I just need to take a moment to thank every one of you for your comments, although I haven’t responded to everyone I read them and your words mean so much to me. ❤❤❤

Anyone who says 'it was just a cat' has absolutely no idea just how much they mean to you. So sorry for your loss, he was a beautiful boy.

It’s so unfortunate that the grief related to pets is often not recognized. Know that you are not alone, Sarah❤️

The kitty montage at the end was a very generous gift and more than we, as an audience, truly deserve. Thank you. As a veterinarian of 20 years I have shared the grief of losing furry loved ones, both mine and my clients', over and over and over. It's always devastating so don't let anyone, ever try to invalidate your deep grief. They only walk with us for a short time and it is especially tragic and unfair when that time is unnaturally cut short. People often forget that the other family animals are grieving too, so this will be a tough time for little Floki who has lost his brother, best friend and mentor. Vader loved you with his whole being, as did you him. He will always be there, in your memories, in your heart, jumping out from the shadows unexpectedly from time to time. 😢💔💔

Sarah, I can empathize. Just came from the vet with my 18 year old cat who is the spitting image of your baby. She’s very I’ll and it’s heartbreaking to experience. We love them so. I remember howling when one of my dogs passed . It feels like it’s hard to breathe. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

I’m an artist, the only constant is change. It’s a path to be followed. I constantly remind myself that it’s about discovery. There is no end to the path…. You’re a beautiful soul. Sharing is greatly appreciated. Take care

I'm crying. He was just so beautiful and such a loving cat. What an amazing tribute to him and his life with you. xxx

Your pets ARE FAMILY and so losing a pet is extremely difficult. I call my cats my ‘fur babies’. Sending virtual hugs and love to you x x

So, so sorry for your loss! Pets know all parts of us! And they always give us unconditional love! Big hugs my dear!

When I lost my soul dog, Rowdy, I was devastated. I cried for months afterward. When someone says “it was just a dog/cat” I grieve for their hardness of heart and also that they’ve never know what it is to love and be loved by a very special animal. Many hearts break alongside yours.

Oh Sarah. Pets are family too, you are allowed to grief him. I can’t imagine one day losing mine, I’d be heartbroken as well. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I am so sorry for your loss, he seemed like a great friend. ❤

There are lots of people making videos about their lives as artists and craftspeople, and usually it’s so boring but I like your vibe. It’s also encouraging to hear a mid-career artist question if they’ve really arrived. Myself I started my career and gave it up for 10 years because of personal challenges, and got a stable job. I call it a side quest. But coming back to it, I can’t believe how much joy I get working from home by myself most of the time.

A beautiful but heart wrenching video. I felt your pain throughout. Your honesty and willingness to bare your creative soul is what makes you a very special human being. Your pain will lessen with time and you will find your feet again. Your path still lies before you waiting.

Vader was such a beautiful spirit. My dearest Yoda, whom I had from the day she was born to her death at 19, visited me in a dream a couple of months after she died. I reached down and picked her up and could absolutely feel her softness and warmth. When I finally set her down again, she disappeared as soon as her feet hit the floor. But she had been there and that meant everything to me.

I was mourning my baby boy, Filemon, for a little over a year. So it can take a while while you process all the feeling, emotions and memories. While your day-to-day re-arranges to new routines. Never rush anything. Have cry days. Have 'dumb' days when you just feel you are slow processing the outside world. It's OK. The calmness will come. The peace will settle within. What matters is that you do it at your own pace. ❤

Im sorry for your loss Sarah. You provided your baby with the best life possible and I’m sure he provide a great happy, safe, and peaceful space for you. I totally get it! After 4 years I am still not over my Bully Perlita passing, but over the past two months I have created a sketchbook dedicated to her crazy antics and it brings me such joy and I still tear up but this time they are happy tears. I wish you much healing!

He was only 5?!? 😭😭😭 Gone way too soon. This was a beautiful tribute to your joy ❤

Oh my. Not only did I cry right along with you, but I reached out to my own beautiful black kitter cat and loved on her as she slept peacefully beside me. Losing our furry family members is truly a heart breaking experience and they are with us for far too short of a time. Your boy looked like a very happy and well loved cat. We honor them and give them the very best lives that we possibly can, for as long as we can and they leave their paw prints on our hearts and souls. ((Hugs)). My deepest condolences.

