Don't worry guys he's still got his Med Pack he'll be fine

I was expecting Snake to tell him “also a nuke just got set off like a mile away from me and I looked directly at it. I have fatal radiation poisoning and also I’m blind. Can you ask paramedic where I need to put the splint?”

The dry, deadpan delivery of snake's response coupled with the giddy, silly dad joke from the major just sells the bit so, so much.

He's logical enough to tell Snake that the things in his med kit aren't going to help him, but also tells him to try to slither away

"hnnrgh no worries major, I tried everything in a completely random order and also stuck myself with a cigar for good measure and it looks like I'm on the mend!"

I wish i could watch this for the first time again, I haven't laughed this hard in a while

Snake: You know what? Next time I'm sending in another guy who will just pretend to be me. It's easier this way.

I think they underestimate the power of bandages. In other games, all you have to do is wrap a body part in bandage and you're okey-dokey.

Imagine being on the verge of death, unimaginable pain, can't move whatsoever, bullets in your body, no way to treat your wounds, and your commanding officer laughs at you after telling you with his full chest that nobody is coming to help you.

He probably doesn't have healthcare either, so he's really screwed.

Don't worry guys, all those broken bones don't stand a chance against ointment

"Well I would call for medical backup but Snake, do you understand how *EXPENSIVE* Healthcare is?"

RPG protagonist walks in: _Here is 2 dozen wheels of cheese, eat up. You'll be back on your feet in no time!_

I started playing phantom pain again and totally forgot that the "Why are we still here" speech was in that game

Snake, when he remembers he's still got those lunchables: "BITCHIN'!"

that medpack could give him an extra couple of days to reavaluate his life decisions.

The snake impression is so spot on I could have sworn it was David Hayter.

Sigint: You know what, just let him try it, what's the worst that can happen? **5 minutes later** Snake: Alright, I think I'm back to normal, thanks. Paramedic: How in the actual ****** did this work?

“Well this can’t get much worse. Hey is that a nuke?”

That buildup to that ending. Omg

I love the calm and reasonable way he announces that he's kinda bleeding out.

I always wondered how snake fixed a 7.62x25r bullet wound with a knife, styptic, sutures and a bandage.

I love how casually Snake explains his disability in every limb, so calmly and unphased

Nah guys snake's alright. Major Tom was setting up an epic prenk he was retrieved with the Fulton recovery system afterward

Snake Status: Hospitalized

Meanwhile healing in a parallel universe with regenerating health and instant health packs: *"general, where did my eye wound go"*

"I meant more if you had a broken arm or-or maybe a cut on your leg" that line kills me everytime, he sounds so genuine like he for real don't know what to do.

Solid Snake is probably one of the greatest fictional people to have lived in our generation

A few decades later, when Snake here is watching Zero die, he'll be thinking back on this joke.

Imagine the Cobra Unit members doing their pre-boss fight speeches about who they are, then they see Naked Snake slithering towards them because all his limbs are broken.

i swear... if i had someone on the other end of the phone to just be brutally honest with me... i might not have made so many desperate plays in life lol. man i really wish i just had someone to be like "look, man. you're kinda just fucked. stop trying." save me a whole helluva lot of trouble.

"The only thing that can cure me now is one of Miller's mighty fine Burgers"

Snake asking for help even though they said at the start of snake eater that because he was a solo stealth infiltration that if he got caught or injured, he'd be stuck there had me dying

I can't believe this video actually had me try to think of a logical way to solve Snake's medical issue here. I'd be easy if I could figure out someway to set one his arms in place without the ability to move either of them or his legs. An arm twist like what was shown CAN be brought back into place if you are able to put about the same amount of force that caused it to go out of place in the the first place. With one arm able to move freely you could set one or both legs into place either by fumbling enough to apply the splint or if like the one arm is mostly just out of place and are willing to endure a second wave of serious pain you could just set it yourself if you do it right (Probably need to improvise with something to put it in the right starting position if your stuck from using the other arm). though I'll need a medical expert for specifics on that. The rest is easy, apply disinfectant on the wounds DO NOT PULL OUT THE BULLETS, bandage the entries and if you run out you can light the cigar and press it against the wound to help prevent yourself from bleeding out. Though probably you'll have some internal bleeding going on as well, and I don't think there's an easy way to handle that without some kind of aspirin or anything to help thin out the blood. Even then my understanding, and probably need to be corrected, is that only buys you some more time. Can't really do anything about the broken ribs, and that could be causing internal bleeding as well depending on what broke them. After that, use your one arm and at least one leg to extract from the area of operations. I haven't gotten to MGS3 yet so maybe I lack context that would tell me otherwise, but the mission seems like it is pretty much botched, the best idea would be get out of enemy territory, regroup, recover and come up with a new plan. Also, why did I write this? And how did I get to the point of posting it?

Major: He's fucked theres no hope Snake: So this is the end... Paramedic: ..... Paramedic: Apply X to your ribs, that should do the trick Snake: B- but that dosen't even make sen- Paramedic: Just humour me *bone crack* *heal sfx* Snake: WHAT THE FUCK Major: Jesus christ how

This explains the origin of the feud between Big Boss and Zero better than all of MGS4

Still the Best guy for snake and zero impressions

I like how they're just taking turns being clowns

He’s got a cigar, he’s fine

He should've saved some of those lunchables

Really a coincidence that today got snake eater for my 3ds as my first metal gear.

