Radical acceptance saved my life

I prefer to call it radical realization. Sure beats denial.

Radical acceptance is better than getting your heart shredded and your mind effed on a regular basis.

I am so jealous of people from healthy families that will NEVER have to radically accept anything or anyone.

I don't care what anyone says, good people get tired of being good to ungrateful narcissists. Narcissists get confused between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am and my attitude depends on the things they do.

My radical acceptance was accepting that other people who don’t see ‘it’ will often times never see ‘it’.

Radical Acceptance is definitely a booby prize. But without it, I'd still be in a corner crying.

The hardest part for me to accept, the pill I can't shallow even after years is "she will never accept responsibility for her behaviors".

I have to radically accept that there are people, for whatever reason, who don’t care for me. And that there are many who do like me. As I get better at accepting that there are those who don’t, I am able to embrace that there are those who do. And point myself in their direction. It’s like at first thinking it’s a grey day, and then realizing it’s just the sunglasses I’m wearing.

I try to look at silver linings. Yes therapy is avaliable, but the damage can't be undone. I look at the world differently. I take the learning as a blessing. I'm less confused now. Self care and new opportunities are my focus now. Thx Doc❤

Dr. RAMANI you have great Makeup today 🎉

For me, I am still in the shock of "this is not how I imagined life would turn out for me". I thought it would be till death do us part. The slow death was me and my heart, emotions and mind in the 26 year marriage. I am still in the process of acceptance, in the middle of divorce. He has control of my 4 kids (3 adults) and he lives in our family home, I was made to leave with his abuse. I was a stay at home mom and homeschooled them, and I need to accept they believe lies about me, the mom that loved on them for 20+ years now. Even protected them from their dad's anger. They should know I am not mentally ill as their dad is accusing me of being. I feel like accepting life will be freeing and not fighting life and reality, as I feel knotted up inside.

My narc spouse would go on and on rambling about insignificant things..my brain would become so fuzzy..it's not easy..radical acceptance helped me to stay calm

And dread filled with anxiety knowing he's coming home, knowing the first thing out of his mouth will be shitty!! Yes, it's very heavy. They suck the life and human experience right out of you.

Everything you say is TRUE! Therapy cannot even change them. Even though i loved him, toward the end, when i left him, his expression was not that of sadness, but surprise and confusion. I was dying inside, but I had to accept it was over. It really never began. The Holidays were hard for 2 years, then it got better. I got better!

They walk into the sunset to never come back, thats a true blessing in disguise. Now unpack the bag right there and work on yourself, it all starts with you. Dont wait, youre only waiting on yourself. Why not serve yourself what you want, when you want in a healthy manner? The sooner you start, the sooner you can ❤

Radical acceptance is life! It was depressing at first but you are right you feel so much lighter once you know.

I was scapegoated by my overt narcissist father who was physically abusive and I had to go through radical acceptance that he would never change at the age of 3 years old. In junior high school I was completely family mobbed and had to go through the radical acceptance that the rest of my narcissistically warped family would never change. Later in life my golden child brother tried to steal my inheritance and then cut me completely off when I was forced to take legal action to protect my share. I had to go through the radical acceptance that my brother would never ever be the friend that I had so fervently hoped he would be. I have the pain of the loss of my childhood and I have the pain of knowing that I am completely on my own and that no one will step in to help me if I should get into serious difficulties in my life. But as the scapegoat in a narcisistically warped family I was always alone. I just didn't know that when I was a child.

I think I feel lighter because being in denial is an energy drain.

Once you left and solved the remaining issues radical acceptance is necessary because feelings connected to situations can be hidden in your subconscious

I had been told to forgive, but I could not. Then I finally realized I could let the pain go without forgiving them. Instead I decided that I was worth more than they were. Then when their thoughts invaded my mind I would say that my thoughts were more important than their criticism. So I did not accept them as they were but instead I trained myself to ignore them and value my own thoughts higher. It worked for me.

When you say that day comes, it's really true. One day I came home to random love-bombing and a clean house and a cooked dinner after months of him being passive-aggressive and giving me the silent treatment. That night it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I could SEE his abusive patterns so clearly. I left that night and never looked back; best decision of my life to date.

