Thanks for watching guys! I hope everyone enjoyed this ridiculous thing that I am pretty sure you could beat this thing in a fist fight lol

As an exterminator, I can safely say bed bugs are quite possibly the only insect that house couldn’t have, they’re solely adapted to feeding on humans and can’t last long on other animals like ticks can

Fun fact: going down into an underground watertank is always a bad idea because there is a chance they are filled with co2. Co2 is heavier than air so it seeps down there creating an invisible death trap for people trying to clean their tank and then all of a sudden become light headed and unable to climb the ladder back up.

The monsters are so slow that Raonoke needed to stall for time with a dozen different biology lessons.

It is ridiculous how hard the characters were trying to speedrun being killed while the monsters were honestly just chilling. Director really made a tortoise and the hare horror movie.

Roanoke couldn't squeeze rabies into the video, so he had to shuffle in six foot raccoons. I appreciate the effort.

I feel like the creatures could've been defeated by dropping a few chlorine tablets in the tank once a month and keeping the hatch shut........

The nailed shut part is pretty common for basement or side doors. It is to prevent any burglars from easily pulling the doors open. Also, back in the day, there were animals large enough to break doors and steal food, or hurt you in the process if they get spooked.

I would LOVE to see a movie about construction workers going ham on dumb movie "monsters" that wouldn't actually be very dangerous because an offsite manager INSISTS that the crew is making up a story so that they don't have to work.

Nothing makes me rush to a Roanoke video quite like worrying about the bs copyright system. That and because these videos are the perfect blend of edutainment.

Roanoke: “The most FRUSTRATINGLY SLOW monster I have ever seen!” Monster: “I’m trying my best! 😭”

That back door part was real af. I remember getting the house to myself for a couple of days, goofing around and drinking. Went to the kitchen to get some water and saw my back door open. I freaked the fuck out, like grab the gun level of panic. Turns out my dog had learned to open it. Regardless, the fear that someone is CURRENTLY in your house is one of the top 10 most gutting feelings

the explination at 33:25 actually lines up really well with the fact that Giant salamanders are found in North America, in the form of Hellbenders, and there was a Canadian Giant Salamander in the fossil reccord not that long ago that was almost double the size of Chinese giant salamanders.

Jules is the real hero here honestly. She took out three of them, and also was the most reasonable voice. Granted, that's a low bar, but she's got way more protagonist energy than Dad-Whos-Name-I've-Forgotten.

The Monster designer knew EXACTLY what they were doing when they were designing this creature

This might be your most deranged episode to date with all the side tangents, the quips, jokes, memes, i'm all in for this

Roanoke is able to scratch an itch no other KZfaq could. Movie? Science? AND memes? *chefs kiss*

I'd like to nominate a different creature as this monster's origin. The Hellbender. Hellbenders are the largest salamander, and amphibian period, in the US (Also the 4th largest in the world). They natively come from the eastern US already and have been there for millions of years (since before the dinosaurs bit the dust). I'd say its less of a stretch for them to extend their range west than for their relatives to come across the Bering Strait.

Man what a unique looking monster design, I sure hope no big-budget TV show/movie productions steal it's totally unique one-of-a-kind non-generic look.

I love hearing Roanoke say he can take the creatures he covers in a fight lmao

this is certainly a film. The fact it just sits there screaming at the floor because it had to consider the idea that something is faster than it is quite hilarious and mind boggling.

I goddamn love listening to your "These people are being stupid, let's see what NOT to do" story telling. I appreciate your work.

As soon as Jurassic June starts Roanoke posts a video and immediately opens it with dinosaur talk. Amazing

So, a few fun facts about Amphibians and Axolotls: - Amphibians, like Roanoke said, are the link between fish and reptiles, and as such get the best of both worlds. They can breathe in water and on land, even if they need to stay wet to breathe properly on land still a pretty sweet deal. But aside from that, they also get indeterminate growth, which is something only water living animals possess. For those who don't know what that is, it means the animal can keep growing bigger and bigger, so long as there is enough food and room for it or it's not killed in some way, be it disease or predators, though generally amphibians won't grow massive because that would lock them to having to live in the water where gravity affects them less. Cool perk, can't really use it. - Axolotl have a thing called neoteny, which means that cute pink little salamander looking thing we are used to seeing ((They can actually be a lot of other colors like blue and green too)) is their baby form, which they pretty much keep their entire life, because for their environment, basically one cave pool outside of Mexico City ((They are basically extinct in the wild as of 2022)) has very little nutrition. So, staying a small form that doesn't need as much is better for them. If for whatever reason they do end up growing up, if there's more food or space, they lose their trademark frilly gills and pretty much look like every other salamander ever. I was gonna say something else, but I think it can just be summed up as "Nature is a weird bitch, but Humans are even weirder" Our experience is very much shaped by our senses and what we have, which is why it might seem weird to have no eyes or no true stomach like a Platypus, but they can obviously make due with what they have. Very much depends on what role you fill in the grand chain of life ultimately.

