Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence

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Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence

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The Onion

14 жыл бұрын

Пікірлер: 1 400

@nonofyabidnez5737 5 жыл бұрын

The lady always completely nails her part. She's great!

@iavv334 4 жыл бұрын

Her and beard dude

@NoizyInSeattle 4 жыл бұрын

Everyone loves Loralee.

@chuksstone8759 4 жыл бұрын

I'm your 1000th like, you're welcome

@jardelelias5625 3 жыл бұрын

And Duncan Birch, the most prolific writer of all time.

@ophidahlia1464 3 жыл бұрын

I'm sure we can all agree that none of them hold a candle to Clifford Banes, though

@DoctorTurdmidget 9 жыл бұрын

All my baby skull jewelry comes from free-range fair-trade organic non-GMO dolphin-safe locally-grown babies.

@Ben-rz9cf 8 жыл бұрын

+Doctor Turdmidget don't forget green, farm to table and emission free

@Ektalon 6 жыл бұрын

Hopefully low sodium and gluten-free . . .

@michaelshannon6134 5 жыл бұрын

I grow and harvest my own baby skulls right in the backyard, some HOA's don't like it though

@bkdmode 5 жыл бұрын

@@Ektalon -- gluten-free? Now, now, let's not get crazy or "Big-Skull" will come get you!

@Quintusblake 4 жыл бұрын

Aren’t all babies technically locally grown?

@MBest11x 14 жыл бұрын

These make a perfect baby shower gift!

@WakaWaka2468 3 жыл бұрын

Nobody asked

@winterweasel425 3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, drop 300 baby skulls on the mother, as well as some goat blood and some Sumerian invocations. It guarantees her offspring to be a great conqueror in the future.

@DannySullivanMusic 2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@Typical.Anomaly 2 жыл бұрын

@@WakaWaka2468 Fuck Oasis

@Ryan_Metzelar 2 жыл бұрын

@@winterweasel425 lol

@Commando303X 3 жыл бұрын

"Ask to see the spine." It's beyond me how we haven't been doing this simple thing all along.

@HarrisonRocks 11 жыл бұрын

To be honest, with the economy as bad as it is, it's often much more cost effective to harvest the skulls yourself and have them processed from there. Really cuts out the middle man and drives down expenses. Once you know a few people in the industry you can even run a small independent business on the side. I've been harvesting skulls from local schools for years now and its a nice little earner in this tough economic climate.

@chrisjamel8461 6 жыл бұрын

Dead_Parade actually specialization is the key to economic growth

@bhatkat 5 жыл бұрын

Now why didn't I think of that back in the day? Suppose it's too late to get on the bandwagon now, better think of something new, maybe harvesting the pineal glands of surplus geezers and homeless people that no one will miss.

@CaveraGamerzZ 2 жыл бұрын

You can boost your business supply by giving the weird kid a machine gun

@adh0c468 2 ай бұрын

You get yours from schools?? Those aren't baby skulls, they're children's skulls! Ewww! Aren't you ashamed to sell that low-quality stuff?

@olefredrikskjegstad5972 2 жыл бұрын

I really appreciate that the joke is entirely centered around discussing labour conditions for the people who "collect" these skulls, and they say nothing about what happened to the babies the skulls actually came from. Nice commentary on the way a lot of product and consumer discourse gets derailed.

@ninetailedfox579121 2 жыл бұрын

That is how a lot of their satire works. They take something that would ordinarily be highly frowned upon and act like it is normal in order to satirize something that is normal. In this case they are satirizing the diamond industry.

@memerminecraft585 Жыл бұрын

They're not really baby skulls, they're diamonds

@sovietunion7643 Жыл бұрын

considerig most of the time the imhumane thing is actually how its sourced its not suprising there is nothin inherently wrong about a diamond or chocolate beans. however how they were moved, mined or grown, and how (un)ethical it might have been has been becoming a bigger and bigger problem for consumers who at the same time want cheap products but also don't want to be enabling evil practices

@goodstuff8156 Жыл бұрын

Is it your mission in life to systematically ruin every funny joke on the internet?

