New life goal acquired: Become drunk enough at a renaissance fair to become possessed by the Bonesaw.

"that is my next NPC" is the greatest response

Bonesaw: "zzt THROUGH THE BONE" Me: *scribbling in notes for future campaigns* "WRITE THAT DOWN, WRITE THAT DOWN"

A sword with the spirit of Macho Man Randy Savage ooooooohhh yeeaah !!!

I will now have the next big villain of my campaign be a corrupt noble named Scott Brown who wields an intelligent sword called the bonesaw.

THROUGH THE BONEEEEEE

Oh gods, please make this a regular segment. This is gold.

Clearly the one person who disliked this video is a fire giant.

"I very quietly draw my sword..." Oh, I hurt myself, trying to hold in my laughter, because my sisters are asleep, and then I started hyperventilating, and got all dizzy, and good thing I was sitting down, because the Bonesaw is EPIC!

I want to say that I may have personal knowledge of the "BoneSaw" individual at the Texas Renaissance Festival. The description sounds really familiar, and it fits the timeline when I was working there.

Ever heard of Excalibur from Soul Eater? He's the ultimate weapon, anyone who wields him is pretty much invincible... except he's totally infuriating, he has an insanely LOONG list of rules he expects his wielder to follow, he tells self-indulgent incomplete stories, he loves to call everyone around him "FOOL!" and then there's the singing.

15 minutes before his showing a Scott Brown agent stepped into a dimly lit room in the back of the property he was about to sell. The only thing visible in the small room was a short bureau with an ancient looking sword and scabbard resting on a simple wooden stand. With no time to spruce up the room the Scott Brown agent did the only thing he could. He reached out for the sword, ready to toss it in the dumpster out back. As he turned to leave the room he heard a voice. "RIGHT THROUGH HIS...wait. you're not peanut head. Who are you, stranger with a firm grip?" "I'm with Scott Brown, mother fucker. I got a showing!" "I dub the peanut head. Did I ever tell you about the fire giant, peanut head?"

I used Scott Brown in my stars without number campaign. Made him a real estate agent and everything. Freaked them right out. I've never seen a group of PCs act so well behaved

I used THE BONESAW tonight. It sang My Heart Will Go On, with better lyrics. My players hate me. What a legend.

Last night's session I made a sword inspired by the Bonesaw and I'm excited about it. It's a flametongue great sword named Dirty Dan. In life, Dirty Dan was a thief, a gambler, and an all around scumbag but sold his body to the mages college (after he dies) because he was down on luck. The time came and his corpse was given to the college and they took his essence and imbued it into a sword as kind of a prototype weapon to see if the enchantment would work. So when my player ignites the blade, Dirty Dan comes alive and starts telling the most awful stories of the terrible things he did in life and the sword won't shut up until he sheathes the blade. It's fun stuff.

The Bonesaw's occasional "Zzzt!" was a nice touch. Hahahahaaaa!

Another edition to the legend of The Bonesaw: I probably have some of the details of this mixed up, but the important thing to note was that we once had a Spider Rider in our party. And, I think it was because we had this spider in our party and the fact that we later ran into a lesser god who could speak to it (the spider) that we were informed that this god could also hear The Bonesaw (I think it was because that god could speak and hear in the ethereal). Whatever the reason, this is where we learned that The Bonesaw's scabbard merely silenced his voice from being heard by those within his vicinity, it *DID NOT* shut him up (of course it didn't... he's the fucking Bonesaw). So, The Bonesaw spends every moment of his existence telling that Peanut Head story over and over and over... and over... and over again _ad infinitum._ This is why, whenever he is unsheathed (even upon finding him for the "first" time), he's always in the middle of telling that story. And it's hilarious every... single... goddamned time it happens.

Really digging the war story posts. Thank you again.

And the academy award for best supporting actor goes to.. The Bonesaw! That is THE BEST STORY ABOUT A MAGIC SWORD EVER! I laughed so hard when I heard what you did with that random guy from a Renaissance fair. It reminds me of Torgue from Borderlands 2. Best supporting character; annoying, but too good to let go. Great story Seth! Thanks for sharing it with us. It really brightens my day.

