Thank you for this. It’s hard when family sees you as being “unloving and unforgiving” for having boundaries and refuse to change their toxic behavior/repent yet still feel entitled to a close relationship

Thank you so much! Unfortunately in my case that toxic person is my mother, it is easier to deal with toxic people at work but when it comes to your own mom it’s harder. I pray because I want to keep a clean heart to please the Lord first and foremost, a heart free of resentment and unforgiveness to avoid any separation between me and my Father. God bless!

Sometimes their behavior is so suttle , I didn't realize but I always felt upset after being around my 1 sister.

I also find that people who are toxic will think that you are. So hard to find a peaceful place with them.

I have been praying about the Lord giving me guidance about creating new boundaries with family members who I have been unsuccessful in keeping peace with.

Toxic people this are so sad. They are suffering. When I am around people like this I make sure I walk away. When I found myself in a toxic situation I set firm boundaries.

Toxic doesn't necessarily equal "evil". Sometimes it is just someone in your life that is selfish emotionally. You know they are selfish emotionally when you realize they never ask how you are or how you are feeling or what you think. It is always about them. When you speak to them about how they never ask how you are, they look at you blankly and totally don't get it. They never will.

this really reminds me of my ex friend. she acted this way. She brought out so much frustration out in me. I walked away. she wouldn't. she did things to me and blamed me for them. mind games and drained my happiness. I walked away. she still hates me to this day. I spoke to her one more time to tell her I forgave her. she threw it back into my face. I walked away and haven't looked back. I pray that her hardened prideful heart is healed in Jesus' Name. Please Lord help my heart heal too. Save me from apathy from this experience. I have never made a friend since. She had me convinced that I am the toxic person and I deserve everything I get (referring to abuse). And she's a Christian too....... Have mercy...

It has just been revealed to me, 2 days ago, that i am the toxic person. My wife suggested separation 10 days ago at a counseling session. I feel like it affects every relationship in all my life. I have wondered in the past why others don't endear to me for very long, but never came to understand why. I am totally stunned and cannot imagine ever wanting to be me or around me. I am 2 days into packing up to move out of the family home to make my families life better without me around. I am sensing over the past few days all the hurt I have caused and it is mostly unbearable. When it is unbearable it seems my feelings shutdown and that makes me afraid that I lose the ability to feel like I have just begun to. I need help. I do not want to go back to the person I was.

Sometimes we may have been through so much trauma and abusive experience that we carry grief and pain. Joy is difficult to feel, and others consider us toxic just because we have a life of much stress and demands of caring for others, and have sadness over the many experiences of betrayal, deception and abuse. What others consider toxic is our circumstances and heavy heart. We need to be really careful not to hurt or further isolate those who are truly hurting inside and not ill willed toward others, by labeling them toxic because their place in life is very difficult and they carry pain in their heart.

Apparently, I am not alone. Thank you,guys,for addressing this issue.

This conversation is so needed!! ✝️

every time Gary is on, I listen. I love this man and have learned so much.

I want to thank all of you at focus on the family and Gary Thomas for the inspiration. I have been struggling in a relationship that is controlling and draining. It has taken so much from me and I feel like I’ve lost myself. My motivation, dedication and love has all been attacked. I’m no longer the person I once was, full of life and producing fruit of the spirit. I’m drained and weak. I know my prayers are heard because of the message that Gary has shared. It’s a miracle that I even found this message. I know Gary has addressed “ When to walk away?” My situation is where to walk away? I honestly feel trapped and have nowhere to go. I’m bound by the responsibility of being a father. I appreciate this message and thank the Lord for your program. I would love a copy of his book and more understanding and prayer support, regarding this topic. Thanks again.

64 years old and had to walk away from my 36 year old daughter. What made it so hard for me over the years is the guilt I felt that I was responsible for her dysfunction because of divorce. But I hit the wall and simple couldn’t be abused any longer. Much pray lead me to the realization that I had no choice. I was not going to fix the issue

I can’t say thank you enough for touching on the subject. My family of origin has a murderous sprit and I walked away 3 years ago. A healthy glorious and restored life has followed.

This is a great interview. I've had to deal with toxic people sometimes and I try being reasonable and/or polite but I've realised that toxic people truly don't care about you at all, it's all about them and what they want. I became toxic temporarily to deal with them trying to fight fire with fire but that wasn't who I was, but yet it felt like failure to walk away without saying the right thing or point out how ridiculous they were being but nothing works because they simply don't care and nothing placates them. This guy is right, the best thing is to walk away.

Thank you so much. This helped me start to get a better understanding of some of my relationships with friends, family, and past co-workers.

My mother is a toxic person and this is the story of my life. Fortunately God intervened and while she is still controling she is at least seeing her need to ask forgiveness of her children.

Thank you for this!! I heard about it via SOS radio and it’s so timely for me. Thank you!

YAAAY! One of my favorite authors. Got to be on the launch team and literally was thinking Gary should be on FotF... then the next day...BOOM there he is! THANK YOU for writing an excellent resource and thank you FotF for serving in this way. Praising God for the amazing teaching we have here 🤩

Your book was the beginning of my journey to protecting the ministry from toxic people rather than appeasing them. May I suggest that not walking away is selfish- putting myself above the ministry He gives me. It takes much prayer to discern the correct actions.

