I've never played Monster Hunter in my life but thanks to the magic of the KZfaq algorithm this got recommended to me. I know this is going to sound stupid maybe even C R I N G E but this is one of those videos that have resonated with me a lot, as someone who shares many of your struggles this video just feels very real and relatable. I know I'm just a random guy on the internet but I want to let you know that this is one of my favorite videos out there, thank you for sharing the way you feel and even though this is going to sound weird lol, just know that there's people that care about you, you're never alone no matter how lonely one might feel at times, anyway, I hope you are having a good or even a slightly better than average day cause those can be hard to have!

For me, exercising -- going outside and running -- helps when my brain doubts myself.

It's also hard for me to accept compliments son. You are great and smart and we love you.

yeah. This hit home. 1. I dont think its actually a bad thing to selfdiagnose Depression. Yes selfdiagnosis in most things are just plain wrong, however I think that accepting that you are depressed is an important step in coming to terms with depression. Saying you arent depressed because others are having it worse is in itself a usual sign of depression. Its better to try to fight your depression instead of fighting the idea of having a depression. 2. Finding happiness is hard, even with professional help. Many therapists only follow few set methods that they know will help most people, not saying that they are wrong, just saying that therapists are a thing you have to screen before aplying at one. considering your financial situation of course. for example, my sister went to a therapists that mostly advised to find and cut negative aspects of your life which in itself isnt wrong but you cant cut out your life. This actually helped her found the motivation to get a divorce, however I think that one needs to identify what might be your problem, or you need to go to a professional that will be able to diagnose your problem, that might not be able to "cure" you but it will help you find the direction of a cure. 3. You´re not the best, you arent the worst either. I personally dont think that fame, or success will help you, It didnt for me (not fame of course but other aspects), It might for you, but just achieving your goal will not help you, as you said "My brain wont let me appreciate that" 14:10 , that will continue. You are your Thoughts and your thoughts will fuck you over. you need help, fuck others help yourself, life is inherintly egoistical. I recently, a few months back, just said fuck it, I was in this depressive state since I was 11, just spiraled out of it with some highs and lows, lost most of my friends back in third grade, got obese, dissapointed my father, got suicidal thoughts while still in scondary school (5-10. grade). I drifted along passively, only driven by my passion for gaming, music and space. Until I decided I will just cut off everything potentially cancerous from my life, the nuclear option. I moved out, an over 3 hours long drive from my place I lived for most of my life, only leaving connections to some few friends, I know arent bad for me, people that make me happy. living alone with 19 is something I never imagined, im not someone that can care for life, not my own not others. I dont want to tell you to use the nuclear option. I just want to tell you what I experienced and what I think what could have helped in retrospec. Most of the things I said will end up ignored I know, I ignored most things, or rather discredited them by saying im not worth it, others need it worth. accept help, with the only caveat that you try to verify if this help can help you. At least my school psychiatrist only fucked people up mentally, they just send every depressed, aggressive and other mentally divergent people to a special partnered institution, which only left the patients worse off with their mehtods. I hope you understand what this german here wanted to tell you about his experience. Love you PaV.

You've always been good at speaking and articulating yourself Pav, do more of these videos so you have somewhere to vent and you can help others along the way, put your blinders on and run your own race, you got it bro.

You are a normal 25 year old. Ever seen the "3 Daves" Chappelle Show skit? I'm 32 and that is more or less the correct take. Therapy is good if needed and bad if not. Your milage may very. The part of your brain that gets into thinking about depressing-hard to talk about topics is the part that can appreciate MH imo. I half mean this. Congrats on the graduation!

Your art is improving every day as well. This. You are entertaining and you have a growing following on here!

I know you didn’t post this to get compliments, and while I’ve got a ton in mind, I’m not gonna say any cause I don’t want to activate that adrenaline response. I am however going to say that you’re not alone. It might feel like you’re the only one in this position or feeling this way but I promise, most of the people on this planet feel extremely similarly. Even if they have a stable job and housing, most everybody feels like they’re inadequate compared to everyone around them and that they’re not going to have the resources to make it. And yet, we’re all still here, we all keep pushing on, we all grow up and find that we’re always constantly in the process of making it. We’ve all come this far, no matter what struggles are ahead, we’ll keep pushing forward. And you will too. We’re making it through these feelings of inadequacy together. I’m so proud to see how much you’ve grown since that Oslo video contest I discovered you through, both as an online funny man video creator and as a genuine human being. So much has happened, so much has changed, you’ve made it this far, and you’ll make it further. I look forward to discovering what your next steps are with you.