And you thought people would find war stories boring.

you know the bone saw is makeing me think of a wrestling character.

The Bonesaw is a gift to this Earth. Or whatever reality or existence it comes from.

Hey Seth I gotta thank you for the war stories after the Scott brown story I got to thinking of how to make a memorable character in cyberpunk by the time game came round I still had nothing but I was doing a near future intro scene. Started with friendly at a night club waiting for something. She kept getting hut on by a some nobody eventually she gets ticked off and as a joke I play "take on me" as she starts beating the carp out of him guns shots are seen from upstairs. Fast forward to end of the session one player downstairs gets into a fight sets off a room full of explosives. The player upstairs watches as the night club owner pulls out an Uzi shooting someone so naturally I play the song again as I describe the guy getting shot as the club begins to explode. So now after that session the moment things escalate we play that same song. A few sessions later players were worried about destroying evedince from a security system they couldn't hack after they ran out of ideas all it took was that intro music for them to grab their guns and physically destroy the massive system Didn't get a memorable character but don't think any of can hear that song without expecting something to happen

I'm home with the flu and The Bonesaw made my day. Thank you, I can't wait for the next war story.

Express permission for creative thievery. I love it. XD

Never got through a Skorkowsky video without laughing, not one. I'm crying, bro. Crying!

I would love to see "Jack the NPC" from "Call of Cthulu" finding "The Bonesaw". Maybe he will finaly go insane?

I love these War Stories. This other channel I listen to, Spoony, he has a segment called Counter Monkey, where its just him rambling about rpg stories and I always liked it. He got the name Counter Monkey, because when he worked in a game store, thats what they called the people who would hang around the counter and just keep telling their D&D stories lol

As someone as who does Renn Faire as well as SCA stuff, I know EXACTLY the kind of person you're illustrating. Hanging around the fire, drunk guy comes up and starts spouting nonsense. Not harmful, just nonsense. I showed this to friends, and they immediately started naming names.

This is fantastic, I love your stories that have come out of random events in your life

I think I'll have The Bonesaw and Peanuthead as an NPC fighter duo that occasionally turn up in towns or dungeons ahead of the PCs (so that they always discover them while The Bonesaw is telling Peanuthead the fire giant story).

Please more RPG stories. I love to reminisce, and miss having a group to RPG with. This scratches an itch.

"No, you've misunderstood. The sword isn't _stuck_ in the stone. We put him there intentionally."