Your vlogs inspire me to grow as an artist. You make me feel normal because sometimes I have difficulty finding direction. So many options to choose….. Staying true to yourself is hard but rewarding.🥰

I was already crying because of the pipers - I do not know why although perhaps it is my Scot ancestry - but I always dissolve into tears at the skirl of a pipe - and so my heart was presoftened for the news of your dear cat's death. Never apologize for love. Life is a mortal disease and grief is the cost of loving. Thank you for sharing your heart so generously.

My heart goes out to you. We sent my 13 year old Boston over the rainbow bridge just a month ago. of all the pets I ever had my Brady was special. I understand the unique connection you can have to a single pet. Our pets are family 100%. It is so hard...we also have a second dog (pet) that needs us so we are finding joy in him. ((((Hugs))))

So deeply sorry for your loss Sarah. I completely understand about having a soul animal that gazes into your eyes like that! My boy Niko, (dog) is in end of life care now and he is my soul dog. I’m mostly homebound and he hangs in my Studio with me and is in a lot of my KZfaq videos. I cried when you shared about loosing you beautiful soul cat. Sending lots of love as you find your way through your grief. ❤

I know just how you’re feeling I lost my cat Jack of 15 years in April. He was ill too and I miss him so much around the house and seeing him on his favourite chair in the garden. He was so much part of my life. Sending a BIG hug.

Sarah, I'm so sorry for your lose. I just lost my boy Romeo of 15yrs a few days ago and I feel exactly the same as you. I hope you feel better soon. You are an amazing person and please keep doing what you love! Big hugs!

Your words and love for your cat are so beautiful. ❤

I've loved and lost 6 beautiful cats...just saved 2 new ones but each one I loved SOOOO much. Animals give us unconditional love which few humans can accomplish. Rip sweet black kitty.

The loss of a pet is a pain like no other. I lost my cat 5 years ago and it still effects me. You give them the best life you can and then we have to let them go. So sorry to hear your sad news. Take care. Kind regards, Mike (Melbourne).

I also appreciate it when artists have products that are not so expensive that I have to pass them up because of my budget. My husband and I like to buy prints by local artists as our souvenirs, but we have to watch our pennies. So, thanks a bunch.

I live in San Diego - arguably the best mexican food available here in the US….I couldn’t imagine not having authentic mexican many times a week. Many people that I know that have lived here and moved away say that’s the first thing they miss about not living here! And it just never tastes the same anywhere else. Sorry for your loss - I had to skip that section - I’ve lost 2 beloved pets and my favorite person (my Grandpa) all within the last two years and I just felt it too much. ❤

I am so sorry for your loss! He was not just a pet, he was family and it will hurt for a long while. Thank you for sharing Vader with us, I think it was very apparent how much you loved him from your videos. He was a beautiful soul and I think if cats could talk, he would have said you were his soulmate too.

Your precious boy knew absolutely that he was deeply LOVED to the final moments of his wonderful life. I lost my beloved cat a few months ago, she was so sick, but knowing she was aware of how much she was loved has been a comfort to me. Blessings, you are in my prayers. 🙏

Thank you, Sarah, for this beautiful video, from start to finish. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful friend. I've lost several pets over the years, and it's so very difficult. You never stop missing them, though it does get easier. They are soul mates!

Omg the after dinner yowlings, I love them! Jinx used to make those noises too. He was such a precious baby, like I mentioned on Insta, bet he and Tibbers are sun bathing, playing and cuddling together now

Hold those memories close to your heart, your sunshine kitty will help you through. We only lose them for a short time.💚

It’s been more than 10 years since my cat passed, but I still think about her and miss her everyday. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing videos and memories of Vader. They have been such a joy to watch ❤

Sweet, sweet Sarah and also cute Vader. He will be missed, for sure. His high purring sound that was so typical for him, that soft bland black fur. How he tried to make a "man" of Floki. He wasn't just a cat, he was Vader. Take care and whenever You feel for it, make some art or whatever You feel You wanna do.