I love this new format. Its very conductive to my adhd and the moving between science and film help keep me engaged.

"Now we move on to the place with real monsters- California. " Had me in tears 😂

I'm a big creature feature/practical effects fan, and sadly the pre-release interview for this movie actually had me hyped. "We hired a contortionist to do the movements in the suit which looks reaaally creepy! You're gonna love this creature feature we made!" And then the camera constantly cuts back and forth so you never see it moving for more than a couple seconds at a time.

Dear Roanoke, America's oldest reptile store, The East Bay Vivarium, is located in Berkeley, which is immediately next to Oakland. I think that is what inspired the setting for the story.

At the beginning the axolotl is clearly in the middle of a large circulating shared water situation, which means the water in his tank is going to be the same water as the other tanks between 70 and 80 because that's what majority of tropical fish require. Axolotls on the other hand require 50 to 60° water. They will also become cannibalistic when they're stressed, actually it's moreover they eat a lot especially if they're overheating because you've increased their metabolism. They will eat their substrate they will eat the plants in their aquarium They will eat the decorations if they can fit them in their mouth and yeah they'll eat each other. So the axolotl analogy actually makes even more sense 😂

I dig the Roanoke Gaming riff. Caught me off-guard. As a California native, I approve of your opinion.

Something about axolotls - they're the "nymph" form of adult salamanders, but more or less are a forever-baby. They CAN complete the metamorphosis into an "adult" version, but this is incredibly rare and shortens the axolotl's lifespan significantly. Neat little guys.

I feel like those creatures were very aware of the younger daughters location a lot of the movie. Maybe it was a strong scent she was releasing that they were always able to find? Salamanders have a very good sense of smell.

I feel like this should have taken place in Florida instead of Oregon. It would have been more believeable. As for dunking on the west coast, I live on the east coast too and approve of this sentiment.

One thing i'm starting to learn from these films is to not ever trust an old house or secluded land that's been willed to you. The monsters design was cool, that's about it.

Can confirm, strange creatures showing up on a building site with a bunch of rough arses with infinite tools which can be easily repuprosed for painful tasks is a good way to get nowhere

“Whale’s ancestors got up on land and said ‘nah this ain’t it’” had me spit out my food

I like how you obviously put much more thought into this film than it’s writers

I love how they have all these cgi monsters, but when the kid gets pulled out of the window, the best they could do was Christopher in a black morph suit.

5:44 That’s a very modern-looking dinosaur toy for the 70’s.

Another great video 😁👍 Love your content, please never stop! My dad suffered multiple strokes over the years, one during his sleep, one while driving in the car with my mother. She realized something was wrong when he started to slur his words and she directly got off the Autobahn and to the nearby hospital. When your brain clocks out on you, you pretty much lose the game.

Watching Roanoke constantly get sidetracked is like looking in a mirror when I’m trying to talk about stuff 😂

Just wanted to say thanks for what you do Roanoke. I had an interview for a Microbiologist position and when they asked what the difference between a bacterium and a virus was it was actually some of your vids/definitions that instantly came to me. Feeling really good about my chance.

As a Long Islander I very much agree with your dunking on the west coast attitude

Speaking of tetanus, I recall a few years ago, there was an unvaccinated kid who caught tetanus. His folks took him to the hospital for treatment, and after his recovery (and gods know how much in medical bills), his parents refused to have him vaccinated... like REALLY?+

The good thing about TBI's and the ensuing memory issues? Every Roanoke upload is a surprise!

With how expensive and difficult it is to maintain nukes, there is no way Russia or the US have the numbers they claim to have.

I honestly like the new format, I was at first sad that you had to change it because of exterior factors like people just staying for the movie description, but now, I realised that it do make the science part more digestible, which is a big plus for me. Glad to be there!

There are many species of salamanders on the Pacific Coast, including a few species in the genus Dicamptodon which are "giant" salamanders. I've seen them eat whole mice, garter snakes, and even other salamanders that were barely smaller than the one eating them. I had one as a pet for about 10 years, and they will eat anything that will fit in their mouth and are way faster than you'd expect a salamander to be. But the species that has the most terrifying teeth is the Arboreal Salamander, which is one of several species in Northern California that cannot swim at any point in their life cycle, and mainly live in oak trees around here. Those things will make you bleed.

