This is like being a designated driver watching your mate getting pissed.

Just in case you foreigners are wondering, Carling and Fosters are only popular in the UK because people wash their cars with it.

Marketing this brown water to remind you of your cheap package holiday at a Spanish resort full of Brits. Truly the quintessential British drink

What a waste of time. I have a true story about Stella, back in the 80s I managed a pub which had Stella lager. There were six chaps who'd come in and drink it three times a week. One evening one of them brought it back to me at the bar saying it didn't taste right. I declined his offer to taste it but offered him a refund or another drink. However the day after I phoned our cellar service where the chap said: "Oh, complaining about the taste are they?" I said: "You know something". He told me there had been a problem at the UK brewery so they'd been importing the real stuff from Belgium.

Carling will always be my worst. Brewed with depression

If ever a man was “taking one for the team” it’s right here, drinking 9 beers purely for public interest. Legend status unlocked 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

It's always a surprise how marketeers have completely exploited the Brits' complete disinterest in quality. What saps we are. Dismal.

I offered a homeless drunk,a can of Bud Light, and he said no thanks,I don't drink that piss!

Madri is the worst, just for the fact it isn’t Spanish or ever has been. It’s a completely made up lager only ever brewed in the uk

The sad thing is that most people won't see these as the worst beers in the UK, they'll genuinely see them as 'premium' beers! It's incredible how low people's standards have become.

This is the equivalent to comparing different types of animal piss.

Here in England we are good at cider and craft beer Best lagers are Czech and German you don't get hang overs with them english lagers are full of chemicals Fosters is the worst beer ever

It's a damn shame that in most sports / lager pubs nowadays you can't even find one decent lager on tap

Frustrating when it's sold as a foreign beer when it's not.

Moretti was an old, high quality brewer in Italy. Heineken bought it, and the first thing they did was close Moretti’s two breweries. Ever since it’s ‘brewed’ in the Netherlands and the UK. It’s been decades since a single drop of Birra Moretti was produced in Italy. I like Czech lagers, but only the ones brewed in Moravia and Bohemia. I really liked Staropramen. Draught, can or bottle, all brewed in Czechia. One day, I got a few bottles, cracked open the first one, and it was disgusting. I knew immediately what the problem was - looked on the back of the bottle, and it was brewed in the UK. Thankfully, if you find it on keg, that’s still brewed in Czechia (I think). At home, Czech brewers still brew in accordance with the ‘Rheinheitsgebot’, the sadly now unenforceable German purity law. Holsten. I used to drink draught Holsten, the regular lager, in my local in the 1970s. It was brewed in Hamburg, and was delicious. Holsten Pils was also from Hamburg, but only available in cans or bottles, even in Hamburg! Like Carlsberg Special Brew, it was revolting, sweet and overly malty, and only drunk by those with no taste buds and determined to get pissed as fast as possible. They were both high ABV, the Carlsberg SB at around 9%, the Holsten Pils about 7%. In the pub one day, got my usual pint of Holsten, and it was horrible. I asked the cellarman about it, and he told me it was now brewed in the UK! I went back to Light and Bitter! Stella used to be lovely beer, I remember the ads in the 70s, extolling its slow maturation. It was six weeks! Then it disappeared for a while - I believe the brewery went bust, and it took a while for someone to take it over. It went to a big corp, and suddenly reappeared, with a strong marketing campaign. It was still 6%, but was nasty, and the premium price had gone. It now cost the same as all the other rubbish, and was brewed in the Netherlands and the pint I was drinking in the UK. It was from that time on that it started to get its horrible nickname, ‘wife-beater’. Not too long ago, there seemed to be an attempt to take it upmarket again to counter that name; I saw the ads extolling its long maturation time - one (1) week!!!! The only lagers I’ll buy on draught now in a pub are Budweiser/Buvar, Staropramen (for now), and Pilsner Urquell. Otherwise, it’s Draught Ale for me. At home, I’ll have B/B, PU, a few other imported Czech beers, beers from local Bavarian Rheinheitsgebot breweries (Augustinierbräu Helles Vollbier is a favourite), and, strangely, Carlsberg Export! I find its taste and mouth feel pleasing, with no unpleasant aftertaste. And yes, it’s brewed in the UK!!!! Now, if only I could find Fischer’s beer from France in the UK. That really is nice, again still brewed to Rheinheitsgebot rules by Bräurerie /Brasserie Fischer in Alsace; it’s a small family owned brewery. At least it was; I hope it’s still a thing!