@Gamingraptorstudios Жыл бұрын

I think you missed that this is a critique of diamonds

@Uratashi 13 жыл бұрын

As a responsible harvester, I'm frankly quite disappointed by how much our trade has been frowned upon. These illegal traders are giving the rest of us a bad name.

@christopherneufelt8971 Жыл бұрын

Hi. If you are still alive and well, the expression is: 99% of the ______ give the rest a bad name. You can put the noun you wish.

@brooklyna007 Жыл бұрын

I only collect my baby skulls from ethnicities who have been legally declared non-human by their governments. I go 100% by the books. You won't ever catch me breaking a national law. And I do not do business with countries who have signed those silly Geneva accords. They are bad for business.

@Professorlicme8 Жыл бұрын

@@christopherneufelt8971 not only are you dumb for correcting an 11 year old comment, you're not even right.

@user-bo6je1pk9z Жыл бұрын

@@christopherneufelt8971my boy it’s been 11 years Let this man live laugh and love

@Jebu911 9 ай бұрын

@@user-bo6je1pk9z its been so long his own babys might have been harvested already.

@sporff 4 жыл бұрын

Man Clifford Banes has to get his life together. In the past 3 videos ive watched he has gone from holding hostages to being held by bandits to losing his memory in a bathroom.

@AtticusHess Жыл бұрын

*Waylaid by bandits

@Rubyofthedead Жыл бұрын

Or he was vacuuming, or just wasn't a very good host anyway.

@sushanalone 10 жыл бұрын

Excellent parody over the blood-diamonds market and Western companies dealing in them.

@Buzz0Killington 10 жыл бұрын

Also hilarious how they're clearly glossing over the fact that they're murdering babies. lol

@ilikecake48 6 жыл бұрын

I thought it was about animal rights

@Paelorian 5 жыл бұрын

There's nothing inherently immoral about mining as there would be for a product for which human infants are slaughtered to harvest.

@hv9988 5 жыл бұрын

thought it was about ivory trade at first myself...

@awkwardcultism 5 жыл бұрын

"There is no ethical consumption under capitalism" HA! Ha ha ha! No, no, sorry, I shouldn't laugh. You're right! All of America's communists should take this statement to heart and move to Venezeula, or just stop eating! (Of course, they're the same thing.)

@SebasTian58323 Жыл бұрын

Man, I lost all respect for Duncan. That cow skull scam is really well known. How did he fall for that?

@mrniceguy7168 4 жыл бұрын

The disgust in his face when he realizes it’s a cow skull

@haliax8149 4 жыл бұрын

cow skull or bull skull? it matters...

@ilikestew5719 3 жыл бұрын

@@haliax8149 Bull

@SafiuddinKhaja 3 жыл бұрын

He is from India

@pwnisher 14 жыл бұрын

I LOVE THIS ONE! I woulda been like .... wheres the skull?

@DannySullivanMusic 2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@zenleek2129 Жыл бұрын

Ooh, a very old pwnisher comment

@banned2911 2 ай бұрын

Omg

@Tomsfilipsons 4 жыл бұрын

One of these so-called "experts" is in fact a government official who was responsible for sending billions of dollars in humanitarian aid to Andorra!

@DA-bm2mj 4 жыл бұрын

Angola?

@-ahvilable-6654 4 жыл бұрын

Aurora?

@sarahr.1076 3 жыл бұрын

@@DA-bm2mj Armenia

@HarrisonRocks 3 жыл бұрын

So? Isn't that in Africa?

@ahyarhartanto1802 3 жыл бұрын

@@HarrisonRocks yeah just next to mumbambu

@elcarrerdelsgaivots1152 5 жыл бұрын

I would have been like... where's the skull??

@ProblemEngland 7 жыл бұрын

Yeahh... last time I tried to get a nice baby skull I ended up with some sort of chimpanzee skull. Remember, whenever you're buying a skull make sure to bring someone with you who can make sure you aren't getting ripped off.