Guess they didnt exactly *scale* up to our expectations huh 😔 (Know its a amphibian but let me have my pun 😓)

There’s a movie made in the early 2000’s called the burrowers, that’s a crazy creature I think you should check out. Bites to paralyze, then waits a few days while you rot just right to then eat you alive slowly.

This guy is unbelievable in such a good way. That commentary had me smiling the whole 40 minutes, absolutely fantastic stuff. And bonus education is my sweet tooth!

The Halloween candy thing had me laughing, not wanting the kids to consume too much sugar, we hide most of it and eat it once the kids have been sent to bed. Usually while watching Netflix or fail videos.

The lobotomy from Bioshock Infinite made me come close to a panic attack, had to get up and walk away or I would have been out. So thanks Roanoke for reminding me while I was happily chowing down on a burrito. I felt my stomach go. Jokes aside that is a monstrous thing to do to someone. As always thanks for effort you put into these, always look forward to another biology lesson.

Personally, i am not afraid of any evil i can evade by take the stairs two at a time. But I also think we should just stop discovering things, it never seems to go well.

When cannon fodder video game guards are the main characters.

Killed me on the "Raccoons are at it again" remark 😂😂

*But what about FEET?*

I'm pretty sure Death is the slowest horror monster, you'll live your whole life and it won't get you till the end.

Man i love your humor in these videos. Also thank you because of this channel, i have learned that i absolutely love learning about the physiology and biology of creatures both real and fiction

As an Oregonian, I feel a need to point out (after multiple years of drought conditions in most parts of the southern state) that they do no get 90 inches of rain, which is one of the reasons why it goes up like a tinder box on an annual basis. Please pardon my pedantism 😅. Amazing video as always though!

Hey Roanoke, I dunno if you take suggestions, but I’d really think you’d find interest in the flora and fauna of Deep Rock Galactic. Most of the environments are entirely underground and the creatures are possibly herbivorous, carnivorous, and lithovorous (I hope thats a word), and there is a new season coming out with new variants of enemies. Plus its just a fun game to play!

Considering the history of just how big some amphibians used to get (crocodile-sized salamanders for example), then getting this big isn’t far fetched. Becoming somewhat ape-like though would take far longer to accomplish. Perhaps rather than the last ice age, they came through during one of the ice ages from hundreds of thousands of years ago? Same route BTW, just much earlier. Also, I think you might enjoy the bear monster from Omen or the mutant lizards from Aberration.

I love watching these at work, perfect blend of entertaining and educational so I can seem smarter than I am

Dude your channel is the best! The edits, science tidbits, the cadence, the humor, and bashing New York (I'm from New York) are all just refreshing.

A wise man once said; “the smaller the breasts, the closer you are to their hearts!” A wiser man once said; “bigger breasts are the expansion of the heart!” And the wisest man once said; “you must cherish the entire woman, as she’s the only doorway to her heart!” And the God said; "I like feet."

As much as I LOVE this channel and all of his hard work, it makes me a bit sad... Roanoke will never know that extremely exciting and comfy feeling you get from seeing a new upload from Roanoke Gaming 😢

It’s very hard to hide the fact that you are maintaining a nuclear warhead, let alone an extra 50. Each one takes dozens of people and millions of dollars every year just to maintain. So while the US might be hiding an extra like 5 maybe, the number we publicly know wouldn’t be very far off of the actual amount

9:19 Film nerd: "You can't 'pan out'. That's a dolly move". Slides glasses up nose

I gotta say, I've been watching for a long time, and I love watching this channel and learning more about evolution,mutations, and microbiology. I recommend this stuff to all my friends whenever we watch horror movies cuz I'm always looking to see if you covered it. Love this stuff and keep up the amazing work!

They ain't slow... They're just taking their time, don't be mean.

Escaping these creatures would be much easier than escaping Carrollton Georgia lol

I love how you are more and more finding you voice, or rather, telling the truth. Life uses us all as different pieces on the board. Glad you are grateful you aren't a pawn.

Bother fun fact about xyotols is that the reason they look like that is because they are stuck in their juvenile form. They don’t produce the chemical needed to begin the transition into their full adult form

I haven’t even finished the video but I have to say this is probably the funniest review you’ve done yet. I have laughed out loud numerous times. Thank you fellow Georgia man for the funny reviews and big brain science

It's amazing this guy gives more useful information randomly than an entire week of school😂

'Because the sun was a deadly lazer' You better be paying a royalty to Bill Wurtz my dude.

You should do a video on the Silent Hill Shattered Memory monsters. Turns out the monsters you encounter changes its appearance based on what you observe in the world.

I live in oregon, I once checked out a summer camp that had been closed for 2 years. It was solid black mold and half eaten by carpenter ants. Every path was completely over grown and we had to clear 2 medium sized trees that had fallen across the access road.

