AH, eager disciple, we're glad you're ready to join the Church of Slick! To sign up, simply send us a check for $1,000 as a 'seed offering' to activate your abundance mindset. And as a special bonus, we'll throw in a complimentary 'Prosperity Prayer Cloth' that's guaranteed to attract wealth and success (results not typical, void where prohibited). But wait, there's more! If you act now, we'll also give you a personalized 'Abundance Affirmation' video featuring our founder, Pastor Slick, declaring your imminent prosperity (additional fees may apply). Don't wait any longer! Join the Church of Slick today and get ready to reap the financial harvest of your dreams (or not, we're not responsible for your financial decisions)! -Slick Smith