So sorry Sarah to hear about the loss of your beautiful cat 😢. In this video when you talk about your love for plein air sketching your face lights up you can see the joy and passion you have for art, thanks for the inspiration. One day at a time enjoy every second of the journey. Love the coastal journey look forward to your next episode.

I lost two cats within five months of each other at the beginning of the pandemic. I didn't think I would survive the grief, but of course I did. I still miss them, and I don't think I will ever NOT miss them deeply, but the memories are now a source of comfort and joy instead of pain. It takes time, but the joy that he was in your life will someday overtake the grief of his passing. My thoughts are with you.

I love your 2 channels. I especially enjoy your adventures outside, which includes painting outside. My health does not allow me to get outside and enjoy, and be in, nature like I use to do. So watching your channels allows me to live vicariously through your outings in the wilderness, and in your joy for painting.

So sorry for your lost Sarah, remember all the beautiful moments. Take care and take your time. 🍀

Pets are not just so, they are family. They love us unconditionally and we love them all we can. I'm happy he had such a beautiful and was loved so deeply in your family. I hope you take all the time to grieve you need. As far as your practice, I'm really happy you've found a place you love in creating art. And you're right there is no 'traditional path' with being an artist, it's such an intimate and personal thing. Sending you lots of hugs and strength. 💗💕💗💕💗💕💗💕💗💕💗💕💗

Sending massive hugs Sarah, I just read the latest newsletter and I'd somehow missed about your loss of Vader. Losing a pet is heart-breaking no matter what age they reach, and you have all my sympathies.

So sorry for your loss. I am a dog person, who keeps 1 cat always. I always have a rescued MALE, ORANGE TABBY. These guys have this loyal love-for- you personality that is wonderful. I've yet to meet one that has bad habits, and they learn really quickly. I know everyone has preferences in pets, but I think you would appreciate the good laid back nature of one of these guys.

I feel yal. Kitties are miraculous beings, and they are so full of love. Sending you love and support. Thank you for sharing with an open heart.

Thank you for sharing. You can tell how special he was from the videos you posted. So sorry for your loss. It gradually gets easier and you will remember the fun times without the sorrow.❤❤❤

My heart goes out to you. Our kitties are so much a part of our life's joy.

Heartfelt condolences on the loss of your precious love. Having had Boxer dogs for decades now, and one currently undergoing cancer treatment, the loss of our beloved four legged children is heart wrenching. There is a literal ‘heart ache’. Time helps ease the pain, but a bit of us is always missing. Sending you comfort and virtual hugs. Your videos, your art, your location- all fabulous, and I have learned so much from you. Thank you for taking the time to share your heart and your talents with us.

To lose a pet is to be completely gutted. My deepest condolences. Love is love and its loss is devastating. I'm 65 and have been painting since 1982 - and what I've learned is that there is to 'it' to get. Its a process just like the rest of life and if you find it continues to be overall satisfying to pursue you're doing it right.

I'm so sorry 😭5 years was not enough!

Some souls are just too pure for this earthly world, they live in our hearts forever, I'm so sorry you only had him for such a short time ❤

That was just way too young. I’m so sorry that Vader has gone. I’m so glad he got to spend every day with you. It sounds like it was a gift for him as much as you. He was so loved. And, oh my, what a beautiful boy.

Hi Sarah so,so sorry for your loss😢 I really appreciate you showing us your sketchbooks they are so beautiful.

I am so sorry for your loss. The only words I can offer are these...this is a quote by Mary Oliver about dogs, but you can also say this about our beloved cats..."Because of the dog's joyfulness, our own is increased. It is no small gift." Take care and know that your sorrow is a tribute to his "gift".

I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost two beautiful 18-year old cats, one this year, one last. You never stopping missing them, but after a time you can focus more on the years of love and happy times they gave you.💙💙

I’ve had the same loss as you May 2022. It was and still is very hard to let go when you’ve bonded with a kind loving creature that only you understood and truly knew. It takes time to get used to them not being around, I had mine for 17 years. But slowly new memories form and you’ll fondly remember all the good times you had and what joy he brought. Take your time and never feel like it’s still to mourn the loss of a pet.

