Watching these videos only makes me realize how little support there is for adult children to take care of their elderly parents. Sure we can draw boundaries. It doesn't do any good when the caregiver is burnt out and not able to give and there's no one else to step in.

One sibling becomes a Primary Caregiver bc the rest of the family dumps that role on them…I do not care how far away you live, you can come home a couple of times a year. No excuse…..

I'm a sibling that hasn't helped in over 1or 2 years I have five siblings so we total 6. Anyway I'm dealing w mental health issues it destroys me inside watching my father die slowly I already struggle with suicide ideation I can't or don't know how to cope I'm hurting and I understand they are stressed and mad but I'm just trying to stay sane and be here how beautiful is life really....this sucks. I don't wanna be here that much longer 😭😭 I love my parents no matter what anyone thinks or say.

I have NO compassion for my siblings. I am done with them. They know how bad off our mom is, they know I had to quit my job to be a 24/7 caregiver. They dont care as it is now my unpaid job to be a caregiver while they live their lives and go to parties which keep them from helping. I have no siblings anymore.

I'm a 62 year old disabled vet and I'm not well myself and I take care of my mother who is 85 I have a sister, her husband and daughter who live next door and they won't take my mother and let her stay with them even part of time even though they have an extra room. I hire a home nurse sometimes and they wont help with the bill! They want to put all of the responsibility on me and it's not right!

Dealing with this right now. My sister has ZERO interest in helping me with our parents...even to the point where she texted my mother saying, if something should happen to Colleen (me), don't expect me to take care of you and dad...my life is here in (city where she lives), with my friends ( and now, boyfriend). I dont have the luxury of having boundaries as everything is placed on me. No support whatsoever. I am beyond stressed...

I noticed a lot of commenters on here that totally get it. How bad and unfair it is. Can we all from some kind of group so we can talk about this stuff? I mean, we have the comment section here but maybe something that is more personal where we can all connect? Does anyone have any ideas how we can put that together? Dr. Regina? Like a forum somewhere or an egroup? Or like weekly live chat session on this channel with Dr. Regina leading. I know the desperation invovled with being the primary caregiver. We really really really need people who understand and can support us. PLEASE? Thanks. I guess you can tell, I'm desperate.

I think often these absent siblings are selfish. My sister leaves close by but refuses to help because she is setting “boundaries.” Nevertheless, she has endless opinions on what needs to be done. It sucks, but I’ve decided that limiting most interactions with my sister helps reduce my stress the most. Anytime she has an opinion on what would be great for mom, I assign her that task and it never gets done. It has helped reduce her input, which has been helpful. There are just people who care enough about their parents and siblings that they will do whatever it takes to help, and then there are those who prioritize their needs over everyone else (e.g.,narcissists.) In these cases, any effort on getting their help is a waste of time. As much as we can, we need to save for the future so we reduce the impact of our aging on our children.

Perfect for what we need right now.

I'm in the same boat, 39 years going, but next year I'm going to give an ultimatum first to my overbearing needy religious mother: she either goes and lives with my older brother who left us when I was 8 2nd Ultimatum (as I don't expect her to leave) is I make a rota of care, where he does his share. The final ultimatum is, I move to another country, essentially forced to give up my own house which I paid for fully and let him deal with her care/facilitation. No sibling should be left behind

Taking care with our mom is something good.im care giver with mi forgetful mom.one sister help a bit the other one dont want to help

I am one of four and only three of us have pitched in. There is always one bad apple.

What sucks even more is you get discriminated at work because you don't have a family because you're helping your parents. I've had numerous employers comment on it like I don't deserve raises or promotions because I don't have a family or a mortgage. Your employer wants to know your life story so they can use it against you if they don't approve.

My brothers excuse is that he has 4 kids and a wife and he just cant come and visit our father. He lives a 30 minute drive from his father.

I have a sister who steps in when I travel, one who could care less. I don’t expect anything from her

It is not always easy to assist aging parents by yourself. We have many kids with aging parents who need our assistance to create legal documents like power of attorney since their parents don’t feel they need help and yet they really do.

