"You can smile and still be depressed, you can smile and still want to die"...

"She killed herself for attention" Yes Susan. Now that she's dead she gets all the attention she wanted

"Depression is like living with a body that wants to survive, but with a mind that wants to die"

Such a surprisingly common myth is that all people who are suicidal hide it and won't tell anyone. This leads to people assume that those who reach out for help aren't "really suicidal" which is so incredibly damaging.

"sometimes a successful suicide is a rehearsal that went too far" that was so real

my suicidal thoughts were more passive like “well if I got hit by that car and died I wouldn’t care.”

I confessed to my cousin that I was having suicidal thoughts, and she said she was going through the same thing, so now we randomly call eachother to prevent eachother from doing it

suicidal thoughts r insanely hard to put into words. its like u want to die but u also dont at the same time

I never wanted to die, I just wanted to stop feeling depressed.

You don’t have to have had a bad family life, health problems or relationship problems. You can have the perfect, most supportive family and still be depressed.

I hate when people made depression at trend. Like the meme they made. My friend made that joke about depression infront of me. I’m no longer friends with them. Not many people without depression know that it’s hard to seek help. It’s not for attention, it because you want to get out of it.

I'm so proud of these people🤧 they're strong n made it out alive

Too tired to live Too scared to die -suicidal thoughts

I know I’m late on this, but Depressed people don’t want to die, they want to start living -Unknown

"I don't wanna die, i just wanna get relief" -NF

"i didn't want to wake up . i was having a much better time asleep , and that really sad its almost like a reverse nightmare like when you wake up from a nightmare and your so relived . i woke up into an nightmare ." spot on for me🙃🙃

Some people are out here making their pain a competition. Like “oh but you’re not depressed”

"I'm existing. Not living." - unknown

"you hospitalize when they can't keep themselves safe" That's why I never tell anyone. No one is putting me anywhere.

Some years ago my question was "how could someone ever want to die or think of taking their life lmao?" And now it is "how do i get happy? How do i stop my suicidal thoughts? What is happyness? How could someone NOT wanting to die? I just wanna die."

i don’t want to die, i just want to sleep without waking up

"I don't wanna die, but I don't wanna live like this"- Bea Miller

I’m a survivor twice. I always downplayed myself and my experiences and even after two attempts, both times I was very drunk and very high so someone once told me that they didn’t count. From my perspective, it just made me brave enough to kill myself but fail because of how messed up I was. It still makes me sad that you can hurt so much and literally almost die from it, and still no one around you takes you seriously. It’s hard. But I’m here for a reason so I thank God for that.

you would never realize how many peoples lives in this world are hanging by a thread

I don't want to die, i just don't want to be here, i want to disappear...and i wish i never existed to begin with!!

finally someone mentioned the “attention vs. needing help”

I don't want to kill myself.. Sometimes, I just want to conveniently die.

You know, one time in the middle of when my depression was at its worst, I became completely emotionally numb. I remember watching some video about murder and how absolutely horrible and inhumane it was, and I thought, exactly, “ I could kill someone right now and not feel regret.” I honestly could’ve killed a person right at that moment. I still feel chills when I think of how serious I was. Update: I’m fine! i wrote that as a memory. of course depression never completely goes away, but i’m way over that dark period in my life. remember that getting help really really helps. during that time i was completely alone bc i shut myself off. it only made things worse. going to therapy healed me more than anything else could! be safe!

Wow an actual effectual trigger warning. 13 reasons why could never

Euphoria is more realistic about mental health issues

I’ve already been dead for years, I’m just still breathing

"'You can smile and still want to die" so true

"You can smile and still want to die" ... I feel attacked

"I didn't want to die but I wanted help." Honestly that is so much more true then people will ever realize.

Just cause you’re alive, doesn’t mean you’re living.

me: knows I'm gonna get triggered also me: continues waching

what confuses me is how people can say that it’s for attention, when more realistically it’s so that you don’t have the attention.

Ugh it makes me mad when someone says “they just want attention” sometimes, for some people they dont really want to die, suicide is like a panic button, they do something extreme to show they NEED help. Not for everyone but it’s not about attention it’s a cry for help

Im a survivor of 14 attempts, I never opened up the anyone about it and I never even showed what I was going through still struggle with depression anxiety and two eating disorders but I and 10 days clean of SH and 113 days clean from an attempt I'm trying :)

I have suicidal thoughts pretty much 24/7. I honestly can't handle life. It's like I am waiting for my last breath and the only thing that comforts me is the thought of dying.

