Success in Marriage - Looking in The Mirror | Guruka Singh
Sometimes people get into an interlocked relationship. This is when both partners are blaming each other, the blame game. This game comes from not looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for your own stuff.
I've been married for 45 years. We are an odd couple, because I am the neat one and my wife was messy. Normally it's the other way around. I used to get frustrated and angry, and act it out passive aggressively, like I would slam the kitchen cupboards closed.
One day she tried to make me happy, and she spent all day cleaning. The first thing I did when I came home was I ran my finger across the door, and said "look this door is dusty". She told me that she never wanted to clean again. I broke her heart, because she worked all day to make me happy and the first thing out of my mouth was a criticism.
So I went to Yogi ji and asked him how I can train my wife. He told me "you pick up every towel, you pick up all the clothes, you clean everything, and you never say a word". So I tried this new technique, which meant that I had to deal with my own anger. It was my anger, which had nothing to do with her. So I developed a habit; the first thing I did when I came home is go into the bedroom, and bow my head and say, "Thank you Guru ji for bringing me home today, and for the blessing of this cozy home, which is your home, and for the blessing of my wife, and for all of the blessings which you have given me." I would keep my head down until I had relaxed. She learned that I would do this first thing. That helped a lot. I still get frustrated, but now I realize that my frustrations are my problem.
Now after 45 years, if I really don't say anything, she cleans up. Not always, but most of the time. Things have improved a lot, and it's because I looked in the mirror, faced my own anger, and dealt with it, instead of laying it on her.
The foundation of a good marriage, is that you have to pay attention to yourself and the other person, and not sweep things under the rug. People have an infinite capacity to rationalize why its ok to do something, but the fact is everyone knows in their soul what is ok and what is not. The fundamental thing that is not OK is causing pain to another person. And yet we still cause pain to each other.
Understand that you have a lot of patterns imprinted on you when you were young. You brought some patterns from previous lives (samskaras). This is just karma. It's like a bill. You just have to pay it. Every soul chooses a family they can be born into to best pay their karma. Karma plays out in your health, money, and all different ways.
When your karma plays into a marriage you have to face it honestly. You have to decide what is your stuff, and what is your partners stuff. Ultimately you have to own your stuff, and not blame it on somebody else. This is a huge realization in a marriage.
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Success In Marriage | Looking In The Mirror | Successful Marriage | Successful Marriage Tips | Successful Marriage And Relationship | Successful Married Life Tips | Be Polite | Own Your Stuff | Face Your Anger | Foundation Of Good Marriage | Guruka | Guruka Singh | Guruka Singh | Guruka Singh Khalsa | Sikhnet Guru Ka Singh | Guidance From Guruka Singh | Sikhnet | Sikhnet Videos
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