So I want you to know something. I was setting up an epic level one shot because most games never make it to the double digits in my group and a player wanted to know what it was like. While setting up the game they asked me if I would put any limits on magic items. After thinking about it I told them no, but if I felt it was too strong I would make it an intelligent magic item that could talk. "That doesn't sound so bad." "And his name will be THE BONESAW OH YEAH" "Huh?" I then linked them to this video. I'd like to say that is how I managed to make them show caution in what they equipped. But one player overheard this and said "So what if I duel wield and give my character two +10 weapons?" We laughed. "And +10 armor, a +10 ring of deflection, a +10 amulet of natural armor" "Hahaha yeah I wouldn't." "I am going to call your bluff." Laughing stops. Everyone knows except this relative newcomer that this is the worse thing you can say to me. I don't know what it is, but it is the most sure fire way to ensure I actually dig my heels in. But I manage to fight the urge to be a turd and just tell him again; "You are making a terrible mistake." "No way you'd do that." Other players more experienced with the group "No seriously she will do it please stop." "If she didn't want us having OP items she should just say so instead of thinking she is funny." "Bitch I'm hilarious and you will quote everything I say." Dismissive, playful, but this kid is pressing all the wrong buttons. So that is how a oneshot got derailed by Bonesaw the +10 magic longsword... and Bonecrusher, the +10 magic mace. And Bonecastle, the +10 magic suit of armor. And Fingerbone, the +10 magic ring. And Bonesmasher, the +10 strength bestowing magic belt. And Bonestomper, +10 constitution granting magic boots. And finally Ivory, a +10 charisma granting magic cloak. They all had similar but distinct personalities. Bonesaw was Bonesaw. Bonecrusher was an angry shouty German who wouldn't shut up about the master race... which according to him was elves and one of the other players was a blond haired blue eyed elf who he CONSTANTLY sucked up to. Bonecastle spoke with a pretentious British aristocratic accent and he constantly put down everyone. Fingerbone had a cockney accent and she was constantly urging the player to steal. Bonesmasher sounded like a dumb ogre and constantly urged the player to break things. Bonestomper was Russian and wanted to teach the player to Cossack dance. Ivory was a valley girl and she would get VERY upset if she thought there was any chance she might get dirty. None of them liked each other. None of them liked each other and made sure everyone knew it. It was text based, so every one of my posts was filled with seven magic items yelling at each other. Most NPCs just freaked out and ran. The few that did hear this cacophony were still really annoyed. The player, a cleric, constantly was casting silence on himself. Mission accomplished I guess. Wish I could say he or I thought it was funny. But the other three players thought it was hilarious and apparently now greet the new kid with "THROUGH THE BONE" "NEIN NEIN NEIN RESPECT ZE LJOSALFAR WITH HER PERFECT BLOND HAIR AND BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES FOLLOW HER PLAN YOU FOOL" "I do say, is that truly your plan old chap? Seems rubbish to me. Maybe you should listen to our shouty friend and do what that elven trollop suggested?" "Oi lets beat this git and steal suma their shit, rioght? Party members smarty members, gold tis ours fer the takin'!" "SMASH DUMB RING. DUMB RING MAKE FUN OF BONESMASHER, BONESMASHER HATE RING! BONESMASHER IS NOT 'TOSSER' BONESMASHER KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN NOW" "It is manly dance, da? Will attract for you the women. You need all help you can get cyka blyat." "UGH, we aren't like, going into that place are we? It looks so totally gross! I better not get splattered with icky blood again."

Love Seth's videos but this, this is friggin' epic! Not just a great story but told at a whole new level. This video should have millions of views, people are truly missing out.

Sounds like BONESAW IS READY

The acting on your face when you recalled the second unlucky dude to get the Bonesaw was absolutely spectacular. The progress from joy into recognition into dismay into resignation and frustration was astonishing.

You just know that the bonesaw guy in real life is just some dude named Dave from accounting.

So basically when the Macho Man Randy Savage died, he turned into a sword. And here I am thinking that he went to the Borderlands and became Mr Torque.

7:30 the reflection of the ceiling fan makes the blade look like its shimmering with magic or something. :o

Did something similar in my AD&D game years (and years) ago: an intelligent cursed sword that was an abject nervous coward. It would always try to convince it's owner not to get into a fight, to always hang back in a fight, and would scream like a little girl when actually used to hit someone.

I'm dying. Breath is a thing of the past, no longer here to preserve my life. It's gone RIGHT THROUGH MY LUNGS in all of my laughter. xD

Scott Brown has already become a bit of a legend in our house here in the UK 😂

I love the idea in 1e that most magical swords are intelligent; I like to imagine that most of them are also entirely insane from being isolated in a treasure horde for hundreds or thousands of years.

@Seth Skorkowsky I'm playing the pre-launch beta of Darktide and I am totally gonna refer to my Heavy Eviscerator as the Bonesaw ROFL

I'm stealing both of these yes. Have one of mine if you want. Butcher Pete (Yes like the fallout song) He is a man of pure black skin, pink booty shorts, pink mask with devil horns, and pink combat boots. Nothing else. He fights his enemies, the hardest ones he can find, the thickest part of the battle. Any weapon he can find. He lives for fighting. If he dies, he just comes back, rising from the middle of a good fight. If there are no good fights, he makes one. Cultists (Peteists) dress like he does and fight like he does. Some wear masks of gray smoothness. Stone faces. They are the upper ones, the lower ones might not get masks. Some have mohawk and red masks. If they get to fight on the same field as Pete, then that is the ultimate goal really. Then fight some more. Basically any major conflict had better have some Peteists in it or you get kicked out of Peteism.

BONESAW IS READY! I GOT YOU FOR THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES OF PLAY TIME! RIP Randy 'The Macho Man' Savage.

The best part is that the guy was most likely completely sober and just fucking around.