Been feeling empty lately, but realized that some of it is that - the pocket that used to be filled with anxiety, frustration, self-blame doesn’t have that crap! It’s almost all gone. That empty isn’t a negative, I think it might be called peace - what an awesome and beautiful thing. Could this be radical acceptance? Me thinks - YES! Hurray!

Being able to see the world, and people, clearly and objectively is a blessing in disguise. It lets you know how you need to allocate your energy. Whenever I pick up on patterns like these, I just leave. With enough repeated incidents like this in my own life, in spite of being careful and intentional in my partner choice, I've just stopped dating altogether. I also bought your book and am greatly looking forward to reading it in February!

Acceptance seemed like a bitter pill, and the time, but it was the pivot point to steering my life away from a toxic situation, towards a more healthy life. It's the moment I decided to unpack the heavy baggage. It required a lot of emotional effort, and the was a lord of backlash, but I have no regret.

Love this. Radically accepting helps me let go of the need to manage it all and gives me the freedom to choose what’s good for me too so my soul feels lighter. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

I know that feeling of "heaviness" from my head to toe. My legs literally felt heavier after each of those encounters. Thank you for validating like no one ever did.

Brilliant. "A weight loss like no other." The Math analogy is spot on. Thank you! BTW you look really pretty, Dr. Ramani.

It took me twelve years to accept that my ex and his family were just going to keep beating me down until I was totally a broke broken person. I had to leave my children with people who are installing the family tree of narcissism. I worry for my children I don’t know how to get them out. My eldest finally is an adult but then goes and signs a durable power of attorney with her narc grandmother! It’s so damn bad, so explosive and manipulative. I’m at the point I have to save myself and lead a life a career. I’m done with the wheel. I’m feeling somewhat better but my eight year old I still grieve for. 3 years I’ve been blocked out of her life almost 4 now is hard. I feel like a failure

This video is just what I needed to hear! I had a moment of radical acceptance this week. I had a hard conversation with my narc spouse and they seemed to listen and get me. Before I would have felt so hopeful that they “got” it but now I accept that what I’m doing is standing up for myself and asserting my boundaries. They do not get it and they won’t ever change. It’s a lot of grief but also a lot of freedom from their control.

You are wonderful and awesome as a counselor, teacher, with compassion and care you lead people who are hurting to greener pastures of calm and peace. God bless you, Dr. Ramani!!!

Yes, I believe radical acceptance helps! It keeps me focused, and in the moment, not bitching to myself about what I already knew what was going to happen. You can prepare mentally beforehand, and realize it is a waste of time mentally to keep fighting. Radical acceptance has helped me tremendously! Thank you!

One thing that helps make radical acceptance easier and more productive is if you do it in the context of a 12 step program like Al-Anon and you do it with the serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” That way radical acceptance becomes part of a larger framework in which you can look forward to making changes in your life.

I really needed to hear this 😊❤️. Thank you 🙏🏼.

I can relate to this and I guess I didn't know I was going toward radical acceptance as I'm trying to release this toxic marriage

I've finally come to the place of radical acceptance of my verbally and emotionally abusive step father. We have weekly family calls and I basically gray rock whenever he says anything. I find he pretty much ignores me. Never makes a comment my way or even acknowledges I'm there. What hurts most is that he pays attention to my siblings. They've maintained a relationship with him in spite of how he's treated all of us since we were children. He was extremely abusive to my brother, when he was growing up, but now they have a pretty good relationship because my brother has committed himself to having lunch with my stepfather every week and it seems they've come to some kind of happy medium. I just can't bring myself to trying anymore. My mother passed away 18 months ago and I feel like I no longer need to try and have a relationship with him now that she's gone. I just can't understand how my brother and sister continue to go out of their way to be there for him after all he did to us, and to our mother over the years. It just makes me feel bad to see him interacting with them, and vice versa. I feel like I could have that too if I return to stroking his ego and putting up with his condescending remarks in the hope he'll throw me a bone once in awhile. Why can't I see past the way he is and be there for him as the grieving widower, like my brother and sister have? I feel like a bad person and I'm missing out, but he's hurt me so much over the years that I just can't do it. He's never been held accountable for the pain he's caused, yet now he has everyone's sympathy and attention.