I was trying to remember this movie. So I wanna point out that the family just UP AND LEFT their old life, they run a pet store and they seemingly left it, they also brought pillows, blankets, food and other stuff for the new house WITHOUT even seeing if it was in livable condition, like wtf??? Also, I vaguely remember something and it was something about how the house was discovered, the info was really not very straightforward, it was really weird how they said it, idr exactly what, though. That house was not in good condition, but they decided to live there anyways?? OH, one more thing I remembered, so the last time the Realtor comes to the house and before she leaves I think someone mentions the time, and they show her leaving when it's still decently bright out, so like, just before sunset? And when she gets to her car, it's nighttime? How fkn long was that walk??

I like the new format of mixing the summary and the science explanations. I find that some of the subjects in science explanations aren't my cup of tea but always like the summary. In those cases its like if in lord of the rings you saw all of the action first then needed to watch Frodo and Sam walk for the next 3 hours.

Man when I started this video I did not expect to have such a strong hatred for the main protagonist… they 100% earned their deaths

Found this channel about 3-4 months ago and the content still makes me laugh out loud. Something about a channel with “gaming” teaching me biology is something I never knew I needed.

Love the kennedy family photo to call them out for putting a family member through that.

I actually believe that these are not Chinese giant salamanders but a variant of them that lives in America called Hellbender salamander they don't get as big as the Chinese species but they are still very large for a salamander some being as long as a human arm they are typically found in the middle of the somewhat following the Mississippi River perhaps they could have been more plentiful at a time and have reached the area retreating into the caves and growing to this massive size scene in the movie

Legit never knew that you were an EMT. This channel keeps getting better! Could you add a disease to your list by chance? I’ve been meaning to ask you about this one for awhile but the mutant rat virus from Mulberry Street (2006) is pretty terrifying imo.

I have only recently discovered this absolute CHAD of a channel and have been absorbing everything as his lexicon for commentary is so in sync with my sense of humor. But the racoons... makes me laugh as much as his Amy jokes

I just recently found you and I'm so happy to listen to someone who puts science into explanations. Makes my science loving brain happy.

I love this channel so much ☺ so entertaining and funny thank you for all your hard work and keep up the great work!!

As someone who is stuck on the west coast, I agree with dunking on California.

I'm so happy to watch this 🙌 your videos always cheer me up and they're so interesting!!!

also talking about axolotls they need to be insanely cold. I work in a tiny petstore out in the Midwest and the amount of care that people aren't aware of. the chillers are expensive as shit out here since there's not alot of other areas nearby that have them we gotta ship those big ass things. oddly enough there's a good amount of axolotl breeders nearby. so the axolotl might be cheap, the care is super important and difficult. theyre cute animals everyone but please do research 17:05 also working in a petstore i got bit by a hamster in the joint of my finger and had to get a tetanus shot. i bled all over the hamster, the floor, the glove i was wearing was full of blood, it was awful

Hey @Roanoke Gaming speaking of nuclear energy what are your thoughts on fusion and thorium Salt reactors? I think thorium should be looked into way more but Was pretty much ignored because you can’t make bombs from it

i agree with roanoke, if i hear something go bump in the night, the plate carrier and ballistic helmet comes on, and the "force multiplier" comes out

Roanoke you’re just in time. I desperately needed something to watch while working. Thank you!

i love the quote at the opening 1:57 i was like wow this was well said wonder who said it?? "No idea who said that" well played Roanoke

Ben is just a really skilled self promoter. With his actions in this movie he's going to have a beach, a new species, an architectural phenomenon, three true crimes, five viruses, ten bacteria, and two psychological syndromes named after him.

That whole inheritance talk reminded me of when i got my uncle's inheritance. Dude was from my dad's side and absolutely hated him. For whatever reason he just wanted nothing to do with him at some ooint and wrote him out of practically everything he could. Unfortunately for him, he forgot to write my dad out of his will completely, leading to my dad inheriting half of his property. Unfortunately he wasn't alive at the time, but fortunately for me I was, so for whatever legal reason all of that 60k went to me. So that was a pretty nice start to life. Or, it would've been if i wasnt still in high school for another two years and needing to pay rent with no actual free time to get a job. Moral of the story, if you hate someone make sure you actually write them out of your will if they were in there, or else you may end uo giving their kid half your house's worth of cash

Your videos are like my essays. Off topic on points but somehow hits the spot.

Love the short burst of EMT lesson on strokes and the slight shade towards carrolton!! Lmao

13:56 reminds me of the console wars episode of south park where the creator of game of thrones kept saying “don’t worry there coming” non stop whenever he was asked about the dragons lol