I love the idea of turning random but notable weirdos you meet into NPCs.

I am totally keeping the Bonesaw in mind for a future weapon in my fantasy games. Great tale!

After this video an ad came up for a tv show, the first snippet of which was a girl practicing for an interview or something. She goes, “Hi, I’m...” and decides against the tone, reiterating three times. By the third time my brain filled it in with, “THE BOOOONESAAAW!!!”

"Maybe as some crazed Artificial Intelligence." That's some great foreshadowing there, Seth :p

That was nuttier than a jar of peanut butter.

Seth, in the Chult campaign that i started but my Nephew eventually took over, we didn't have a magic sword yet, like you so entertainingly describe, but i introduced a villain that scared the crap out of all my players. He would graciously say with complete affection "My Friends" and show his perfect ivory teeth contrasted against his perfect lips and ebony skin, and offer to perform a helpful service. He was a beautiful creature! His name was Reggie. But something my players quickly learned was that every time Reggie showed up was that they were going to be robbed blind, whether it was through act of intimidation, deception, or persuasion. They might as well accept his favor because he was going to rob them either way. He was extremely passive aggressive, but he preferred persuasion. That seemed to give him the most satisfaction in his fleecing of the group. My players sank into the attitude that there was no winning against Reggie -which did not have to be true. To this day, that is some of the fuel that keeps them going. They want to stop being haunted by Reggie in their nightmares and episodes of PTSD -and that was not even side effect i invented about encounters with Reggie, my players were just shaken to their core. Particularly after Reggie let some of the demons in his service parade before the adventurers. And the funny thing about it, Reggie was not a well thought out villain. I placed him there on the fly, and honestly i am quite poor at that kind of spontaneous creation. Reggie happened to be a great hit with my players, i am still not sure why, but i am sticking with him, and we have yet to see how exactly that scenario is going to unfold. But still to this day, Reggie is present enough in their minds that he ends up being mentioned every single session! And i love that! :) But Reggie was some very difficult DM work for me because i knew that i had to make them believe that they were being robbed by an NPC villain, and not just shoe-horned by a lazy DM! That aspect is challenging. At some level you have to be telling the truth to your players -even if you are shoe-horning a bit too. Don't lie to them. Don't fudge to where their trust is broken, even if it is bruised! :) EDIT: & by the way, in agreement with your excellent advice about maintaining horror: my players do not know if Reggie is actually human or not. And they don't seem to be able to conclude what would be the more horrific answer. I will let them keep guessing :)

The Bonesaw as the computer in Paranoia...

"He is going to be my next NPC!" "About one year later..." I feel that, brother.

It’s a +3 verbal blade, when I run DND I’m definitely going to include this at some point.

Whenever I need a good laugh to get me through the day, I turn to Seth's "War Stories".

Awesome. Another great story. The only intelligent sword my players ever got was evil. I think it was called Screamer or something as it could cast Fear and would do so by screaming at its enemies. It corrupted one character until he was killed by vampire kobolds (don't ask). When the other character he was with tried to bury the sword, it shocked him to unconsciousness when he touched it to toss it in the hole. When he awoke, he loved it. It was much later, fighting duergar when he fell and someone snatched up the sword to use it against the creatures but it refused to help the party. It was created by the duergar and wanted to return to them. He flung it in lava. Good times.

8:34 LMAO!! I can't get enough of these videos!

Rewatching this to refresh my memory so I can introduce Yhe Bonesaw to my Monday night group. Got "Amazon warrior" of an Elf fighter that I think it would be perfect for. I want to introduce Bonesaw to my Saturday group as well but that campaign is super close to its end so I'll have to wait until the next campaign with that group.

At a friend's table we had a somewhat sentient (but really stupid) Rod of Negation that would scream "NOOOOOOOOOO" every once in a while specially as it was used or anytime a question was asked in its vicinity.

My. God. I need to use this character/item.

Funny that this stuff happens. Some of the most glorious adventures also have some of the most annoying NPCs or such involved.

I come back to rehear this every six months.