You missed Corona, which is now brewed in the UK. Was one of my favourite beers, I served in the royal Navy for 12 years and knew that no matter where in the world you stopped Corona would always taste the same. The flavour profile changed a few years back and that coincided with the brewing coming to the UK

I used to drink Stella back in the 1970's. It was then imported by Whitbread's and had a beautifully floral smell to it and you got the occasional piece of hop in your glass from the dryhopping that they gave it in the cask. It was strong too, five pints and you probably wouldn't be making work in a fit state the next day. Nowadays it's just an OK lager.

What do you wanna bet that after filming, he picks an argument with a neighbour or maybe a random piece of kitchen equipment.

So informative! You've singlehandedly changed my future drinking choices mate - subscribed! 🍻

that looks like a line up of the usual suspects suspected of a heinous crime

It still amazes me how you walk through Tesco and see people pick up a crate of carling…. It isn’t even any cheaper!

Love this video. The passion and loathing of these beers is special.

Black Label was always metallic to me. "What's the difference between Bud Light and sex in a canoe? They're both f***ing close to water." America even adds Sugar to their Bread.

Much respect to you for drinking these cans of swill in one sitting.

The sad thing is Holsten Pils, Stella and even Bud used to be amazing beers when they imported them back in the late 80s and 90s

Also I got to admit I drink a bit of bud light on Keg (much better than Can) to keep me sober sometimes saves me getting in too much trouble..

I've gone off larger over the years. When I'm on holiday I like it. I thought it was just me but I now realise it's because the beers I loved (1664 ) are completely different now they are UK brewed

Full bodied review. Excellent viewing. Your bravery in drinking some of that, deserves a medal.

My pet hate is formerly premium beers that have been moved downwards to fill a role in a conglomerates portfolio or line up usually after a take over or merger. Lowenbräu for example.

Great video simon you took one for the team there mate! one other thing that we as consumers are being hoodwinked and ripped off by is also the fact that, these days most of these canned lagers are now only in 440ml cans and all used to be 500ml !

I once went out with a girl and her surname was Carling. Two fingers for head was accurate.

I bet Simons garden hasn't got any slugs.

"What's the difference between Bud Light and sex in a canoe?" "They're both f**king close to water"

My local off licence was carrying imported San Miguel and it was great. Had a really distinct flavour. I used to get a can every few days. Then one day I was drinking a can and the flavour had gone. Looked on the label and it said "Brewed in the UK"

Thankfully, I live in Bavaria, Germany. Until the EU overturned the 500 year old German Purity law, due to EU rules on trade agreements, it was ILLEGAL to sell these fake, chemical, beers in Germany, ILLEGAL! The mystery to me is, why do they call it lager in the first place? no one else does, lager means store/warehouse in German. Beer is called bier!

Fosters only became popular in the UK due to the Barry McKenzie cartoon strip in the early 70's. They chose Fosters lager for the character as it was recognised amongst the Australians as being an absolute joke of a beer. But Brits didn't realise, started buying it in large quantities and Fosters pushed it to the limit with the successful Paul Hogan adverts in the 80's.

Watching you get slowly sloshed and reviewing those rubbish beers is more entertaining than watching England at the euros 😀😀 Nice one Simon 👍🏻

thank you for taking one for the team. I wouldn't dare to try this piss

First time I have found this channel. Great work. Learned so much about green bottle taste issues and Burton water . As a non UK person i do find it odd that there are no real genuine UK lagers. I used to enjoy the Guinness hophouse 13 (yes, Irish) but it seems to have disappeared off supermarket shelves. Had a lovely unique taste.

This had it all, humor, noise of a fly buzzing aroud in the background, ice cream van, man burbs. Really enjoyed watching 😂

The things you do to enlighten the masses about Britain's rip of fake beer 😂🍺 This is wrong and should be made illegal, after all you can’t call a Cornish pasty Cornish if its made in Devon.

A friend of mine only ever has all these crappy brands in his fridge. Whenever he offers me one I politely decline and ask for a cup of tea instead!