“perfection can kill you” this hits too close to home.

depression doesnt have a certain look

I am a suicide attempt survivor... I have been bullied from the 2nd grade to the beginning of the 8th grade... I was hard growing up to become the person I am now... I would be teased for many things.. One day in particular dragged through mud even sexually assaulted by another student in the 7th grade... I have always hid the pain with a smile... They would make fun of me when I cried... There were mornings when I wouldn't want to wake up.. I felt like I feel into a pit of darkness... After getting yanked out I suffered night terrors.... I recently lost my girlfriend to suicide she was a transgendered boy... I am better and is currently with a guy... And since after 4 years I am a graduating Senior and going to join the military... It gets better... With the right help you will rise from the ashes. So many people love you. Remember you are young and there's no much to live for.

The guy in the red hoodie who talked about being glad he survived and he was just in an impulsively driven state to do it... really hits. He reminds me of a friend I lost in high school to suicide. He was drinking and was very upset that night. I know he had struggles but It's bittersweet to hear someone coming out the other side. I'm almost positive he would say the same thing if someone found him early enough. His brother also took his life years later. I wish everyone peace and the support they need

Depression is real , reach out to people when they tell you they are feeling depressed! 😢

Depression and anxiety makes living almost impossible, it’s unbearable. Then if you come out and say it, people just start making fun of you.

I feel like I’m just existing. I have to stay alive for my siblings because I have to help them finish their studies. They’re the only reason why I stop myself from going. And I think, it’s sad and suffocating.

I've had suicidal thoughts for about 10 ish years (I'm 17) and it's always been like a fantasy in my mind. I've never had a full-blown suicide attempt but there have been many times where I hurt myself with so much anger that I almost tried to kill myself. I was suicidal before I was depressed, and at first, I took depression as a joke when it got introduced to me at school and I acted stereotypically depressed for fun. Eventually, it just became an actual lifestyle for me and it has only gotten worse and worse since. Depression ain't fun and it certainly isn't for attention. I can vouch that sometimes people will do things like suicide attempts as a cry for help, as I have made cries for help in similar ways a few times. Especially with covid making getting help a lot less available for people, including me, it can be really hard to get help sometimes and it's hard to directly ask somebody that can help you, to help you. If you know anyone who shows signs of major depression and seems suicidal, don't hesitate to ask them if they want some help or, if you're sure that they need it, try to get some help for them because it's really hard to ask for help especially when you feel so bad that you don't want help. And for all the people like me who are struggling to make it through each day, stay strong. There will be an end to it all and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Think about what you want to do and chase your dreams, don't let anybody tell you that you can't. And, if you wanna talk, leave a reply to this comment and I will try to respond (though probably nobody will read this). Remember that tomorrow is another day and anything can happen, life can always get better. If you read all of this, you're insane and I hope you're having a great day, and that you'll have an even better day tomorrow

this video shows that not only teenagers can get depressed.

5:56 her smile... she seems so proud of herself for getting better and being in a better headspace. You go girl, we’re all proud :)

Everyday that I’m still here is by chance. I’m so exhausted

"what would you tell your younger self" apologies without change is emotional manipulation its okay to forgive but dont forget and last but not least *it was never your fault*

Yes i needed thi- wait, this was on my recommended. Is my fbi agent worrying about me

“Wow I’m dead and I got soooo muchhhhh attentionnnn” the fact that people actually think that someone would commit suicide for attention is stupid

me, who is a suicide survivor, watching this even though i know the answers

“these fake smiles will last for miles.” - anonymous

i once heard someone say they dont want to die they just want the pain to stop

damn, when the guy said “when the suicide is successful the rehearsal just went to far” I felt that.

"Im scared to live but im scared to die"- nf

the worst part is feeling alone & then realizing so many few the exact same way we’re just too afraid to admit it

I always say "I wish I could just skip my whole life and be already in the grave." People don't think I'm serious. It's hard for them to understand that that's actually what I want so much. To just skip this whole stress and anxiety filled life full of figuring out your next move, your school, your job, your relationship, everything. It's all just too much.

What really bothers me is when people saying suicide is selfish it's also selfish wanting someone to stay alive even though they don't want to just so you don't have to be sad once they are gone

“I’m 18” it’s the fact that she’s so young that makes me sad

Sometimes I just wish that I could stay awake while I'm sleeping because it's only at those rare midnight hours that I feel the burden and stress lifted off of me and that I'm finally free

“i dont wanna die, but sometimes i wish i’d never been born at all. carry on, carry on, as if nothing even matters.”

Such an important topic to talk about since suicide attempt is still something we don't want to talk about and like to pretend it can just happen to other people.

I don't really want to die, I just want to have a goal in life and just stop being lazy- and I'm trying, but my suicidal thoughts don't wait for me to be productive.