“So… you’ll be able to come into work tomorrow…?”

I can just imagine Snake using his chin to push the radio button and using his teeth to mend himself with the supplies at hand.

MAJOR COME IN I'M HURT

Naked snake: Fine, if you don't want to help me, I'll do it myself. *Stabs himself with the knife to fix his broken arms and just tries shit until he kills himself or his wounds heal naturally*

Snake finds out soldiers are left behind

Should of ate that Tree Frog lol.

That's why he turned off his life support in MGS IV saying to Solid Snake "Looks like life is slithering out of his body * Looks at the major * Like a *Snake* , Isn't that funny ? * Unplugs life support *"

that's really sad if you think about it He's dying and he doesn't have any lunchables

"Can you walk?" No. "Can you stand?" No. "Can you crawl?" No. "...you're fucked."

This is the best snake impression ive seen so far

he still has the cigar though that'll at least heal 30% of his HP because smoking is cool

Just another Monday for Snake

Idk how to feel if snake was rejected because of this and he comes back as a angry cyber limb enchanced boss

Check which bones on the limbs can be re-set, those that can’t need splints. Use the knife to get the bullets out, use the disinfectant on the bullet wounds, then use the ointment and some bandages. After all that, you have a cigar for a little treat.

The funniest thing is how much effort you put in just for the punchline. lmfao.

No, no that wasn't a joke That's literally Your only hope of survival...

Knowing Naked Snake, using the logical solution to injuries is more of a suggestion.

So this is why big boss kept a grudge against major zero

Don't forget that canonically Big Boss undertook operation Snake Eater like a week after having his arm broken and being thrown off a bridge, and those are just his physical injuries, there's gotta be some trauma from the Boss's defection, like did they have no other physically fir soldiers in FOX that would have made more sense to send on paper?

Plot twist, he set everything up with Boss betraying them and Snake getting all of his limbs broken just so he could make that slither pun.

You do a great Snake, hilarious video.

I think we need something for our future missions, perhaps some kind of small artifact that hardens in response to physical trauma

"Tough shit homie, but the mission ain't gonna finish itself. Now go" - Zero

That ending gave me a great chuckle out loud

They didnt even give my man any food

A Jaguar just bit me, Let pull out this bullet out of my arm to fix the problem - John Far Cry.

This channel is a gem

His headband gives him unlimited ammo. Just slither on the shells and bullets.

...i mean outside of broken bones a lot of the equipment... clears a decent chunk of the pain, the cigar clears the bullet wound, his knife pulls out bullets, the splinters are there to pop his arm into place via a cast. And his spine and ribs well... I'd suggest bending over a log and popping it into place. His legs can also use spare splinters to do similar measure but you aint moving and the ointment helps clog any external bleeding. ...being a witch doctor's grandson is fun Edit: oh I guess you could also use the old "how long can you hold your breath for" to slowly pop your lungs out of your ribcages. You'd do it like... six, seven times, to keep your breathing levels stable and prevent blood from piercing your lungs, too little causes suffocation, too much causes that "happy accident"

"You're fucked"

Meanwhile Venom in mgsv: "oh, I'm going to die, where is my health spray?"

Ik ur other videos r getting more views, but my favorite ones are these snake ones ngl

Snakes deadpan voice makes this 10times funnier

Snake: My 2 legs and arms are broken Mayor: Can you stand?

You're a natural at comedy Jesus Christ

I was waiting for the part where he was screaming unpleasantly

Snake: *Dies* Med Pack: "Noting I can't fix!"

I think a cardboard box is the best way to fix Snake up. That'll keep him alive... Right?

Pretty damn good on Snake's throaty voice.

I mean kinda why you'd have a paramedic, y'know? Send her in and fetch him or something

I have no idea how this channel found me, but I’ve never been so excited to hit subscribe!

I just imagine the nuke part of the conversation: "Holy shit major, I- I think that's a nuke.....I'm gonna need a LOT more ointment for-" then the conversation cuts out and the video ends XD love this video

Pretty great Snake VO btw!

You really improved your snake voice!! Keep it up!

Reminds me of Sarge from RvB “Grif, why the Hell would you give CPR for a head shot wound?” *sigh* “You’re welcome sir.” “I mean it’s just so damn inconsistent. What’s next? You gonna rub aloe vera for a bullet wound to the foot?”

"Yeah, yeah, like a fucking snake, real *solid* joke there, Commander!"

We need more Metal Gear Solid memes, i don't care we already got plenty.

not gonna talk about the nuke, snake?

Just use rations. They somehow have magic healing properties

I love how the major didn’t call 911 probably because of American healthcare

The distant hawk noises really sell it to

This is such a good Snake voice. It sounds 92% like David Hayter.

This was my first moment of betrayal also it's snake were talking about he can even survive a nuclear explosion while being shot at and being bit by a shark all at the same time.

This is basically just Archer

just grab a cigar.

Low key I could see mgs pulling a scene of snake having his limbs broken and slithering away so he could patch him up in a bush or something

Tbh sounds more like the postal dude than snake, you should try your hand at him.

i like the "can you -no ...can you -no....can you atleast-no" XD

snake then slithered like a snake through the sky back to safety