way better, for us autistic people and the environment :)

Yes i do the same thing with shoe and cloths

I hate it, not just the crowds but the flashing lights, overlapping sounds, chemical smells, and some bad electricity sense. Unfortunately the result is that sometimes I am not able to properly think, I just dump things in, don’t choose well and end up with excess and not necessarily what I want, or I leave and wait for months, think about it only to find get frustrated because I really needed something, and sometimes it is a special item that is gone by the time I am able to get back.

Find hard to make the correct choice

I have that same feeling, e.g. If I put on my left shoe first, then my right shoe will feel sad etc. Not just shoes though of course, all situations 😲

Yes. Yes. Yes to everything! YES!

This was soooo helpful! Thank you so much

Self serve checkouts are great. You don't need to make small talk with people, and it's usually faster since fewer people use them. The problem I have is that I also have a medical issue, so bending over to transfer my purchases from my trolley is painful, so I'm forced to use the "real person" queue. I make note of the person's name tag, and compliment them, because they rarely get compliments. Is this a masking technique? Online shopping is good in theory, but currently the distribution networks can't cope, so if you need something the actual delivery date is difficult to predict. Go to a bricks and mortar shop, if they have what you need you can get it there and then.

Brilliant video, I use brain in hand app the help me with meltdowns and sencery overload.. I also work in a supermarket and also have special measures in place to help me cope.

Ohhhhhh yes I can get way more attached to idk lets say my carpentry tools than a person fyi im a carpenter Ngl i name my tools and sometimes idk if im being weird but i feel pain for them lol I call my tools my friends

Shopping is probably my biggest challenge. On a good day I can do it but know it is just draining my energy big time. On a not so good day then i have about 10 minutes before i stop working. I always thought i was having a panic attack until I got diagnosed and then at least could understand that it was a shutdown/meltdown. Not too sure how you can last for 2 hours though.... I would be a wreck by then!

That’s so me💗

does anyone go to aldi's? ive been having the hunch im autistic and there is an aldi's near me that i love. there are less mirrors, less advertisements, less shiny distractions. the lights are dim like preschool naptime, the aisles are much wider apart so its easier to navigate around people.

Yes I feel the same way with shoes, I want a really good pair that I really really like and that will last if I'm going to spend that kind of money. 1 time I took a pair of shoes back 2 days later because, I didn't like them enough to even put them on my feet. Lol and it's same for me, when I need help, I can not find anyone to help. And I do share way to much info if someone comes up and says hellp, or how are you. I guarantee 1 thing those people will not ask me that question again . Lol. Like how the heck can we stop ourselves from doing that. I try to explain to my daughter, it's a nervous talk. But she swears I love to talk, but honestly it's exhausting and embarrassing

I’m watching this after I left a optometrist’s very upset. I couldn’t make a choice on glasses after 2.5 hours. I was starting to feel like they were upset I was taking so long.