People cry for help on their own way. Often in ways that nobody even catches. Adding to the feeling of being ignored even more. Reinforcing the feeling that nobody cares.

“right now i don’t wanna be this person... and this seems like the only way out of it.” i felt that

unrelated but the denim jacket girl was so pretty omg

“You can smile and feel depressed. You can smile and still feel like you want to die” damn this hit me too hard

"Sharing that you are struggling is strength" What a beautiful statement.

You know its getting bad again when you watch these...

Hi, I’m a suicide attempt survivor. Since i am from a small country and the way i attempted it was in public almost everyone in my country knew. I felt exposed when i was in public and tried to avoid all forms of social interaction with everyone including my friends and family. I never wanted to die, i just didn’t want to live. At the time i was going through a lot, and felt ashamed to talk about it with anybody. That lead me to feel as if i was all alone. Alone in a crowd. I had a loving family and a close-knit circle of friends. They all knew me as someone who was always fun and smiling. So everyone was quite shocked when they realized that my body, was the body of the news were reporting about. The girl that jumped into the ocean as an escape route, but was fished out by a bunch of concerned fishermen. I felt guilty when i heard that my friends cried. More so when i heard the cries and concerns of my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. There were numerous speculations as to why i did what i did. I was an attention seeker. Perhaps possessed. Maybe i broke up with my boyfriend. Or someone had molested me. Some believed what they heard and others didn’t. News channels reported the incident, articles were written and senseless comments were submitted. What broke me the most post suicide attempt were some of the comments i read under an article about me. I wasn’t supposed to be checking the news but i was curious. In the pretense of texting a friend i got my dad’s phone from him and read the first article that i saw. People were blaming my parents. They said I wasn’t given the proper education, and that had no religious values instilled in me by them. It broke me. Help. Depression was hard and well, depressing. Now everyone knew the extent of it. How far it had taken me. During and after being released from the hospital, i got help. Something i never thought I’d get. For the first time, in a long time i had to talk. Release the weight that had been weighing me down and silently killing me from the inside. I felt free. Even though I wasn’t ready to let it all out, bits and pieces of the puzzle started to come together. I could never bring myself to reveal the full extent of what I endured, but everyone near and dear to me got some sort of an explanation. Especially my mom. My mom is the love of my life. My angel. I didn’t want her to hurt but the damage was already done. The path ahead was hard. However everyday, without fail, my mom was there for me. She gave me strength to move on. Days, weeks and consequently months passed and i began to heal my broken self. Self love was an alien concept. But i was getting better. My bitter self caused people to leave, but I understand. Today, after over an year and a half from that fateful day i am a different person. A better version of myself. Stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. For now I’m not the girl that jumped into the ocean, to die. I’m very much alive. Inside and out.

I’ve been dealing with deteriorating mental health for about 19 years (I’m 28) There have been serious thoughts of and plans for suicide, and a near constant screaming pain I can’t quite put into words. My father said I was spoiled and looking for attention, that it was impossible. No one else really noticed. I was a bit moody, but I’ve always been functional. I started talking about it a few years ago, and that’s helped a bit, but I can’t talk seriously. I’m always laughing at myself. And that makes me hate myself even more. I discovered music and dance, and that’s changed me. The pain is the same, but now there’s a REASON to fight. I have goals and dreams now that I didn’t before, and I’ve found strength in simply knowing I have the ability and courage to face my worst fears head on. I have a long way to go, but I feel stronger now than I ever have before.

I'm glad you're all still here. Thanks for sharing.

Hearing my parents talk negatively about people they see on the news killing themselves not knowing that I am going through the same thing was really hard

Does anyone else have that feeling... zero motivation to live but zero motivation to die??

There is nothing wrong in wanting attention. It is one of our most basic needs. Lack of attention for a baby amounts to neglect, and for an older child or adult, spells loneliness. A lack of attention eats into your self confidence, and your self worth, leaving you vulnerable to being used. Wanting attention only becomes a problem when it morphs into a form of paranoia and a pervasive distrust of those closest to you. Like so many other things, it is all about balance.

I'm just so happy that there are so many resources like these videos on KZfaq. I'm long term unemployed due to Covid, lost a family member recently and was taken to hospital after an attempt to take my life a week ago. I'm so glad I survived but even so it's frightened me that I went as far as I did, I will probably have visible scars for the rest of my life that I'll need to hide from people and I hadn't even had suicidal thoughts in the lead up I just suddenly plunged into despair and did something drastic. I'm in counselling and on medication and am in a better headspace but it's terrifying to me that I lost control and did something so drastic and I thank anyone who has contributed to the various videos on KZfaq. They are amazing and so honest and have stopped making me feel so alone (besides my partner only 1 friend knows what happened). These types of videos are a god send XXX

"You're too young to feel so sad." 😒

“If you tell a therapist that you’re suicidal, they will put you in the hospital.” why did only the mental health worker respond to this? I actually think it's true and not a myth. I am a survivor myself and I've seen therapists do this plenty of times to my friends, my brother, and myself. Not everyone in the US has health insurance because it's so expensive to some. Not everyone will feel safe with a therapist if they involuntarily send them to a hospital and expect the person to pay for it too.

