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Summer Quickies: My Spouse is a Narcissist | The Naked Marriage Podcast | Dave and Ashley Willis
Рет қаралды 5,797
3 жыл бұрынWhat do I do when my spouse is a narcissist? In this episode, Dave and Ashley will offer insights on how to work through the unique challenges of a spouse's unhealthy behaviors.
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@jameslaponsie5597 2 жыл бұрын
I feel it is so hard for a narcissist to change because they feel there is nothing wrong with them. Approach them with caution when confronting them and for sure it will take God and professional 3rd party help. All is POSSIBLE with God!
@andreagosnell7442 3 жыл бұрын
This took its toll on our marriage after 33yrs...Narcissistic behaviors are so tricky & the gaslighting and selfishness were huge. The unawareness is mind boggling and to me, that's the number one major factor in the non ability to heal from it... mine refused to help himself by means of counseling, by which it would of helped the family in general. You can't, unfortunately "make" them go, do, change... even though we love them through it, it is a God/ them relationship matter that's where the answers lie. Continue to pray and ask Jesus to intervene on the families behalf and that only His will be done. Even if it doesn't work out as you wish, remember God makes beauty of ashes, He never forsake you, or leaves you... so we, the family went to Christian counseling without him to begin with, much like Al-anon for Alcoholics... we started educating ourselves to deal with and learn boundaries, and better verbiage to communicate with him. Hope this helps someone else, have a great day and thanks for this topic.
@rlgrlg1672 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing
@raveen01 3 жыл бұрын
Have you stayed married?
@denicehaley9902 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you! God has ministered to me the same thing that He will never leave nor forsake me!
@Judyssma 3 жыл бұрын
It's not necessarily a mental disorder but can be a spiritual stronghold. They might need deliverance or long time counseling to change their behavior
@denicehaley9902 3 жыл бұрын
True! Only through the power of the Holy Spirit and a truly repentant heart can healing and restitution occur! Praying this over my narcissistic husband of 33 years!
@justice4all977 3 жыл бұрын
Narcissism can't be Counseled. It is a choice that the person makes on purpose. They will use everything the Counselor says to their advantage. My ex admitted that he gets pleasure bringing pain to others. It is a choice he has always made. God really is the only help for them and even then...they have to give up the power, control, and extreme pleasure they get from destroying others. I used to tell my ex it feels like I live in a concentration camp and he was Hitler. He admitted he enjoyed hearing that. It's hard to understand that there are evil people completely sold out to themselves. They live for pleasure and have found it comes easy by hurting someone...anyone. They don't have a reason to stop. All of their needs are met thru this extreme selfishness. Living with this type of person is soul suicide. The underlying issue for them is Anger. Scripture tells us to run from an Angry person. Any marriage with a narcissistic spouse was most likely a relationship build on lies and lust. God will have His way when you give it to him. Once you set boundaries..if the spouse is still stubborn and insist on dehumanizing you for his own comfort...God will rescue you. He did it for me!! I am free!!!
@sburns90 3 жыл бұрын
I am sorry to hear that. I know several individuals who are narcissistic and for some it is a mental health disorder brought on through an endocrine and/or neurological chemical imbalances preventing the body from properly releasing oxytocin and other neurotransmitters that correlate to empathy. In others if can be a severe over correction because that individual feels powerless in other area of their life so they hurt you in their pursuit of feeling powerful. Either way it sounds like your ex was literally psychotic if he got enjoyment from the mental and emotional pain of others. Glad that you are free from that toxic environment.
@justice4all977 2 жыл бұрын
@@sburns90 Thank you⚘
@ashleyapplewhite1258 Жыл бұрын
I came to the comments to say this!! This video could almost back fire on someone dealing with a true narcissist. Going to them saying “you hurt me” will automatically put them in defense mode because they can’t do anything wrong.