Thank you, Focus on the family , for your presentation today and I appreciate you and I appreciate the honesty of the subject. It is very difficult to set boundaries especially with those who do not hear what you're saying. Thank you for using the example of what Jesus has done and I'm sure that it's guidance is how we should be handling difficult people and situations today.

Hi Jim, How timely to hear Gary's wonderful words of life. Thank you. Carol

I can not say how much I need this

Yes...I didn’t know that I can walk away...tq so much

Thank you. Needed this

That plaguing lady described set off a stress rxn in me, I had one in my life. It was hell on earth dealing with mine. We r no longer friends though I still love her like a sister in Christ.

Such an effective and timely video for me. Thank you.

Awesome. This is a much needed topic for discussion. 👍

God's WORD IS ENABLING because it IS TRUTH, run to it with daily living ....TUJesus for the Cross 🙏❤️

Wow! I’ve never seen the two hosts so spellbound by what a guest was saying!

This message has reached through my pain and latched on to my heart. Thank you.

Thank you very much for this !!!

Awesome lessons thank you!!

Wow....this is so much needed council and alot to unpack

Learning to walk away ❤️

Definitely eye opening! Time to repent and ask forgiveness from our family!

You cannot set boundaries with someone who does not listen. Can you set boundaries with a car thief?? No. Neither can you set boundaries with someone who is intent on their flesh or their own desires.

This is needed!!!!

This series helped me to understand that Jesus does not want us, his children, to be treated this way. It hurts him. So I will no longer feel guilty that my daughters treat me with disrespect and dismiss me. I have not done anything to deserve this. It’s hard bc if I keep a distance then I don’t get to see my grandchildren. 😢😢😢

Amen brother!

Wonderful advice thank you 😊

This is wonderful. I let go of 2 toxic friends then realized what time I should have been praying for family and lost was wasted with the draining personalities. Sometimes we have to just let ourselves off the hook. We are NOT going to keep everyone happy or fix everyone. Only Jesus is savior

God knew I need this episode. My mom has been constantly mean to my husband. She leaves mean voice messages. The latest one she calls him German Hitler. This is extra mean since my husband has ancestors who were exterminated in the Holocaust.

Fitting your beliefs and molding them as God's. Because on this very show you talk about the redemption and healing of marriages even through betrayal and toxicity. That should apply across the board.

At some point, could you address the covert toxic person that appears to be just the salt of the earth while at home there is criticality, seething anger, plays mind games only they know the rules to because they have to win the conversation at ANY cost, very controlling, wants you upset and manipulates others in an unseen manner. Yes...I walked away, but now my name is mud with our friends as he painted me as a "crazy" person. This subject so needs to be addressed IN churches some how. The sadness in my heart that he refuses to change because "there's nothing wrong with me" makes me wonder...can they change?

Ha! Watching from Eastern Washington State. Apple country❣

Amazing grace

Thank you so mush

They are not rare at all. They just don't show their true self in front of other people. Only family knows their true self.

thank you!!!!

Well, two out of three for me: mother and husband. Thankfully, I have learned how to eliminate my mother's toxic nature (we are estranged). My husband is another matter. It takes daily surrender to Christ (1 Cor. 2:16 we have the mind of Christ) to act intentionally and peacefully - not react to his unacceptable behaviour. God is faithful.

Thank you

I've stayed waaaaaay too long in my marriage to a very toxic husband. 25 plus years with this person. I need TO LEAVE. I'm sure Jesus is dissapointed in me that I've stayed in this too long. It's ruined so many sections of my life. Now feeling very stupid to think that a toxic person would or could change. All the lies I've been told. I have emotionally separated my self from him in our home. I know that Jesus is coming back to rapture the church any time now; so I want to be FULLY READY. My husband has lied about being a Christian over and over. ( So many lies and putting on a big act at church for years ). I'm very sad about all of the memories and dealing with a toxic marriage; but I can feel that Jesus is trying to lift my soul out of this. Jesus has never given up on me; and I have seen where he has helped along the way. I pray that the lord comes back for the church any time now; I'm so ready to leave this planet.

My question is when do I know if I have become toxic as a result or in response to a toxic marriage? I understand God doesn't force anyone to do anything but the scripture also says He will leave the 99 to go after the one. How does this relate to a 25 year marriage?

This is for me

How about a book on how to stop being a toxic person?

I'm dealing with someone who says they are reaching out for help. But shuts down every solution. Or sometimes there is a solution they agree with, they do a little work towards it and just get depressed anyway and quit. And then just want to keep talking about how terrible everything is and how bad they feel. I'm so frustrated, I just want them out of my life.

My toxic people is my ex husband and now one of our children. How do you walk away from a children? How do I heal from this?

I’m really confused. Are you saying people are either all good or all bad? Is there hope for change for “toxic people”? I don’t really care for that terminology, maybe instead say “people with toxic behavior”? Jesus most certainly helped people with toxic behavior. If you would, please clarify.