@bhatkat 5 жыл бұрын

You sure nailed it there, why isn't the gummint doing more to regulate the trade and make sure such heinous and unethical practices like this aren't more tightly regulated? Before we know it they will find a way to 3D print total fakes out of synthetic bone or something like that and we could see a collapse in the entire industry. Are they entirely oblivious to such a threat to a very important sector of the economy? And why don't we see more news coverage, something to do with those slimy liberals up to there vile tricks again? When are they gonna DO SOMETHING!

@ninetailedfox579121 2 жыл бұрын

@@bhatkat Oh come on, we all know they're in on it. All it takes is one corrupt federal inspector on the take and the entire system gets derailed.

@gloodgy2774 10 ай бұрын

My cousin once bought a kitten skull thinking it was a baby skull. Kitten skulls still have a market, you shouldn't have to mislead people into getting them

@racehellish 14 жыл бұрын

"Ask the skull dealer where he got the skull. Ask to see the spine."

@Foebane72 14 жыл бұрын

"That is NOT a baby skull, it's a COW skull!!" "Oh, eurgh, Goddammit!!!" Genius! 5/5

@Slayer5551 14 жыл бұрын

I'm a baby skull harvester and I agree that something must be done. I am forced to work through absolutely horrific conditions!

@no-name1for1 4 жыл бұрын

They missed the chance to show a baby playing with a baby skull Would've been so cute

@dm121984 14 жыл бұрын

I had no idea the baby skull industry was so unregulated! Really opened my eyes - thank you Onion.

@dackattac 14 жыл бұрын

"This Christmas, skull her" had me laughing so hard.

@gallimead 14 жыл бұрын

The simple remark of "Ask to see the spine" just cracked me up

@royalspin 5 жыл бұрын

But are they environmentally friendly and gluten free ?

@omniskriba 14 жыл бұрын

For those who are wondering, this is a take on the ethical implications of the African Diamond Trade and the question of whether owning "blood diamonds" (diamonds harvested through violent or cruel labor practices) should be a matter of personal guilt and responsibility. For those who thought this was obvious enough, good for you.

@aeris2001 Жыл бұрын

Can be a take on Capitalism in general, and things like eating meat

@ArDeeMee Жыл бұрын

@@aeris2001 aka distracting from the actual topic. Good job.

@TenkDD Жыл бұрын

@@aeris2001 Yeah sure, if you're fucking stupid it can be.

@crystalcarbon Жыл бұрын

What's really important is how you can infact grow baby skulls perfectly and without flaws but the baby skull industry doesn't want that to happen

@boccs9925 5 жыл бұрын

I always have to commend the actress for Lauralee because she makes me despise her character so much.

@watermelonhead8054 4 жыл бұрын

i love the apple computer episode where the guy just loses his shit and yells "Lauralee shut up! You don't know what you're talking about."

@elephant_888 3 жыл бұрын

Yeah she’s the best!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

@SheolAbaddonus666 Жыл бұрын

I've been harvesting baby skulls legally for 15 years. Back in the day, I used to procure as many as 30 skulls in a 16 hour period. It was hard work, but I've never taken part in the illegal, inhumane business practices that plague the industry.

@DrJ-hx7wv Жыл бұрын

I appreciate your commitment.

@wickedqueenamanda 14 жыл бұрын

lol "some were even missing limbs, having gotten in the way of their own machetes while harvesting the baby skulls" The Onion is so insane (in a good way)

@F3FisGoodforYou 12 жыл бұрын

As long as the baby had been raised for that it's fine... and don't buy cheap baby skull, sometime you can see the machete marks on the skull, not Chic.

@twowords.1041 10 жыл бұрын

haha i wish they still did these

@elmoelmerson172 6 жыл бұрын

I know right baby skulls are timeless

@-haclong2366 5 жыл бұрын

They still do, but the baby skull 💀 market moved online so you'll have to order them off of Amazon or Alibaba now.