Thanks

I wish that was all I had to deal with. I have to deal with my bipolar schizophrenic psychopath sister that never grew up and her grown son's that never grew up plus their drug addicts. There's no reasoning with these people. They have destroyed my mother's house and her property. My sister cusses everyone out that has tried to put a stop to it all. She blames everyone for her problems. It's her fault why her and her son's are so messed up. My sister has always been lazy and shrugged her responsibilities off onto my mom. My sister is 52 years old and her son's are in their 30's. Plus my mom defends them. She lies for them and takes up for them. My mom expects me to take care of her and them and I'm not doing that...!! I've made that very clear from the start. She can't come live with me because my house isn't wheelchair accessible. Even it was I've told my mom I wasn't putting up with them. She is not bringing that mess to my house. So there for my mom won't leave. She put in her will that when she passes away that they get to live there for 3 months until they find a place to live. Then the house and land is supposed to be slit between my sister, my stepsister, and myself. But.... Because they know about this ....they mean they are not going to move out until she passes away. They all steal from her and take advantage of her. Now she is letting my nephew's 2 girlfriend's live there and no one works . 😡 They lay around and wait on my mom's check to come in every month. My mom houses them. She feeds all of them. Even the drug addicts that sit around waiting on their drugs. I have tried and tried to put a stop to this and no one will listen. Police have been told several times about what's going on and they won't do anything to help either. I was taking my mom to all of her doctors appointments. Buy her groceries just for her, but I know she's sharing them with them. I go get all of her medications, because she doesn't trust them. It's a bad situations and I don't know what to do anymore. It has gotten so bad I told my mom that they are all fixing to go to jail and I am not going to jail for none if them. So these past couple of weeks I've quit going overthere. My mom needs help, but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford a lawyer. It wasn't supposed to be like this. If my sister and her son's would move away I could take really good care of my mom.

What to do when there are seven aunts and uncles and this is causing toxic family issues

Please delve into the similar issue of successfully getting help from adult children (one married with children and one single/both living in another state) from a first marriage to help their father as he ages (age 78 with dementia and CMT) when the second wife (age 72 with multiple Autoimmune Conditions) herself is having health issues and needs their help with their father. First they refuse to believe that thier father has any real issues (in part be casue he rises to the occasion on the phone and in part because they do not visit and see his changes.) If they belived they would need to step up and they do not want to.

This is good but my family is completely toxic. My sister is a sociopath and my brother is ice cold and lives overseas. Neither of them want anything to do with helping me with the caregiving and neither my mother or I have any money to get outside help. I am at the end of my rope. I need her out of my house like yesterday. What should I do? Please help. thanks.

I can't find the checklist for caring for aging Parents

Yea. Ok.

I am our mother POA and her Patient Advocate. I have this brother who interferes with me taking care of her which she has late stage Alzheimer’s. He is a very jealous man, it seems like my brother is obsessed with me. My brother sabotages whatever I try to do for my mom. My brother spreads lies to my mom neighbors about me. I keep quiet when I see this. That will trigger him to plot something else towards me. He is EVIL always have been since we where very young. Who can I report him too or can I report it at all?

Here’s a question, is it a forgone conclusion you’re morally obligated to be a caregiver (or at least a heavily involved one) for an aging parent, and do their own savings and your own (but mostly theirs) enough to fund a nursing home, assuming it’s well vetted?

What about when your shutout... and your sibling won't ask for help , wont let you help.... she is 40 and never left home. And loves wearing the badge " who is me I have to do everything... " . And when you offer.. are told no.

Don't speak to older brother I am caregiver he is poa been very toxic never expected to be here in life 😢

If you've been an abusive narcissistic parent to your children book your room at the nursing home.

It's hurts I do 90% of the work and live with my parents and sacrificed a lot and didn't mind doing it. But when my parents die their house will be split 3 ways and I will get one third despite giving them money every month and my life for 30 years. Meanwhile my sister who got to live her life can't wait to get her one third. Plus it doesn't help when parents have a blind spot towards the person who did everything. If my mom had her way my sister would get everything. In my family men are second class citizens but keep those checks coming in every month.

My mom died in 2022 an i where lucky to care for her ib her own hobe but got nothing inheritance by her only a letter stating everything belongs to me when she did I lives in her home an he as to deal with a greedy brother who is dumb ha arsly speak to him Because he s a rhief I lived in her home an no bodt cannot kick me out I repair the gone an pay mt bilks rgey dumb inly after nibey wrc

You have no idea.

Your sister is a selfish person