Drunk random people at festivals are great! Had one guy at Rocklahoma come up and spew onto a bonfire, spin around and yell “HOLY F*** I AM AWESOME!” before scampering away... still quote that randomly to the people who were there.

I finally got around to watching this one. Pure class. As to the wenches, I have read something with a female personalitied magic sword that has this thing about getting their blade oiled by well muscled young blacksmiths...

The Bonesaw has made his visit into my own games, and has become a Mainstay that my players love. My take on The Bonesaw evolved into something quite different, I started with an impression of the original bonesaw voice at first, Then I went a bit deeper and added an echo (in Imitation of Shenron; the wish granting eternal dragon), and from that the Bonesaw's evolution continued, it was less that I planned to change the Bonesaw and more that the Bonesaw acted through me. Ironically that's how the Bonesaw was forged in the first place in my incarnation, The Blade was made for a Spirit and The Bonesaw was what got in first. Under the Incessant Jackass exterior, the spirit of the blade was actually pretty heroic, being an Artifact with the Defender Archetype, which means it has an innate desire to protect a certain group, a people or a Place. sometimes it's babbling of Insults and orders spouted words of wisdom like "The only limit to the bones you can cut through are the bones you believe in! Put some Soul into it, Peanut Head!" They were fighting a monster that had absolutely no bones at the time, but the Paladin Crit, so they still landed the Decap. The blade of incredible power and even more incredible Sass has found many a peanut head in these last years, Though I owe the Success of Peanut Head-Bonesaw Symbiosis to THE Peanut Head: Our version of The Bonesaw originated in a campaign with the Stranger Worlds Homebrew for Dragon Ball D&D. If you haven't heard of it, I'd give Stranger Worlds a look, they have a lot of different Homebrews that can help capture the feel of different franchises in D&D. Their Dragon Ball Books had standalone rules for Transformations, Three Extra (Dice-Based) Stats, New Spells, New Subclasses and a Lot of Flavour help as well. We were on Planet Namek, My players were all getting a serious powerboost at or around this part of the game; to reward them for how well they'd been doing, and the way they'd already sent the plot flying off the rails. The Wizard found the Writings of an Ancient Mage, and made a pact with a Demon Queen who'd later become his wife. (This gave him a form of his own, using Demon power to enhance his magic) The Saiyan Monk got a Cape of billowing that also functioned to give him a Regeneration factor, and got his first Transformation in the form of Super Saiyan though it did cost his character's mother, as it only activated due to the anguish of the Villain killing her. As is common in DnD and in Dragon Ball, She got better. The Namekian Cleric had just joined, so his big glow up came in a little later. But my other Original player, The Namekian Paladin (Raised on Earth, like everyone except the Cleric) who had been here as long as the Wizard, was due a serious upgrade himself, so I decided to give him a Magic Sword, and not just any Magic Sword, a Magic Sword with the Spirit of an Eternal Dragon Inside. Thus was born The Bonesaw, Dragon's Rending Fang, Blade of Dreams, Sworn Protector of Namek. Once Attuned to the Sword, The Paladin, who's original name was Shamisen, Took to the whole "Peanut Head" thing so amazingly that The Peanut Head mantle eclipsed his original name. And He was rolling Supernova Hot for the rest of the session, The Bonesaw hardly got to say "Cocksuckery" at all, and when he did, it was usually in the form of an Action Quote: "Frieza! Your Cocksuckery ends here! Through the Boooooone!" The people of both Earth & Namek fell under the protection of The Bonesaw & Peanut Head for the better part of Two Real Life Years, and almost Three Decades ingame. Unfortunately the greatest enemy of any campaign struck, Scheduling conflicts. The Original Peanut Head could no longer play with the group. But his Sendoff couldn't have been better. Originally it wasn't a sendoff at all, but since he wasn't going to be coming back any time soon, We decided to make it one: The Showdown with this particular Adventure's Grand Final Boss: The Long-Sealed, Former Hand of the Gods, Godslayer Kalt. Kalt had already killed the Heroes and most of the Kai Hierarchy of his own time, (apart from his daughter Mizt, who was now in love with the Monk) He'd also Almost TPK'd earlier in the fight with his strongest spell, Sunbreaker. When it looked like they were finally going to beat him by shoving him into an alternate universe's version of his own attack (the Wizard was a master of portals), he ripped a hole in the alternate universe and absorbed some of it's Eternal Dragon Realm, becoming a huge beast made of Stars and Galaxies. After a long final clash with just the Wizard and Paladin still standing, The Peanut Head unleashed the full power of The Bonesaw to finish him off. I still remember the Bonesaw's last Action Quote with him; when he landed that Dragon Fist boosted Critical + Smite "Once more, Peanut Head, Through Time, Through Space, With your Soul, THROUGH THE BOOOOOOOOONE!" And with that Almighty Slash and the clash of two dragons, Kalt was Dead, and the Peanut Head Vanished into Legend. Our version of the Bonesaw is so iconic to my players that even Now I can't get away from it, Even in other systems, any magic weapon is assumed to be the Bonesaw until proven otherwise, and Not just when I DM, When they DM, the Bonesaw Still shows up. Alongside other legends like Sad Steak the Wal-Ron (Psychic Walrus People) the pirates Cromdo Face & Bucko Drink, Epsilonious (& Kappagon) with their 47(and counting) Dark Blue Crusades, Davenport the Gnome, Silbo Flaggins the Cybernetic Hobbit who's pretty much Bilbo Baggins if he was Also Raiden from Metal Gear Solid. Perhaps I'll tell those tales someday, perhaps on another Video.