@1kellyMJ 5 ай бұрын
@justice4all977 well said. I’m in the middle of a divorce with someone that gets pleasure from cutting people off at the knees as he puts it. During our first meeting with my lawyer he went into a narcissist rage almost immediately just from one simple question. Then he stood up at the door almost the entire rest of the meeting and said “I always win”. People don’t understand what it means to deal with a true narcissist so these bubble gum answers are frustrating to hear. A narcissist WILL NOT get a diagnosis because they do not think anything is wrong with them and therefore would never agree to testing. Why can’t people understand that. Anyways, thank you for sharing your truth and it helped me a lot.
@jennylynnminnis2639 2 жыл бұрын
I love these two but if you have a Narcissistic spouse there's no amount of counseling that'll help them see their destruction. Narcissists don't have "potentially" destruction behavior towards others- they are soul crushing and completely destructive toward their spouse/children. By definition they have no self awareness and cannot change.
@laurenahmadian1346 2 жыл бұрын
Have gone to multiple supposed Christian counselors with narcissistic/ abusive husband. The fabrication which played out before me was more traumatizing than the abuse (emotional, physical, mental abuse) because the “counselors” believed his gaslighting on steroids. That is the politically correct story of the past 4-year horror I have lived through. The faith-filled statement is I am believing for complete deliverance of all demonic strongholds out of my husband’s life, as I have had a glimpse of him as the free and Holy-Spirit-filled man he is meant to be. That glimpse was enough to have me hold on to Christ’s hand finally and ask Him for my next step: either healed life for both of us and healed marriage or at least my own life healed if he refuses to ask God for help. Believing for a miracle, so that others can find healing in this area as well.
@marymasha7873 2 жыл бұрын
Your testimony is so true, to a tee. Thank you for sharing. I am also in your boat. Only God can change them. We keep praying and setting boundaries for ourselves. I went through secular concealing and so did he but I am going to try this ministry for myself this time. I know I need a faith based one, especially one which shares my eschatology so I am excited I found this ministry through Mr. Evans. How are things today? I noticed your Armenian last name, I am Armenian as well. To what extent is this an Armenian issue, ugh I don't know. God bless you Lauren. I will keep you in my prayers.
@laurenahmadian1346 2 жыл бұрын
@@marymasha7873 God has delivered my husband from much. At the beginning, He told me very specific things to do, say, pray for. This Hebraic year (5782) interestingly is a Sabbath year, and God has told me to me rest from my labor and He will change my husband's heart. Have seen many strongholds leave this year from the hand of God. Only the Blood of Jesus.
@laurenahmadian1346 2 жыл бұрын
@@marymasha7873 Mary, God's blessings on you and your household. All lies of the enemy be BROKEN in the NAME, YESHUA. His blood covers you and sets your husband apart for His work.
@BrittneyBWARRIORUP 2 жыл бұрын
Hey I'm new to this whole podcast but I will say this never ever ever go to counseling with someone who is high in narcissistic traits or a narcissist it will not end well. You can each have your own counselor and your counselors can get together and talk and come up with a plan to help the two of you separately and at home work on it together but not with another person. The reason for this is that narcissists are high in exploitation. They exploit other people and unless you are dealing with someone who is trained to the gills on how to recognize what a true narcissist is, then the narcissist will have you looking like the bad guy. I absolutely, 100% have extreme hope that narcissists can get better, but it takes a level of self awareness which a lot of them don't have . Some of them also might not have the willingness to get the help because they can't see it the blind spots and narcissism are really troublesome. But I am a Christ follower and I believe that Jesus'blood can heal any affliction whether it be mental physical spiritual it covers all and so pray whatever the Holy Spirit is telling you to do, do that.
@lostinvictory8526 3 жыл бұрын
Discussion starts at 3:50 Beware who you approach for counselling. A typical narcissistic tactic is to play the victim, and get counselling for being the victim. There are Christian counselling centers that are willing to provide this "counselling" at market prices. Another tactic is to get the victim to seek counseling instead of themselves. There are Christian counselors also happy to provide that. How that is supposed to help the situation I don't know, and I am pretty sure they don't either, but hey as long as the sessions are paid for.