Well, for me, larger is always inferior to proper ale. Having said that, I personally don’t think you’re getting the best experience out of a can anyway, should always be from a bottle! Cans always make the beer gassy and taint the flavour some what

Great video! At least here in Scotland we have Tennent's, I wasn't aware it was that bad for the rest of the UK

The guys at Maku Brewing in Finland were singing your praises, Simon. I was drinking their excellent beer all weekend at the Iskelmä music festival in Pori.

A north american hall of shame is required- budweiser, coors, canadian molson etc. All taste like sh!t.

This was really insightful! No wonder I can’t tell any difference no matter WHAT beer I pick up from my corner store…

Super video, all these beers which I sampled firstly in the mid 90s made me turn to bitter and real ale 🍺

carling isnt 4%, they have previously been to court regarding false advertising, its closer to 3.7%. unbelievably they somehow got away without prosecution and can legally advertise it as 4%

Hi Si ! Just beers before The shower, after an afternoon on the beach, no more. Tks for your review !🍻

Fosters is the only lager I’ve ever had that gave me a raging hangover off just two pints. Wasn’t even pissed, just felt genuinely ill after drinking it and woke up the next morning with a blasting headache. The whole time I was drinking it, it had this weird sensation it was “beer-flavoured soft drink” rather than actual beer, with a strong metallic tinge, as if the can had leeched into it, despite then being brand new cans straight off the shelf. Absolutely horrendous.

This is a great great channel. Been following your Insta since 2015 I'm sure it was before a name change ?? You sure have been through some beers, have you reviewed hawkstone ? I'll search and watch, subscribed !! Here's to another 9 yrs

It's no wonder we have so many people dying of diabetes in this country. They're all sitting there in their compression socks drinking sugar added shite and enjoying it. A great British brewed lager would be fantastic but I would still go for German lager all day long, cheers Simon, taking one for the team once again.

Guys, it's pretty easy: Just avoid any lagers under 5% and those made with maize, glucose syrup or rice. This way you'll likely be ok. It's not 100% waterproof, but a good rule of thumb.

Correction. Holsten is still brewed I Hamburg. In Altona. Altona is a Hamburg district. It’s just not brewed in the old brewery since Carlsberg bought it.

Anyone know if you can still buy Lowenbrau in the UK?- thanks

Everyone should ditch this generic dish water beer. Simon did a really good bit of consumer research on super market beers many videos ago. It's generally cheaper and better tasting beer over these farty Burton beers.

I am convinced that there is a brewery in Burton with only one massive brewing vat and a canning line with all the Euro Fizz brands that go through it - same stuff - different cans

I remember winning a "Spot ill hens" T Shirt in a Holsten promotion at the George and Dragon in Twickenham in the early 90s

Crucial work brother….cheers 🍻

Home Bargains got Spanish brewed Mahou 4 pack 330ml bottles for £4.99 just now ,what a difference in quality compared to other UK brewed Spanish beers

Great lesson by the way thanks for this video...

I used to love an Aussie beer in the 90s called Victoria Bitter. It came in a stubby bottle with a green label. It was quite malty. You don’t see it anywhere now.

Thanks for confirming what I have thought for a while - they can't be the same flavour if the water is different.

Amstel for me. That dog shit was the last straw for me a few years back, and made me go looking for decent beer.

The whole UK lager brewers need a big shake up , and start making proper larger . Absolutely no reason why we can't have a decent home brewed larger in the uk

Great video, learned a lot!

That moretti is stronger than you think and leaves you a rocking hangover

Now Simon that is the ultimate ' TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM'😂😂

I can't believe that anyone would be surprised that light, commercial lagers are on the sweet side.

I enjoyed the video very interesting. Do you remember Carlsberg 68? Came in a lovely bottle drank it in the early 70s what became of it?

I really enjoyed this video!

Great review! 100% agree with you as to why don't we just have our own national lager rather than badly copying everyone else.

Which is the worst is a matter of personal preference but one thing is undeniable. Making purchasers believe by labelling that a beer has been brewed abroad when it has not and only having a tiny note on the rear of the can denoting the true origin is deceitful and should be banned. The origin should be prominently stated on the front of the can and on the pump.

Always wondered why I had a strong dislike for San Miguel, now all is clear. Great Vid

Really enjoying these reviews 😂

Another excellent video Simon, unfortunately the uk don't know i to produce a good lager, except independent breweries, Samuel Smith's organic pure brew lager is the best brewed UK lager

My theory on fosters is that it stood still, whilst the others around got cheaper and sweeter.

great video mate!