My thoughts as I listen through this video, I'll try to provide timestamps when I have these thoughts! 2:37 - I feel that when people interact online, especially introverts, the shield of being online allows us to almost disconnect while we're connecting. Precisely because we don't have a person with us it feels more like we're just talking with ourselves or having our internal dialogues turned external especially if you interact with someone regularly. Doing videos will only enhance that feeling because you are still just talking to yourself, you're just recording it for randos on the internet to listen to. I personally get my thoughts out better as I speak or type through them, otherwise I can't properly solidify my thoughts. Also Hunting Horn is really fun in Generations :) 5:08 - Did a quick google for Imposter Syndrome. I've heard it tossed around by a friend of mine, never really thought to ask what it was or look into it, couldn't tell you why. After looking it up, I realize I have a lot of tendencies that match to it pretty closely, might have to see if that's something I had. 6:25 - I actually really like listening to people talk. I love listening to people's thoughts and their realizations, rants are perfect for listening to someone just dump out whatever is going on inside their head. I get to understand something about someone when they rant to me, and I've gotten decent at prodding people to keep going on their rant and pulling them into thinking about something that I think is troubling them. (which often gets mixed results but it keeps the rant going) Also, putting out something you think is gonna be crap helps you two-fold. Firstly, as the creator, you're able to see most of the flaws that your creations have since you're the one who made them and you know your work isn't perfect. Secondly, letting other people see it offers fresh perspectives, more seasoned advice such as "I've been where you are right now, here's what helped me...", and can create discussion. 11:25 - Being against self-diagnosis actually makes sense to me personally. One of my friends talked about how they have a lot of behaviors that match ADHD but they weren't diagnosed with it by a doctor, but they know people who HAVE been diagnosed with less tendencies. Makes me wonder what the differences are for doctors to be able to diagnose between the two. 13:33 - "You can't just keep moving the goal-post." My immediate first thought after this was thinking about how there will always be more that I have to do. Finished one task? Great! Move on to the next one. It feels never ending, but you still want to chase the "Finishing a task" or whatever. I'm still able to enjoy my first time going through a game, thankfully, since I'm not worrying about trying to achieve a goal or complete some kind of challenge with the knowledge I built up on previous run throughs. Instead, I'm able to just sit back and experience the game for what it is, which to me is just that, an experience. 14:32 - "Other people have it tougher than me." Every time I think this to myself, I get annoyed because there's always going to be someone who has it worse and it doesn't help trying to be backwardsly optimistic by going "Well at least I don't have it bad like that" because then I just get sad that there are people out there who have it worse. It's not a fun spiral. Everyone has their own struggles and it'll chew them out as much as yours chew you out, but we'll never really know who is getting chewed out worse. And being social creatures, humans won't be able to escape from empathizing with each other or trying to understand. 16:00 - "My family doesn't need my problems too." Man I really felt that one... You encapsulated it perfectly and I don't think I need to put into words how much I sympathize with that. Closing thoughts as I subscribe to you. I dunno if it's just a coincidence or what, but I really sympathize with you and I'm looking forward to watching more of your stuff, both old and new! Part of me wants to go back through here and boil down the time-stamped comments I made, but I don't think I will since I don't want to scrap entire thoughts because I think they sound a little dumb. I really enjoyed just sitting here and listening to you talk, it helped me self reflect a bit and the fact that it had Monster Hunter in the background helped it feel really casual. Thanks for putting out this video, PaV, I can't wait until I get financially secure enough myself to help support you! You're a pretty chill guy :)

This is probably the first time I've heard someone say EXACTLY what I'm thinking. I'm in your same boat man, working a job and doing "fine" money-wise but also feeling that you aren't moving forward but you lack that spark or that drive, even though others seem to be doing fine, even if they're worse off. I know EXACTLY what you're feeling so I can relate but I also have no clue what to do, I'm spinning my wheels and getting no where on that front, I'm also debating counseling. I tried in the past and couldn't make progress so I gave up but now I want to try again but don't want to make another bill for my mother cause I sure can't afford it, especially cause I gave up before. So all I manage to do is drag myself outta bed and do stuff like clothes, work, and eat each day. Hopefully knowing you aren't alone in your plight will help ease the pressure a bit.

We love you PaV 🙏

Not sure why this video was recomended to me, but I sure am glad it was! I'm a psych student who also has incredibly low self-esteem and imposter syndrome problems. I'm so afraid that when I graduate and become a psychologist, that I'll be a terrible psychologist because how can I help someone else when I can't help myself? But something to know about the human psyche, is that majority of our thoughts are wrong. Unless you're an expert in your field and have been training and practicing and learning for a long time, then your thoughts on that field are likely to have some aspect of it that is incorrect. A good example is starting a new game or movie or tv show. As you play through the game or watch the movie/show, you concoct theories about what's going to happen at the end, or what the twist will be, or who will die. But odds are, you're wrong about those assumptions, as that's the point of these stories- to keep you in suspense, to keep you guessing. It's not until that grand reveal or the twist comes that you're told- implicitly or explicitly- what the reveal or twist is. This is all to say that you've got to be kind to yourself. You only know what you know, no more, no less. Self-compassion is an important step in overcoming low self-esteem. It's alright to make mistakes, it's alright to put out a video that doesn't do as well as your other videos. Because the reasons behind them aren't likely to be what you initially think it is.

You're a real one

You're an awesome dude and I'm happy to have found your content. I enjoy it when you stream cause it feels like I'm talking to a friend. I'll always big your biggest supporter and friend. Can't wait to see what you do in the future.