This series of videos has been highly entertaining and inspirational. I laughed out loud throughout this one in particular, but it really struck home that some of the most memorable events in any campaign I ever ran (e.g., when the gods sent a white stag to lead the lost players from a forest and they killed and ate it) came from unpredictable choices, bad dice rolls or improv moments.

Reminds me of Lilarcor, the talking sword from Baldur's Gate. Really good weapon but had the personality of a loud, boastful, immature idiot. I actually liked him and gave him to Minsc, who had a similar personality. They were a great team.

"Bonesaw" is just as cool as "Jack the NPC." it would be awesome to have as players or commentators in some game!

I like the second player to find the sword,his expression is priceless.(also if you look close at the blade,you can see some type of movement,ceiling fan blades?)

Oh boy, its like the incident i had with a cursed katana all over again , everyone on the table liked that thing except the thief, who was "owned" by the sword. Long live to the bonesaw.

I love this story! Bonesaw is an amazing idea.

I watch this video every couple months, something about it just really gets me laughing.

I love these stories! Thank you for sharing them with us.

I adore your war stories, it is wonderful to hear you tell them so well!!

I keep coming back to watch these stories. Thanks so much for sharing them with us!

Dear Seth, thank you so much for that story! I nearly wet myself laughing so hard at that. SSST!

It truly warms my heart to see that other people watched this in March of 2020 😍

The bonesaw sounds like an amazing basis for a Hexblade Warlock.

We had the shield counterpart of that sword in one of the old games I played in. It was called "The Defender".

Another good one, Seth. Can't wait for more. Thanks for sharing, again.

BONESAW IS READY!

The War Stories: Still funny after -two- three times. Feeling down? Go see Seth and watch a couple War Stories. Thanks for sharing these!

This is the very reason why I love cursed items.

So good, I love these war stories :) Theyre one of the best things about roleplaying and its great hearing yours!

Seth, I nearly fell down stairs at a jobsite, from laughing listening to this.

I picked the right time to make popcorn, fired up the computer and new seth video up excellent timing.

Aw man, I love the war stories, please tell us more of these, they're great!!

plays right into your strengths as a storyteller, i adore these

I live for these videos!

I really like these. These are really good. You should consider making more.

I always laugh few times in all of your videos but thesis by far the funniest of them all. thanks Seth

Loving these epic RP tales! Keep em coming!

This might be your most entertaining video yet!

This is absolutely hilarious!!! Please keep making more tales of the gaming group and their (mis)adventures.

Love your content Seth, please keep it up!

I suddenly had a horrifying thought. What if The Bonesqw was a zombie virus. It a weapon in a zombie game, but the actual zombie virus itself. You end up with thousands of the Bonesaw looking to bite into that there peanut head!

Wow what a character!