@afroditesis4738 4 жыл бұрын

TWO WORDS. Role playing chatroom dude

@tubaraofeio1053 4 жыл бұрын

@@afroditesis4738 ah yes i shall now log in to xat or msn

@loganx7571 6 жыл бұрын

The chubby lady is my favorite character😂😂

@nonofyabidnez5737 5 жыл бұрын

She absolutely nails it every time

@simplicitylost 5 жыл бұрын

Nonofya Bidnez The black lady (who isn't in this one) also consistently nails it.

@stuflames4769 5 жыл бұрын

She's my fav.

@DidamDFP 5 жыл бұрын

@@simplicitylost they all nail it tbh

@billygoats804 5 жыл бұрын

Her name is Julie Brister. I recalled seeing her from Goliath.

@stlsensimilla Жыл бұрын

I was listening to a news report yesterday about illegally captured wild monkeys from Cambodia vs. monkeys bred in captivity in Cambodia that are then legally exported for medical research and it was pretty much the same conversation.

@orangeapples 14 жыл бұрын

I love how he couldn't tell the difference between a cow skull and a baby skull.

@richardconway3950 7 жыл бұрын

Trevor Moore was right

@TheOssumPawesome 5 жыл бұрын

Richard Conway rapin your churches burnin your women

@ArtypNk 12 жыл бұрын

I am a small time baby scull provider, and I agree with regulation. I work my ass off tracking and extracting baby sculls, and you mean to tell me some Africans can just waltz in and flood the market with poor quality calcium depleted baby sculls, just like that? Buy locally harvested baby sculls people.

@randomnessrules4971 3 жыл бұрын

This is what human culture must seem like for a Homeworld Gem.

@easypeasypiano6118 6 жыл бұрын

Is Clifford Banes ever on his own show...

@Giganfan2k1 5 жыл бұрын

No. Appearently he fucked around and now is in serious shit.

@santiagosancho2317 5 жыл бұрын

He was actually, one time he appeared using as mask pretending to be his coworker

@Ninjacakester 5 жыл бұрын

santiago sancho which video?

@watermelonhead8054 4 жыл бұрын

@@Ninjacakester "Should we be bringing our kids to R18 movies we masturbate to?" I believe was the title.

@LovingPrinceTamayuki 4 жыл бұрын

I kinda wanna meet poor Clifford Banes... He seems like he could use some help with his life.

@dengueberries 8 ай бұрын

Great commentary on diamonds. Especially now when factory made diamonds can be made in literally any shape, size, or form, there is no need to continue extracting "real" diamonds.

@jackthompson6296 6 ай бұрын

There was never any good reason to wear diamond jewelry besides a lack of critical thinking skills

@moistnugget4147 4 жыл бұрын

"Will you marry me?" "Where's the skull?"

@Nippleless_Cage Жыл бұрын

0:22 Kanye West: wears a baby skull necklace 2022 Kanye West: "I like Hitler" The Onion continues to age like fine wine.

@ichheisseralf5057 Жыл бұрын

As soon as I saw that shit I came looking for a comment like this, I was hoping I wasn’t the first to notice

@jfu5222 Жыл бұрын

Frightening accuracy, America's Finest News Source.

@caramel7149 Жыл бұрын

The Onion literally makes up the most f'd up stuff, but half the time it becomes real anyways, it blows my mind.

@DrJ-hx7wv Жыл бұрын

What's the connection?

@DrJ-hx7wv Жыл бұрын

Oh right, because the SS had skulls on their uniforms. Sorry, took me a second.

@guytorie 3 жыл бұрын

When they cut to Lauralee I fucking lost it laughing

@SpaceCowboy5 4 жыл бұрын

Cheap Chinese baby skulls just can't compare with quality American-made skulls. Just no substitute.

@matthiasoverley4685 4 жыл бұрын

gramen baby skulls are the bast

@GeneticallyEngineeredCatgirls 3 жыл бұрын

"Ask to see the spine if he has it"

@quietreason9667 3 жыл бұрын

How is your day?