@sburns90 3 жыл бұрын
I always encourage people seek different counsel or discuss with the counselor via a phone call before hand. And let them know of your concern and how you have seen your narcissistic spouse try to play victim and then ask if they have had experience with this before. I would worry first about finding a good counselor (if they are Christian great other wise get into any reasonable legitimatr form of counseling ASAP. THEN Wait and endure the sessions. I have learned myself that when it seems like nothing is changing you may be right around the corner. Now granted if it has been 1 or 2 year of counseling a at least 2 times / month and there is no improvement or the narcissist refuses to get treatment then it may be time to consider a safe exit strategy from the physical violence I the marriage marriage.
@lostinvictory8526 3 жыл бұрын
@@sburns90 Thanks for the good advice.
@DamaliMcDowell1 3 жыл бұрын
You can’t reason with a personality disorder like Narcissism. The advice to seek professional help, is exactly how this needs to be approached.
@stephaniefoster1877 3 жыл бұрын
Death is the only cure for narcissism. A narcissist will always die a narcissist. They are incapable of love or self reflection. They are all evil incarnate. No contact is THE ONLY WAY.
@leekflower1 3 жыл бұрын
@@stephaniefoster1877 generally agree. However that doesn't leave space for our big God and what He can do in the human heart.
@DamaliMcDowell1 3 жыл бұрын
@@stephaniefoster1877 I dated a narcissist and we were engaged. He was absolutely abusive physically and emotionally. As years passed (10 years), he only got worse. The only solution for me was NEVER to speak to him again. And I was advised to make that decision by MY therapist who helped me understand. I have to agree with you, it’s that serious.
@kaitlincox9714 Жыл бұрын
Every counseling situation with a narcissist is just them putting on their victim mask. Making it all the more terrifying for the spouse living through the damage that comes when the counselor believes them and tells you to be more forgiving. They do not care what they do. They care about themselves only. It's a soul crushing pit that I was stupid enough to be trapped in.
@stephaniefoster1877 3 жыл бұрын
Y'all really need to educate yourself on narcissism bc counseling doesn't even work. No contact is best, especially if children are involved!
@laura_c89 Жыл бұрын
Nothing is impossible for God but narcissist people need a miracle! I would say that I myself believe that my husband may be a narcissist and am hoping that actually going to counseling and someone telling me that he is infact a narcissist I think that would be the point that I bow out. It is extremely difficult living with someone who only thinks about their own wants and needs.. the destruction that is caused it’s so unhealthy
@tinaureta9891 2 жыл бұрын
I Loved how he ENDED this message with Gods Power
@reginaldsonia8760 3 жыл бұрын
I was able to get help to link my husband’s phone to mine so I can get his chat and text messages even deleted conversations directly to my phone without him knowing and without touching his phone just with his phone number that was how I got all the proof I needed
@raveen01 3 жыл бұрын
How?
@cherylhill9969 2 жыл бұрын
How?
@georgiarussell8673 2 жыл бұрын
“How ?” Is right!🤷🏻♀️
@finfordeen5370 3 жыл бұрын
I feel in unfair the husband got roasted without any discussion of what he did or did not do. Could it be because the partner didn't get what she wanted, that she simple labelled him a 'narcissist'? Maybe he just had a different perspective on some things. Since different people probably have very different ideas on what constitutes a narcissist behaviour, I was looking forward to some examples of the behaviours and suggestions for how either spouse could address them. (Comment revised as I realized the original was too negative and I otherwise love love love your work and wisdom)
@cherienright1811 2 жыл бұрын
Yup… that is just why people don’t want to recognize they are dealing with a narcissist bc of people like you that has them doubt it!!!! That is the last very last thing she needed was to doubt herself… thank God she doesn’t listen to you doubt what she did and go back for more abuse… not the place for the comment you made!! Should of kept that for yourself in this situation!!
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