What if the toxic person is your mother. I've tried and tried to talk to her and she yells to shut up and refuses to hear me. My sister and I have gone no contact. She is a malignant narcissist. I have spent the year healing. Getting better about the guilt. I tried and tried . She is horrible to my husbsnd, children. Critical non stop, wants her way. Does not accept healthy boundaries. I finally went no contact.

Trust for contentment, comrad

I use God's words from Jesus' rejoice, " love your persecutors, pray for your enemies.". Love. Pray. Love persecutors. Unquestionably. Definitely. Pray for enemies. Love does. He ism. He did. He rejoices to trust rejoice

Was Reminded of a close Friend, a Sibling & don tru_ _ 😟

What if it's a family member that you are terrified will go to hell. No one else will help them.

Isn't there necessity for those workers to be striving to live obedient lives?

help me understand TOXIC

I am a 72 year old grandmother and married again to a toxic man for 11 years and cannot walk away...controlling me with finances, medical care, a home etc. What do I do?

What about dysfunctional family?! Is this a related issue?! 🤔

Why do you avoid the primary question in everyones mind....What do you do if you are related to the toxic person? How can you call yourself a good interviewer and ignore the obvious?

We can’t get rid of toxic people at work and family

"They chose pork chops over salvation"...wow

Rejoice pray

I divorced my toxic narcissist

Disciples, realible people?

They chose pork chops over salvation? Whew! That's heavy

Doesn’t Jesus want us to show love?

Cannad

My husband would say that I am toxic but I would say it is him. I am a believer and had separated myself from family because of toxic responses towards my new found faith. I did introduce him to them because he’s traditional and wanted their permission to engage with me. Anyways, he started me on a path of acceptance towards our faith differences. I began to embrace them despite their wrong doctrines based on the fact that book of revelations addressed people who tolerate Jezebel as believers. He started to use that as an excuse to invalidate me as a believer associating me with idolatry etc. He also blamed me for mistakes he made and mistreated me very early in the relationship. I later found out that he dug into my past asking my nonbelieving siblings about my weaknesses, etc. as tools to manipulate me through. I observed behaviors that were inconsistent with his supposed belief system early on and I questioned the inconsistency. He immediately went to you don’t love me pity party type behavior to play on my sympathies. Meanwhile, all my feelings are not real and I don’t know what I want. I am to blame for all the problems. Doesn’t want to talk about anything important just trust him. He gets frustrated with me because he asks my opinion in tough situations (career choices, provisions, etc) and I don’t know how to lead him in that area. I think he mostly does it to shame me and remind me of my place in the relationship. He gives me horrible advice on my friends and relationships. Doesn’t care to know anything in my personal life because I am going to do what I am going to do anyways. I feel theirs no trust because of the control and lack of understanding and consideration for the differences between us in many ways and resent the blaming. We had periods where things were better and I pine for that but always resort to abusively pushing each other away. It makes me feel so insecure and I am told that I need Jesus when he never fellowships with me around biblical truth anyways. I can read him the Bible verse and he will be like “knew that”….”that’s significant to you?” or “yeah too bad no one believes that or practices that “. It’s constant language that keeps one in a stuck place. It’s so disheartening and confusing.

His definition isn't imposed. Rejoice was choice. He doesn't rejoice rekky

So if people have often walked away from me, how do I know if it's because I'm toxic, or because I'm like Jesus, who he says people were regularly walking away from?

0

I think many confuse what a “toxic person” IS. Those with Health or trauma issues or are single parents don’t deserve to be labeled toxic.

Satan. He is not understanding tyranny. He is not rejoice for Satan or tyranny

Pray for me! My grown daughter LIES about me! She is dangerous to me!

Conref

My mother CHOSE to be a toxic person, and throughly enjoyed it. One afternoon in 2007, I called my older brother Lenny, and told him what our mother screamed at me over the phone, she said her usual nasty things about me, and what she thought about Born Again Christians, BUT THEN she started calling The Lord God and Jesus the most foul names that mere humans call each other. Lenny told me that I did the right thing by not reacting and responding to our mother, because 1)she thrives on, enjoys debates, and when you do not take the bait and ignore her, you spoil her fun, 2)her thoughts and opinions are her gods and you had better agree with her. My mother died two years ago STILL rejecting Jesus. wado,Ann Benson.

Gary’s example was concerning to me. I’m just wondering if it was a male coworker or counterpart would he have possibly approach the situation differently? Did he automatically disregard this woman and what she had to say because he didn’t like the material which he never read? Or, was it a threat to his power and control and his position?

Jesus doesn't rekky

Ex

I'm ambivalent about this advice. I would have to turn away a majority of my college students based on this view. "Walking away" has, historically speaking, not been the Christian attitude in the face of poorly behaving people. Instead, haven't we been called to bring attention to, to instruct, admonish, and confront people like this for their correction? Maybe the book is more nuanced than this interview. Are we in a cultural moment in history Christians are so cocooned from harsh realities of the larger society, we have to create personal moats and selectively filter and "unfriend" people when we have the slightest feeling they don't make us feel good about ourselves? Hope there is chapter in there for those who are left all alone in their toxicity without friends to be more mindful of their effect on others.