In this video, I'll give you my summary and takeaways from the book -- Attachment in Psychotherapy by David J. Wallin, PhD.
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*** A full transcript can be found at www.marblejar.net. ***
Hi, everyone! This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll give you my summary and takeaways from the book -- Attachment in Psychotherapy by David J. Wallin, PhD.
I'm doing my residency as a mental health therapist and am reading a ton of books so that I can be as helpful as possible to my clients. Some of these books, such as this one, fall pretty hard into the "training manual for clinicians" category, but it really helps me to synthesize the information better when I summarize for you, so I'm putting it out there for anyone who might be interested or is considering buying this book.
The more research I do, the more convinced I become that our attachment history is at the heart of most of our relationship and emotional issues as adults. By attachment, I mean the quality of the relationship with our primary caretaker as infants. The more I learn, the more significant I believe the impact is -- on our sense of self, on our ability to regulate emotions, and even on our beliefs about the world. This is the first book that I've read that fleshes out some of the thoughts that I've been having about why therapy works and why a strong attachment relationship to a therapist is required for positive change. I read this book twice already and it is dense. Plus I took 97 pages of notes -- I kid you not. I really benefited from it, but it will be difficult to squeeze even a brief summary into a 10 or so minute video, so, let's get started.
Overview of author and theory
First of all, the author, David Wallin, is a psychologist who is a graduate of both Harvard and Berkeley and who has been a practicing psychotherapist for over 30 years. I'm going to assume that most people watching this video have at least a glancing knowledge of attachment theory, but in case you don't, in a nutshell, it's the theory that the quality of our attachment relationship with our primary caregiver (usually, but not always, mom) determines how we interact with others, how we explore the world, how we handle our emotions, and how we know ourselves. And this "style of attachment" that we developed as babies tends to follow us into adulthood and affect our relationships -- particularly our primary love attachment, our parenting style, and how we think about ourselves and others.
Attachment Styles
Here's the deal -- some of us were lucky enough to be born to primary caregivers who were attentive and loving. When we got hurt or needed emotional care, they turned to us and comforted us. As a result, these folks largely became securely attached and have continued to feel emotionally safe enough to explore the world. But there are plenty of people -- upwards of 40% of the population -- that didn't have that. When they got hurt or scared, their caregiver wasn't always there to comfort them. Depending on how intermittent that care was and the baby's temperament, these folks developed either an attachment style that is anxious -- meaning they are always worried about whether their caregiver will be there for them -- or avoidant -- meaning they just assume they won't be and so they fend for themselves and shut down any need for emotional care from others. And then there are the babies who were actively afraid of their primary caregiver, which results in a disorganized attachment style.
And as I said, these styles tend to follow you into adulthood. Secure babies turn into secure and autonomous adults who can be emotionally open, trust appropriately, and ask for what they need. Anxiously attached adults continue to be preoccupied with how much affection that they are receiving from their romantic partner. Avoidantly attached adults tend to be dismissive and uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. And people with disorganized attachment have just that -- really unpredictable and unresolved attachment patterns.
Since we can't pick our parents or redo our childhoods, this might all be pretty depressing if it weren't for new research demonstrating the neuroplasticity of the human brain. What this means is that we can learn new attachment strategies and behaviors as long as we are in a secure and healthy relationship. And why would you want to develop a more secure attachment style? Because those folks tend to be more trusting, more connected, and more comfortable in their relationships. They can be independent and allow their partners to also be independent. They can set boundaries when needed and can handle disappointment or rejection. In short, they are happier, more confident, and more resilient.
So, Wallin starts his book with a history of Attachment Theory, which talks about its two founders: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. . .