True, radical acceptance brings other possibilities and opportunities to resolution, including inner peace and survival

I need this video right now! Thank you. :) totally getting your book btw 😉

Me this whole year …… 😮‍💨 getting there was brutal. Having a name for it made me smile from a really deep place. Thank you so much doctor for sharing your knowledge and coming to me at this point in my journey 💕 I really appreciate you sharing and educating on this level. Radical acceptance is …… kind of a game changer. Thank you from The sweet part of my heart that I know is still there. You are a gem. ❤👑

I find that so hard to do because my daughter is caught in the claws of the narcissist and it seems that there is nothing I can do about it. I have such a maternal need to protect my daughter. I can't just leave her to it!

Acceptance that a person will not change is important. Bring a Christ follower, this was so difficult. But I had to write down the things I wanted and needed, and how I defined a healthy relationship. You cannot have any relationship without trust.

Fr....you are always on time with your energy. Thank you.

The grief stays! Hopefully, with the work put in, over time, the open wound becomes more of a scar . . .

This is so true. I'm at this point where Radical Acceptance is helping me slowly detach from the Narc family member and save my soul.

Radical acceptance has truly helped me. I feel a greater sense of relief and understanding of what happened. I have forgiven myself and I am in the healing process. I am still hurt and I still cry from time to time but I am getting better.

I implemented radical acceptance into my relationship with my narcissistic mother several years ago. I had to go low contact and hold boundaries. Im probably going no contact soon.

As always, thank you 🙏 this is the only path to releasing ourselves from the futile fight.

"When your soul feels lighter, everything does." So true! The wave of lightness and optimism about life in general that I felt after leaving a narc relationship shocked me. So has my ability to see through the hoovering and remember she has no interest in actually changing. *Freedom rocks!* 😄THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!

It became a do first thing in the morning listen to you and get my day started ♥️ this is my 4th month with no contact with him and listening to your channel and understanding everything and put in practice. Made this easier! THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME,

It's so difficult to get there, but when you do, the indifference is golden! 💛 ☀

The best thing radical acceptance did for me is it helped make me into the observer of the bad behaviour. Watching videos made by people who have been diagnosed with NPD helped the radical acceptance across the finish line. Once I realized how very different a narcissist’s mindset is from mine, a whole load of pennies dropped!

You have helped me and nurtured me so much! Thank you for such great content. I can't wait to read your book!!!

❤ amen, you described it very well and hit the nail on the head I love what you said about the who done it novel😂

Radical acceptance saved me from a narc and addiction at the same time. Radical acceptance is part of the AA/NA program and every day I got better and each day clean, accepting what would come and embracing the suck, made me realize that the relationship was also an addiction and harmful to me. It was super organic. Radical acceptance took me down the path of self acceptance and love which means I can't accept someone in my life who isn't doing the same for themselves every day, striving for better through action, not manipulation. The only way out is through. I was becoming just as neurotic and I thought it was me going crazy. I was, and so were they. Like you say, once you see it, it can't be unseen.

It's the stuff that you have to accept about your narcissists that sucks - the acceptance itself is amazing.

I think of this as another tool in my tool box. This is really helpful. Thank you.❤❤❤

This right here is all there is. It’s the high level overview of the bottom line of what you need to know in order to survive and be sane again thank you so so so so so so so much!!

I remember my professor saying if you have to struggle to learn, the learning is a higher quality. I think this true here: I had to dive really deeply into the ick and then I finally got it.

Thanks you for Everything Dr. Ramani! Your information & guidance has helped me understand & navigate this thing more than any other resource out there.

Dr. Ramani, I cannot tell you how timely this is!! I was having this exact conversation with my counselor yesterday and this video really breaks down what she was trying to tell me so that I understand it better. I was kind of emotional and all that my brain could process was, "is she essentially telling me to get over it? And why does he get the free pass?" Thank you so much for this video. It was a perfect tie-in with my appointment yesterday and is a big a-ha moment between the two!! ❤

So true. I am finally lifted and care no more about him. I miss the fun times and friends but not him and the nastiness and gaslighting. Of that I am free and it’s worth it that I left.