Finding your way through grief isnt a straight road, but takes you on its own journey. You will be a different person at the end of it. Nothing will ever replace your sweet one, but little by little (and sometimes you will go backwards) you will find your way. While the loss will always be with you, the beautiful memories will begin to ease the pain. Even though you got knocked down, you are a resilient person even though you might not feel like it. You have been an inspiration to so many, I hope you take comfort in knowing that we all care. He wasn't "just a cat". He was family. Hugs to you all.

Sarah, I'm so sorry for the loss of your shadow. Kitties are an understated treasure of this universe. I lost my childhood cat, Oreo, after 22 years. We had been together since I was 6. So I have felt the feelings and it is very hard. Vader will live on in your memories for years to come. 🩶

Sarah, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved cat, soul mate, and companion. I have experienced this deep emotional pain with my pets over the years, especially my little dog two years ago. I am sending thoughts and prayers for comfort during this time of grief.❤️🙏

I am so sorry for your loss, Sarah. Vader was very blessed to have such a loving family. We lost our little Cinderelley just before her first birthday. She would have been five in May, the same age as Vader. Even after four years, my husband and I still miss her, so believe me I know how broken your heart and your life feels right now. You and your hubby are in my thoughts and in my prayers♥️🙏🏻♥️

Give Floki extra lovin, he is also in mourning and adjusting. They were quite bonded. So sorry for your loss.

I am so very sorry for your loss! Lost by little dog a year ago……he was 19……but we love them so much. Their love for us is so pure and real…….You will see home again one day……Stay well……..and when you are ready ……..help another little one love!

bless you, Sarah. losing a soulmate is not nothing. it's a huge overwhelming something. losing a loved one is the same no matter the species. please take loving care of you.

My dear Sarah, my heart goes out to you for Vader,s loss. He was a beautiful kitty. We lost our beautiful Muriel girl in 2021 and our loss is still raw. You never get over this loss, but simply learn to go on. Please know he is healthy and happy at the Rainbow Bridge.

So very sorry for your loss. We pet parents know how you feel and have been there! Never easy but worth the joy of they bring into our lives. Crying as I write this. Take care and remember what a wonderful life you gave him and he’ll always be with you ❤❤❤

The more we love, the more we hurt. I know the heartbreak of losing a beloved pet. Vader was a beautiful, funny boy. I will miss seeing him too. Thank you for sharing. Peace.

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your cat. I know your heartbreak so well. When my beloved dog died, a dog that went everywhere with me, I just kept saying to myself 'This is a different life now and you have to get used to it', but I never have. We love them so much and it breaks our hearts when they go. I just hope that there is an afterlife where we are all reunited.

So sorry for your loss, Sarah. R.I.P., Vader. A beautiful tribute.

Hi Sarah, I've been watching your videos for a few years now and I was very moved by this particular one. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul on this channel and know that you are reaching people all over the world. I'm in Vancouver, Canada and love your work and your videos and as a full-time and part-time professional artist myself I love your style and appreciation of nature. Much love to you, your Wolfie and your furry little souls. Looking forward to more videos and gorgeous work. Loves, S

I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words... My dog is very old and just the thought of losing him brings me to tears.

I completely understand your grief. Vader was blessed to have you as you were to have him in your family. I like to think that when our time comes we are reunited with our beloved animal soulmates.❤

We put our Sammy boy down over 2 years ago now…. and I still miss him every day. I can totally relate with all that you said re: the animal/pet bond and having to find a way to keep the joy without our soul pet. Wish you the best…. always remember that your gift of art comes in handy with coping.

I hope your good memories of Vader stay with you forever! Precious, precious boy♥

Dear Sarah, i am so very sorry for your loss of Vader. It can be so terribly hard. I live on Vancouver Island, BC Canada but my cat was found somewhere in the hills of Scotland where my landlord was hiking with Scottish family. He was about four months old and out in middle of nowhere. They let him be and kept hiking and on their way back they saw him again. They brought him to a couple of hand no one knew of him. After red tape they brought him to his new home in Canada. He was named, “Haggis” he was always at my side both outside and inside. He died unexpectedly sick. My husband built a casket from the wooden milk crate that he liked to sit in and look at the hills from. I was an emotional mess for months. Nearly a year later i had a dream that Haggis told me that he would always love me and that he wanted me to find another kitty to take care of. We began fostering rescue cats on weekends and one of them adopted us! You and your Vader are in my heart. Big hug, kari