@yiyilikeit6210 4 жыл бұрын

I jus realized "skulls" are "diamonds"

@aarondavid826 14 жыл бұрын

I love those comments saying "I love those comments saying, 'is this real?' It makes my day." It makes my day.

@big10 14 жыл бұрын

"They had gotten in the way of their own machetes while harvesting these skulls...." "I would've been like, 'Where's the skull?'" "Ask to see the spine...." LOL!!!

@cmilla111 3 жыл бұрын

When the cast of the Onion feels more genuine than anyone on FOX or CNN.

@sking3014 9 жыл бұрын

she said yes!

@roselee9063 9 жыл бұрын

+Jason Lang Not to the baby...

@ChrissieBear 3 жыл бұрын

For those who are confused, this is mocking the brutality of the diamond industry.

@dewilew2137 Жыл бұрын

No one is confused.

@noradlark167 10 ай бұрын

@@dewilew2137I think this is about animal products.

@dewilew2137 10 ай бұрын

@@noradlark167 it isn't.

@Commando303X 3 жыл бұрын

"This Christmas, skull her." Aye-aye, Internet video.

@PCHDX 13 жыл бұрын

I have a discussed the issue of baby skulls on here before. It is good to see that the discussion is still going on controversy on fair baby skill practices. God Bless America

@BirdGang6 Жыл бұрын

It’s ironic that something so beautiful could be associated with such pain

@WJ4321 Жыл бұрын

I'm a baby skull harvister My dad was a baby skull harvister and so was his dad and his dad before him and his dad before him SO I'LL BE DAMMED IF THE GOVERMENT CAN TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB

@metalmilitia89 14 жыл бұрын

this is a very good example of social satire, criticizing a real issue with laughter. very well done.

@leminjapan Жыл бұрын

"My mother gave this to me!" Even for a video about baby skull jewelry, that got dark real quick lol

@xusun956 4 жыл бұрын

this really happened in history though. In early colonial ages some tribes in south america or some pacific Island had a costum of processing enemy's head. Europeans loved it and ended up buying more and more inducing them to kill massively just to make more skulls to sell.

@ahyarhartanto1802 4 жыл бұрын

well, you are correct on this one, it's also happening in my country. but instead of buying, they stole it from our people. (my ethnicitiy didn't have such culture, but people in remote island in my country did have back then)

@martineldritch Жыл бұрын

Know that lab-Grown baby skulls are typically 30-40% less money, more affordable, and more ethically sourced. Please consider them as a sustainable option.

@kittyprydekissme 14 жыл бұрын

There's just no way to know where a baby skull comes from when you buy it in a store. That's why I always go and harvest them myself. It's the only way to have a clear conscience.

@Kakuzukun0047 14 жыл бұрын

My boyfriend bought my a beautiful French baby skull for our anniversary. It was harvested and polished by a trusted family friend. I think he's the one~!

@Frosty_tha_Snowman 8 ай бұрын

The way they refer to it as "harvesting" without flinching is so dark and uncanny 😂

@TheCraigy83 8 жыл бұрын

im throwing my visa at the screen but nothings happening does the long number have to hit first ?

@tfavors28 14 жыл бұрын

I can understand Duncon's confusion. I am always getting Cow and baby skulls mixed up. You can imagine the shock on my girlfriends face when I popped the question using a cowskull-ring. She was quite irate and told me no.

@u.v.s.5583 Жыл бұрын

- Master Skywalker, there are too many of them, what are we going to do? - Your skulls will make a fine addition to my collection.

@alecr6119 4 жыл бұрын

“People should not be demonized just for wearing a baby skull “ she says as one hangs from her shirt

@mrniceguy7168 4 жыл бұрын

“Some had their arms cut off...they had gotten in the way of their own machetes when they were harvesting skulls” You are now imagining some poor guy with his hand cut off as he was harvesting a babies head

@LittleB2007 4 жыл бұрын

This might be the best criticism of the diamond industry I've ever seen

@kxmode Жыл бұрын

I think it ironically mocks those who criticize the diamond industry.