This means (thanks to you and your channel) I've gotten there. No wonder I'm able to take these types of people for who they are. The drama doesn't affect me much at all!

Radical acceptance was truly the beginning of the healing process. If you ask people if they would choose a course of action, they would reject it if there were any pain involved, knowing ahead of time. Radical acceptance is acknowledging that pain and suffering is a necessary part of the process to make life better.

My dad is a narcissist and I still live with him. I’m finishing college in a month and have been working two jobs recently to make enough money so I can leave. I’ve lived in this house for more than half my life and it’s filled with pain, but my mom and I are doing the best we can to survive until she moves out and I can find somewhere else to go. I struggle with addictions because of being unhappy here, like I’m stuck in a cycle of getting hurt and using my addictions to cope which just makes me feel worse. I don’t know how to get myself out of it. It feels like as long as I live here, in this memory graveyard, I’ll be tethered to him and these addictions. I don’t know what to do

Radical acceptance of a parent is now saving my sanity Low/no contact is the only option for me going forward & it has brought a new peace to my life No contact with nex for a couple of years now & that grief happened a long time ago Knowledge is all powerful Thank you, DrRamini

For me, radical acceptance was the first step of many many steps to becoming whole within again. The pieces of the puzzle came together.

The issue for me is that I don't want closure; I want revenge. Narcissists need to pay dearly - either once or many times - for what they've done. The fact they can just walk away with no consequences makes me ill.

Congrats on your new book, Dr. Ramani!!! ⭐ 📕 Also, you look beautiful! 🌹

I think radical acceptance helps us live among them. If you have family, friends or even a spouse, it helps to deal with them.. but maybe much differently and kept at a distance for sure. you just see them as mentally unstable. And any and everything they say.. well its typically a delusion. And their actions..are just side effects of that delusion.

Radical acceptance is the point where I understand and grasp My Independence as a being from the antics of the controling personality, I accept radical acceptance - it is maturity - it's that ingredient that answers my constant question 'there has to be a better way' ... still I have to work at it...Thank you Dr Ramani

It is the only thing that got me through. And I am feeling the detachment increasing month after month. I even got an unintentional peak at the new supply's repeat story which helps with eliminating self blame. It's like a freaking miracle!

Looking fabulous today!!

This message is very helpful. Thank you

So excited for your new book! I am reading your don’t you know who I am book right now. Yep undoubtedly their traits will inevitably self sabotage their new relationships. This experience will forever scar me but it also had positives I grew massively and survived.

Leaving the bat shit crazy I put up with in my life has brought nothing but peace happiness harmony and contentment now that’s something I can radically accept. Thank you God for opening up the door for me to walk through. It was a exit door no re-entry allowed

I already pre-ordered the book and look forward to learning all I can on this healing journey!

It's brutal but it's the best option. You start your healing journey quicker.

It's freedom! Tough to get there, worth the work.

Well said, Doc. Needed to hear this especially after a long period, still in it, of processing a lot of anger, depression and frustration of working with toxic narcs and enablers at my job mainly i believe because the dynamics are similar to my family of origin with whom I am no contact. I realize how much of coworker abuse and manipulation I have suppressed over the years because i had a lot i needed to focus on to do my job well, that i wasnt able to pause and reflect on the subtle, but targeted passive aggressive bs this person does to "keep ppl in line," esp self starters with talent, aspirations, agency and competence. Ive accepted that I work with hegemonic turds, and i refuse to get my hands dirty or clean up the mess they make...just focus on my needs and wants- consult with like minded folks for moral support.

Wait a minute! It clicked for me! I just identified a friend of hers that was sweet, that we both welcomed warmly to ljnch at our home, and who my mum recently commented on with contempt when she wasn't around. I had often taken her fluctuating "mood" personally.

Thank you, thank you! I will definitely be purchasing your new book. Thank you for the relief, I am feeling some calmness take over my body.