A girl from my school ended her life a few months ago. I really, really wish she could’ve recovered. I didn’t know her much, but it’s so heartbreaking that anyone has to go through this. I hope everyone here finds some type of healing. Dying isn’t the answer. I don’t know if that means much because everyone says that, but it’s true. Sending love to everyone who needs it rn

This is amazing, thank you for the video. I used to be suicidal for a long time, im getting professional help and sometimes things get rough, but i know thats part of recovery. You need to suffer and get thro it to finally be stronger. Whatever you're feeling is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength, you can do this. You're not alone. Take care y'all

The subject of suicide attempts hits really close to home. My best friend attempted 3 times in 3 months a few years ago. He was unsuccessful, thank god. He got the appropriate help, diagnoses and medication and he's doing really well now. I never thought he'd get better. There is hope. Please reach out to someone .... anyone.

One of the biggest problems in tv is that the person who attempts is just like "well this happened to me ... better end my life then" while real sucide thoughts happen over time and over many events. We dont just think it and decide it right then and there. We ponder on it and overthink it for a long time before we decide if it's the right thing to do. Most of us try multiple times and no one knows until the one that almost ended us or the one that completed the task.

Everyone should be recommended this video because these are things we should all talk about

am I the only one that noticed that on the "if you tell a therapist you're having suicidal thoughts they'll put you in a hospital" question, they *only* showed the therapist's response????? they only did that again for the resources question (which makes sense). Of COURSE the therapist will say you won't get committed, but why didn't they show the survivors' responses??? probably because they said 'yeah it's true'. but we can't have that :) now can we :) yall aint slick. if you live in north america tons of people will tell you they got involuntarily committed for just mentioning thinking about the concept of suicide.

I sometimes feel that we have this weird need to demonize anyone who is suspected of "needing attention."

Shout out to all of my veterans that are suffering in silence wherever you are. You're definitely not alone.

I just hate humanity and humans so that wants to make me want to die but what stops me is thinking of my parent's tears so i am so frustrated.

I suffers from social anxiety and i was bullied all the way through school and when i was 14-15 i started having some kind of eating disorder too, i felt so alone and useless i was not too far away from trying to end my life. Therapy, music and my online friends helped me immensely and i’m still here ten years later at 24. Stay strong everyone, i’m sending you all my love ❤️

I know someone who told me after her attempt that “ it’s not about reasons to live it’s about the will to live” that hit me hard also I was told that she immediately regretted her decision and is grateful she was helped in time. She experienced ptsd as a result of the trauma of her attempt and the emergency treatment she received.

I've been through almost 8 years of being around abuse and being abused, mostly mentally and sometimes physically to the point where I've been thinking about attempting ever since I first learned about it and that was when I was 8 years old. I just wanted to be free from the pain, free from everything and because I didn't open up it was just weighing me down to the point where I sadly did try to attempt. I've been called an attention seeker by people at my school when I attempted age of 10 and 11 but I didn't let anybody know until the news got out because I didn't want to be an burden on them and I was scared of what they'll do, I was little at the time so I thought I'll be taken away from my siblings or my mother. I'm currently 15 and an suicide survivor and still battling with these thoughts and everything thing else in my life, I've seen an therapist once sadly we lost touch and ever since then I've been trying my hardest to move on with life and attempt to live instead of just existing.

Number 5. That's a huge reason I haven't told anyone about my worst thoughts. I'm not going to attempt but I almost want to tell someone about ideation without fear of their reaction. I've been asked a few times and I just lie because I'm afraid to be honest about it. These people all seem wonderful and I want to hug all of them and thank them for being here.

when the guy was talking about how everything piled up and he wasn’t thinking things through.. EXACTLY how things work for me and i’m so glad he said that. Every time i’ve attempted suicide it hasn’t been planned, i was in the middle of a panic attack and the pills sitting next to me were the only thing that was going through my mind.

I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live with pain

Depressed people live in the past, Peaceful people live in the present, Anxious people live in the future. - Author Unknown

If I ever did commit, I just want the people around me to know how much they didn't pay attention after all the hints I gave.

I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for some time. Honestly it's been due to toxic family but I'm hoping it goes when I move out(hopefully this year).