What a great video! And you are only on beer two. Can't believe people make super entertainment like this. Keep them coming.

Cruzcampo 'Seville' ...coming at you from an industrial estate in some Godawful part of the UK - Salud mis amigos !

Carlsberg Export is definitely brewed in the UK (iirc as with San Miguel in Northampton, but who knows where it is with the way these big brewers like to chop and change ). Madri used to be brewed in Tadcaster as well

It's a worldwide issue. I live in New Zealand and up until now most of the worlds beers are brewed under license. I have recently noticed certain beers are even being brewed under license in China. Go figure.

People are drinking Bud Light because it's far lower calorie than any other common beer and also isn't crazy alcoholic. On a sunny day in a beer garden when you're restraining yourself it's often hard to find quaffable ales around the 3.5-3.6 range, as pubs seen to think people won't drink it if it's under 5%

If you ever get the chance to try the original Filipino San Miguel go for it. In the little brown bottles. You sometimes see it in Asian shops.

Best beer I ever had was a Bass brewed to the old Victorian recipe in The White Horse, Parsons Green decades ago. Too strong for a session beer - but absolute nectar, for the short time it was available. Brewed in Burton on Trent. I am an ales man. So I still drink dark beers in Summer in pubs that don't have gardens. That said I like drinking in my sunny garden in the Summer. I will drink cold beers then. Stella, which you decry, is perfectly drinkable as are the little French 250 bottles. Another huge reason is that they are very affordable when I look at the price per litre. Not my first drink but OK for a second or third. I am used to occasionally sending a pibt of ale back - but thats the nature of the beast. Ales have a limited life span. A decent cellar manager and good turnover is essential. As for foreign lagers, I have had to abandon Starpromen and Tyskie, both brewed outside the home country. I found a Polish beer called Zubr which is best before heading into a football match. Sorry to hear about your health issues, but that said you are looking well for a man of your age. Take care.

Here in North America no beer drinker wants to be seen drinking BudLight

I get the nostalgia thing with Carling. I first drank it in '95 in a bar called Sparky's on a weeks family holiday in Tenerife. It was boiling hot and it was so cold and refreshing (to a 16 year old kid). I think we stopped by that bar almost every day for a week. It's not bad if you're 16, boiling hot (and the old man is paying).

You kno you sank them jars when the camera went off 💪🏻😂

Loved this video 😄👏🏼🍺

The worst example of this type of thing is Coors light with all of it advertising about being as cold as the Rockies. When it’s brewed in Burton-Upon-Trent. I’ve been closer to the Rockies than that beer ever has

Do these brewers hold their customers in contempt?

I feel like part of the problem is that Burton water and Burtonised water is great for ales but for lagers it’s no good. I wonder what the composition of the water in Pilsen is like? I did have a can of UK Cruzcampo recently and I was surprised that I didn’t find it too bad and I felt it tasted similar enough to the original; although it’s been a few years since I had some in Spain and it wasn’t really one of my preferred beers there anyway.

Madri is brewed by the same brewery that make Coors and Carling, it's got no Spanish heritage whatsoever and is totally brewed in the UK. Most of these beers are fine in the country of origin, it's Allied Breweries that ruin them. Moretti in the UK is like cats piss compared to Moretti in Italy.

Where can I buy non-UK brewed lagers?? And which ones would your recommend? Even Staropramen, Pravha, Peroni, CruzCampo, Asahi, they all seem to be brewed in the UK

Just back from a month in the Philippines and I can tell you that the San Mig Pale Pilsen tastes a lot better there than here. There is also SM Lite (5%) and SM Red Horse (8%) which taste fine in 40°C heat. But there is a huge opening there for microbreweries (although it is happening a little in Manila)

Yes the carlsberg export is brewed in the UK. Maybe that's the straw that broke the camels back for you 🤣

Great reviews 👏👏👏👏

I stopped drinking lager a few years ago. Do you guys rate Perla?

I think Carling was always 4%. It was weaker than the premium lagers, but a bit more than the carlsberg / fosters / skol type stuff. A quick google suggests they have brewed it at 3.7 since 2012, but kept marketing it at 4% as you mentioned. Of course, in the old days, we got the "export" versions at 5% which were much better than the bog standard ones- Fosters export, Heineken export etc No idea whether they were uk brewed though.