1:57 "weak ass consolation prize" is putting it mildly…I lost 14 years of my life and my health, will never have a normal life again because of that. I truly believed it would be selfish to leave not that I really considered it since I was so in love all the while very conscious about his narcissistic trait…and when I finally truly reached radical acceptance he cheated and left. Now wants a divorce 🙃

Gosh what a journey it took me to radical acceptance it took me more years than I was when I with him due to all the crap that happens BUT now I’m happy because it’s ok to be who you are, I haven’t had or desire to find a partnership in 10 years and it’s given me freedom and yes I do laugh at the shit he gets himself into as I do have a daughter from him and boy does she tell me the gossip 😂 luckily she’s able to see what he is without any bias from me (that was the darkest part of my life that I wouldn’t want for anyone) and in turn she’s able to help her half sister with the mind games he plays (yep he’s then other family I wasn’t aware of but I was first) It’s just once you’ve climbed out of the swamp you can begin again and once you’ve accepted that for me I’m happier on my own I can breathe a sigh of relief 🎉🎉🎉🎉 I really hope for anyone unfortunate enough to have had to deal with a shitty person that one day you too can breathe a sigh of relief 🎉😊

Thank you. I didn't get this til I GOT it. It wasn't a penny drop moment, but maybe several small ones that eventually made this lighter feeling possible, and I think there might be residual hope left in at least one case. Also. I wonder if at least for me it's not once I've radically accepted one relationship for what it is, it is gonna apply to all the spaces where this relationship dynamic was/is at play. But that each takes its own process to get to radical acceptance. It seems that way for me, tho tbh it's a lot faster and a lot less painful now that I'm learning to recognize it for what it is a lot sooner. Tho with the past /family of origin stuff, it's like you said, really a tough grieving process, that will also really leave me lighter as I go thru that as well. Again. Thank you.

Thank you Dr.Ramani just ordered your book can’t wait to get it ❤

Radical acceptance from a whole group of people , it was quite the journey to peace and tranquility

I think you will only feel lighter once you get radical acceptance AND get through the grief. I'm proud to say I'm there now but it was HELL !

Radical acceptance is really how you should approach all people, including yourself. You can't change anyone, and realizing what you and they really are, a mix of good and bad, is the only way you can come to terms: you accept them, and you can change a bit the less desirable qualities you have.

I thought he would mellow with age and be a kinder, nicer version for her. But understanding he will always be himself, a narcissist, I know she's getting the same guy behind closed doors. Now, she's the new babysitter to calm his tantrums.

Thankyou Dr Ramani yes I am still hurt 😞 I am just tired of all the lies they told. 🙏❤️❤️❤️

Was thinking abt the vid yesterday about soul mates. Seems like it’s pretty unreasonable to expect another *person* to be this fantasy perfect being.

This video reminded me to refrain from explaining why i wont be around for a person ever again. The people involved won't get it, won't remember and/or it could come slightly back to bite my face. Super not worth it. And I knew that previously, but i forgot (and i forgot to write a memo about how the flying monkey situation turned out. I only did strictly toxic action notes) Thankyou for the reminder.

It is heavy. Carrying other people's emotions and prolonging the agony is heavy. Thank you for showing me how to shed the weight!

My 16 year old son said something he noticed…it seems they hate u (me) because of ur sheer will to move past the bs they create for u….it’s ur will to achieve and succeed in everything u put ur mind into….and they lie and tell u ur a loser and u can’t do anything but in reality ur the most successful out of the entire group…and they can’t stand that

It takes time to get it but it comes... Your description is so true. Thanks again.

Thank you again Dr. Ramini! I learned radical acceptance while I was with my narc 19 years. My sudden discard by him left me really struggling. This video reminded me that I need to do the same process to get over my shock and brokenness. Once again, you nailed it. Btw, you look so beautiful!

I absolutely get the benefit of understanding the situation……among other things, you learn to see the comical aspects of their behaviour towards you …..and when they get a new supply, you can see exactly what the new relationship is about, and what it isn’t about

Important message. Im working on it. Can't wait to get this.

Radical acceptance, and having all the narcissists out of your life just lift the burden, don't know how, don't know why but it just seems to lift the burden. It's essentially shedding a new skin because you're coming into your OWN reality of your authenticity, without the negative influences surrounding you you can become yourself and you have the space to become yourself.

Radical acceptance towards narcissists themselves finally comes easy for me, but what’s really messing me up is radically accepting that there’s not much you can do to wake up/help the victims and enablers in denial of their own abuse.