I am so sorry about Vader. Pets are our family and it is so heartbreaking when we lose them. ❤

Oh Sarah. I’m so very sorry for your loss. We all enjoyed seeing beautiful Vader accompanying you. My tears joined you as I watched you speak of him. Thank you for letting us know. Of course remember the good times but allow yourself to grieve. Thinking of you.❤️

It’s truly traumatizing to witness heart attacks, strokes and other sudden medical emergencies of loved ones!!! Give yourself all the time you need to process! All feelings are valid! ♥️

Vader - you and your mom are loved…by many people who never got to meet you but feel like they did. ❤❤

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry your heart is breaking! I cried with you, because I feel you. I am almost 70 years old, and have had and lost so many beloved pets. It never gets easier for me, it just gets harder, to the point where I don’t think I can bear another one. So, when I lost my best friend Tucker last year (a golden retriever), I just knew I couldn’t go through it again. You are young, so I hope you will enjoy your other kitty and more pets in the future. We get so much love from them! I love the saying, “Grief is just love with no where to go”. So true! The shots of you and he loving on each other were just the most beautiful thing. Treasure those memories.

Oh wow!!! Your beautiful home vid made me cry😢.. to see such life, from kitty to teen to adult!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have lost pet cats and dogs and I loved my fur babies so much. They will always be with us. Their memory lives on.

Our condolences to you on the loss of your beautiful baby. I'm an old lady now and my husband and I have experienced this heartbreak many times - it helps to just feel the grief, laugh about certain special memories and love your Vader still. Allowing all the feelings honors the love you felt for one another. There will never be another like him - his presence will live on in your heart. And who knows, he may share a little "cat hair" with you in some unexpected moment to remind you of your love for one another. And Floki is so lucky to have you as a cat mom. Love and light to you ❤

I just wanted to say so sorry for loss of your furbaby. They are indeed members of our family as many have said. As someone who lost her furbaby in 2018 after 10 yrs together who like Vader developed complicated health issues at the end medication required multiple times a day etc. It is so very hard to realign yourself to not taking care of them and no longer having your schedule revolve around their medication/treatments. I'm glad your giving yourself the space to grieve and not rushing on the content. Im sure your other furbaby is missing Vader as well (animals do feel depression just as we do I believe from own experience), so Im sure they are appreciating the attention. As you mentioned eventually the memories will come easier with smiles vs tears. It just takes time. It was 3 yrs past before we adopted our two kitties and even then sometimes finding something unexpected of his still made me a little teary (he was our first cat too). All of this to say, hang in there, we are here whenever you are up to content, until then just let yourself heal through art and time with those you love.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Sarah...I hope wherever he is now, he is happy and playing in the grass again. I fully understand what you're going through, when I lost my dog (heart attack as well), I cried for days without stopping. They truly become a part of you. I hope with time the good memories and feelings will prevail over the pain. Maybe someday you'll have the strength to paint a portrait of him as a tribute.

❤️ your coastal scene! Being from tropical islands my curiosity is to see what’s in the water… but wow, the flowers on the cliffs! Eye candy!

Hi Sarah. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I understand how deeply you are feeling the loss of your fur baby. I had to pause the video for a bit because your raw and heartfelt emotions hit so close to home. I lost my fur baby in November. She was a rescue kitty that I got when she was just 6 weeks old. We were together for 21 amazing years. The bond was like no other. It will get easier. Look at all of your pictures and videos of your kitty and consider them a gift. It will keep his memory alive. Sending you much love and many hugs. ❤ Amy from South Wales, NY

23:13 💔😢 He will stay with you forever in your heart, Sarah, and will keep inspiring you in your entire life. I buried several of my loved ones already, humans and pets, and as long as you remember them they stay alive. Paint him. Keep him alive on your gorgeous paintings. 🐈‍⬛ My 💔is with you.😿

So, so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. 😢 Our companions are family - living, loving beings. They are the truest expressions of unconditional love and loyalty. They communicate beyond words - body language, nuances in tone and movement. He’ll always be a part of your heart. ❤️❤️❤️ Prayers for healing sweet lady.

That was one beautiful cat! Every time I lose a cat I swear I will never adopt another one because it's too hard to say goodbye. And here I am with two more girls. They are our family. So sorry for your loss!

