as onew fan and a shawol myself, i think about it alot too. as you're mentioned, back then in december 2017 there was something happened that none of us thought and expected about. those were the times when i cried alot. letting go someone in our life would never be easy. i feel like it must be the hardest for jonghyun's family and shinee members. i remember back then onew didn't cry at the funeral. it makes me even sad :( but now i understand maybe he was holding back all those burden and sadness alone to pretend that he's fine even tho we are all know that he's not. so im abit relieved that now he's more open about his feelings through singing and even share his thoughtful minds and comforting words. maybe this is the least that he can do to move on, to make peace with himself and all the sad memories that happened to him.

As the leader he must have a lot of regrets for Jonghyun.