@hoffhogan2200 3 жыл бұрын

I wish my life was as eventfull as Clifford Baines

@pranavps851 4 жыл бұрын

Clifford Banes has lost it

@yiyilikeit6210 4 жыл бұрын

"my mother gave it to me"

@Tjalve70 4 жыл бұрын

That means it's old. Maybe it was hand made? You know, back then infant mortality rates were much higher.

@SmallWorldFilms 14 жыл бұрын

I know it isn't the same thing, but artificial baby skulls, perhaps made of plastic, glass or metals (or even lab-grown) would help protect the harvesters from the inhumane conditions they work under. They might even be retrained to serve in these higher tech industries. Why, it could be a new renaissance!

@strangastrange 14 жыл бұрын

I love "In The Know"! The conversations are awesome!

@arimaor2966 3 жыл бұрын

Naby skulls have 2 parts that become one as we come older, so we should have seen parts open in the middle of the top

@cyrushomes7512 3 жыл бұрын

I saw Clifford Bane on I-97. He had no idea where he was, but thankfully a big truck knew better and found him at the right spot!

@harakirikiss6128 4 жыл бұрын

Is Wearing Child Spine Handbags Unethical?

@dillchives 4 жыл бұрын

The nose-to-tail trend has really shaken up the baby skull industry. They're not simply used for jewelry anymore.

@samuelstacey2309 Жыл бұрын

“Ask to see the spine” 😂😂

@DynoDunes 14 жыл бұрын

I love how he's offended by the cow skull just epic

@pathos7527 3 жыл бұрын

Remember no matter how they describe the background of the baby skull on their eBay listing check their reviews to know that they are a reliable vendor that has consistently delivered an authentic and quality product

@EinFelsbrocken 5 жыл бұрын

Oh my fucking god; the lady going "wheres my skull?"; wagging her arms; holy shit hahahaha

@BrittniisBlah 14 жыл бұрын

"i would have been like, where's the skull"... haha good times :p

@caramel7149 Жыл бұрын

Don't you dare make a union, do you think I wanna do things safely??? It's my god given right to lose fingers while trying to harvest baby skulls.

@publikymage 14 жыл бұрын

I love that their main councern is the work conditions of the workers, not the babies lives.

@StevieObieYT Жыл бұрын

"Some of them had their arms cut off. They got in the way of their own machetes." Bro literally cut off his own arm instead of the babies head 💀

@skollmemes9960 5 жыл бұрын

The onion shows you firsthand how every lie contains some truth.

@zain6008 4 жыл бұрын

Uhh no, but good attempt at sounding deep.

@dyowzhars9400 5 жыл бұрын

Great way to talk about blood diamonds.

@0Clewi0 3 жыл бұрын

They talked about the workers so much I felt it wasn't even satire

@heveinmusic 14 жыл бұрын

I'm in tears at the moment...

@giancarlotorres3520 3 жыл бұрын

Can we all just appreciate Duncan’s facial hair??

@SpearedGrave1 12 жыл бұрын

What about the baby skull seeking bullet industry. We have to factor that into this debate!

@rebca_ Жыл бұрын

was searching for this comment :D

@ElizaKW 13 жыл бұрын

@uh0oo You need to check for certification and make sure you're only buying from a reputable dealer. If you're trying to buy your baby skulls of Ebay, your just asking for trouble. Even if there's a picture, sometimes only a skilled baby skull appraiser can tell the difference between a baby chimp skull and the real thing. You've got to be careful.

@rossplendent 3 жыл бұрын

This is disgusting. Can't believe they would show that cow skull on live TV.

@Dreamagain11 2 жыл бұрын

"Some of these baby skull harvesters were in very bad shape, some had their arms cut off... they had gotten in the way of their own machetes" lmao. low key best part

@elliewuzzup7689 Жыл бұрын

And in the background "Well who's fault is that?"