So sorry for your loss. Pets are definitely part of the family, and are a big part of people’s emotional health support system.

Sarah- thanks for being your authentic self. It is rare these days to get 'conversations' like these that are not self serving. It's heartbreaking to lose such a faithful and loved companion. Please know that many are sending you love as you work through the emotions. It's ok to grieve and take the time YOU need to do so. Each at their own pace. Thanks for sharing your salsa with us.! Really enjoyed seeing your setup for the Highlands Games sale and of course sharing your thoughts about art and practice! So true that the landscape inspires. You do too friend! All the best this summer. Work as you feel ready. Take that time to dream!❤

Sarah I totally understand the sadness you are feeling. Back in 2009 I had to put my female cat Woody to sleep and in 2012 I had to put her brother Noddy to sleep and he had just turned 22. He looked exactly like Vader and had the same sweet disposition and a real talker as well. I live on my own so they had been my constant companions and after Noddy died I felt an absolute void in my life and couldn’t even talk to anyone for 48 hours…totally devastated so I can definitely sympathize with how you are feeling so soon after your loss. Nothing is as heartbreaking as losing a beloved pet😿. Even though I swore I would not get anymore cats I found I was missing the company and love they provided so I currently I have 2 sisters from the humane society..Eddy and Molly. Each lovely 4 legged soul that comes into your life brings you unconditional love..what a gift!😻 As far as your art work etc..my favourite video’s are of you sketching/painting outdoors and of course all the videos on Sarah in Scotland. You really are an inspiration and I so appreciate that you share your personal journey as well. Take care…Kath

I'm so sorry about Vader! I've lost two cats who felt like my best friends, who were there for me during a time in my life that was exceptionally difficult. I still miss them very much. Sending hugs and understanding ❤

We adore our fur babies and they do leave holes in our lives when they die. I’m so sorry it was Vader’s time. Also, I’m giving you an Amen on both being true to what art you want to make AND on missing Mexican. I moved from San Diego to Australia and I make better Mexican than 99% of the restaurants we’ve been to. There’s one place that does really good Mexican though, such a treat!

Some cats are just special soulmates, and Vader was yours. Huge hugs fromme, and purrs and headbutts from our furbabies

I just lost my sweetest dog and feel the same way you felt. It gives me strength to know that you managed to go on. My pain is huge but if I see you now this gives me hope I will survive this. Thank you Sarah.❤

It’s very sad when we lose our pets. Look at the wonderful life he had with you though…lots of play and more importantly, lots of love and cuddles. You guys got to share a lovely experience together and that’s such a gift.

They are our children - seems easier to lose people than our pets - we lost our Itsy cat and we miss him a lot - it’s getting better but they never leave our hearts. You will never forget & will have wonderful memories ❤❤❤❤

Beautifully inspiring video of your art journey. Hearing the pipe bands and scenery made me long to visit Scotland🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 I cried with you as you talked about your love and special connection to Vader and the tremendous grief & depression you are feeling from that loss. Having had my Tigger for 18 years and knowing that loss, I empathize with you. The love will always be there and the pain will ease with time even if it doesnt feel like it right now. ❤ Of course, I always love the sketch book reviews & garden chats! I have to say the florals in your garden are gorgeous with the array of stunning colors in bloom, such an inspiration in itself to sit on the patio & enjoy. 10/10 on the video, you are such a treasure with a beautiful soul. To end on a happy note, my daughter bought me your art brush set for my birthday and I love them!

I’ve been catching up on your channel and am so sorry to learn of your fur baby’s passing. We lost our pup after 13 years and she was suffering. The pain in her eyes was so hard to see. They are part of our lives for so long its so difficult and everyday we listen for the sound of their little voices, their purrs, their snuggles. Hugs to you Sarah.

I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful boy Vader. It is so hard to say goodbye to your friend, even more so when they are so young. So never let anybody tell you, he was just a cat. He was your boy and super important for you! My boy Mushi died unexpectedly from a seizure when I was on vacation abroad. He was only 4,5 and I still feel guilty sometimes even after 10 years. He was in the best care possible but he had a birth defect. He was my boy and my best friend and he helped me through a lot.